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OfflineEnjoywho
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Meeting new people/ life in general
    #26831869 - 07/19/20 03:24 AM (3 years, 6 months ago)

I was making this post in another thread but it kind of got away from me into something bigger and I wanted to put it in this more trafficked area to get some thoughts on it.

I dunno that's something i've recently been having trouble with. I just don't understand where people go to meet other people anymore. Never really been a fan of bars and never had much luck at them to begin with. I left my home town like 5-7 years ago and I have a lot of acquintances i've met over the years mostly from jobs that i've worked but i wouldn't really say I have any friends and it's been waying on me over the past couple years.

I live in WAshington now and my biggest problem is is probably that I don't smoke weed. Which that's what everybody here does and thinking back in Alaska that's mostly what I did with other people. Meet up and smoke pot and go hiking or whatever else. I'd say take the weed away and a lot of us really didn't have all that much common to begin with besides my core group of good friends.

I've talked to a few of them about this over the years and they all pretty much say the same thing. It's just nothing like it used to be. Everybody already has there friend groups and such and it's really hard to break into it. I have a kid that I work with right now that I sound kind of gay saying it and i got alittle drunk one night at home by myself and it actually had me cryin' for a minute. We get along really well at work always crackin' jokes and i've mentioned ya know hanging out or whatever outside of work but it just doesn't happen. We work conflicting schedules or he's busy with his gf or kid or his actual friends you know. When I was sad about it I was just thinking like shit it hurts my feelings that I really want to be friends with this person but i don't know how to do that anymore I guess.

he smokes pot though so i'm guessing if I did that that could easily be my in. I don't even mind hanging out with stoners or whatever ya know I don't care if people smoke and i'll just pass ya know. That is the one thing I miss about it is it was a great excuse to hang out with other people. Now it just gives me anxiety and shit though and I definitely can't keep up with the dab crowd and shit.

So op I really have no answer to your question. I don't really understand where you meet people. The girl I did recently break up with after like 5 years off and on I met on craigslist of all places. I see pretty girls out and about all the time but ya know it's not the fucking disco there just trying to shop or whatever. And i'm sure i'm probably not the first person during there outing to make a pass.

After this recent break up i'm pretty much just guessing i'm probably going to be alone for quite a while. I go to work I go home. Rinse repeat. That's the thing that always bugged me about relationships ending as well. After each of my longterm relationships theres been a good 1-3 year gap before I meet someone else. Maybe some casual sex but not a ton or anything. They'll break up with you and be like i'll be fine. Ya I know so will I but I know for a fact you'll be given the option to date again much sooner then I will. I've seen your phone messages I know how thirsty dudes are. I know i'm not perfect and i'm guessing yes you could get someone that will worship you and do all these nice things for you and treat you like a queen for alittle while. We've been together a long time and I do try i'm not perfect but ya know.

The problem with my last ex was she said that I wouldn't try and be romantic and stuff like that. I'm honestly not very good with that stuff to begin with but I try. The thing that I hated most about her was as soon as were breaking up or in a fight i've never done anything nice for her once. Not once. It came to a point where I was finally just done. I honestly believed that we were going to be together for the foreseeable future. We had our problems but I genuinely loved being around her and spending my time with her. Even if were just sitting around playing video games or whatever.

Long term relationships are hard work and it's not perfect. Could I be more attentive. Probably. But I try to tell you your beautiful every day. I make sure we have food to eat for the day and that you have snacks and etc etc.

I honestly never wanted to be in this position of having to find someone else again. Do I really want to have to tell another person everything there is to know about me. Not fucking really man. I'm about to turn 30 so now all the girls I do meet are already fixed and have 2-3 kids with diffrent baby daddies and shit and i just don't really know if I want to do that.

Lifes frustrating maybe i'm going through like a quarterlife crisis or something but it's starting to way on me more and more that this is really all life is? Do the same things everyday. Trade my time for money so I can not sleep on the street. Man I don't even know why you'd want to bring a child into this unless you had inherited wealth to pass down. Why bring a child into life to struggle.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Invisibleremake
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: Enjoywho] * 2
    #26832808 - 07/19/20 04:12 PM (3 years, 6 months ago)

From past experiences, imo, if you wanna make friends you kind of have to put on a 'social mask' and systematically 'impress' people.

It might seem like manipulation, but most social interactions are to some extent.

As long as your intentions are relatively pure, and the friend group you're trying to infiltrate aren't dangerous to you or your livelihood, it is still possible.

We connect superficially over 'shared interests'. If you can find some leeway on your own, if you have to, you could perhaps squeeze yourself into a group of new friends, and then later on establish deeper relationships with them.

Invite the guy you mentioned from your work to a random thing, and just kind of force him to go. :lol:

You just gotta be persistent in some way, but don't freak people out.


Edited by remake (07/19/20 04:17 PM)


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: remake]
    #26832880 - 07/19/20 05:04 PM (3 years, 6 months ago)

I dont know if this will work for you but as for me I have not given a fuck about anything for the longest time, I have the I could die right here right now and be ok attitude. Idk how or why but it seems to attract everyone :shrug:


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OfflineNorthernerM
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #26832967 - 07/19/20 05:54 PM (3 years, 6 months ago)

30 is a turning point for males as well. It's around then we finally "mature". There's a whole pile of stuff that goes with that. It's just part of life.

