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OfflineChefboyarbee
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Registered: 06/13/20
Posts: 38
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
I still feel weird after my last trip
    #26795418 - 06/30/20 07:48 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

A few months ago I tripped chugging about 35 g fresh mushroom lemon tea.
It came on really strongly and with 15-20 minutes. This was my second trip. I am trying to find guidance on improving my life and alleviating depression and anxiety.

Tldr; I still feel dirty, I still feel empty. I still have the shadow of they trip and it's devastating and hollow. How can I right myself?


The cev were pretty intense. It felt like I was experience the inner workings of reality. Every fractal was part of the cog in the "perfect" machine. I put perfect on quotes because it was sinister, but in a sick/diseased type of way.

Anyway that led me to my trip thought process. I, or who I perceived was me (I do not exist at least in the fashion i believe), realized that I don't even know who I am. Everything I thought was me was fake. My hobbies, my love, my passions, they dont mean anything. I am nothing. I stopped being. I was shown power dynamics in society and how a few people can have have huge influence over us normal folks. How FB is an even more fake/simulated reality and it is making us sick. I was told that I am not sick as a personal fault but because the society I am "connected" to (Americans are not connected more than superficially) is sick and I've consumed that sickness. I was shown so much without the confines of my ego and it was scary as much as it was enlightening. I felt dirty. I woke my girlfriend up and I emotionally purged to her. I bawled. The eternal emptiness was nt empty but filled with dark. I removed that from myself. I still feel empty and hollow and sick and dirty. How do I heal? Do I trip again?


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OfflineFrancoAmerican
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: Chefboyarbee]
    #26795472 - 06/30/20 08:09 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I think a little more information would be useful in helping you formulate a plan to help you feel right again...

If you don’t mind sharing, how old are you? Depending on you age and your current place in life (job, school, responsibilities etc.) the after effects of a trip can be difficult to process and integrate into your life.

Also, you say this was your 2nd trip..how did the first trip go for you?

How did your girlfriend respond to your purge?

To start I would go back to some basics.. have a good meal, participate in some physical activity (a sport, exercise, a hike) and set some easy short term goals for yourself that will be easy to accomplish.

I’d recommend not being idle and dwelling on the way you currently feel. The trip showed you some aspects of life that left you with some negative feelings and emotions. You need to replace those thoughts and feelings with some positive activities and ideas.


--------------------
Life ——>🍄🤯🍄😢🍄😆🍄😀🍄💀🤙🏼——->Death


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Invisiblemanteca
Funyuns
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Registered: 03/09/20
Posts: 7
Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: Chefboyarbee]
    #26795700 - 06/30/20 09:47 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Tripping won't help you feel better at this point. Especially in these times! How bad was your depression and anxiety before you tripped? Do you have a long history with these?

Hang in there.


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OfflineTeaAndCrumpets
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Registered: 06/21/20
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: manteca]
    #26796205 - 07/01/20 04:22 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

You said this was your second trip, I assume the first was less intense?

The psychedelic experience is filled with paradoxical contrasts. It shows you untold beauties and unfathomable horrors at the same time. In your case it sounds like you experienced more of the latter.

The things you understand now as a result of your experience are recurring themes with psychedelics and many people experience them. You saw the social order for what it is. It's a great tragedy -- so many are controlled by so few. No one seems to notice and no one seems to care. It's a cliche in certain circles, but to *experience* it is something deeply profound and terrifying in a way that completely escapes language.

You also got to see how utterly irrelevant we are. The psychedelic experience completely disrupts our understanding of who we are, where we're going, and what our role in the world is. It's often a painful disruption because it challenges our assumption that we're important. Psychedelics show us that we're more or less irrelevant in the grand scheme of it all.

While the psychedelic experience is littered with absurdities and incoherent nonsense at times, it's also a tool for great insight. A lot of the things you've taken away from this experience aren't delusions, they're painful truths.

