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Offlinepe44
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Registered: 06/15/20
Posts: 4
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help?
    #26745307 - 06/15/20 12:24 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Hey everyone, any insight into my situation would be greatly appreciated. I'm 27 years old and have done mushrooms probably 25-30 times over the years and always had great experiences, both during the trips and with the lasting effects afterwards.

On Feb 22 of this year I went to a concert and ate about 1.5g of golden teacher mushrooms. I was drinking as well. Once they kicked in I started getting very anxious and uncomfortable. I rode it out for the night, and flash forward to the next morning where I was feeling terrible (alcohol hangover surely to blame for part of that). The scary thing is, I haven't felt myself since that night and it's been almost 4 months. My anxiety is through the roof,  everything scares me, the thought of taking on work projects scare me, I flinch at the slightest of movements, I get eye twitches. I've barely had a good nights sleep since then either, my insomnia has been terrible. And lately, this has brought on depression. I've lost all self confidence and am so insecure. Overall my mindset has just become so so negative whereas before this I was a pretty positive guy.

I know this is a pretty extensive list of symptoms, but it's pretty shocking how distinctively the before and after of that night was. I've always loved mushrooms but they've never had an effect like this on me before.

Any clues to what's going on? I've seen various doctors and naturopaths with no answers.

I've read about ego death, could I have experienced a partial ego death? Before I admittedly had a big ego and that made me cocky and gave me my edge in life. I feel like that's gone. If so, how do I get it back?

Also, I've heard some stories of people having bad trips with long lasting after effects that weren't corrected until they did another low-dose trip to kind of "reset" things. Would love to hear thoughts on that as well.

Thanks for reading and again any insight would be much appreciated


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OfflineInnerWisdom
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Registered: 08/09/19
Posts: 1,936
Loc: North EU
Last seen: 7 days, 6 hours
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: pe44]
    #26745343 - 06/15/20 01:00 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Sounds like that experience dug up something in your brain or it was in itself traumatizing enough to give PTSD. Do you exercise, meditate? Maybe try meditating on this anxiousness.
Taking a solo trip with 1.5-2g sounds like a good idea as well.


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OfflineThimbleberry
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Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 17
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: pe44]
    #26745355 - 06/15/20 01:06 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

was there anything else from the trip that night that you remember other than just feeling anxious and uncomfortable?


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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
Bodhi
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,731
Loc: The Primordial Mind
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: Thimbleberry]
    #26745362 - 06/15/20 01:16 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

What do you do from 6am - 12am ?


--------------------
Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps


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Offlinebraindrop
Unicorn Priest
Registered: 12/23/14
Posts: 29
Last seen: 8 months, 3 days
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #26745415 - 06/15/20 02:20 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

golden teachers are no joke. i can definitely imagine complications when combined with alcohol in a chaotic environment. there could also be a variety of internal/external life factors impacting your perception of reality. there may not be a quick fix, it's something you will need to keep working through to gradually resolve as the journey evolves. whatever the golden teachers have ripped away is not meant to return but they have a tendency to lead you into a "new normal" by kind of forcing you to face shit that needs to be faced. :mushroom2:


--------------------
:loveheart:


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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,706
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: braindrop] * 2
    #26745571 - 06/15/20 04:50 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

while riding it out, you learned riding out.

now you do riding out - this is a new you and I would not complain. it's a good thing.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflinePrimalSoup
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Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW Flag
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Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: pe44]
    #26746009 - 06/15/20 09:17 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

pe44 said:
Hey everyone, any insight into my situation would be greatly appreciated. I'm 27 years old and have done mushrooms probably 25-30 times over the years and always had great experiences, both during the trips and with the lasting effects afterwards.

