~=~ Trip Report ~=~
I learned Mushboy's Shoebox TEK at the beginning of this summer, so once I harvested the results, I figured it would be a good time to take a little journey on my own. My last solo trip was about three years ago - I took about 1.7 dried grams that time. This time, I decided to go for 2 dried grams of Psilocybe Cubensis. I have taken more than that before, but considering this was my first solo trip in a while, I wanted to err on the side of caution. It's also worth noting that this was a multispore batch, so I had no idea how potent it was going to be.
~=~ Preparation ~=~
I believe set and setting are vastly important when it comes to ensuring a positive experience.
For my setting, I just decided to make things as comfortable as I could. I cleaned my living space, wore loose-fitting clothes, showered beforehand, and made sure I had a plan for somewhere to go if I started to feel uncomfortable at home - there's a walk through my neighborhood that I'm pretty used to going on at this point, so I left that open as a possibility. I live alone, so I wasn't worried about interruptions from other people. I cooked a really nice meal the day before and refrigerated the leftovers so I could have something to eat at the end if I got hungry. Finally, I told one of my best friends about my plans and asked if I could call him should I start to have too difficult of a time - just knowing that he was available for that was nice.
For my set (or mindest), I wanted to be really intentional. My intentions were two-fold. Firstly, I've come a long way as a psychonaut since my first experience with mushrooms. When I first ate them, I was a lot more reckless with my life in general. Considerations towards set and setting (or dosage, for that matter) didn't really cross my mind at that point in my life. Since then (and after some horrifying experiences), I've gained a lot more respect for psychedelics. So, I was curious to see how that reflection on how far I had come would play into the trip. Secondly, I wanted this to be a medicinal experience, if possible. I've been dealing with a personal issue I'd rather not go into too much detail about, but suffice for it to say that it's coupled with an unhealthy cycle of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. My awareness of this issue gave me some comfort moving into it, and I gave a lot of thought and consideration prior to the trip through journaling and meditation. My philosophy there was that I was prepared for some of these emotions to become amplified during the experience, but that giving them prior consideration would make them feel familiar enough that I could deal with them while under the influence. I didn't expect mushrooms to heal me from these ailments, but I thought it was possible for them to provide an alternative perspective, which could be useful.
~=~ The Trip ~=~
I prefer to eat mushrooms on a mostly empty stomach, so I didn't eat anything after breakfast that morning. At about 5:30 PM, I placed the mushrooms in a bowl and brewed some ginger tea. I ate all two grams alone in my room and then drank the tea to combat any nausea I might have experienced. I made sure I had some headphones readily available for music, if I wanted to listen to music. Then, I just waited quietly on my bed for the journey to start - just sitting in silence with my thoughts. I was a little nervous, especially since I was unaware of the potency of this batch, but I was also pretty excited to see how things would happen. I was confident that I had paid close attention to my set and setting, and was sure that I would get something out of this experience.
After about 50 minutes, I started to notice some effects. It looked like my closet door was gently pulsating, and that's how I knew things were starting. Excited that the mushrooms were working, I decided to wear my headphones and put on some music. I went with the album "Float Along - Fill Your Lungs" by King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard. As you can probably tell just from googling my username, I'm a huge fan of King Gizzard. They're my favorite band, and this is definitely one of their more psychedelic-friendly albums.
After about five minutes into the first song on the album, which is a 16-minute psychedelic jam, I started to experience some light closed-eye visuals. Normally, when I have closed-eye visuals from mushrooms, they are of an indescribable nature: impossible, colorful, fluid. This time was very different. The visuals felt less like visual information and more like vivid imagination. Moreover, I could distinguish particular objects instead of seeing unnamed geometric patterns. I started to see what were, distinctively, thousands and thousands of Psilocybe Cubensis mushrooms growing in all sorts of patterns. They completely covered my imagination, growing radially outward, sometimes waving back and forth.
