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saintdextro
Entheogen psychonaut



Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 584
Last seen: 7 months, 28 days
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Fear has kicked my ass and brain-fried me!
#26885930 - 08/18/20 12:49 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Can't I just pick one religion and rest content? Oh yes, I first learned and believed in Jesus,,,then why do I read and listen to eastern philosophers most of the time? Is it because I fear the church could be corrupted just like the ones Jesus was against? Yet I fear saying this, why does Jesus promise freedom while I'm controlled by fear? Freedom means no fear! Plain and simple.
Fear has made this 33 year old weary, what I fear is bad thoughts, so sadly, but of course, I have bad thoughts, I think for example "Jesus, please forgive me" and right along with that thought is the evil thought of " Jesus, don't forgive me", fear has crippled me, if your told "don't picture a tree", you picture a tree.
It's part schizophrenia and part stupidity, but it all started from fear of doing wrong, when I just pause and observe my fear without escaping, it reveals the empty illusion it is, but it all comes flooding back with inattention, you see I have faith in Jesus and his father, I get my daily bread and a pack of cigarettes on top of that, that part of life is content, but this fear has caused me to sin the worst thoughts, even nightmares of blasphemy, would life be too indulgent and debaucherous if I did not have these tormenting sinful thoughts that crush my soul? There never seem to be negative thoughts toward people, but negative thoughts toward God, not for the seeking of pleasure/attraction in rebelling against God, but outta fear/ repulsion of sin, in the very search and desire to never sin, comes sin, what force makes me do that?
-------------------- "He who finds peace and joy And radiance within himself That man becomes one with God And vanishes into God's bliss." -Bhagavad Gita, 5.24 One 21 - Building Better Bombs One 21 - Pacified One 21 - Two Sides Is Fine "Respectability is a cloak for the hypocrite" - Jiddu Krishnamurti
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Forrester
aspiring sociopath


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 9,351
Loc: Northeast USA
Last seen: 1 month, 12 days
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Re: Fear has kicked my ass and brain-fried me! [Re: saintdextro]
#26885982 - 08/18/20 02:43 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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The Course in Miracles is all about undoing fear, I have found it very helpful. Here is an intro someone wrote up.
-------------------- Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here. ------------------- Have some medicinal mushrooms and want to get the most out of them? Try this double extraction method.
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saintdextro
Entheogen psychonaut



Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 584
Last seen: 7 months, 28 days
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Re: Fear has kicked my ass and brain-fried me! [Re: Forrester]
#26886003 - 08/18/20 03:17 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'll read up on that thank you, I've heard of a course in miracles from various sources, recommending it as really cool,,seriously, this fear in my life over the past 3 months is making my life freightening-suicidal, not so much depressed, just scared that my mind is permanently flawed and doomed to deny God at the same time I worshipping or praying to him, I'll probably pull through, it might be my medication, they've been increasing my Prozac which I'm starting to peice together coincided with thoughts doubling over my internal dialogue,,,or I just get the fear that if so and so happens I'm saved or I'm going to hell.
-------------------- "He who finds peace and joy And radiance within himself That man becomes one with God And vanishes into God's bliss." -Bhagavad Gita, 5.24 One 21 - Building Better Bombs One 21 - Pacified One 21 - Two Sides Is Fine "Respectability is a cloak for the hypocrite" - Jiddu Krishnamurti
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Forrester
aspiring sociopath


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 9,351
Loc: Northeast USA
Last seen: 1 month, 12 days
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Re: Fear has kicked my ass and brain-fried me! [Re: saintdextro]
#26887175 - 08/18/20 05:40 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Oh man sorry to hear, I would do anything I could to get off that stuff if I were you (I know it's hard). I used to be on antidepressants too, finally realized they did absolutely nothing good for me, and usually caused more depression than they helped.
Best way to cure depression is to start by getting off ALL drugs, of any sort. Then you can find out what's really going on, and you'll likely be amazed to find out that all of your issues were caused by substances you were taking to treat them.
-------------------- Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here. ------------------- Have some medicinal mushrooms and want to get the most out of them? Try this double extraction method.
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saintdextro
Entheogen psychonaut



Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 584
Last seen: 7 months, 28 days
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Re: Fear has kicked my ass and brain-fried me! [Re: Forrester]
#26887226 - 08/18/20 06:01 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Sounds about right, I'm taking a good long stop from dxm, and it'll be a long time before I dare smoking pot again, but workin' with the psych's meds for years now, the newest being Prozac, it worked good for the depression, but might be the cause of this mental breakdown,, they've beginning me on Adderall again, the best of my meds after about 4 months without it, not easy going without, that stuff worked even better than the prozak for depression.
-------------------- "He who finds peace and joy And radiance within himself That man becomes one with God And vanishes into God's bliss." -Bhagavad Gita, 5.24 One 21 - Building Better Bombs One 21 - Pacified One 21 - Two Sides Is Fine "Respectability is a cloak for the hypocrite" - Jiddu Krishnamurti
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