Home | Community | Message Board

NorthSpore.com BOOMR Bag!
This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Mushroom-Hut Mono Tub Substrate   Left Coast Kratom Buy Kratom Extract   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder   North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
Invisiblemicrobiome88
Acquaintance

Registered: 06/13/19
Posts: 124
Trip #1 ~4g Subs - The Graceless Grumpy Ballet Beast
    #26802015 - 07/03/20 06:31 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I ingested ~4g of subs on a Friday I had off at about 11.30am. I decided to go for a stroll once I felt the come-up surge. As I went to walk down my driveway, a gust of wind pressed into me and I immediately thought - this is inauspicious, I bet leaving home is a bad idea. Alas, I continued and was thanked for my recalcitrance with some nausea and I trudged towards the park with crescendoing anticipation and flutters of anxious thoughts.

I sat at the park with my sitar meditation music and within seconds decided this was a bad idea. The wind was as if motioning back in the direction of home. I am not usually a susceptible one to assigning meaning to the events of nature but with the mushrooms starting to give me a hiding, it was easy to give in to the eerie possibility of sign. The 15 minute journey back home seemed to take an hour and I scrambled internally to keep my brain from drowning in a deepening pool of psilocybin. Bright colours, earthy symbols and comic book-like pictures were inscribed in the pavement, along roads and fences. There was no discernible meaning but it was very interesting. I found that if I “tried” to look at them, I would see only the pavement - like those magic eye books.
 
Upon getting home I finally felt as though I could lean into the trip. I was unsettled though. I lay on my bed wavering in and out of my default self. I focused on my breath and somatic (bodily) sensations but found that the only way to look over the precipice was to tense my body and hold my breath. This felt right but my knowledge of meditation told me that this was unlikely to facilitate it. I was increasingly unsettled now and the sitar meditation music was suddenly ill-fitting and I fussed around organising something uptempo. Angry classical music resonated strongly and it compelled me out of bed. The music shook me and I wanted to shake it back; I would've looked like an grumpy, graceless ballet dancer. There were moments where I was a twisting and convulsing puppet of the music. So far, the trip was acognitive and for that matter not an emotional experience. No sign of any perspective-shifting insight. No. This was a facilitated possession.

Some of the disquiet on the bed came from knowing my partner would be home soon. Her attitude towards recreational drugs is that of amicable understanding but she doesn't dabble owing to a family history of mental illness. I lament that we can't explore psychedelics together but alas. I warned her that I was hooking into a likely psychosis-inducing dose and that she might be frightened of me. She got home and sure enough she was frightened. Fortunately, I had enough faculty to confine myself to the bedroom and later the back courtyard to spare her as well as concentrate on the trip. She later told me that she cried briefly having being confronted by my menacing demeanour.

My choreoathetotic (like someone with huntingtons disease, wildly writhing movements) ballet in the back courtyard continued where I really felt I could let go.  I became a beast in a foggy half-delusion where spines grew from my back, claws from my hands and long lacerating teeth from my multiple jaws. When my default self emerged for “breaths” it wondered whether the violent movements were manifestations of my subconscious. I'll never be sure if it was me wondering this or the trip that incited the thinking but I began considering the troubles in my life that could be the culprit/s. Its worth me saying now that I have a good life. I have been lucky with only minor emotional difficulty but I have recognised previously that I dwell with some cognitively dissonant moral superpositions:

For example, I have been swayed recently by arguments that animals have a degree of sentience that should be considered sacred to a degree not far from that of human sentience. And yet I enjoy hunting. I subscribe to the common conservationist arguments for hunting (Americans may understand this better) and the argument that it is an instinctive act hard-wired into us as predator species but on different days I have different feelings about it all.

Also, I have a sense of humour that entails some punching-down and political incorrectness. In fact I have built an identity around making people laugh through this medium. I have justified it as a celebration of difference and that laughter is somewhat an intrinsic good. And yet I am viscerally sympathetic to the plight of homosexuals/women/the disabled/non-white ethnicities etc and harbour a concern that my humour is unhelpful to the standing of these groups. It doesn’t sit well with me to jettison that side of my personality - the proprietor of shock humour. It makes me a polarising person, I think.

