Haven't had that particular experience, but can I suggest that there are a bunch of other more likely explanations for what happened?
First, it was only in your mind that you believed she could read your thoughts. I'm sure it felt very real, but I less you said what you thought out loud, your friend couldn't know them.
Second, maybe she felt weird too, and that's why she preferred not to have you stay on the couch. It's most likely that it was his she felt and not anything to do with you. She might have preferred to be alone for various reasons that have nothing to do with you or your past or even your current friendship.
Would it help you to decide that although your past is still private to you, you should make peace with the things that you were worried about her knowing? Whatever happened that you're ashamed of, you can get past it. Tell yourself that you did the best that you could at the time, or if you don't think that's the case, then resolve to learn from it, be a better person, and not repeat past mistakes moving forward.
You can figure it out. Try to do something to distract yourself today, and come back to the past when you're feeling more stable.
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Thank you for the reassurance and advice. I know it sounds completely insane, I almost didn't post at all but it felt and still does feel too real. It was the most uncomfortable I've ever felt. I finally got the courage to message her and ask if she could, so now I get to spend eternity waiting for a reply lol.
Some of what I am ashamed of are current, long-term issues that I am not sure how to get past because they are not voluntary. I have never acted on some of these thoughts but the very fact that I have them is what disturbs me because I know they are not good, but they are also not my fault, I did not ask for them and do not want them.
For the other things I've done out of lust, greed, selfishness, or laziness, I am going to take your advice because even when all this was happening, I remember telling myself and "her" in my mind that I am sorry and I will do better and she seemed accepting and I felt safer in those moments. I do remember I kept verbally saying, "I'm sorry" (apologizing for the thoughts I've had that I have no control of).
Sorry the long reply, I'm not looking for a response or counseling session, I just wanted to share some of this experience and get some of it off my chest.
Thank you for your time and words of wisdom, they've truly helped put my mind at ease a little. This was some of the best advice I've ever received in my life and I am grateful beyond words. So long as my thoughts truly are still private to me I will be okay. Thanks again. For what it's worth, I am going to do better.
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