On Feb 22 of this year I went to a concert and ate about 1.5g of golden teacher mushrooms. I was drinking as well. Once they kicked in I started getting very anxious and uncomfortable. I rode it out for the night, and flash forward to the next morning where I was feeling terrible (alcohol hangover surely to blame for part of that). The scary thing is, I haven't felt myself since that night and it's been almost 4 months. My anxiety is through the roof,  everything scares me, the thought of taking on work projects scare me, I flinch at the slightest of movements, I get eye twitches. I've barely had a good nights sleep since then either, my insomnia has been terrible. And lately, this has brought on depression. I've lost all self confidence and am so insecure. Overall my mindset has just become so so negative whereas before this I was a pretty positive guy.

I know this is a pretty extensive list of symptoms, but it's pretty shocking how distinctively the before and after of that night was. I've always loved mushrooms but they've never had an effect like this on me before.

Any clues to what's going on? I've seen various doctors and naturopaths with no answers.

I've read about ego death, could I have experienced a partial ego death? Before I admittedly had a big ego and that made me cocky and gave me my edge in life. I feel like that's gone. If so, how do I get it back?

Also, I've heard some stories of people having bad trips with long lasting after effects that weren't corrected until they did another low-dose trip to kind of "reset" things. Would love to hear thoughts on that as well.

Thanks for reading and again any insight would be much appreciated





Hmm, well "ego death" doesn't really kill your ego, it just trims it away kind of like a haircut trims your hair - it grows back.

Secondly, you haven't tripped again since then?  IME that was what it took to fix any persistent problems that came up as a result of so-called bad trips.  Pretty much the sooner the better, as well.  You don't have to worry much about doing this, it sounds like your set and setting was kind of fucked the last time, so do it without the concert and the drinking, obviously.

You can get back to where you want to be. :cookiemonster:


--------------------

if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat you
Primal's simple tested teks and projects: :awesomenod: Wheat Prep 2.0  Acidic Tea Tek  Potency Project! 


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Offlinepe44
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/20
Posts: 4
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #26746124 - 06/15/20 10:03 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I have not tripped since then no. I'm a little hesitant that it may make all these symptoms worse, but I've tried meditation, exercise, supplements etc. over these months and nothing else is helping. You said that was from your personal experience, have you heard of others on here in similar situations to me where another trip has reset them back to how they were before?


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Offlinemusicismath
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Registered: 03/24/20
Posts: 25
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: pe44]
    #26746317 - 06/15/20 11:17 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Hey!

I'd recommend working with a therapist. There are therapists specialized in integration of psychedelic experiences:
https://integration.maps.org/

Based on my personal experience, this kind of anxiety signifies some unresolved internal conflict that wants to be dealt with, but at the same time the conscious mind is avoiding it because it's too painful. This can be worked with very effectively in psychotherapy and I found that in the long run this process will help you grow in ways that would otherwise not have happened. Whether or not you'll use psychedelics in this process, I think would be best to discuss with the therapist.

Meditation and exercise are also really great. The three things combined: therapy, meditation and exercise would be most effective, they have a synergistic effect on each other. However, don't expect things to improve quickly. Try to focus on the process rather than on the result, and trust that the process will bring healing over time. It also takes a long time to develop a stable meditation practice and it takes even longer for it to bear fruits. Patience is key. In meditation it's also important what methods you're using. There's a lot of wacky shit out there. Look up "The Mind Illuminated", and also check out Rob Burbea's work, especially his guidance in "Metta" which I think you would find particularly helpful.

I hope this helps. It's what I have learned from my own struggle with anxiety, depression, and my experiences with therapy, psychedelics, exercise and meditation.

Hang in there. Try to see it as an opportunity to grow.


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OfflinePrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations
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Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW Flag
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Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: pe44] * 3
    #26746673 - 06/15/20 02:00 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

pe44 said:
I have not tripped since then no. I'm a little hesitant that it may make all these symptoms worse, but I've tried meditation, exercise, supplements etc. over these months and nothing else is helping. You said that was from your personal experience, have you heard of others on here in similar situations to me where another trip has reset them back to how they were before?




Yes, I've seen it mentioned pretty often. 

