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thought.criminal
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Registered: 08/04/20
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Can anyone please help me make sense of this strange/terrifying/recurring mushroom experience??
#26863380 - 08/04/20 08:04 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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So I've had a very strange/terrifying/recurring experience four different times and each time has involved mushrooms. I'm struggling to make any sense of it. Two of the times was with around 3.5 or 4 grams of mushrooms + Syrian Rue, one time on a quarter of mushrooms, and one time on an eighth of mushrooms and two hits of acid. I'll get trapped in a weird thought loop that for some reason convinces me I've done something that has forever messed up the universe or something. It makes me feel like I've killed God (even though my concept of God is not a man in the sky but that which transcends gender and is pure consciousness/the source or everything) and it makes me feel like I'll be trapped in an eternity of suffering. I don't know how else to explain it. You would think after the first time, I'd learn my lesson and know not to fall for this delusion again, yet each time I become so convinced that this time is different and it's real this time. I was thinking that maybe this was the mushrooms' way of telling me I had taken too much but then I discovered Kilindi Iyi on youtube and this man had worked his way up to taking over 50 grams of dried mushrooms each time he tripped before he passed away recently. So now I'm thinking maybe it has to do with the Terence McKenna quote where he says something along the lines of "the danger of psychedelics is not taking too much but too little." Could it be that I'm taking too much for a pleasant/social/recreational type experience but not enough to experience an ego death and therefore stuck in an awkward in between state that my ego doesn't know how to handle? It's so weird to me that each of the difficult trips I've had in recent years has been the same exact terrifying thought loop. Could this mean there's something in my subconscious that needs to be worked on? Are the mushrooms just f'ing with me until I finally learn whatever lesson they want me to learn? Am I just taking too much yet too little? I'm very confused by this and if anyone can help me make sense of this, I would greatly appreciate it
Edit: I’m an experienced tripper that’s been taking psychedelics regularly for over 15 years (including countless 4-5 gram trips with no issues whatsoever or thought loops that only briefly affected me but then I worked my way out of them without too much difficulty). It's been only somewhat recently since this started happening, which makes it that much stranger to me. I try to approach each trip with the right mindset and setting and everything. So I don't think I'm just overwhelmed and don't know how to handle it because I've handled plenty of heavy trips, I think there's probably something much deeper taking place. Especially since my difficult experiences involve the exact same thought loop and not any other thought loop. I think there's gotta be some significance to this particular thought loop
Edited by thought.criminal (08/04/20 09:01 PM)
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: Can anyone please help me make sense of this strange/terrifying/recurring mushroom experience? [Re: thought.criminal]
#26863437 - 08/04/20 08:35 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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From what I can tell you aren’t accustomed to navigating / or are just having difficulties with the trip at higher dosages, and 4 grams + rue translates into a potentially pretty darn heavy fungi dose/trip.
Tell me. Have you ever just eaten 3.5 dried grams of fungi without anything else? If so, How did That go? I ask because Usually the more successful natural progression of gaining experience with drugs a similar scheme to first learning to crawl, then walk, then run, and then finally - fly. In my opinion you’ve skipped the training that such experiences would have given you. Is that a fair assessment or am I missing something?
Also, high doses aren’t necessarily better - everyone’s got to find their own sweet spot(s) and that takes time and trial and error. Slow is Smooth , Smooth is Fast! Good luck!
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
Edited by The Blind Ass (08/05/20 08:58 AM)
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thought.criminal
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Re: Can anyone please help me make sense of this strange/terrifying/recurring mushroom experience?? [Re: The Blind Ass]
#26863472 - 08/04/20 08:58 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Thank you for the response. I should have mentioned in my post that I’m an experienced tripper that’s been taking psychedelics regularly for over 15 years (including countless 4-5 gram trips with no issues whatsoever or thought loops that only briefly affected me but then I worked my way out of them without too much difficulty). It's been only somewhat recently since this started happening, which makes it that much stranger to me. I try to approach each trip with the right mindset and setting and everything. So I don't think I'm just overwhelmed and don't know how to handle it because I've handled plenty of heavy trips, I think there's probably something much deeper taking place. Especially since my difficult experiences involve the exact same thought loop and not any other thought loop. I think there's gotta be some significance to this particular thought loop
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: Can anyone please help me make sense of this strange/terrifying/recurring mushroom experience?? [Re: thought.criminal]
#26863480 - 08/04/20 09:04 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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What do you think about it? I mean really. Not what terrrence McKenna says or Kylindi, but you. Psychedelic experiences are similar to dreams in that the meaning of them (if any) is only fully known to the beholder. So, with that in mind, What does it mean to you when you say that you feel you’ve killed god - so to speak- that your experiencing being trapped while suffering eternally?
