I wouldn't classify it as a negative experience, but whooooo boy was this one hard while I was going through it.
Intro: A buddy of mine has never taken mushrooms before, but wants to. I've known this guy for several years. We're not super close, but we know each other decently well. He has some experience with psychedelics (just LSD), but just to be on the safe side, I decide to give us 1.7 dried grams each of p. cubensis. I have lots of experience with this dosage. For the setting, we decided to go out for a long nature walk in the morning and maybe pick up some lunch as we start coming down.
Comeup: we go for a long walk and, eventually, we both start to feel things kicking in. It's a pleasant experience, definitely a bit stronger than I was anticipating, but not overwhelming at all. I feel a bit gigglier, colors seem a bit more vibrant, and things just look more... organic. It's good! I'm reminded of all the reasons I love mushrooms, and my friend is enjoying it as well.
Peak: After about an hour or so, we decide to sit down and just talk for a while. We're surrounded by trees, it's a beautiful day outside. We talk about all sorts of things: politics, the pandemic, philosophy. It's a very intellectually stimulating conversation, and we're both getting a lot out of it. The topic eventually comes around to romantic relationships and dating during the pandemic. We talk about online dating for a bit and how we feel about it. My friend mentions he went on a couple nice dates with someone he had a lot in common with. He starts telling me details about her, and I start to get a very strange feeling. After the conversation goes on for a few more minutes, he mentions one particular detail that just seems extremely familiar. I ask him what this girl's name is, and he tells me. Turns out, it's my ex girlfriend... Someone I dated for about three years.
This would have been an uncomfortable situation without any mind-altering substances, but the mushrooms amplified my emotions. It's been about a year and a half since we broke up. It was a mostly healthy relationship. We didn't break up because of animosity or toxicity. We broke up because we were heading different directions in life. In particular, one of the biggest things was that she was ready to start having children and I am not ready for that right now. It was one of those decisions we made that felt like the right thing to do, even though it was incredibly difficult. It was a very painful breakup for me, and it took me a long time to heal from it. I would say that after the first year or so after the breakup, I was finally starting to feel accepting of the situation and had had really moved on. I've been feeling better, and I even started dating here and there as well.
This situation felt like ripping a huge scab off. I was not expecting to think about her at all during this trip, and now she was the central focus of my thoughts. I felt no anger towards my friend or anything just because he went on a couple dates with her. Though I've known this friend for several years, he never met my girlfriend while I was with her, and I never told him her name, so there's no way he could have known that we dated. If he continued to spend time with her, he would have found out eventually. He's a good person, and I'm not upset with him. I'm just upset. The main thing I start to feel is insecurity. Suddenly, I'm overwhelmed with memories of our relationship, and I start to go over mistakes I might have made in my mind, considering ways I could have potentially salvaged that relationship. I also started to wonder whether or not I was really over her, and how difficult it is to actually answer that question. It was a very unhealthy state of mind to be in.
I voice my concerns to him, and he's surprisingly very understanding of the situation (I'm sure all of this was very uncomfortable for him in a different way). After a few moments of really negative emotions (amplified by the mushrooms), I take a deep breath, try to collect myself, and I try to focus on the positives. It's still a beautiful day, we're still enjoying ourselves. Moreover, I start to realize that I'm happy for my ex-girlfriend. I've been involved in many serious relationships in my life, but this one was particularly hard to let go of. We didn't keep in touch after breaking up, so I don't know whether it was equally difficult for her. However, if it was difficult for her, I'm glad to hear that she's at least at the stage where she's putting herself back out there and starting to see other people. Though we don't have a relationship anymore, I still think she's a wonderful person and I sincerely want the best for her, so I feel some kind of painful relief over the whole situation (if that makes sense).
We keep walking, and the subject of conversation changes. We start talking about all sorts of other things, but every once in a while, thoughts about my ex come up in my mind, and I lose focus. There were moments where my friend was talking to me, but I couldn't comprehend what he was saying because I was thinking about her and basically re-living the pain of breaking up with her. There were many wonderful moments during the peak of this trip, but this one unexpected piece of knowledge I received colored the rest of the experience and made it an incredibly difficult trip.
