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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: topdog82]
    #26752203 - 06/17/20 05:01 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

topdog82 said:
Its cultural conditioning usually



I suspect there's a socialisation aspect that is often missing (soft skills) from people that originate from that part of the world. I have worked with many.

What you described in OP sounded a little more.. 'off the wall' than just lacking social skills however.

The high qualifications add to the picture.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleNiffla
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Registered: 06/09/08
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26752212 - 06/17/20 05:04 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

topdog82 said:
As an indian, a disproportionate amount of indian men take on these exact symptoms.




You know I didn't want to say anything but the gentleman I spoke of is Pakistani. Which of course borders India :lol:

He's a really nice guy and an amazing father, he works multiple jobs and tons of hours a week to support his wife, son & daughter. He just...doesn't know what a filter is, lol. Which in most instances is a tremendous thing because you know you're always getting the truth.


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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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OfflineObie1989
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Registered: 06/14/20
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26752257 - 06/17/20 05:25 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

Obie1989 said:
Perhaps aspbergers more specifically?



It's all on a spectrum. Like all facets of the human condition, all things being considered.

Rarely affects women but pretty sure I work with one afflicted by it.

Suspect I am a teeny tiny bit too.




My best friend from kindergarten to about 5th grade has aspbergers. When we were kids it wasn't really noticeable because we were into the same things but when I moved away and came back a few years later, Bobby was still pretty much the same in most regards where I had moved on to drugs and girls and whatnot. To this day all he does is sit in his room on his computer content to live in his own safe little world. He is extremely intelligent and very reclusive and also does not have any filter on what he says, nor does he pick up on social cues. I still love him like a brother but Bobby likes to keep his world small.


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Offlinetopdog82
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: Obie1989]
    #26752282 - 06/17/20 05:31 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

What is his career? Is he happy? Does he have a fulfilling life? Thats sort of sad

Has he had sex with girls? Or done drugs?


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OfflineObie1989
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: topdog82]
    #26752296 - 06/17/20 05:38 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

topdog82 said:
What is his career? Is he happy? Does he have a fulfilling life? Thats sort of sad

Has he had sex with girls? Or done drugs?




I don't think he's unhappy. He's not looking at life through the same lens as most of us so fulfilling to him isn't going to be measured the same.

Girls: no

Drugs: Definitely not


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OfflineOceanshorex
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: Obie1989] * 1
    #26752307 - 06/17/20 05:42 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

i can agree with him, i am socially phobic too :aweyeah:


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Offlinetopdog82
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: Obie1989]
    #26752334 - 06/17/20 05:55 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Obie1989 said:
Quote:

topdog82 said:
What is his career? Is he happy? Does he have a fulfilling life? Thats sort of sad

Has he had sex with girls? Or done drugs?




I don't think he's unhappy. He's not looking at life through the same lens as most of us so fulfilling to him isn't going to be measured the same.

Girls: no

Drugs: Definitely not



Thats good to hear actually. I thought he was unhappy. That would just be sad.

I am happy for him. I have a friend that was not aspergers but was short and unattractive. He has the same thing. Never really grew up past 14. He is in his 20's now along with me. I just stopped caring and stopped talking to him. He just hangs out on his computer and reads about/watches basketball. He is severly depressed because he is a virgin. He spends a long time just complaining about how life is unfair when we hung out. I just got sick of it

I am pretty sure if he just lifted weights he could meet a girl who is reasonably attractive to him and have a proper marraige


Edited by topdog82 (06/17/20 05:57 PM)


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Offlineichugwindex
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: topdog82]
    #26752580 - 06/17/20 07:12 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I think it's just isolation for some people. Growing up mostly alone I mean. I think that's what happened to me.


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Only hope can give rise to the emotion we call despair. But it is nearly impossible for a man to try to live without hope, so I guess that leaves Man no choice but to walk around with despair as his companion.


