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OfflineMcDominator
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Registered: 08/29/19
Posts: 270
Loc: California
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
who wants to be my shrink
    #26749029 - 06/16/20 01:40 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I need some help on sifting through some bullshit before my next trip. The last few trips I had were "bad" and in an unproductive kind of way. I don't want to write volumes of text back and forth here or burden anyone with my problems too much, but I do want to figure out why I can't seem to have a good trip these days. I've been on about 10 trips in total so far, the most being 3.5g. Possibly more because I think one batch I had were APE and I did 2.5 of that.

So since I've been shut up in my house for a good 4 months now I've been forced into a deeper depression than I have in a while. I finished my college classes (for now) and I'm just totally aimless and have no motivation to get anything done. I've been craving a trip because I feel like I need one pretty bad. I think that I already know that at the root of my depression there are feelings that constantly resurface like: How life is pointless/meaningless. Or for some reason there are always thoughts of suicide buried deep in my mind that I never consciously think about while sober. My inability to feel human connection or love when sober is another recurring theme.

If some of these things resonates with any of you psychonaughts out there, maybe hearing how some of you got through these things will help clear my mind. I'm tired of the constant struggle with depression. I started microdosing once every 3 days and that has helped a bit. I just want to have a good trip next time. Positive, and hopeful. I need to get out of this damn funk.


--------------------
I'm here to learn. I'm also willing to help. If I'm wrong on something, please call me out. I am not resistant to new information, but I always carry a healthy dose of skepticism.


“It would be possible to describe everything scientifically, but it would make no sense; it would be without meaning, as if you described a Beethoven symphony as a variation of wave pressure.”

-Albert Einstein


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
Mycologist
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Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 756
Loc: Polygondwanaland
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: who wants to be my shrink [Re: McDominator]
    #26751728 - 06/17/20 01:46 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

McDominator said:
So since I've been shut up in my house for a good 4 months now I've been forced into a deeper depression than I have in a while. I finished my college classes (for now) and I'm just totally aimless and have no motivation to get anything done.




I think that's a lot of the world right now. 2020 has not been the best year to be a human. I'm not saying that to de-emphasize anything you're feeling, but rather to point out that what you're feeling is totally valid and that there's a very legitimate reason for it all. These are hard times, man.

Quote:

McDominator said:
I've been craving a trip because I feel like I need one pretty bad. I think that I already know that at the root of my depression there are feelings that constantly resurface like: How life is pointless/meaningless. Or for some reason there are always thoughts of suicide buried deep in my mind that I never consciously think about while sober. My inability to feel human connection or love when sober is another recurring theme.




I wouldn't say you ever need a trip. Psychedelics are tools for exploring consciousness, but they're not the only ones (though I find them to be pretty efficient and, often, fun). It's important not to get too committed to any one approach to problem solving in your life.

I find that psychedelics sometimes underline or amplify some of the feelings that I'm already experiencing beneath the surface. Emotions or thoughts that I've buried or ignored for a while can suddenly rise to the surface while tripping. If you're already aware of the fact that you're quite depressed and are met with feelings of purposelessness often, it's possible that those feelings might be amplified during a trip. That's not a bad thing, but it's definitely something to be aware of and prepared for. When I go through a hard time like that during a trip, I just remind myself that it's an opportunity to face my problems head-on. I find that resisting or trying to rid myself of those negative feelings during a trip only makes things worse.

I've contemplated suicide before - I think most people probably have at some points during their lives, and I would even go as far as saying that the question of whether or not to commit suicide is a pretty important question to ask oneself, philosophically. However, I don't think merely thinking about suicide is necessarily the same thing as being suicidal. If you find yourself desiring to commit suicide, or if you have specific plans to do it at a certain time or with a certain method, I think it's a really good idea to just tell someone you trust about those feelings. There are people who care about you, no matter how meaningless life seems. The fact that you mentioned suicide here is a good sign, I think - it means you're aware of your thoughts and that you want to reach out.

Quote:

McDominator said:
If some of these things resonates with any of you psychonaughts out there, maybe hearing how some of you got through these things will help clear my mind. I'm tired of the constant struggle with depression. I started microdosing once every 3 days and that has helped a bit. I just want to have a good trip next time. Positive, and hopeful. I need to get out of this damn funk.



In my opinion, the best thing you can do to avoid a "bad trip" (hate that terminology. I prefer "challenging trip") is to pay close attention to your setting for the trip, be aware of your mindset (it sounds like you already are doing that just from this post, for the record), and make sure you're taking a dosage that you are okay with. Even then, there will always be certain things that are out of your control, and things will go south sometimes (they have for me, and I'm sure they do for all psychonauts at some point). Difficult trips are just part of the territory, and I don't think that's always a bad thing. Difficult trips are the ones that force me to find ways to calm myself down, the ones that show me problems in my life that I might have been ignoring, and the ones that make me feel blessed to be alive when I finally make it through the terror in one piece. I would hardly call my difficult trips "bad" experiences.

