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This is a diary entry of my first mushroom trip. It's rather long, but I tried to get everything down that I remembered before my memories start to fade away. I describe a lot of the imagery that I saw with references to video games so feel free to google what I'm talking about to get a better picture.
(I did not measure the exact quantity of mushrooms that I took but, in total, I had 2 whole small mushrooms, the stem of a large mushroom and the cap of a medium mushroom. I estimated that it was about 2.5-3g that I took. I am in my 20s and am around 200 pounds.(all mushrooms were fresh)).
I boiled a hot cocoa mixture into a cup and used the stem of the big mushroom and the cap of a smaller one to brew this mushroom hot cocoa. After the cocoa brewed, I took it to my room and said a little prayer to myself. I thought: "Okay, I'm going to do this. Show me what I'm supposed to see and I hope I come back safe." I downed the hot cocoa pretty quickly and remembered Terrance Mckenna's advice about being in a dark room. I turned off the lights and sat there. The lights of the smoke detector, my powerline adapter and my computer still were flashing however. I went and plugged out my computer since even when I'm sober, the light surrounds my room and spooks me so I knew that light could be bad news. I laid on my bed and waited. And waited. After 20 minutes, I thought I did something wrong with the hot cocoa and that I killed off the mushrooms since I wasn't feeling anything at all, just anticipation of something to happen. I got up and downed the two smaller mushrooms whole and I actually enjoyed them. People keep on talking about this bitter taste that they have but, I'd gladly eat them even if they didn't have any funny monkey juice. I went back to my bed and waited. I stared at my ceiling fan turn in the hue of darkness. Then, I thought a face started to appear in the fan and I studied this revolving fan to see if I was just seeing things. I got up, turned on my lights and looked at it again to get my bearings straight. It was just a regular fan. I turned off the fan and there it was again. And then, whoosh, my body got pulled into my sponge mattress and my heart just dropped. I knew I hit it and I then closed my eyes for the ride.
These lines began to populate the space in my mind like it was the nes snake game but these colors were yellow and blue. Lines, lots of lines just started moving through my vision until walls formed and started to pulsate with reds and greens like a car racing through a tokyo highway tunnel. I opened my eyes for a brief moment and saw these lines swimming in my reality. I closed my eyes again and arrived in this room. I began to be whisked away on this psychotic boat of waves and lines and then I arrived at this scene of a wheelbarrow looking thing on a field of grass and something was loaded onto it. The scene just froze all of a sudden and I thought, what happened, why did we stop? I had thoughts of what was that thing and this thought came to me that I wanted to open the world and that is exactly what happened. As I am writing this, I can close my eyes and it feels like I am looking at a black piece of paper in front of me. But, when I was tripping, that entire blackness that I would see when my eyes were closed turned from a 2D dimensional scene to an entire open 4D space and I saw the world just open in front of me. I swam through this digital landscape of polygons and rectangles this time and skyscrapers formed and I would surf into, up, down and around these formations. I flew by this figure and I immediately thought that it was a living thing, it had this masculine energy. It looked like a stick figure in a T pose but, it's body was made up of cubes within cubes and they were spinning horizontally within his body. It felt like he was welcoming me to his world like a show announcer. I then arrived at a room with these 4 other beings. These beings began to gawk at me and I thought: "Hey guys, is this your world? It's pretty cool." It felt exactly like the beginning of the eclipse from Berserk when all of the God Hand gathered together to welcome Gatsu's crew to their deaths but, the beings were friendly, I thought. I opened my eyes to check in with myself and reassured that I was still alive, I am me and I am okay right now.
I closed my eyes and when I went back to their world, I found that they were surrounding me and had these smiles on their faces. Then this suction like force started to pull me up, like these beings were all working together to lift me but as I almost reached the top, the beings just let go. Then I swam around with the beings and they showed me things until they I was confronted with this huge wall, it was like a bank vault and I was expected to make a choice of what I wanted to see next. Eventually I thought that I should move from here and I was transported to another empty room with only the four beings and a single ceiling light. I thought, hey, there's only four of you, where is that big guy( the first stick figure man) and suddenly the figures started to come near me and I could feel my heart sink like I just said the wrong thing. I thought hey, I want to go there and see more, why can't you pull me? Then I felt my body be pulled more into the mattress and I opened my eyes once again. I then went to call my cousin to tell him what I've done and I went to my car to speak with him. As I sat there, I felt pretty normal and could communicate myself with him but when I tried to explain how these beings were pulling me, I couldn't really describe it to him. He encouraged me to go back into the house and I hung up. Then, as I lifted myself from the car, something just called to me to look at the streetlights and grass. The grass was notably a deeper shade of green and I just stood in the moonlight for a couple of minutes. I then went back to my room.