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InvisibleTantrika
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: topdog82]
    #26752605 - 06/17/20 07:27 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

topdog82 said:
Women are less likely to have those socially awkward symptoms. Women are more social creatures so they understand social interactions much better




Do you think this is a biological distinction or a matter of upbringing?
Personally see it as a matter of upbringing, and thus the "answer" to your question

men are raised with a perception to be the dominant man entitled to everything by the alpha status
and men who do not get there do not have another framework to fall back on for healthy social interactions
they are given expectations that society should owe them because they are men who can be alpha, and it seems like he feels something like working from home is among those entitlements

women are raised to be socially more easy going and to facillitate encouraging others to speak rather than speaking up
so even when women are individually socially awkward the visibiity of the condition is lessened by the expectations on behaviour

a shy dude is weird; a shy dudette is cute


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: SARAtonin] * 1
    #26752613 - 06/17/20 07:30 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

SARAtonin said:
It’s not just men lol




Right, it's just cuter when women do it.


Or rather the patriarchy is more comfortable with women doing it.


But I think women are less likely to admit to it as it implies some inane weakness in the area women are supposed to be strongest in. And as a result less women are likely to accept it as an identity. ie they change that in their teens/early 20s at the latest.


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OfflineAwaken_Us
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #26752791 - 06/17/20 08:51 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

social anxiety can range from being a bit shy/nervous, to full on life crippling symptoms. i agree that technology among other things are causing an increase in this. but like with everything in mental health, you have to constantly work on keeping the balance, otherwise its easy to slip into a slump.


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OfflineBANANA.MAN
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: Awaken_Us]
    #26752874 - 06/17/20 09:39 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

It definitely seems much more common among men in my experience but I think I work with a woman who might be somewhere on the spectrum.


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: BANANA.MAN] * 2
    #26752902 - 06/17/20 09:57 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I've done some research since I seriously thought I might be on the spectrum. If I were male and born a decade later I think I could have been diagnosed with asd instead of the host of disorders I did get diagnosed with.


Anyway alot of women who have been diagnosed say they learned to cope to seem "normal" from a young age. Things that are tolerated in boys aren't in girls. From all fronts.

So you have alot of girls who are, for example, can't make eye contact and get wildly uncomfortable. But they do it anyway. Because they were trained to.



I still don't look people in the eye. I look at the bridge of the nose or the cheeks or most often the mouth. I would think that a product of abuse but I also can't recognize faces. I don't recognize my own parents faces if I see them some place I don't expect.

But that's how I cope with it. Other context clues tell me who this person is. That I love this person.

And I'm complete shit at expressing it.

Most of my coping I developed without even realizing it. I only recognized what it was when those context clues were taken from me and the disorientation made me look like an idiot.



I don't think asd is more common in boys. I think it's just easier to recognize and more studied in boys.

Because boys suffer from social neglect, in a way. Their parents and teachers and peers don't push them to develop social skills through direct confrontation and through play.

Dolls and house and other traditional girl games.


Without the practice and the pushing they don't learn how to cope with their blindspots. And therefore appear "normal."


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: topdog82]
    #26752908 - 06/17/20 10:02 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I dont know a lot about Indian culture but I know Asian cultures typically have a lot of quiet, introverted, socialluly-awkard people. Mostly a cultural thing and but there could be a genetic aspect to it as well.


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Invisibletrees
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #26752967 - 06/17/20 10:38 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I think that everyone is socially awkward. Until i eve's dropped on enough other conversations in my adulthood, I realized that everyone has it to a degree, even the most extroverted outgoing people.

Even the people who strongly believe they are not socially awkward in any way, are awkward, lol


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: trees]
    #26752969 - 06/17/20 10:40 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Im not sure i agree with that. I wouls argue that outspoken, extroverted people might be self-conscious but not socially awkard.


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Invisibletrees
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #26752971 - 06/17/20 10:41 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

No they are awkward, they're just good at getting past it

Humans are awkward by nature, like penguins


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: trees] * 1
    #26752980 - 06/17/20 10:48 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

:justno:


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Invisibletrees
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #26752984 - 06/17/20 10:49 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Yeah man, embrace it.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Why are some men so socially awkward? [Re: trees]
    #26752989 - 06/17/20 10:52 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I feel like extroverted people have fully accepted their "awkwardness" aka "weirdness" if u wanna call it that and aint afriad to show it publically. Thats my take on it.



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