As far as not feeling yourself and feeling dirty, do you know why? Often the best way to overcome these kinds of challenging experiences is to reflect on them. Personally, it took me probably a full year or two to completely understand my first intense trip.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that what you're going through is normal. It's often not what people want to get out of psilocybin necessarily, but sometimes the most painful lessons are the most valuable. Psychedelic drugs can completely disrupt our sense of self even after the trip ends, and that's something that takes time to work out.

After my most recent trip, I realized that the people I had been associating with for upwards of a year were horrible human beings. I realized that I had been lying to myself and overlooking their heinous flaws because I was lonely and needed company. After that trip ended, I realized I'd rather be alone than let myself have anything to do with them. That was a painful transition and it took time for me to fully accept it and ultimately do the right thing.

Hang in there friend, you'll make it through this. I promise it gets better.


Edited by TeaAndCrumpets (07/01/20 04:28 AM)


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OfflineChefboyarbee
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Registered: 06/13/20
Posts: 38
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: TeaAndCrumpets]
    #26797541 - 07/01/20 06:24 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Wow. Theres a lot of in depth responses. I'm sorry, it will take me a moment to unpack, respond, and get back to you! It's been so busy the last few weeks! The amount of understanding and thoroughness is refreshing. Thank you.


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OfflineChefboyarbee
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: FrancoAmerican]
    #26797573 - 07/01/20 06:42 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

FrancoAmerican said:

If you don’t mind sharing, how old are you? Depending on you age and your current place in life (job, school, responsibilities etc.) the after effects of a trip can be difficult to process and integrate into your life.





I am almost 28 years old. I have a steady job that I don't appreciate. I am a father to 2 great kids. I am tryin to start a gourmet mushroom business. I dont attend school anymore. I'm stuck in the work m-f and sometimes Saturday struggling for time and energy to enjoy my family.

Quote:

FrancoAmerican said:

Also, you say this was your 2nd trip..how did the first trip go for you?

How did your girlfriend respond to your purge?




Yeah I did a tester run and it was, I think, about 2-2.5 grams in a tea. It wasnt very profound and I didnt actually like it very much. It (the trip/high) felt dirty. The set and setting was off too I'm sure. I did enjoy the wubwub and the oddly sexual sensation I had briefly but not the heaviness. At the end I just wanted to sleep and that was hard. I became really self conscious too. It definitely was not as intense. When I talked to her, it was hard to communicate. I cried a lot and a lot of what I said was nothing matters. I don't, you dont, my child doesnt. I didn't mean anything from it, it was more objective. I told her why I was sick, it wasnt me personally but it was me as part of the whole. She seemed concerned but i kept rambling and to paraphrase her reaction was something like "you are really tripping! Why did you do this by yourself"


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OfflineChefboyarbee
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Registered: 06/13/20
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: FrancoAmerican]
    #26797582 - 07/01/20 06:47 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

FrancoAmerican said:

To start I would go back to some basics.. have a good meal, participate in some physical activity (a sport, exercise, a hike) and set some easy short term goals for yourself that will be easy to accomplish.

I’d recommend not being idle and dwelling on the way you currently feel. The trip showed you some aspects of life that left you with some negative feelings and emotions. You need to replace those thoughts and feelings with some positive activities and ideas.




I spend a lot of time with responsibilities. I wake up get ready for work, get home and do a mushroom thing, I cook and eat and then go to bed. Usually I have minutes between those. I guess a part of the lesson is that superficial level of our existence requires me to reexamine what would interest me while comparing it to how much time I have to spare. I already struggle with what some may describe as ADHD and mood disorders. Maybe a good thing to get done is to clean one of my spaces.


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OfflineLosTresOjos
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I'm a teapot
Registered: 09/18/18
Posts: 1,347
Loc: Hurling Through Space
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: Chefboyarbee]
    #26797655 - 07/01/20 07:31 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

This will pass and when you rise to your feet and see the desolate fiery landscape you'll understand why it is like that and you will find comfort in your personal freedom. Take comfort in the fact that you've seen the rat race for what it is. You are free to think, to do. So go forth and find that stepping stone.


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OfflinePrimalSoup
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: Chefboyarbee]
    #26797751 - 07/01/20 08:21 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Chefboyarbee said:
A few months ago I tripped chugging about 35 g fresh mushroom lemon tea.
It came on really strongly and with 15-20 minutes. This was my second trip. I am trying to find guidance on improving my life and alleviating depression and anxiety.