I closed my eyes and this time the world was pretty boring but, I was laying down as I looked up at a bubble that was like Winston's shield, surrounding me. Faces started to gradually started to appear on the bubble's walls and their eyes slowly opened and peered at me. More and more faces appeared and I thought hey, what are you guys doing, can't I see something? and when I thought that, their eyes shone red, blue, purple BRIGHT lights and they all just extended their faces toward me at once then they formed a crane and started to pull me up again like I was a toy in a claw machine game. It was so haunting yet, I wasn't scared. It was like Gigyas just came out of the screen and rushed you. This time I was like, okay guys let's do it, pull pull!. I was frantically pleading with them to pull and then once again they fell backward and dropped me. I started to question myself. Why can't they pull me out of here? Why am I so heavy? I just want to be with them but I'm too just heavy. Can I ever be like them? Am I them? Do I have to die to be with them? I opened my eyes again briefly and took a sigh. I then closed my eyes and then I noticed something very strange about my perception. When I closed my eyes, it was like I was putting on a visor from a Metroid game. The transition between my reality and this world was so seamless. I tested opening my eyes back and forth and it always felt like this smooth transition into their world. But, if I opened my eyes for too long and then closed my eyes, the faces would surround me again and try to pull me upward again. This happened about 4 times until I was transported to this circus type zone and this little circular boy came riding on a this steel beam on a little tricycle. He looked like the first boss from Yoshi's Island but his legs were thin and long. Then he got to the end of the rail, and he seemed like he got stuck on something. Then, he started to slowly vibrate. His body rattled and his frequency increased as he stood there and shook. For some reason, this made me smile to myself. I noticed that I was smiling and the world flipped to show a reflection of me laying in bed with a grin on my face and this made my mouth form an even bigger smile. Then, the circus collapsed on itself and I was back in space with the faces looking at me. These faces were like skulls, dead bodies with sunken hollowed out eyes just forming from the walls and just staring.
For the next hour, it was a complete torture of me fighting these faces as they just swirled around in front of me. Their eyes were so frightening man, the only way I could describe it was like if a thousand Chatterskulls were just looking at you. I would open my eyes briefly to see if they would go away but they always came back. Minutes and minutes flew by and these faces just always peered at me, just waiting for something. Sometimes, they'd smile with this giant goofy grin and I could see their huge teeth grinning at me like a troll face, sometimes they'd have this just angry face like they hated me and wanted me to leave. It was just this nightmare where I was surrounded by these faces. I questioned: what do you want from me? why must you look at me? what am I doing to you? Then finally, I thought, why must you guys always put this pressure on me to do something, these guys are always looking and judging me and I haven't done anything to them. Then, the thought of the vibrating boy came to my mind and I started to smile thinking about him. Then, this thought came to my mind and something reaaaaly weird happened. I thought, why can't I just laugh at these faces, they aren't doing anything to me but just looking at me-they're harmless and it's pretty funny. Then WHHOOOOOOSH, the sky opened up and the atmosphere looked like something you would see on Earth(specifically Japan). It was like a lone rainy overcast day by one of those river crossings that you see in anime all the time. A good half of the faces just disappeared instantly and I felt like I just crossed this major threshold of myself. I sat there looking at the cloudy sky and this song started to hum in the background. I realized it was Nujabe's Feather, fainting humming along to itself while the rain fell. A single tear fell down my right eye. I blasted my eyes open and sought my phone. I felt like I was commanded to listen to Feather on Youtube and I did just that. Immediately when the first piano notes trickled by, I was just overcame with sadness. Tears streamed down the sockets of eyes as I thought all of these faces are putting so much pressure on me to perform but I just can't do it. I then thought that instead of these beings showing me their world and wanting to dance for me, it was I who was putting on a performance for them. This just made me bawl and bawl thinking about how I just wanted to make them happy but they keep pulling, pulling and wanting more from me. Then Counting Stars came on and I calmed down a little bit. But, then I thought about how Nujabes is dead and how beautiful this music was. This song was just soooo beautiful and it made me start to cry again. It just astounded me how someone could make something so wonderful. Then Lady Brown came on and as the guitar plucks came through my headphones, the vibrating boy rolled into the scene again and started to vibrate and I was so happy to see him again. He just sat there vibing and this smile formed on my face once again but this time I could feel my skin stretch to the sides of my mouth with how wide of a smile I was giving to him. He made me so happy and I wanted to raise my hands up and just dance with him in my bed but, I didn't. Then the faces transformed from these decrepit, washed and haunting faces to these defined strong jawed and sharp nosed faces that looked like they were just meditating as they floated through the sky. Some of them would turn back into the skulls for only a brief moment. Then we all just floated together and enjoyed the music. It was truly amazing, no words could describe that moment. I wanted to ride that wave forever but, something pulled me and told me that that was enough, maybe there was more for me to see and I turned off the soundtrack.
