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Shop: Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Anonymous #1

Hopelessness Blues
    #26782015 - 06/25/20 12:35 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Anyone else feel an overwhelming sense of apathy, lack of hope and paralyzing pointlessness to everything? this year has been rough. I dunno if its this virus, how angry the world is right now, or if i'm just depressed and this is just the ever present truth of life. I don't feel like the time and effort pay off anymore, patience, or kindness. I don't feel i live in a world of karmic order. The fruits of labor seem to spoil before they ripen. I don't want to enter other phases of life, or hit more milestones. I'm tired of dreams turning into nightmares. I'm tired of not being able to trust things. I'm tired of my perceptions of something in my head be an utter disaster in reality. I don't want to be aware alive and mindful as a human. To be a blade of grass in a forgotten corner of the world.

Is this what depression feels like? Am i alone? is there something weird about this time? or am i just letting all this weigh too heavily on me?


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Anonymous #2

Re: Hopelessness Blues [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26782077 - 06/25/20 01:00 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Wow so you just pretty much summed up how I feel, every day of my life for the past 5 years.  I guess all the fallout from the virus and from all of the hatred coming out of the woodwork of this sick world hasn't helped, and potentially made it worse for me, but in reality my depression stems from within.  I've never been able to get rid of it.  Nothing has worked, and I've tried so many things.  Also, no one cares.  And I get that, I'm not asking them to.  But I saw your post and felt compelled to respond, if to say nothing else other than: you are not alone.  That is what depression feels like, and it sucks. It sits atop your back like this huge weight, and sometimes I feel like I can't even move under it, will never be able to get where I want to be, ever.  It drags me down and the worst part is, I'm still ALIVE and I can feel the pain of it all as I slowly die.  I don't even talk to people about it anymore, as 90% of the time I get a "oh hey why do you feel so sorry for yourself, why don't you just be happy, see look at me I'm smiling all the time" as if I want to be this way, like it was a choice.  Oh hey world guess what, I'm waking up this morning and I CHOOSE to be a miserable piece of shit because I LOVE feeling this way!  Yaaaaaay!  But, this post won't help you and it sure as hell doesn't help me. So why am I even writing it?  Because I've got nothing left to do.  Your words struck me, however - eerily similar to the way I've been feeling.  But in the end, nothing matters.  We're insignificant dust in the void.  We don't understand the universe any better than a mosquito understands quantum physics.  And we all die alone.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Hopelessness Blues [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26782123 - 06/25/20 01:27 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I just wanna get high but the drugs dont even work anymore


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Anonymous #1

Re: Hopelessness Blues [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #26782172 - 06/25/20 01:46 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I've said that sentence a few times in the last 4 months. Psychadelics are a great break from the monotony but even that has the similar disenchanted reality check that I come back to in sober life. The lessons I learn or the healing that happens is not lasting because what is being healed doesn't seem to have a use anymore in this world. Every moment seems to be some harsh awakening to how stuck we are in this mud


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Anonymous #4

Re: Hopelessness Blues [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26783635 - 06/26/20 04:24 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

The world is hostile. Do not trust anything. Do not hope for anything good. Be frequently disappointed in people. What you say is a symptom of seeing truth. Truth hurts, my friend.

But what would you rather, the fantasies of people turning in endless circles?

Sleep is comfortable, it is pleasant. But waking is bitter.


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