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OfflineAlhazred305
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Registered: 08/04/20
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Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip
    #26862191 - 08/04/20 08:35 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Hello everyone, iv'e been a long time lurker in this forum and its about time i make my own account! I went from being curious about these great substances to obsessing about cultivation and being a regular tripper. However yesterday i went through trip i have never experienced before and need some help processing it. 

i ingested between 600 - 700 micrograms of LSD with a few friends. The trip was fairly intense (as expected) but i went through ego-death and had to be separated after i started acting up. After being taken to this room, i kept muttering things such as my name and social security number to ground myself.
within this crusade of maintaining my sense of identity i picked up a mask that the person i was seeing at the time made for me and it just exploded into a pile of roaches IN MY HAND. i tossed it at the wall, sat down and started crying.

my friends GF walked into the room to calm me down, at first it was difficult to just let go but after i let go of my fear i felt this surge of euphoria flow through my body and that it was only love that matters in the world. that feeling must have been vicarious as my friends GF who took me into that room was feeling it was well (dosed 1.5 Penis Envy cultivated by yours truly :smile: ) we kept sharing words of affirmation and letting this amazing feeling flow through us.

This is where things start to get confusing, at some point as we were talking i started to fall in love. not temporary infatuation but the long brewed love that stands as tall and strong as a mountain. ive had feelings for this her before and we do have a history however it didn't work out. i decided to just ride that wave and eventually i was under control but still glowing from that experience. i go back to my friends and we have a wonderful time.

A couple of hours later, as the trip was subsiding i find myself sitting in the living room. i was still feeling love struck and couldnt sleep so i decided to light a bowl. my friends GF comes in to check up on me and when i looked back it felt like my entire world COLLAPSED. like someone jammed a knife into my chest. for the next 2 hours i kept chanting in my head "nothing can numb the pain" as i sparked bowl and bowl after bowl. i kept getting pictures in my head of them together and it started killing me inside. another friend comes in as asks whats wrong and i simply respond "the credits are rolling" and go back to hitting another bowl.

its been 2 days since that trip and ive asked the person im seeing now for some space, ive been droning around in my day to day life and i dont know how to get to the bottom of how i feel. its like ive been dumped by the Universe herself, why am i going through the stages of grief so intensely? wtf was up with that mask? i have NEVER went through visible hallucinations like this in my life.  i just dont understand whats happening to me and would like to hear everybody's thoughts here.


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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Re: Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip [Re: Alhazred305] * 2
    #26862243 - 08/04/20 09:05 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Sounds like you had quite the trip.  Some tough moments too.  Here’s how I would look at it if it had happened to me. ie. What I would think to myself. Something along these lines... Remember, this experience was you as all that you are - but as influenced by 500ug of lsd and many bowls of cannabis.  There are bound to be mental distortions and exaggerations and lies and illusions etc etc.  keeping an appropriate perspective on it all is key to maintaining sanity, reason, & well being.

Instead of taking all those aspects of the hallucinogenic experience as literal - why not see them more as a way to gain insight into what having those thoughts, feelings, and hallucinations mean about how you perceive any given situation?  Sure it would be much better to do this while actually tripping and experiencing it - but doing so afterwards can help too.

For example.  If I have intense hatred towards something, or intense love towards something while tripping - to me - that is an opportunity to examine the underlying mechanics of those feelings and the many perceptions, impulses, consciousnesses that are are associated with it.

It doesn’t have to be examined every single time, sometimes it’s better to just let it be and go with it.  But in other cases it is very useful to be able to discern & see all the aggregates and their relations to each other and how they & the conditions in which the are found - give rise to a particular sense of how we experience any given situation.

It’s an opportunity to gently examine the links in the chain of cause in effect to better understand human nature, mind, and the world at large.  Especially our relationships to others.

For example - if you had kept appropriate perspective when you visually hallucinated cockroaches - and right after having the initial conditioned reaction of aversion to them, examined them more closely you would find they are not actually roaches, and maybe even understand how and why, of all things, you hallucinated roaches & the conditions that gave rise and allowed that specific event to happen. 

To Me, it can be an opportunity to glimpse the mechanics of the mind.  The knowing the how and or why brings an unshakable sense of comfort and ease that is unparalleled in terms of its value.  A reality check would be valuable if you are seriously bothered by this event - ie. Go back and pick up the mask that “turned” into roaches and examine it again.  Also, you could think about talking with your significant other about how you felt about her during that portion of the trip, more so about how it impacted your perception of your relationship with her- get a second opinion .  For all you know it could have been in your head ( which it actually was , in a way ), and if it wasn’t just purely fabrication without any relation to show things really are - then at least you are no longer under that specific illusion as to your relationship with her. 

Also, with time lived as healthy & sober, life will level out on its own.  The memory of the trip will fade into unreality like last nights dream.  Life goes on.  Good luck & may you be at peace.

Forgive me if you find none of this helpful.