But keep in mind that theses forums are populated by psychedelic enthusiasts who generally turn to the drugs for all kind of things, including fixing stuff that psychedelics tend to cause. :thataintright:

It might help to think about this way - a strong trip can place your mind in a sort of flux that isn't "normal", but if that isn't something you want, as the trip wears off it can end up stuck that way for some time - often as long as until you trip again and dissolve the flux, which opens the door to a better version, or at least a different version.  :shrug:

I've had that happen a few times, and originally it was pretty scary.  It could happen with new strains I was trying out - the fix was to go back to reliable strains to undo whatever the new ones did.

There is some precedent for this idea in the idea of fixed psychological structures, the very things that therapy aims to address.  But this can extend to all kinds of things in the mind's structure.  Psychedelics let you get in there and tweak these things, though sometimes not to good effect.

People report fixing long standing problems with the drugs, from depression to disabling to social anxiety to, well, you name it - if you can think it or be bothered by it you can likely do something about it if you're determined.  Results appear to be quite long lasting, which speaks to what your complaint.

Hope that helps some, just don't fear it - start low, build up as your comfort grows, see what happens.


--------------------

if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat you
Primal's simple tested teks and projects: :awesomenod: Wheat Prep 2.0  Acidic Tea Tek  Potency Project! 


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OfflineInnerWisdom
Male


Registered: 08/09/19
Posts: 1,936
Loc: North EU
Last seen: 7 days, 6 hours
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #26746768 - 06/15/20 02:49 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Don't even need to take a strong trip. Just take the same dose in a comfortable environment where you are somewhat free to do whatever and go through the trip that you were supposed to months ago. This time you can actually safely let it wash over you and I bet it would be a good thing. Taking the same dose or higher would be a shortcut to deal with this issue in my opinion, so it depends how you want to deal with this. Certainly no supplements and shit will fix this. Embrace the anxious come up and swim !


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OfflinePrimalSoup
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Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW Flag
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Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: InnerWisdom]
    #26746959 - 06/15/20 04:04 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

:lol: That's almost exactly the same advice I just gave the OP in a PM.  :snoopyes:


--------------------

if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat you
Primal's simple tested teks and projects: :awesomenod: Wheat Prep 2.0  Acidic Tea Tek  Potency Project! 


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Offlinepolaritymind
relaxed attention
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Registered: 10/10/16
Posts: 994
Loc: Germany Flag
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #26746990 - 06/15/20 04:21 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I fear youre not gonna have too much value come from a thread in a forum about mushroom cultivation. I suggest you get in a touch with someone who knows about integration. This page is good and nowadays many things can be done over skype if its too far away or just write an email.
PMing users here could also be a step in a better direction than the forum format but I fear even that wont be enough except if it turns into some very thorough and or regular contact with a person.
https://psychedelic.support

I would also recommend these two videos




The second is a talk by Marc Aixala, hes a guy from psychedelic.support.


--------------------
"to affirm life is to also affirm death"
-Albert hofmann


Edited by polaritymind (06/18/20 12:19 AM)


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OfflineInnerWisdom
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Registered: 08/09/19
Posts: 1,936
Loc: North EU
Last seen: 7 days, 6 hours
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #26748080 - 06/16/20 01:58 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

:lol: Nooice :highfive:


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OfflineSultan
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Registered: 07/03/18
Posts: 71
Last seen: 9 months, 20 hours
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: InnerWisdom]
    #26748659 - 06/16/20 10:06 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Hey mate. Just know that you're not alone. Many before you have encountered a similar experience, myself included. In my case it was my first trip and 9 months of not feeling myself. If you can find a creative outlet such as painting or music making like i did it may help you ride out the anxiety. Stay strong.


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Offlinepe44
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Registered: 06/15/20
Posts: 4
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: Sultan]
    #26748806 - 06/16/20 12:00 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Sultan said:
Hey mate. Just know that you're not alone. Many before you have encountered a similar experience, myself included. In my case it was my first trip and 9 months of not feeling myself. If you can find a creative outlet such as painting or music making like i did it may help you ride out the anxiety. Stay strong.



