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Srirachi
Mold Hand



Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 11,411
Loc: Fare Thee Well.
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That's a question on the nature of love, isn't it? Can you not love someone anymore just because you don't want to? I don't think so. You can learn to take the pain without stumbling, and you can learn to do what's best for yourself- but, if you can just decide to not love someone, I believe you were never in love.
Still feeling the cut doesn't mean you have to be pathetic about it though. It's just one of the pains of aging imo. You get a little arthritis and some heartbreaks. Makes you wiser and more appreciative.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Do YOU carry a torch? [Re: Srirachi] 1
#26841581 - 07/23/20 09:22 PM (3 years, 6 months ago) |
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I don't think it's a question of love. There's a big difference between loving someone and wanting them by your side all the time isn't there?
Completely agree that if you ever fall out of love, then you weren't in love in the first place though.
And especially the 'heartbreak, arthritis and wisdom' bit.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Nonagon Infinity
Mycologist



Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 756
Loc: Polygondwanaland
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: is there a reasonable number of years after which we have to let go and move on?
Yes, but I also think that amount of time will differ depending on the circumstances of the relationship. Sometimes, it just hurts more than others. I can't explain why. I had one relationship that ended after three and a half years - took me only a few months before I was over it and ready to start dating again. On the other hand, I'm still hurting over a relationship that lasted for only a little over two years, and it's been almost two years since we broke up. That said, I'm not "holding a torch" for her or anything. I fully accept that it's over between me and her (maybe that's what you mean by "moving on"). Still, in a lot of ways, I don't feel like I've really moved on. I'm still in so much pain over that breakup, and it's just hard to imagine falling in love again at this point, even after spending so much time on my own. I don't feel super motivated to meet other women right now, but it's more about feeling fragile than it is about hoping that things might still work out with my ex.
I think a lot of the difference there boils down to the difference in circumstance between those two relationships. The first one was toxic, wrought with jealousy and devoid of trust. The one I'm still hurting over was loving, trusting, caring, kind - we broke up because we were heading in separate directions in our lives and, in particular, wanted different things when it came to family planning and our plans for the next five years or so. No fight, no big explosion, just two adults who love each other very much heading in very different directions. It really sucks, man 
Something you said earlier in this thread resonated with me, though: sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for someone is to let them go. It's a cliche, but it's always rang true throughout my life nonetheless. I still love the person I'm hurting over - I think I always will. Love isn't something that you can hold onto - the best way to experience it is to give it away to someone else.
I don't know how much longer I'm going to be in pain about this. I definitely notice some progress - I don't think about it nearly as often as I did when we initially broke up. It'll probably continue to bug me every once in a while until I meet someone else I feel strongly about. I believe there are a reasonable number of years before I'll really feel like I've moved on, but I couldn't tell you what that number is. For now, I just take it one day at a time, and share the love I still have leftover with everyone I can
-------------------- Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door
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endtimes
Stranger

Registered: 06/14/20
Posts: 62
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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You can call it a torch but I call it a scar.
The short story is I hurt someone really bad because I was stupid. I haven't really been able to forgive myself for it.
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Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
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Re: Do YOU carry a torch? [Re: endtimes]
#26853691 - 07/30/20 02:14 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Love is when you want the best for someone, even though it may not be you.
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Srirachi
Mold Hand



Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 11,411
Loc: Fare Thee Well.
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Re: Do YOU carry a torch? [Re: endtimes]
#26853930 - 07/30/20 04:04 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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I just want you to know that I made her so happy she forgot you.
I hope this helps.
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endtimes
Stranger

Registered: 06/14/20
Posts: 62
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Re: Do YOU carry a torch? [Re: Srirachi] 1
#26854113 - 07/30/20 05:54 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Well this is awkward because it wasn’t a she
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Do YOU carry a torch? [Re: endtimes] 1
#26854124 - 07/30/20 05:58 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Sri’s face right now upon learning the truth =
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Srirachi
Mold Hand



Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 11,411
Loc: Fare Thee Well.
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I'm not really gay, I just live in a small Alaskan town.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Re: Do YOU carry a torch? [Re: Srirachi]
#26898935 - 08/25/20 02:49 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Srirachi said: I just want you to know that I made her so happy she forgot you.
I hope this helps.
Quote:
endtimes said: Well this is awkward because it wasn’t a she 
Quote:
Srirachi said: I'm not really gay, I just live in a small Alaskan town. 

I still think and dream about my ex even though I'm married now and I haven't seen or heard from him since 2015, right near mothers day or Easter to be exact. I was on and off with him for 20 years, and am very glad It's completely over. I do hope he found someone who makes him happy because it certainly wasn't me, no matter how hard I tried to be what he wanted me to be. I never thought I would meet someone like I'm married to now. I thought I knew what love was until I met him.
This also has to do with where I was in life, my mindset, and some self esteem issues coupled with who knows what psych stuff. I don't know why I still dream and think about my ex sometimes. It's been less and less, and I actually forgot his B day recently and was happy about that, lol. I definitely DO NOT carry a torch, unless it's to light the fire that he's bound to in order burn him alive, lol! J/K, I wish him well because obviously we weren't good together.
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