--------------------
Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps


Edited by The Blind Ass (08/04/20 09:24 AM)


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OfflineSocrateshroom
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Re: Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip [Re: Alhazred305]
    #26862251 - 08/04/20 09:14 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Stepping outside of the psychedelic experience for a moment, feelings such as this arise irregardless of the consumption of perception altering substances if the issue itself, at the root, hasn't been solved. And sometimes we delude ourselves into thinking that such feelings were solved when, in reality, we only buried them. And that's where a psychedelic experience, or any intense experience, can trigger what we've been hiding to surface.

I've had plenty of those experiences even before using psychedelics. And when I was younger, I didn't deal with them well (so I struggled with anxiety, depression, feelings of aimlessness for long stretches of time).

Although it isn't easy, you need to bring that grief to the surface. Sit with it. Feel it. The catharsis may trigger both desperation and a feeling of cleansing the soul. And then you have to work through it.

You still have feelings for this person. And that's okay. Love not need fade. Allow it to transform. Allow it to move from a romantic realm, to a platonic/familial realm. This is no easy feat. If you don't give enough love to the world and yourself, start doing that. It'll make the transformation of romantic to platonic love easier, when you realize how love can be given on such a wide spectrum. And if, in your searching, you find the essence of love, detached from all cravings of the flesh, you will see that a romantic love transformed is just as meaningful as the love that once was. And then you can move on, while keeping that love for her.

Good luck my friend!


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip [Re: Alhazred305]
    #26862474 - 08/04/20 11:16 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Alhazred305 said:
... "nothing can numb the pain" as i sparked bowl and bowl after bowl. i kept getting pictures in my head of them together and it started killing me inside. another friend comes in as asks whats wrong and i simply respond "the credits are rolling" and go back to hitting another bowl. ...




the kind of pain that those bowls can alleviate are like the chronic aches of arthritis, joint injuries, and various physical traumas.

what you have fallen into is not old-age or past-prime suffering.

you are in mid-prime confusion as your time for mating and dating is on, and your interest in psychedelics collides with your sense of belonging (oh well, at least you get to taste the sacrament).

so, I really have no tripping advice, but don't expect hitting a bowl of cannabis product will help while your heart is breaking.

I would ask you to think about playing house and making children, or at least being available to women who want to make children and taking  no other responsibility.

Not that this is a good thing, being an irresponsible lover, but it seems you gotta get laid.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineAlhazred305
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Registered: 08/04/20
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Re: Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26862634 - 08/04/20 12:56 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

This experience made me take a break from somebody else im seeing, so i don't think not getting laid is the problem here.


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OfflineAlhazred305
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Registered: 08/04/20
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Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #26862636 - 08/04/20 12:57 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

This is the most poetic response ive seen, thank you for taking the time to write that! :smile:


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Offlineepilectric
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Re: Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip [Re: Alhazred305]
    #26862873 - 08/04/20 03:40 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

i don't know about the roaches thing, i had actual hallucinations from acid before, eG bubbless coming out of a bottle and with that high of a dose, i can easily see this happening.

for me, acid has the power to massively exaggerate feelings, especially such that have been engrained into my subconscious for a long time. seems as if you have to work through some stuff emotionally. take small steps, you can do it

life gets intense sometimes but eventually calms down again


--------------------
i :heartpump: shroomery

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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip [Re: Alhazred305]
    #26862919 - 08/04/20 04:01 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Alhazred305 said:
This experience made me take a break from somebody else im seeing, so i don't think not getting laid is the problem here.




yeah maybe it's quality more than quantity?

what about smoking weed to make non-physical pain disappear?
is that supposed to work while blazing on psychedelic - it stokes the flames AFAIK.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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Invisiblenooneman
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Re: Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip [Re: Alhazred305] * 1
    #26862920 - 08/04/20 04:02 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Depression has been known to follow strong acid trips, it was a common complaint in the early days of LSD in psychiatry. Keep in mind that the feelings you experienced were magnified dramatically by the LSD, and they don't tell the whole story/may not entirely be true. Wait a couple of weeks or months and see how you feel. I would also recommend trying to express some of the things you're feeling in a safe and private way, just to get them out of your system.

In addition, if you have feelings that are intense that you just can't get rid of, you might take 100ug just to get rid of those feelings.

Don't do anything drastic or make any big decisions for at least a couple of months.


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OnlineNorthernerM
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Re: Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip [Re: nooneman]
    #26863006 - 08/04/20 04:43 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I've fallen in love while tripping too, LSD really amplifies those sorts of feelings and cuts you to the core. It fades though. It's not really real, just an elaborate fall from sanity.

As nooneman said don't make any decisions now. After the trip has faded you'll feel different. Takes at least a couple of weeks, even sometimes months. But it always fades.


--------------------
The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.


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InvisiblebodhisattaMDiscordReddit
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Re: Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip [Re: Alhazred305]
    #26863082 - 08/04/20 05:26 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Sounds like you want your ex back. And also need a joint.


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Invisiblemt cleverest
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Re: Intense Depression after Heavy Acid Trip [Re: bodhisatta]
    #26864328 - 08/05/20 11:13 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

It’s probable that you confused the divine love that opened via the lsd with your residual love for your ex and that opened a can of worms like having a dream about my ex did to me. This kind of thing happens a lot on mdma. Anyways I feel you on the ex thing it’s tough. I don’t know how you could hang w her still, I’d have to split.


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