For a bit of context, this was my first interaction with any type of drug other than alcohol. I credit Bodhisatta’s AF Oat method Prep Tek. I followed it to the letter, and it worked with amazing results. The best advice he gives: Do exactly what he says, and don’t fuck with it.
Background:
I meditate regularly and this entire mushroom experiment is not to get high or to have a good time. It is to forward my progress in meditation, spiritual exploration, and find answers, which is why I chose golden teachers.
The first time I took Golden Teacher was 6 months ago (0.44 dried grams on an empty stomach). I had some light visuals at onset and during meditation, it was very visual. About 1 month later, I took 0.5g with food to see the difference. It took longer for onset, but about the same result. About a month after .5g, I took 1g. I became very cold with better visuals and more of a flying sensation though a landscape of indescribableness but nothing spiritually profound. Mostly, I took these small amounts to try to see what I was getting myself into. All in all, nothing major to report.
The Experience:
6 months pass to yesterday, I decided to take 2.56g on an empty stomach at 12pm and expected the experience to last until around 4p. I was nervous but I ate them down (Just chewed them up and shallowed them). I had everything ready: Glass of water, Lots of blankets because I get cold under mushrooms, and alone/undisturbed for the duration.
At 12:30pm, I started to feel the same effect as before. A bit of spatial distortion and a white halo on the outside of my peripheral vision. I went to lay down and put on my eyeshades to dark out the room. Started my playlist on repeat.
At 1:15, I was laying on my back underneath something that I can only describe as a pipe network or starship, and it was working on my sinus area and it communicated that I would need to “breathe”. What was interesting is my sinus cavity started popping and cracking a bit as everything opened up to 100%. I could breathe as I have never been able to breathe in my life.
At 1:30p I started to lose control to the point of panic. I took off my eyeshades and looked around the room. The room was mostly normal, with the occasional Aztec type glyphs scrolling on something like circuit board traces across the wall. At this point, I thought I would get up and walk back and forth a bit. As I was pacing, something laughed and said, “We’ve got you now.” I started to be surrounded by some force like a snake. It wasn’t a snake, but I was in the coils of something squeezing me. Of course, panic escalated. During this near-blind panic, a calm, male voice with a heavy India accent speaking English said, “Breathe. You have to breathe.” He was continually saying my name and telling me to breathe. I said I can’t breathe! I’m being squeezed! “Breathe!”, the Indian was encouraging forcefully. Something then started forcing me to breathe or showing me how to breathe as I paced. There was something like a hand on my chest and one on my back expanding and contracting my chest. “Deep Breaths. Raise your hands over your head as you breathe in. You wanted this! You have to Breathe!” The entity (only way I can describe it) that was squeezing me, was not the same as the Indian male voice coaching me to breathe. I could very clearly distinguish them. I was not breathing correctly (fighting them both) and went to the side of the bed thinking I had really screwed up, but…I am in it now, so I have to get through this. Maybe if I get a drink of water. The entity squeezing me then mocked me and laughed “Go ahead, get a drink.” Then I went to turn on the shower, maybe a shower would help. The entity mocked me again, “Mwahaha! It’s not going to help. You asked for this. Mushrooms are powerful! We’ve got you now!” The India gentlemen (thanks be to him) said, “Breathe!!!” I started breathing again and the squeeze let up a bit. I checked the time it was 1:40p. OK OK…I got 3 hours before this ends. I can’t get away. It’s got me. I took another drink of water and went through this series of checking my phone and getting a drink, drink, phone, drink, phone. “Mwahaha!! It’s not going to help!!” OK…OK…I am breathing. I laid down in the bed and was really, really cold now. I got warm and relaxed a bit and started breathing exactly as the Indian wanted. I am doing exactly what this Indian wants to the letter. He started leading me through different variations of breathing. Slow then fast. All fast then all slow. I started going along. At some point, I noticed I was breathing in an indescribable way: Pranayama on steroids. Then everything went calm.
The Indian said, “you see, now all is calm.” There was still all the craziness and confusion swirling around me outside. But, I was in this capsule where it was just me, the Indian, and my breath. Everything else…outside. The capsule was perfect, calm, safe.
The Indian said, “now, let it all go.” I can’t I have to breathe to get the squeeze away. “Let it go!” I fought it again. I opened my eyes. I could see my erratic yet rhythmic, strange, breathing, my arms were rigid straight, fingers straight out and I couldn’t move them. It had me, totally.
I gave up. I totally surrendered. I died.
Then, this core that I had remaining started to toss off everything with every exhale. All my worries. All my fears. All my mistakes. Everything was leaving. I started crying uncontrollably. It was such an amazing feeling. It was all gone! The world had been lifted off me. It seemed like I cried for hours in relief. I said, “Ahhhhhhh!” on every out-breath (Breathing exactly as the Indian said mind you!). It was the most amazing feeling. It was more than orgasmic. It was 100% absolute relief and release from this life. I can’t describe it better.
I then moved into this place that I will describe as a translucent teepee or cone with a center pole. The teepee structure was huge. I could see swirling around the outside of the skin of the teepee the problems, and worries, and religions, and ideas. I had no form at all. No worries. The entity that was squeezing me said, “Now that you have relaxed, we can play.” I now perceived the entity as a male. He showed me a scene of two soldiers fighting with swords. He said, “You see, we play. Sometimes you kill me. Then, I kill you. It’s just play. You’re starting to come down now.”
At the completion of his sentence, Tool’s song Parabol started in my headphones at exactly the point his last word ended…I cried, sobbed, relieved, amazed…it makes me tear up now…followed by Parabola, then Lateralus, then Disposition, and Reflection. It was the absolute most amazing experience I have ever had. Ever. I laid there and cried in relief and amazement for I don’t know how long. I checked the time, it was 3:40p. I stayed in my last remaining position from the experience until 5pm.
It was an utterly amazing experience.
I sweat through the sheets and 4 blankets. I mean wet with sweat. From 1:40 until 3:40, I had no remembrance of reality. I was gone. No music. Nothing. I got up to take a piss at 5p. Still buzzing pretty hard, but I wasn’t in coils!! And, could BREATHE!! Breathing was unbelievably easy. Now, 24-30 hours past, I think of my breath every time I breathe in. So calm…so relaxed. I am still trying to make sense of all the subtle things that happen that I can’t possibly describe.
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