Tldr; I still feel dirty, I still feel empty. I still have the shadow of they trip and it's devastating and hollow. How can I right myself?


The cev were pretty intense. It felt like I was experience the inner workings of reality. Every fractal was part of the cog in the "perfect" machine. I put perfect on quotes because it was sinister, but in a sick/diseased type of way.

Anyway that led me to my trip thought process. I, or who I perceived was me (I do not exist at least in the fashion i believe), realized that I don't even know who I am. Everything I thought was me was fake. My hobbies, my love, my passions, they dont mean anything. I am nothing. I stopped being. I was shown power dynamics in society and how a few people can have have huge influence over us normal folks. How FB is an even more fake/simulated reality and it is making us sick. I was told that I am not sick as a personal fault but because the society I am "connected" to (Americans are not connected more than superficially) is sick and I've consumed that sickness. I was shown so much without the confines of my ego and it was scary as much as it was enlightening. I felt dirty. I woke my girlfriend up and I emotionally purged to her. I bawled. The eternal emptiness was nt empty but filled with dark. I removed that from myself. I still feel empty and hollow and sick and dirty. How do I heal? Do I trip again?





In many quarters that would be deemed a most excellent trip.  Now you know what you need to know in order to rearrange yourself.  Or not.  That choice is always yours, but if you go back to the mushrooms again without any change or intention of change they will do this same thing again.

FWIW it may have been a bit over the top and all, but that's typical of mushroom spirits when you let them in to play with your head - IME they usually cast these things in terms that would make sense to you but that doesn't mean all of it is exactly true. :shrug:


--------------------

if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat you
Primal's simple tested teks and projects: :awesomenod: Wheat Prep 2.0  Acidic Tea Tek  Potency Project! 


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Invisiblemicrobiome88
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Registered: 06/13/19
Posts: 124
Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #26799979 - 07/02/20 06:03 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I am 3 years older than you and have just had my 2nd trip. Similarly, I was unsatisfied with my first and foolishly upped the dose and got walloped but the fungus. I had a very bad time. I feel like such a noobie :grin:

I don't feel dirty like you do though. In fact I don't feel at all disinclined to go again. I just have a lot to process and want to wait a bit. Asante posted saying that you can "LEARN TO TRIP" at lower doses and get more out of it when you do. Heres the post. https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/26788995

I don't have any advice for you. I have a different sounding job, I don't yet have kids and have never had anything I would call a mood disorder so we may not relate to each other much. What resonated in your report was the sense that society is getting caught up in a techno-industrial snowball that I called malignant consumerism in my post about my trip. That revelation was part of what started me "circling the drain."

Heres my report if you are interested.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/26798593


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OfflineTokerMgee
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Registered: 07/02/20
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Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: microbiome88]
    #26800262 - 07/02/20 08:25 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Injust need to know tho, will these kilk ne


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Invisiblemicrobiome88
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: TokerMgee]
    #26800288 - 07/02/20 08:39 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Hullo my friend,

Best post those pics in the ID forum https://www.shroomery.org/forums/postlist.php/Board/3

The folks there will help you identify them.

Dont forget to write about where they grew, what they look like and the colour of their spores etc.


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Offlinebluegill
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: microbiome88]
    #26800457 - 07/02/20 10:25 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Eventually it becomes a distant memory from so long ago that it feels like it never happened.


--------------------
"Psychedelics are like carnival tickets, you buy the ticket and take the ride, then you get off and go home. What your talking about is physical death. That's when you're pulled into the carnival against your will and your stuck there for eternity."


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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: bluegill]
    #26802723 - 07/04/20 02:49 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I’d agree with that statement up to a point;,it depends, I suppose, on the trip itself. Some of my most profound trips happened over 30 years ago. I can still remember them in intricate detail today. In fact I could probably write up trip reports with times, dates, doseage, and experience. I can remember what my consciousness was experiencing, and how it made me feel (generally it made me scared as hell!).