When I hit 30 the huge social circles I used to keep just evaporated, just a few real friends since then.


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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: Northerner]
    #26832991 - 07/19/20 06:03 PM (3 years, 6 months ago)

Shit my social circles evaporated as soon as all my friends started having kids :lol:


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Those content with the least have the most.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
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Offlineichugwindex
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #26833438 - 07/19/20 11:26 PM (3 years, 6 months ago)

You guys are my friends now. It's better this way.




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Only hope can give rise to the emotion we call despair. But it is nearly impossible for a man to try to live without hope, so I guess that leaves Man no choice but to walk around with despair as his companion.


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OfflineLed Zeppelin
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: remake]
    #26833463 - 07/19/20 11:49 PM (3 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

remake said:
From past experiences, imo, if you wanna make friends you kind of have to put on a 'social mask' and systematically 'impress' people..




Don’t be fake that’s what he’s telling you. It’s sucks when you lose your lifelong friends for whatever reason but if you just go out and be real you should be able to find some like minded people that click with you. Just go out somewhere. Get on a dating app like tinder or somethin

What county in WA are u in


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: Led Zeppelin]
    #26833824 - 07/20/20 08:40 AM (3 years, 6 months ago)

:whathesaid: I made one friend randomly and I was at his house a few weeks ago and made truffle tea, well one of his friends showed up and I sarcastically offered him some as I've never seen him in my life.....he accepted and we tripped balls all day together and actually bonded :lol:


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #26834014 - 07/20/20 10:56 AM (3 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

spirit_shadow said:
I dont know if this will work for you but as for me I have not given a fuck about anything for the longest time, I have the I could die right here right now and be ok attitude. Idk how or why but it seems to attract everyone :shrug:




Ya that's generally my thoughts on it. Like right now I don't give a fuck about it. Every once and a while it will bother me though. Usually if i'm drinking by myself  :lol:


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: Led Zeppelin]
    #26834018 - 07/20/20 10:58 AM (3 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Led Zeppelin said:
Quote:

remake said:
From past experiences, imo, if you wanna make friends you kind of have to put on a 'social mask' and systematically 'impress' people..




Don’t be fake that’s what he’s telling you. It’s sucks when you lose your lifelong friends for whatever reason but if you just go out and be real you should be able to find some like minded people that click with you. Just go out somewhere. Get on a dating app like tinder or somethin

What county in WA are u in




I have never had luck on tinder or really any dating website lol. Well my ex of 5-6 years we met on craigslist of all places lol.

Grays Harbor. Place is a shithole to be honest. I'm probably relocating to the olympia area/to another state within the next couple months.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Offlinethe strander
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: remake] * 1
    #26834111 - 07/20/20 11:57 AM (3 years, 6 months ago)

What remake said.

You often have to amplify your personality so that other people can pick up on the positive sides to you. Just being willing to hang out isn't enough, you have to reach out and suggest it. Just being intelligent and insightful isn't enough, you have to speak up and share your thoughts so others hear them.

It's more difficult with Covid because there are fewer opportunities to meet people casually in person. But find something you're interested in and see if there's a Meetup group in your area for it. An art or craft, reading, movies, languages, video games, craft beer enthusiasts... anything that you can have a starting point as something in common, to break the ice.

Also, it's a good idea to try to work on being ok with yourself alone. I believe that even if you know for sure a true life companion will give you the greatest happiness, the first step is to love and appreciate spending time alone. Once you truly love yourself, it's easier for others to love you (even as friends).


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: the strander]
    #26834507 - 07/20/20 03:38 PM (3 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

the strander said:
What remake said.

You often have to amplify your personality so that other people can pick up on the positive sides to you. Just being willing to hang out isn't enough, you have to reach out and suggest it. Just being intelligent and insightful isn't enough, you have to speak up and share your thoughts so others hear them.

It's more difficult with Covid because there are fewer opportunities to meet people casually in person. But find something you're interested in and see if there's a Meetup group in your area for it. An art or craft, reading, movies, languages, video games, craft beer enthusiasts... anything that you can have a starting point as something in common, to break the ice.

Also, it's a good idea to try to work on being ok with yourself alone. I believe that even if you know for sure a true life companion will give you the greatest happiness, the first step is to love and appreciate spending time alone. Once you truly love yourself, it's easier for others to love you (even as friends).




Priceless advice right here! Agreed!


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Offlinesearching
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Re: Meeting new people/ life in general [Re: tyrannicalrex] * 1
    #26834726 - 07/20/20 06:14 PM (3 years, 6 months ago)

I feel you man. I'm lucky that I have a wife and a couple good friends who I've hung out with since high school. If I moved to a different city I feel like I would be in the same situation as you.

I'll just tell you what I used to do back in college. Find hobbies or common interests with people. What you want to do is just get as many people's phone numbers as possible and just text them on the weekend just saying "anything going on tonight" or better make plans to do something fun and ask them to go. Say yes to everything. You never know who you'll meet when you're out so you have to take every opportunity you can find. Join a bowling league, join a book club, play disc golf, anything. Start as many hobbies as you can. You will meet people. The weirdest and most shy people can still find like minded friends this way. Hell you can even meet up with people from this website if you're careful.


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