This thinking drew me to reflect on my time in high school. I was a kid who confabulated (made things up, often ridiculously, like someone with alcoholic dementia) to fit in and was suffocated by the facade I felt I needed to produce, though I didn’t realise this until later in life. The clean slate upon leaving school showed me the freedom one can experience by being yourself. I have felt in recent years that I have needed to shield the world from who I am again, at least from the two personality traits I mention above. The distance between who I am and who I present might be weighing on me I think.

I also considered my anger at the people in my life who I felt have let me down in recent years. In these scenarios I am not wholly innocent but I feel that my side has not being fully recognised. I am not sure if I have generated this internally but it is a source of angst for me sometimes.

I must say that I never felt any recognisable anger as an emotion throughout the trip. Perhaps I was angry but I was dissociated from the “viscerality” of it. Eventually, I deflated from my convulsive dancing to the cold concrete of the backyard and pondered all of this as the trip relinquished. I didn’t come away with a resolution for these issues which left me a touch dissatisfied but I let them go and floated through the come down. Cuddling up to my missus on the couch.


Edited by microbiome88 (07/03/20 07:28 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineWhoManBeing
PsychedelicYogi
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 3,835
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 26 minutes, 12 seconds
Re: Trip #1 ~4g Subs - The Graceless Grumpy Ballet Beast [Re: microbiome88]
    #26802088 - 07/03/20 07:05 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Thanks for the read.

I don’t know some of the words and there meaning.

Back to the miss’s arms. Be where I’d like to be too!

Best to you.


--------------------
Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!!

Eye was thinking the other day...  ahh, thinking never done me no good.



Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblemicrobiome88
Acquaintance

Registered: 06/13/19
Posts: 124
Re: Trip #1 ~4g Subs - The Graceless Grumpy Ballet Beast [Re: WhoManBeing]
    #26802125 - 07/03/20 07:19 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Thanks for reading and the heads up - I will edit.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,706
Re: Trip #1 ~4g Subs - The Graceless Grumpy Ballet Beast [Re: microbiome88]
    #26802960 - 07/04/20 07:33 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

a mate who does not love drugs could be the best thing. If you love each other and stay true to the promises you make it is better that you have differences as well as common ground.

yes, creatures have sentience and sport hunting is something to graduate away from as you advance in your understanding and moral development.

the ballet sounds marvelous!


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblemicrobiome88
Acquaintance

Registered: 06/13/19
Posts: 124
Re: Trip #1 ~4g Subs - The Graceless Grumpy Ballet Beast [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26804534 - 07/05/20 02:00 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

redgreenvines said:
yes, creatures have sentience and sport hunting is something to graduate away from as you advance in your understanding and moral development.




I am nearly ready to give it away. The hunting isn't just about the act, its the people I do it with and the time we spend together. I know that there isn't any need to sacrifice the latter components, it will just be a bit of a transition. There is also the possibility that the hunting is saved for food and not for sport. I feel that is more justifiable.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: Mushroom-Hut Mono Tub Substrate   Left Coast Kratom Buy Kratom Extract   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder   North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* First Trippe-Im terrified of a bad trip, need help
( 1 2 all )
Hustla 6,330 21 06/19/23 08:55 PM
by thespacecadet
* First time trip Saturday... cStyle 2,796 10 09/03/02 06:12 AM
by Trip_Out_7
* Who would you enjoy being able to trip with?
( 1 2 3 all )
pharmacopeia 8,229 42 06/02/03 04:29 PM
by PinkMorrison
* Trip Report: My First Trip! Redstorm 2,194 4 10/21/02 05:10 PM
by Cow Shit Collector
* How many people like sexy stuff while tripping?
( 1 2 3 4 all )
Chemical_Smile 36,583 74 02/04/22 11:33 PM
by 317537
* Trip Report: Forgetting Reality mikey_ 4,364 16 11/02/07 02:14 PM
by igwna
* Beach Trip and Dosage Tips? RedFluX 1,231 5 03/08/02 04:02 AM
by RedFluX
* tripping solo vs. group
( 1 2 all )
vroom_shroom 8,322 31 01/26/18 12:59 PM
by Eddy A

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: psilocybinjunkie
358 topic views. 0 members, 8 guests and 2 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.023 seconds spending 0.007 seconds on 14 queries.