But then recently I’ve had strong trips that became a hazy memory after days.....

Who knows?

❤️
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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Offlinebluegill
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: DJ Ed]
    #26803609 - 07/04/20 01:40 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Did you already write those experiences down or anything? Make art based on them? Think about them actively? If you get away from a memory it will fade. Actually all memories fade. We romanticize the events of our lives as we look back. Mandela effect


--------------------
"Psychedelics are like carnival tickets, you buy the ticket and take the ride, then you get off and go home. What your talking about is physical death. That's when you're pulled into the carnival against your will and your stuck there for eternity."


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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: bluegill]
    #26804558 - 07/05/20 02:40 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I have written about various aspects of my experiences over the years. But they were so profound, I don’t think I could ever forget.

Can you imagine that feeling you would get if you were teetering over the edge of a 1000ft cliff, then you actually slipped, lost your balance, nd started plummeting to your death: that feeling you momentarily  get that you have gone too far, there’s no going back, and it is completely beyond your control. Well those are the overriding feelings I can remember from September 1987! And the part where I must have blacked,out; I can still remember and even feel the emotions of being stuck in a cold lonely dark void for “thousands of years”, especially the cold and the loneliness.

So in relation to those memories of literally thousands of years, the last 30+ years have relatively speaking been the blink of an eye. So I’m not forgetting any time soon.

What I have had to do over the decades is to “heal”. This started with a few months in a psychiatric hospital followed by months of counselling. None of this worked. I’ve read philosophy, and that has helped me to try to understand some of the concepts I experienced.

But the best help I have had is in the last 4 or 5 years dosing regularly with mushrooms again, but at much lower “normal” doses of 3.5g dry up to about 9.5g dry (still weaning from SSRIs at that stage, so it want a full 9g trip).

That’s how kind mushrooms are with us;  I unintentionally bused them as a young adult, but as an older adult, they have been helping me reconcile all the thoughts I’ve had now for years.

Take care
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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Invisiblepineninja
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: Chefboyarbee]
    #26804570 - 07/05/20 03:00 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Which would you ultimately prefer OP.

Being "Dirty" whatever that means to you and not knowing.
Or a self realization of self and an awareness to do something with it.

What you thought you knew was wrong and that's ok, that's learning.

You are now free to rebuild as you wish it is hard work but it is worth trying.


--------------------
Just a fool on the hill.


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OfflineInnerWisdom
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: Chefboyarbee]
    #26804582 - 07/05/20 03:37 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Look man, if your troubles during the trip and after stemmed from understanding some sickness in the society that has affected you also, it doesn't mean the problem is in you completely. To me it sounds like your soul is suffering, which is why it has continued for so long. My first trip this year was also very intense emotionally and felt like having a good look at what my soul has witnessed and understood that feels bad. You asked whether you could trip again. Most certainly. I think it can help you to further deal with these emotions, because after being sober for long it may be hard to access that part of you unless you really want to. Dreams can also show you things that you are dealing with. So my advice is to embrace this feeling you describe and try to do changes in your life that will make you happier. Take on this journey you are called into. What mushrooms show and make you experience is not a mere hallucination, but it is you and aspects of yourself, your experience living as a human. :heart:


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Invisibletepoztlan
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: Chefboyarbee]
    #26806091 - 07/06/20 01:17 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I'm tired and I tripped earlier and I'm coming down so this is kind of rambling but I felt the need to chime in. Damn near everyone's had some version of that trip - me included.

Some would call that a bad trip.  While not a happy trip there is nothing wrong with a little healthy introspection. Looking at your life and your relationship with society through psychedelic eyes is like hearing your voice on recording for the first time. It's often totally different than how you imagined it should sound. Shrooms have let you look at your life from a different perspective and you saw some things you didn't like. (Think Ebeneezer Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Present. Dude, you got visited by that spirit. Google it.)

Your turned to shrooms to help with anxiety and depression. Maybe your anxiety and depression stem from voids in your life. Shrooms showed you that. You got what you asked for. Now you know. You probably knew it all along. What shrooms didn't do for you (yet? maybe someday? maybe never?) is give you a solution going forward. That could leave one feeling empty.

