Title: 8 hours Psychotherapy Session
Dose: 75 µg 1P-LSD
Date: June 27th, 2020
+8:30 I put 75 µg 1P-LSD on my tongue and made some breakfast. Eating while coming up on psychedelics has been hard in the past and I wanted to get some nutrients in my body before the trip came on. I made some tuna fish and had it on a rice cake. I figure this would be enough food to get me through the day. Sloan woke up shortly after and we started to gather supplies for a bike ride.
+9:36 We headed off on our bikes towards a dirt road we saw the other day that looked pretty. I started to notice the effects of the LSD start to come on just as we left the house. I did not enjoy cars driving
past me while riding my bike. For whatever reason, I feel more scared of cars if I am on psychedelics, so I put my headphone on to drown out the sounds of the cars. Luckily, we were only on the road for 3
kilometers before turning onto Doucette Pt Rd. This road is scenic and windy and eventually turns into a dirt road. Just as we hit the top of a small hill, I noticed a few trees and gravel road ahead, so I took of
my headphone and began to talk to Sloan. “In order for me to be riding a bike, I have to be able to interpret and understand all of the physical information in my surroundings. My brain needs to be able to quickly evaluate and process everything for me to be able to navigate through 3-dimensional space. I feel like right now there exists a symbiotic relationship between myself, my bike, and the surroundings for me to be able to safely travel. I’m starting to feel like this bike is just an extension of my physical body that I have full control over.” Just past the bottom of the hill, I noticed all these warning signs which
confused me as to what this place was so I stopped and read the sign “ Warning mercury levels in the shellfish are high we do not recommend eating anything caught from the water”. I looked around again and noticed a parking lot with lots of cars and people walking towards the beach. I said to Sloan “Oh I see its low tide and people are going clamming that looks so fun let’s go walk on the ocean floor that would be trippy”. We locked our bikes together and walked towards the water.
+10:15 As we walked towards the water, I noticed the landscape of the of the ocean floor begin to move like a soft carpet. We saw people all walking out to the ocean in a line reminding me of Moses splitting the red sea leading people to freedom. You could walk about 1 kilometer out the tide was so low. As we kept walking further and further away from the shore toward the water I would get distracted by every puddle of water and small sea creature in the same way that a child is fascinated by everything. Sloan said, “oooo the sand looks so soft I bet you would really enjoy the feeling of walking barefoot”. I took my shoes off and felt the soft seafloor and suck my feet into it. I began laughing hysterically at the feeling of my feet on the ocean floor “It’s so soft and it's sucking me in I feel like the ocean floor is a vagina sucking
on my feet”. After I regained my composure I looked up and saw the sand wave up and down like a sin wave and crash into the water. There were so many visual, auditory, tactile and sight stimuli to take in my brain definitely had issues trying to make sense of it all so I stood there and closed my eyes to focus on how the wind felt. As I closed my eyes, I physically saw the wind as a slurry of mixed pain blowing towards me and as it hit my body it broke apart into molecules. I opened my eyes and kept walking and we did not walk very fast because of how often I would stop to observe something I felt like needed attention. I noticed a small puddle of water with a few snails walking around and began to think “I
wonder what this snail is thinking? I wonder what its current objective is?” I saw this snail as an infinitely complex quantum mechanical system that is governed by the same rules of biology as myself. I wish I could see what it would look like if I could see it as its molecular structure.
+12:00 I stood up and began to feel this warm feeling in my head. I spoke and said “Somehow I am aware that I exist, and I do exist at this very moment in time but most of the time I have not existed. Existence is such a delicate and special phenomenon because I will not always exist. I should do something meaningful with this existence”. I felt myself becoming more and more emotional until I cried about how amazing it was that I exist in this very moment of time. We continued walking and eventually noticed the sun start to come out. I pointed my head toward the sun and felt the sun shatter my body into molecules like shattering glass. These molecules that were me fell into a puddle to water and I
became the water. I looked up at myself as if I were these water molecules. As I looked up at myself the water molecules that were me traveled up and were absorbed into my body. I began to cry again at how
amazing this experience was. At that moment in time I was completely dissociated from my real body. Nothing else mattered or existed I was just completely experiencing this strange phenomenon. It started
to get foggy out and the tide was slowly swallowing up the ocean floor. The fog was disorienting to me as I began to become confused about where I was in 3-dimensional space. Luckily, Sloan was sober and
with me which gave me the freedom to act like an infant splashing around in the water and sand.
+13:15 As we got back to the shore we grabbed our bikes and I told Sloan that I felt much too intoxicated to ride my bike back home so we walked. Luckily, we were only about 2 kilometers from home. We
walked home via a path that follows the ocean because I wanted to enjoy the sights. Nothing particularly interesting happened during our walk home only that I was much more scared of cars passing me. I felt like cars were these massively heavy large objected barreling down the road and could easily hit and end my existence.
+14:15 We arrived home and I began to jabber on about what life is, why are we here and what does it all mean. I began to feel overwhelmed, so I went to lay down in bed with Sloan. I asked her if she was ok because I felt like she puts up with a lot of my issues as a person. I feel like our relationship is improving because I am putting in an effort to show her that I do care for her. I noticed lotso (teddy bear) and grabbed it feeling how soft it was. I got up holding lotso close to me walking around. I began to realize that when I felt emotional or spoke about something hard with Sloan, I felt more comfortable holding a teddy bear. Sloan noticed this and asked me “why do you think it's easier for you to talk about hard stuff while holding a teddy bear”. I said that it felt comforting to hold something cute colorful and soft. I felt
comforted by lotso but lotso felt emotionally empty because a teddy bear cannot tell me how to improve my life. We both wondered when teddy bears became available as a consumer good. Sloan then asked “What if you put a teddy bear in an empty room with an adult? Would the adult eventually
talk to the teddy bear out of loneliness”? Due to a major part of the human condition being to connect I thought so. I walked around the house and noticed the Pink Floyd puzzle which is about 75% complete
and felt like the puzzle was my brain at this given moment in time 75% complete and 25% high on LSD but becoming more and more put together as time goes on and the drug wears off.
+16:30 The visuals at this point were gone but I still felt pretty high and though back to what were the key findings of this experience; (1) time is the most valuable thing in this world and giving someone your
complete attention is beautiful (2) I should do something meaningful with this existence (3) I’m growing a lot emotionally as a person and I’m so excited that I was able to express my emotions.
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