Finally, just remember that there are lots of things you can do that might help aside from using psychedelics. I apologize ahead of time if you're already doing some of these things. If you are already doing some of these things, that's great! Keep at it, and remember that all things eventually pass (even depression).
  • Exercise regularly (I like bike riding, running, and going for long walks or hikes)
  • Eat healthy foods (I hardly eat processed sugars anymore, and I try to eat at least one serving of vegetables per day)
  • Get plenty of sleep (I need at least 7 hours a night)
  • Keep a journal (I write in a journal every night before I go to bed - it helps me unpack and evaluate where I'm at)
  • Meditate often (it doesn't even have to be a spiritual or religious thing, if that's not your cup-o-tea. Just sitting in silence with your thoughts for just ten minutes can make a huge difference)
  • Engage with a creative hobby (I like writing, playing music, and mycology)
  • Connect with people (even just a meaningless phone call to an old friend can make a huge difference)


You'll get through this funk, whatever it is. I'm sure of it :smile:


--------------------
Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door


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OfflineMrStinkyShrooman
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Registered: 03/17/20
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Re: who wants to be my shrink [Re: McDominator]
    #26753093 - 06/18/20 12:19 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Maybe biggest changes come with great suffering along the way. IMO your expectations of a good trip could stand in way of true healing.
It's like going for a surgery you don't expect it to be pleasant.

Mushlove to you, brother! I hope you'll be better soon.
:heart:


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The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and it’s really impossible to tell whether anything that happens in it is good or bad — because you never know what will be the consequence of the misfortune; or, you never know what will be the consequences of good fortune.
-- Alan Watts --


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OfflinePsion
Sage
Registered: 09/11/18
Posts: 1,288
Last seen: 3 days, 16 hours
Re: who wants to be my shrink [Re: MrStinkyShrooman]
    #26753228 - 06/18/20 01:59 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Yep. life is pointless/meanlingless. congrats. you figured it out. there is no point to life.

what. you thought we were going to tell you different? that there was some magic point to life, some path to follow, some 10 commandments and strict diet and you will gain 100 virgin maidens in heaven and eternal life?

HAH. bullshit, all of it.

sorry, but life is one big sandbox, as is the afterlife. what you do now, what comes after - it's all up to you. you are the director. you are the artist. you must decide what you want, where you wish to go, and to do that you must look, hear, and feel everything that goes around you. think and ponder what you take in, and decide what you want - what does heaven mean to you?

it's your story - you must write it, decide to simply let others write it for you, or leave the chapters blank. but if you let others write your story, don't be surprised if you aren't happy with the results - they never will truly capture the truth of your soul, because they aren't you.

go out there and live life the way you want to live it. stop trying to be what others want you to be. be what you want to be for once. as the wiccans say, "do what thou will, but harm none." (lest it come back to ye threefold) (this also applies to good deeds) (technically this doesn't have to be 3 times specifically, just the general idea of karma :P)


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OfflineMcDominator
Male


Registered: 08/29/19
Posts: 270
Loc: California
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: who wants to be my shrink [Re: MrStinkyShrooman]
    #26753809 - 06/18/20 09:31 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Nonagon Infinity

Thanks man. Appreciate the thought out response. I really do need to realign my expectations a bit I suppose. I do most of the things humans are supposed to do to be healthy. That's part of the depression for sure is the fact that I can do things 90% right and I'm just as healthy as someone who eats fast food every day. After dozens of tests, several doctors and thousands of hours of research I've decided I want to be a physician to end people's suffering. So they never end up like me. But I wonder how much can be done for people like me with shit genes.

MrStinkyShrooman

It really does feel like I need to grow in some way, but it's just difficult pinpointing how right now! :smile:

Psion

Your harsh words ring true. Perhaps I made my bed in a way that is uncomfortable to lie in and inescapable... for now.


--------------------
I'm here to learn. I'm also willing to help. If I'm wrong on something, please call me out. I am not resistant to new information, but I always carry a healthy dose of skepticism.


“It would be possible to describe everything scientifically, but it would make no sense; it would be without meaning, as if you described a Beethoven symphony as a variation of wave pressure.”