Comedown: Once we start to notice that we're less high than we were before, we decide to find another place to sit down in silent meditation for a while. This was by far the most beautiful moment of the trip. As I sat in silence and breathed, the plants and wildlife became noticeably more vibrant. There was one moment where a light breeze came to a slow halt, and the atmosphere became completely silent. I was reminded of how powerful silence can be while under the influence of psychedelics. It was a calming moment, but I also continued to struggle with unwanted thoughts about my past relationship.
We grab a small bite to eat, and at this point, we barely feel the mushrooms anymore. Conversation is still flowing, and we eventually just say goodbye and agree that it was a beautiful day out in nature. I still feel pretty uncomfortable, but I feel accepting of the situation, and it feels like whatever challenges I needed to face during that trip are now behind me. I let out a big sigh of relief after I'm alone, and I'm washed over with a feeling of "I got through that".
Aftereffects / reflections: Overall, that was an extremely challenging experience for me. I was overwhelmed with emotions I wasn't expecting to feel at all, and I didn't know how to express myself properly at the time. Nevertheless, I came to some useful insight: I'm glad that my ex is moving on. Moreover, it was a reminder of how far I've come along as well. The fact that she's putting herself out into the dating game again is a solid reminder that our relationship is in the past. Letting go of that relationship feels like a much more realistic prospect now than it ever has before, so I'm grateful for that.
Nevertheless, I'm still pretty shaken up by it. I'm hoping that it'll just take some time (along with some more reflection - this post helps in that respect) to come back down to earth. I still feel a little emotionally raw right now, so I need to take care of myself. If you read all of this, I appreciate it, and I also welcome any feedback anyone has to offer.
Blessings, NI
-------------------- Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door
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Quote:
Eclipse3130 said: Sounds like the way of the mushroom. My most challenging experience was when I was first experimenting with mushrooms and was naive, and on a rather potent experience, 3.5g lemon tek with 2 others at the time. My trip was incredibly beautiful, but encountered and learned from first hand how much risk there is in tripping with other people, that you especially don't fully know. Near the end of my experience one of my buddies who was a friend of a friend ended up going off the deep end, lost in angry vicious thought cycles, mad at us and himself in life, visibly and emotionally so things were so amplified and nearing the end of our peak I couldn't fully grasp what was happening, and eventually twisted his energies into my experience which resulted in a nightmarish fearful scenario for my life, I truly felt fear that this man could attack us and kill us the rage was so deep. We were at the top of a mountain hike visiting a lake, we began to hike back down shortly after this began to occur me and the other friend decided to distance ourselves from him a bit, glancing back a few times to the gaze of pure rage, we were scared and twisting our previous beautiful heavenly experience into a real nightmare.
To make this story short and sweet we kept distance from him until eventually we heard a murderous, grizzly bear roar come from the woods behind us that echoed the vibration of pure primal murder. We both knew it was him, and at that point I lost it for awhile and ended up developing a pretty harsh case of PTSD to mushrooms, people behind me, and him specifically. This was many years ago but still to this day I have little memories that remind me. Trip wisely 
Thanks for sharing that story. Normally, I'm much more careful about my psychedelic experiences. I'll spend a lot of time in preparation, journaling about my mindset and expectations, preparing my setting, and making sure that I minimize possible interruptions from other people. However, I've also found that often times, mushrooms don't really work on a schedule, and I will occasionally risk taking more of an unplanned trip. That's how this one was: it just sort of happened.
Especially after reading through your story, I'm grateful for the position I'm in right now. That trip was difficult, but it could have been a lot worse. My friend could have reacted poorly to the mushrooms, we could have made the mistake of taking a higher dosage, one of us could have gotten hurt, etc. It seems like the worst thing that happened to me was a swath of upsetting emotional experiences, which really isn't a negative thing at all. In fact, I think I gained some healthy perspective from the experience.
I think my next psychedelic experience will probably be on my own, and with a lot more preparation.
-------------------- Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door
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