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OfflineSteelGully
Just Strange
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Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 64
Loc: Bottom of the world
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Grief and needing a vent
    #26886963 - 08/18/20 03:27 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I am kind of hoping that this will just get buried and will go by the by, but for my mental health I just need to get this out somewhere so it is not in my head.
I am sitting watching my family hurt and feeling the hurt myself too. My husband is loosing his dad. Cancer is a bitch. My girls are loosing their grandad, and I am loosing my father in law.
Watching the love of my life having a piece of himself torn away is breaking my heart and there is nothing I can do to take away his pain.
I have a mental health disorder, as does my husband and one of my daughters and I am scared that I am not going to manage to hold my shit together enough to make sure they don't shatter into a million pieces.
The days are ticking down and we are at the stage of hospice and the Dr's saying there is nothing left to try. It really is the end and we are not ready.
Then to boot this bullshit virus has us trapped where we are not allowed to go to him because they live in a locked down area and we are in the rest of the country that is not locked down.
There is no fixing any of this, it just is. It hurts and everything feels grey. We have not yet updated our girls on the latest bad news, they know that he is dying but this latest end of the line up date, is one we just can't bring ourselves yet to tell them. Every time we explain where things are at, it feels like I am the one taking away their hope and future with their grandad. I know that is not the case but it is the feeling that washes over me.
I have always been lucky with the amazing partner and fantastic kids I have been given. They are my light and they don't deserve this. It is not fair.


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Loving the shroom journey!
:mushroom2: :nyan: :tardpig: :goat: :sporedrop:
:typonese: :aweyeah:


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
Bitch Splitter
 User Gallery


Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 16,449
Loc: Dirdy SOUF Flag
Re: Grief and needing a vent [Re: SteelGully] * 1
    #26887391 - 08/18/20 07:45 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Sorry you’re having such a tough go of it. Life can be so fucking hard.


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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OfflineSteelGully
Just Strange
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Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 64
Loc: Bottom of the world
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: Grief and needing a vent [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #26888551 - 08/19/20 02:31 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Life is bullshit sometimes but venting helped get my head grounded again. Thanks for your kindness that helped too <3


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Loving the shroom journey!
:mushroom2: :nyan: :tardpig: :goat: :sporedrop:
:typonese: :aweyeah:


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OfflineUprangewilly
Stranger
Registered: 08/20/20
Posts: 20
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
Re: Grief and needing a vent [Re: SteelGully]
    #26895100 - 08/23/20 09:56 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I can relate. My mother passed away the first of this month from lung cancer. She was diagnosed in April 2019 with stage 4 lung cancer. The sad thing is I did not talk to my mother for almost 20 years because she was an alcoholic and I chose not to deal with it and just pushed her away. Well I contacted her for the first time in this 20ish years in March of this year. So I have to be grateful for the 4.5 months I had to be around her and let her know how much regret I had for not talking to her for so long.

My sister on the other hand has always been very close to our mother. My sister has taken her death very hard. My sister has had the same struggle on how to explain to her children that grandma is not with us any longer. My sisters 4 kids are like 3,5,10 and 16 years old so she has had to deal with on an individual basis. It has not been easy, but life rarely is.

You as a parent have to be strong in these times. I know it’s difficult, but you have to be grateful for the time we can spend with loved ones. I’m as guilty as the next at taking family for granted. We get so caught up in our own lives that we sometimes forget to appreciate things we do have and instead focus on the things we don’t have or have lost. Please let your loved ones know how you feel and show it often. Hug your kids tight and tell them you love them. I can no longer hug my mother and it hurts bad, but that’s part of life. Dying. It sucks.


Edited by Uprangewilly (08/23/20 09:57 AM)


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OfflineSteelGully
Just Strange
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Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 64
Loc: Bottom of the world
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: Grief and needing a vent [Re: Uprangewilly]
    #26895535 - 08/23/20 02:29 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Thank you for that and I am so sorry for your loss.
We lost him day before yesterday and though we had prepared the girls all the way through and were 100% honest with them (17 and 15) they still shattered into a million pieces when it happened.
The saving grace was that we were able to get them across the road blocks to see him one last time the day before he went. My husband got to see him with the girls and the day prior to that, and he got to spend time alone with him and say all the things he needed to and hear what his dad wanted to say too. His dad told him he loved him and told him to look after his mum.
I never got to see him as I didn't want to risk us all being turned around (it is really hard to cross into the lockdown area atm and we are just outside it while they are inside it) as my husband and kids had paperwork but I didn't (not being direct family) I wasn't willing to risk them missing the chance. I will always feel sad for not seeing him but I have enough memories that are great it really doesn't matter.
I am very very lucky as I still have my Mum and Dad living and even better they are right next door. We have a great relationship and they treat my husband like their own too which is helping healing immensely. The sadness is still there though.
I tell my girls everyday and always have their whole life that I love them, because I do. I just wish he had gotten to share more of their lives with them than this.
The next few weeks and months will be hard, especially for my MIL, but we will do our best and take comfort in knowing that he is not in pain and has no more fear.
Let the healing begin and big hugs to you on your healing journey :heart:


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Loving the shroom journey!
:mushroom2: :nyan: :tardpig: :goat: :sporedrop:
:typonese: :aweyeah:


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OfflineUprangewilly
Stranger
Registered: 08/20/20
Posts: 20
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
Re: Grief and needing a vent [Re: SteelGully]
    #26895907 - 08/23/20 07:42 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I’m so sorry to hear that he passed away. It sounds like you have a strong family and like you say let the healing begin. Your parents will definitely help with your husband’s healing, I know my in-laws have been very helpful just by being there for me. Big hugs to you and your family as well.:heart:


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OfflineSteelGully
Just Strange
Female User Gallery


Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 64
Loc: Bottom of the world
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: Grief and needing a vent [Re: Uprangewilly]
    #26896171 - 08/23/20 11:24 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Just learned that the funeral will be held the day that the level drops and borders open again, so we should be able to attend. That was a stress in and of itself for sure. If it were to be held sooner it would have only been my MIL husband and his 2 brothers that would have been allowed to attend and that means all the grand kids (my girls included) the spouses and my grandmother in law (FIL's Mum) would have been excluded. I'm glad it doesn't have to be that way as aside us needing to grieve too, the others need support at one of the worst times.
It's nice being able to come here and just say these things to the ether without judgement and have such kindness and understanding given. Means more than you realise so thank you so very much.
My mood at the moment is a big fat seesaw, it is frustrating how it changes at the flip of a dime. But I guess that is all part of it too.


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Loving the shroom journey!
:mushroom2: :nyan: :tardpig: :goat: :sporedrop:
:typonese: :aweyeah:


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OfflineNikon Addict
Another Earthling
Male


Registered: 01/16/18
Posts: 285
Loc: Colorado USA
Last seen: 1 year, 5 days
Re: Grief and needing a vent [Re: SteelGully]
    #26922489 - 09/07/20 06:31 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

grief will never really go away, at least for me it hasn't... all it may do is change its shape... its rough edges will become softer... it will become your touchstone...


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personal note: "It’s fair to say I’m stepping out on a limb, but I am on the edge and that’s where it happens.”


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