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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,706
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I have blocked professional victims in case it becomes contagious
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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I made the mistake of unblocking. My bad!
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,198
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Tell us all what the nickname Orgy, which I and rgv call you, means...?
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Victimhood [Re: Rahz] 1
#26755095 - 06/18/20 05:34 PM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rahz said: I did the best I could to be there for them, it just wasn't in me to be the person they needed me to be. I suspect their life will not be improving in the short term. All I had to do was let them be right, which I have done dozens of times. I just couldn't do it this time.
I already respected the hell out of you man, but I do even moreso now. It's truly a noble cause. I get it.
It's also a very silly one, I think, in hindsight. How much we might sacrifice ourselves to help another when, at base, they really are unhelpable.
Been there, got the T-shirt. I get it, and it hurts, and I want to heal their hurt, and your hurt, and my hurt, but none of that does any good for man nor beast, it seems. Not sure I enjoy the alternative though, because it feels selfish often. I've been there much of late too.
Where is the balance?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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laughingdog
Stranger

Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 4,829
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Well, seems there are 2 sides to such things.
meanwhile:
"Ain't it hard when you discover that, he wasn't really where it's at, after he took from you everything he could steal. How does it feel?" from a Bob Dylan song
So why 2 sides?, because what 'made' one assume the other was something they weren't? It is because there is an unresolved emotional need in oneself; that is unresolved due to its being too painful to face. So partly the cause is in our own psyche, but that doesn't mean we are bad or to blame, it just means we are human and were hurt, and haven't had the tools to deal with it yet. But the consequence is that we get caught in patterns that repeat till we deal with it.
How do I know this? I'm human too & have observed patterns in my own life, just like Bob.
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,248
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Thank you, I appreciate that.
It's all selfish I guess. It could seems silly, but honestly I didn't have anything better to do. I don't mean that in a bad way. There does seem to be a noble aspect even if it's not entirely altruistic. I'm selfish in many ways, but I don't find pleasure in doing things just to amuse myself like I did when I was younger.
And that's a great question, where is the balance? There is a certain level of detachment that I lacked. But if I was totally detached I don't think there would have been any commitment or devotion to helping them. Lacking detachment, some things can be manipulative in a way that makes the relationship worse. Being detached, some things can be manipulative in a way that potentially makes things better. In either case, I might be seen as "controlling and manipulative", but having no need keep the peace at any cost they can be angry and cry and maybe they will come around again, maybe not. The balance I guess is being detached enough to make the right decisions while still expressing some passion.
And it's interesting because despite the issues, this person isn't blind to these ideas and even expressed them to me at one point. They told me what they needed. I listened and it makes sense but being that person is more than just understanding. I had my own issues get in the way and when it came time to talk about it I was expecting too much from them and not enough from myself. That is why I sabotaged the easy solution, the one I knew would work. It wasn't good enough any more, for them or me.
And I don't think that can generally be fixed on the fly when there is a crisis. My experience is that growth happens later when the mind calms down and has a chance to really soak everything in and filter it honestly.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Ferdinando


Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 3,678
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Re: Victimhood [Re: Rahz] 1
#26757057 - 06/19/20 11:02 AM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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the less ego you have the better behavior you have
when you start sitting ego is lost
so you have finer like more yogic mind
it is like swimming through water with yoga
every hour you sit and meditate the more ego is lost
and the less your ego hurts others
this is supposed to be done for 3000 hours until you have attained liberation
so soon start meditating much!
we need to think of it like this
do I want to spend 40 years meditating 20 minutes a day to attain enlightenment
if you do 2 x 45 minutes a day it can be done in 5 years!
so much important it is to make a habit of meditating much!
in a way I think we can say that the benefit of meditating is from reducing ego
when you have a mental garden and you take weeds out where you go becomes better
so it's like you don't do someting to others like not putting their heads down
same with yourself
you can call that benefit of meditation
-------------------- with our love with our love we could save the world
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,248
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Thank you. I did the math and I've spent about 1400 hours meditating. It did me a lot of good. I can benefit from meditating more.
But I'm reminded of a story I read about on this forum many years ago. I think it was OC who posted it. It was about a guru in India who had thousands of followers. He would hold satsang and probably had many wise things to say and his followers would hang on his words and ask questions. He was sued by a woman for sexual harassment. Why would such a wise man be unable to talk a woman willingly into bed or respect their boundaries? Was it because he hadn't meditated for 3000 hours? Or because he had no experience with intimate relationships with women? I don't know the answer to that question. Perhaps it was both but I'll guess he didn't have much experience with women.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Totodile386
Foreigner, Vegan, Pesticide-Free


Registered: 06/17/20
Posts: 107
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
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Re: Victimhood [Re: Rahz] 1
#26757178 - 06/19/20 11:49 AM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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It reminds me of some quotes from Jesus.
“Anyone who loves their parent more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves their child more than Me is not worthy of Me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life, for My sake, will find it.
“Anyone who welcomes you welcomes Me, and anyone who welcomes Me welcomes the One (God) who sent Me. Whoever welcomes a prophet as a prophet will receive a prophet’s reward, and whoever welcomes a righteous person as a righteous person will receive a righteous person’s reward. And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is My disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.”
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Jesus was a deadbeat dad. Just sayin'...
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,198
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Jesus is a deadbeat fag. Just sayin'...
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,198
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,706
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look, in the current situation I could sue OC for sexual offenses and it would be some time before the court made any decision. suing is an american right, but it is not always right. Having a large group of mindless followers is also a right, even if it is wrong. Sex is always right except when it is wrong. 3000 hours is not enough, it's never enough, it's always enough, I had enough, not of sex, but of nearly everything else.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,198
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There are no conclusions in confusionland.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,198
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,706
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Libby Custard basically rewrote American history, I thought it was Jello Cosby. whatever wibbles is good.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Custard's Last Stand was really about his lemonade stall...
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