-Albert Einstein


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
Mycologist
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Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 756
Loc: Polygondwanaland
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Re: who wants to be my shrink [Re: McDominator]
    #26753892 - 06/18/20 10:02 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

McDominator said:
Thanks man. Appreciate the thought out response. I really do need to realign my expectations a bit I suppose. I do most of the things humans are supposed to do to be healthy. That's part of the depression for sure is the fact that I can do things 90% right and I'm just as healthy as someone who eats fast food every day. After dozens of tests, several doctors and thousands of hours of research I've decided I want to be a physician to end people's suffering. So they never end up like me. But I wonder how much can be done for people like me with shit genes.




I don't know how old you are, but after a certain point the human body starts deteriorating. That's how life goes: things fall apart. Even the universe itself is headed towards an inevitable heat death. If we live long enough, we all start to reach a point where we just aren't as healthy as we once were. If you're already doing most of the things that a healthy person should do, I think it's only a matter of time before the depression passes. Just like with a nasty cut, psychological pain just takes time to heal.

I think becoming a physician is a really nice goal, and it's a great way to give back to the community. It's going to be a lot of hard work, but I think it should be that way for a job like that. Good luck!

And, to piggyback off Psion:

Quote:

Psion said:
life is pointless/meanlingless.




I wouldn't say I entirely agree, but it is worth noting that "having a purpose" is a completely human idea (as is life itself, if you think about it - the distinctions between living and non-living matter are well-defined, but also completely arbitrary... but I digress). "Having a purpose" isn't an innate property of the universe like gravity or the speed of light is (and maybe that's what Psion was getting at). At the end of the day, if you want your life to have a purpose, you have to decide for yourself what that means and how you can make it happen. Either that, or you can be like me and just enjoy the ride without feeling the need for a purpose :smile:


--------------------
Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door


Edited by Nonagon Infinity (06/18/20 10:02 AM)


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OfflinePsion
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Posts: 1,288
Last seen: 3 days, 16 hours
Re: who wants to be my shrink [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #26753924 - 06/18/20 10:15 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

that was exactly what i was getting at. purpose isn't something there for you to find. the universe is a tabula rasa, a blank slate that purpose must be written upon. you can choose to create your own purpose or let others make it for you, but a custom fit is always going to be tailored to your soul much better than something produced for the masses in some sweat shop, even if it takes you years to learn how to create it yourself.

it's much more rewarding in the end, even if you prick a few pround fingers along the way and knit a few ugly christmas sweaters at first that are only fit to laugh at, emotionally speaking.

you have the power of creation. you have the power of destruction, of alteration. you have the power to make your own decisions, to reflect. if you think about it, you already have the powers of a god in miniature.

rather than feeling like life is meaningless and pointless, maybe you should starting wondering about when you're going to start getting around to practicing and getting better at those talents. :p


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OfflineSocrateshroom
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Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 17 days, 11 hours
Re: who wants to be my shrink [Re: McDominator]
    #26754239 - 06/18/20 12:27 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Sent you a message. I've been through some really dark stuff in life and I've made it my mission to help lift anyone I can out of similar fate(s).

Message me anytime, will gladly listen and, if I can, possibly provide methods to help.

:loveheart:


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OfflineMcDominator
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Registered: 08/29/19
Posts: 270
Loc: California
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: who wants to be my shrink [Re: Socrateshroom]
    #26754415 - 06/18/20 01:58 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Socrateshroom said:
Sent you a message. I've been through some really dark stuff in life and I've made it my mission to help lift anyone I can out of similar fate(s).

Message me anytime, will gladly listen and, if I can, possibly provide methods to help.

:loveheart:




You da man. I thought I sent a PM but must have screwed something up :/ let me build up my stamina and try this again.


--------------------
I'm here to learn. I'm also willing to help. If I'm wrong on something, please call me out. I am not resistant to new information, but I always carry a healthy dose of skepticism.


“It would be possible to describe everything scientifically, but it would make no sense; it would be without meaning, as if you described a Beethoven symphony as a variation of wave pressure.”

-Albert Einstein


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Registered: 04/08/04
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Re: who wants to be my shrink [Re: McDominator]
    #26756726 - 06/19/20 08:57 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)



--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineMcDominator
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Registered: 08/29/19
Posts: 270
Loc: California
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: who wants to be my shrink [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26759226 - 06/20/20 06:38 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

redgreenvines said:
https://integration.maps.org/

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/psychedelic-integration-group-tickets-108537362172

some services are definitely available.




I've been wondering about shroom friendly psychs. Thanks for this. I see a psych now but I don't think he is getting to the depth that I need him to.


--------------------
I'm here to learn. I'm also willing to help. If I'm wrong on something, please call me out. I am not resistant to new information, but I always carry a healthy dose of skepticism.


“It would be possible to describe everything scientifically, but it would make no sense; it would be without meaning, as if you described a Beethoven symphony as a variation of wave pressure.”

-Albert Einstein


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