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Tripsten
Stranger

Registered: 10/23/17
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Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Letting things go truly.
#26748292 - 06/16/20 05:40 AM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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Well , I’m getting farther and farther in my own personal growth , unlocking secrets of the human mind and going into overdrive for the work required for my dreams. I’m treating my family well, I’ve stepped away from crime and I’ve realized how horrible the things I’ve done in my life are, And yet even still, I find it so difficult to let things go, but honestly it’s only that way with romantic things. I’ve had people that have tried to literally end my life , and I’ve forgiven them truly , at least in my mind it feels that I have no more resentment for those memories or occurrences.
But when it comes to certain memories , for example my memories of romantic nature I can’t seem to do it. No matter how much I meditate on it , or feel this or accept that as I do with anything else the negative feeling attached to certain memories remains.
Sometimes I feel people hear something like forgiveness, and sort of lie to themselves that they’ve mastered it and simply tell their own mind Ah yes , I forgive that But when I think to myself “you treated so and so so horribly.. “ or “you did such bad things to this other person.” Or even “they did such terrible things to you” I know I can love better now even in my growth, and I have , I’ve had normal healthy relationships now
But as I said I can’t let those specific memories go Certain other ones too from childhood Things I did or for that time period more specifically terrible things that happened to me How can I feel ok about these things in my life which impacted me deeper than the rest. Some of it is so deep that the memories were repressed until recovered in a trip I wasn’t ready for at the time ... that was awful.. how can somethifn that deep be remedied
Edited by Tripsten (06/16/20 05:42 AM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: Letting things go truly. [Re: Tripsten]
#26748326 - 06/16/20 06:17 AM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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How do you move a river?
If you have to get across a big river, a ferry or a bridge makes sense.
the river collects streams, and lets them drain into a larger body of water.
when you were younger you encountered somebody with whom you shared private moments. your inner thought streams mingled and she (he) became part of your identity as those thought streams joined into bigger constructs and over time all the ideas related to this bond became a deep river of associations and feelings.
even if it ends abruptly the relationship lives on in your mind, a place of coalescent streams that are personal. That was a different time, but that was growth, and the growth of the shared personal pattern does not ungrow; if nurtured it just gets weirder.
In your outer life, in reality you could say, you have separated from that person, perhaps with huge anger and possibly murderous thoughts of raging emotion. try not to invest in these emotions even if you cannot resist re-engaging in the bad relationship and the associated thoughts of murder are all that can keep you safely away from that bad dynamic. Distract yourself instead, in some wholesome activity. don't dig that trench deeper.
It could take decades to fizzle from anger to a cooler impartiality, If you have to engage with the person make sure you have floatation devices, life guarding friends, or ride on some other safe public conveyance, so you can safely get through the "crossing'. It is SO LIKE a river, it is deep, we are not fully in charge of how we feel the currents, so we must take precautions against acting out on these feelings which lead to drowning in sorrow or entrapments of other kinds.
occasionally I get mad about something that passed and ended more than 30 years ago. why could it not have gone differently... It did not - it is what it is.
good luck navigating life. things are never perfect, but most things are not that bad.
really the dream of walking a straight line with no impediments is not part of being alive.
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Drink the river
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Tripsten
Stranger

Registered: 10/23/17
Posts: 1,104
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Indeed, the more I think on these past events in the light of the times I’m in now , the lesser they feel in my stomach, and I can feel the sorrow of having held onto them so long, perhaps those things do take more time than the others , but that dissolving them in my ever strengthening inner peace is not unreachable Thank you both
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Tripsten
Stranger

Registered: 10/23/17
Posts: 1,104
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: Letting things go truly. [Re: Tripsten]
#26748339 - 06/16/20 06:36 AM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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Sometimes I feel a guilt tho , in accepting and forgiving memories which were bad by my own doing , people that I’ve personally hurt in very bad ways , sometimes I feel I’m wrong for coming to peace with those past events.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: Letting things go truly. [Re: Tripsten]
#26748462 - 06/16/20 08:06 AM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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your peace adds to everyone's peace, the same for guilt, choose the former if you can.
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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Re: Letting things go truly. [Re: Tripsten]
#26749039 - 06/16/20 01:44 PM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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I've read that a person can let go when the lesson is learned.
I've also read that "there is only one woman", meaning that although the body and personality are different the relationship is the same.
This could indicate that it will take success in a new relationship to let go of the old. People generally learn with experience. All those fears and regrets will remain until they are confronted in a suitable experience. Being single isn't a substitute for an intimate relationship.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: Letting things go truly. [Re: Rahz]
#26749063 - 06/16/20 01:52 PM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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how does an organism know it is in a relationship?
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
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Re: Letting things go truly. [Re: Tripsten]
#26749089 - 06/16/20 01:58 PM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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It took me years to come to terms with how I was effected by a traumatic breakup.
After years or repression and resentment after the fact, I one day broke it down.
From being "hurt" over everything that happened, I realised I had kind of covered, or blinded everything. I had been angry at everything. And I think that blanket hate was of vast issue to me.
And so I eventually, after years.. realised I could be more specific with my hate, in essence cutting it from one giant generalisation, to a more specific set of events.
I suppose I minimised my hate, I cut it up from a blanket to a tea towel, and although I still felt some hate, it wasn't what it used to be. And when it was a smaller set of events, it was easier to sort through and gain some insight of.
Tldr: My heartbreak gave me hate tinted glasses on my whole previous relation ship, and I only found salvation of sorts when I looked at the specifics of what upset me.
I broke down my hate, and instead of hating the puzzle, I started looking down on only some pieces.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: how does an organism know it is in a relationship?
With humans there is usually agreement on the issue.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: Letting things go truly. [Re: Rahz]
#26749183 - 06/16/20 02:26 PM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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Babies though... Or do you not count that?
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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I'm not sure I understand your question. Do I not count babies as relationships?
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: Letting things go truly. [Re: Rahz]
#26749451 - 06/16/20 04:10 PM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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They can relate to anyone
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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Maybe so. I was addressing the specifics in the OP.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Huehuecoyotl
Fading Slowly


Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 10,685
Loc: On the Border
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Re: Letting things go truly. [Re: Tripsten]
#26749930 - 06/16/20 07:26 PM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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Don't deny your past...letting go is not forgetting, but it is losing attachment to the emotions generated at those times in the past. One technique that is worthy is recapitulation...it is a shamanic technique...google it.
-------------------- "A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda
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