I do believe you are being a little harsh on yourself. Don't let one trip upend your world. You were given a lot to process in a short time frame. Just know you aren't as fake as you think but you probably are needing something more in life. It's called existential crisis and it's is common in self-aware persons. It's also a common theme in "bad trips".  Sorting that out is a life-long process that you've just started. 

You're spot on about FB. Same goes for most popular culture diversion. We haven't come a long way since bread and circuses. But we keep taking their bread and we keep going to their circuses so they keep them coming. There's nothing wrong with burning the clock and some brain cells on the latest HBO series, catching up on Facebook or watching others play a game while you sit your lazy ass on the couch but that in itself is not living.  You're going to have to find out what has meaning to you.  You want to be connected but connected to what? Think on that some. It's an important question that only you can answer.

Most of all give yourself lots of time to sort this out.  Avoid any rash sweeping life changes until you've had a while to explore your thoughts. Don't quit your job. Don't join a cult. Don't sell your belongings. Don't dump your girlfriend. (I have a friend that after a divorce was bored with life so he just up and quit his job because he all of a sudden decided to start a non-profit to build schools in Africa. Not a bad idea but he wasn't really at all prepared so he failed miserably. That job wasn't waiting for him when he came back to reality. Just sayin'.)

Consider that shrooms just might not be for you. At the very least you might want to consider your dosage. If you were looking for more of a "happy pill" effect you should look into micro-dosing at least until you've come out of your depressive funk.  If you are looking for uplifting trips you really need to have all the "set" dialed in - right place, right people and right activities. Go on a hike or watch the sunset from a balcony but don't sit on your couch shrooming alone in the dark if you're looking to buoy your soul.  If you are still game for soul searching trips keep it at a dose where you can have introspective thoughts without being overwhelmed and possibly have an ally present that you can trust with your thoughts (girlfriend maybe?).

That said, if you are now truly overwhelmed with depression you might also want to seriously consider some anti-depressants or therapy. Life is too short to live paralyzed by your anxiety.  I've seen prozac snap some folks out of a mental tailspin until they steadied themselves. On the other hand I've also seen people live their lives in a prescription drug fog because they never confronted their real problems. That's your call but don't rule it out.  Just keep that in your toolbox if needed.

Best of luck to you. I hope you find a path to happiness.


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OfflineFrancoAmerican
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Re: I still feel weird after my last trip [Re: tepoztlan]
    #26807757 - 07/06/20 07:16 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Depression and anxiety are symptoms of the “disease”.

I don’t say this with anything but total compassion and understanding from my own personal experience.

Both of these ailments are exacerbated by having an idle mind...

If you were sitting in your house right now on a couch and someone broke in and pointed a gun at your or your family your post of view would change drastically (this is an analogy).

You were most likely experience some anxiety but your depression would at the very least temporarily be “out the window”. Your brain would kick into fight or flight, you’d get a rush of adrenaline and your day to day problems would momentarily drift away.

My point is this: 

Your brain is a reactionary organ. It responds to the stimulus it is presented with at any given moment.

If you are sitting around thinking about anxiety and depression - your mind will ruminate in that space.

Taking control of your thoughts is not easy to do but it’s possible and it is a solution. Occupy your mind with challenges. Problem solving, activities, or sometimes a lack there of... mediations with the intention of clearing your mind.


Acceptance is also important. You have anxiety and depression... accept it. Write it down, talk about it. Use it as fuel. Don’t let it defeat you. Get angry and motivated. If you feel anxious or depressed do something positive for your kids or your wife, significant others etc... it will help. At the end of the day you can look back and say “I didn’t let my mind control how I faced life today”.

It’s a battle for most of us.


Mushrooms or psychedelics in general place things in the forefront of our consciousness sometimes, especially when you are seeking answers.

Fight or Flight. That is the human response. Are you going to run from your feelings? Try and escape ? Or are you going to fight back and make a change?


--------------------
Life ——>🍄🤯🍄😢🍄😆🍄😀🍄💀🤙🏼——->Death


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