I was amazed by this little spectacle in my imagination, but also confused about why it was so different from my previous experiences. In Terrence McKenna fashion, I decided to ask the mushroom itself: in my mind, I asked "why are you showing this to me?" Much to my surprise, an answer came from somewhere, and the answer was "we just want to live." I was suddenly filled with a greater appreciation for fungi - not just for cubensis, but for all fungi. I thought about how much they do to support our ecosystem by decomposing dead bio-matter, living in symbiosis with trees, and providing food for insects in forests. It was very peaceful, and this sentiment continued as I progressed through the album.
The most vivid of these visuals came along when I reached track three on the album, "God Is Calling Me Back Home". Many people report a sense of 'returning home' under the influence of mushrooms - I've never had that feeling before from mushrooms, but I was thinking about it during this point and wondering what that really means. I didn't come to any conclusions about it, but I enjoyed pondering the question.
After that, I started to realize that this was not a particularly potent 2 grams of dried mushrooms I had eaten. As I said, this was a multispore batch, so it's difficult to anticipate potency. However, I was a little bit relieved to discover that it was an underwhelming rather than overwhelming trip. I've taken 2 dried grams before and had much stronger experiences, so this wasn't quite pairing up with my expectations. At the end of the day, I would always rather have taken too little than too much. Still, I was a bit disappointed, and as the album came to a close, I realized that it probably wasn't going to get much stronger than this. That said, I was still enjoying myself, and I decided I was just going to appreciate the rest of the evening for what it was.
I took a pee break after the album was over, ending gracefully with the most psychedelic song on the whole album. I looked at myself in the mirror - no noticeable difference in the size of my pupils, but I still felt pretty lightheaded and with an uplifted mood. As I returned to my room from the bathroom, I debated whether or not I wanted to listen to more music. I decided that, instead, I wanted to go for a walk. It was almost 8 PM, so I thought it would be nice to see the sunset.
Stepping outside was nice - it was a calm, cool summer evening. I walked around without listening to any music, just enjoying the fresh air. I couldn't stop smiling, which always happens to me when I take mushrooms. I walked by some flowers in someone's garden, which had bees all over them, and I had an interesting thought: that bees are flowers. Sounds a little absurd, but I think there's some truth to it: bees can't survive without flowers from which to draw nectar, and flowers can't survive without bees to transfer pollen for sexual reproduction. They are two organisms that depend on one another completely - they are one in the same, when viewed under that lens.
After that, I started thinking about how much our climate is changing right now, and all of the serious problems we face as a species right now. Again, in McKenna fashion, I decided to ask the mushrooms what we could do to address all the problems we're facing right now. The answer I found was... kind of a non-answer, but still interesting anyway. I heard from within that, with every action we do in life, we change the world. To that end, every moment is an opportunity to do something about it. Existing is a great responsibility, and this sentiment has stuck with me since the trip.
I stopped for a bit to admire the sunset and all the colors it was coloring the clouds with. Then, I started walking back home. I was almost three hours into the trip by this point. Here, I started thinking about all of the relationships in my life, from the close to the seemingly insignificant, and I was met with a strong feeling of gratitude for everyone in my life. Even the people I haven't gotten along with in my life have taught me things and given me things to reflect on, so it really was just a universal gratitude for all the people I've ever connected with that I was feeling.
When I returned home, I decided to eat the leftovers I had prepared. Once I finished eating, I felt noticeably less high than I was during my walk. I knew that the trip was coming to a close. I went to bed at around midnight.
~=~ Reflections ~=~
Overall, I would consider this trip a very positive experience. Ironically, neither of the two sides to my intention going into the trip really came up during the experience, but since thinking about it more, I realized that they didn't really need to. The first intention, of seeing how far I had come since my first trip, was the experience as a whole, and it's something I've had plenty of time to reflect on between my recent psychedelic experiences. My second intention, of medicinal reflection and healing, was also mostly unnecessary - I had already given so much consideration to the personal problems I've been dealing with, and have continued to do so since my trip. What alternative perspective is necessary when I'm already armed with the humility to face my issues while sober?
To that end, I think I was allowed to just enjoy this trip without any strings attached. It was a really pleasant experience - a beautiful reminder of the joy that is psilocybin. It certainly wasn't the most significant trip of my life, but it's one I know I will always be able to look back at with a warm fondness.
-------------------- Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door
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