What does that say about your life & what you believe about yourself and the world. What do those things resonate with for you? What about your normal day to day life is it speaking to?
And after you find the meaning - or lack thereof - what will you do about it?
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Northerner
splelling chceker


Registered: 07/29/12
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Re: Can anyone please help me make sense of this strange/terrifying/recurring mushroom experience?? [Re: The Blind Ass]
#26863607 - 08/04/20 11:22 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Many years ago (maybe 20ish) I used to get this thought loop that recurred and lead me to despair. I can't remember exactly what it was any more, I don't really want to, something to do with duality in nature and me breaking it. First time it was just rough but after a few times it was just horror when it started. I took a break and stood back for a good long while and it went away.
Maybe you just need a bit of a break.
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
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Kizzle
Misanthrope


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Re: Can anyone please help me make sense of this strange/terrifying/recurring mushroom experience?? [Re: Northerner]
#26863777 - 08/05/20 03:47 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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I imagine you get stuck in a loop because you desperately want to change something you're powerless to change. In which case the lesson to be learned is to accept that which you cannot change.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,531
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Re: Can anyone please help me make sense of this strange/terrifying/recurring mushroom experience?? [Re: thought.criminal]
#26864043 - 08/05/20 08:47 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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the more you take, the less you want desires to drag you through hours of waves of residual resonance.
Terrence McKenna is right about low dose inertia during the come-up, this is usually bypassed with higher dose euphoria during the come-up, but the higher dose will make you cringe in the trails of suffering until you black out if you cling to the slightest mental formation in the slightest way. Then as you come back to consciousness you repeat the cycle.
Higher doses will keep ploughing you into blackout and recovery to light, which is pretty rough on anyone, all kidding aside. you have to be lucky to hit a sweet spot at the dosages you are discussing.
I take the lower dose come up confusion any day over repeat dunking into blackouts.
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thought.criminal
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Re: Can anyone please help me make sense of this strange/terrifying/recurring mushroom experience?? [Re: redgreenvines]
#26864135 - 08/05/20 09:32 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
The Blind Ass said: What do you think about it? I mean really. Not what terrrence McKenna says or Kylindi, but you. Psychedelic experiences are similar to dreams in that the meaning of them (if any) is only fully known to the beholder. So, with that in mind, What does it mean to you when you say that you feel you’ve killed god - so to speak- that your experiencing being trapped while suffering eternally?
What does that say about your life & what you believe about yourself and the world. What do those things resonate with for you? What about your normal day to day life is it speaking to?
And after you find the meaning - or lack thereof - what will you do about it?
I've been asking myself all these questions and I really have no clue. I've always believed that dreams and psychedelics are synonymous and had considered posting this question here before but didn't think anyone could help interpret my experience better than myself. But now that it happened again, I had to ask just in case someone else has had this happen. In my normal day to day life I'm usually blissed out, high on life, lots of meditation, working a job I enjoy, not much stress, certainly not any eternal suffering. I've tried to see a deeper message that can be learned from this and integrated into my life. All I've come up with is to take smaller doses, be more cautious, and to learn to appreciate more subtle doses instead of chasing the most mind blowing visuals/experience. Maybe that's the lesson I was supposed to learn but I feel like there could be more to it since it's always the same thought loop instead of differing difficult experiences, I dunno...
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Northerner said: Many years ago (maybe 20ish) I used to get this thought loop that recurred and lead me to despair. I can't remember exactly what it was any more, I don't really want to, something to do with duality in nature and me breaking it. First time it was just rough but after a few times it was just horror when it started. I took a break and stood back for a good long while and it went away.
Maybe you just need a bit of a break. 
Yea I'm definitely gonna be taking it slower, thank you
Quote:
Kizzle said: I imagine you get stuck in a loop because you desperately want to change something you're powerless to change. In which case the lesson to be learned is to accept that which you cannot change.
The only thing I've wanted to change is I've wanted my trips to be more mystical/enlightening. But I can accept that seeking spiritual growth from something outside of myself makes no sense.
Quote:
redgreenvines said: the more you take, the less you want desires to drag you through hours of waves of residual resonance.
Terrence McKenna is right about low dose inertia during the come-up, this is usually bypassed with higher dose euphoria during the come-up, but the higher dose will make you cringe in the trails of suffering until you black out if you cling to the slightest mental formation in the slightest way. Then as you come back to consciousness you repeat the cycle.
Higher doses will keep ploughing you into blackout and recovery to light, which is pretty rough on anyone, all kidding aside. you have to be lucky to hit a sweet spot at the dosages you are discussing.
I take the lower dose come up confusion any day over repeat dunking into blackouts.
Ha wow, sounds like you've been to some wild places. I totally agree. Thanks for the insight
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