I sat in my room open eyed for a loong time. I started to trip at 10pm or so and the clock was now 2:30 but time felt like it was just flying. It didn't feel like 4 hours at all, more like 2. My heart was racing and I just had to take that all in. I went to the bathroom to take a leak and I thought of that moment when you see yourself in the mirror. I hesitated at first but then decided to look and there I was. My skin looked paler and I had some wrinkles on my skin but I was fine. Still me. I went back to my room and put my hand to my face as a way to test if I'm still here. I thought: this is my hand, when I want to move my fingers, my fingers will move. The shadowy figure of my hand moved it's fingers but suddenly, it was like it just changed frame rates and led a trail behind it's movements. Then I observed my room again and this time, the faces were now in my room and my reality. The blinking light from my powerline adapter now took on a form of eyes that was like Bonny appearing at your door in Friday nights at Freddy's. The light would flash off, then Bonny would appear looking at me from under my computer desk. The faces would form on the light that shined upon my hands. It was just like I was sitting in the office of Friday nights at Freddy's and if I glimpsed at a corner, a pair of big shiny cartoon eyes would be staring at me. I felt so drained from that experience and was just left alone in the darkness of my room, only accompanied by myself and these faces. Then after a good 30 minutes, I tried to close my eyes and enter the world again but everything seemed to have calmed down. It was like starting your completed save file after you've beaten the game and there's no evil threatening you again. Then, I found a chill playlist and drifted to sleep,
Recap: This trip was utterly amazing, I am still trying to process everything that happened but, this is what I interpret. There are 7 different entities that I experienced (I call them entities because as soon as I saw them, I did not think of them as anything but real and living. I addressed them as she, he and they). The God Hand( the four entities that lifted me up and the big master entity that welcomed me into their world and was never seen after), the vibrating boy and the Faces. I think the God Hand served as a welcoming committee to introduce me to what I can see under the effects of this mushroom and the possibilities of this world. They seemed friendly yet apprehensive to my existence and they got mad when I tried to question if they were really alive and there. The vibrating boy is this childlike presence that only tries to entertain himself doesn't care about what the world views him as. He is simply there and he enjoys being( which is vibrating). The Faces are the thoughts that I manifest when I think about trying to make a video for Youtube, Snapchat or whatever. Whenever I turn the camera on, I feel like a thousand heads turn towards me and begin to laugh at me. They judge me with these piercing eyes and mock me for doing something that is out of the norm. Then, I turn off my camera and stifle myself when all I want to do is show the world something that I think is interesting and fun. The vibrating boy is my ideal self, a childlike adventurer who wants to just be happy and share that happiness with others and I lost him over the past years due to other people in my life, people that I cared about, would always mock me for filming myself and putting energy into my videos. Now, I question if the Faces were all myself as when they all transformed into caricatures of how I felt. When I was smiling at the boy for the first time, their faces turned into smiles. When I got mad at the faces, they swarmed me and their eyes were striked red with hate. When I listened to Nujabes, the Faces turned still and were meditating with me. The Faces held me back for 6 years of my life by just staring at me and when the sky opened up and rain started to fall, I felt like something was just lifted from me. Anyway, that was the trip report, if you read through it all, thanks.
This was a very well put-together trip report. I enjoyed the read. The joyous energy of the eternally vibrating boy... The patronizing skull audience that is comprised of aspects of your own doubts and fears. Yes. Nicely communicated.
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