Quote:

Sultan said:
Hey mate. Just know that you're not alone. Many before you have encountered a similar experience, myself included. In my case it was my first trip and 9 months of not feeling myself. If you can find a creative outlet such as painting or music making like i did it may help you ride out the anxiety. Stay strong.





Thanks for that. What changed after 9 month? Have you tripped again since?


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OfflineTyperwritermonky
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Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: pe44]
    #26749422 - 06/16/20 04:02 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Yeah the poster who asked what do you do between 6AM-12PM had a very good point, I find if one diddles away this time it can setup a very weird, constrained day.

What I feel, and I am no expert; is that it wasn't some sort of horrid neurological shift that happened in your brain.  You had the bad night at the concert, and the worse day following.  Since then, the anxiety has been up, sleep issues have occured, startle response increased, etc.  It seems to me that it is more the continuous "bad days" in a row that have framed your current expectations for the way things are normal now.  After about 3-4 days of those "bad days," it's just increased the responses.  You haven't had enough "good days" in a row to break it.  Whether these "good days" require any psychedelic assistance, that is up to you.  But what it sounds like is you need a vacation.  Maybe a day or two doing your favorite thing in your favorite place.

Maybe you need a staycation, and restructure your days with a good schedule doing things that are healthy and that make you happy.


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Offlineciuperci
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Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: Typerwritermonky]
    #26750017 - 06/16/20 07:58 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Hi,

I don't have too much experience with shrooms, but I do have a bit with anxiety. I know that mindful meditation works. Search on google, watch some youtube tutorials and start practicing mindful meditation just before going to bed, each day without exceptions. 5 minutes should be enough. Also I would recommend quitting alcohol completely as it just makes the anxiety worse on long run - it just numbs the pain and dig a bit dipper each time :p . Next time when you plan to take the golden teacher approach the experience as a sacred experience, meaning prepare for it. Fast for one day in advance, be mindful through the experience, take small dose and be open to whatever teaching is presented. Sometimes it helps to open and embrace the anxiety and you will find that anxiety will transform into love...


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OfflinePsion
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Registered: 09/11/18
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Last seen: 5 days, 8 hours
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: ciuperci] * 1
    #26750277 - 06/16/20 10:54 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

i think one thing to keep in mind, is that one can never "go back". pandora's box can never be sealed back up, you can't turn back the clock of time, you can only move forward, and hope for a better tomorrow.

rather than trying to "get back to feeling like yourself", look to trying to get into a growth mind set. don't try to get back to yourself - try to get into a better you, a future you! what do you want to be? what do you strive to be, desire to be? aim for that. don't sweat it if it's not the same as what you used to be.

don't worry if you feel you're too old to change, if you think you can't possibly be smart enough to accomplish your dreams, too poor, that they're too hard, too impossible. try anyways. do it because it's fun. do it for the hell of it. do it because you want to, damnit!

what's the point of life if you don't try living it up a little? so what if you fail? do you think those people who succeeded in life, those masters and inventors and entrepeneurs and artists nailed it the first time? guess what?

they fucking SUCKED BALLS FOR YEARS AND EVEN DECADES at first. they just did it because they loved doing it until one day they kinda stopped sucking then eventually became good then awesome over time.

a growth mindset is the key to a healthy mind. at 35 years old, my mind has not shown any signs of slowing down or suffering memory lapses. in fact, the opposite is occurring - it's actually showing signs of heightened recall. not only that, my hand eye coordination has increased, to the point i keep surprising myself and others with reflexes i didn't even know i had, like surprise catches out of the corner of my eye. (i was godsawful at baseball as a kid. AWFUL. now i toss groceries around from hand to hand while scanning them to relieve boredom. go figure.)

Trying to get back to what you are may be comforting, but really, like a plant trying to jam itself back into its seed. it's quite cramped in there, and really damaging in the long run. there's a wide world, warm sun, and gentle blowing out there - why ignore them to hide in the familiar dark walls you know?


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OfflineThimbleberry
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Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 17
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Still not feeling like myself 4 months after a trip - any help? [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #26750403 - 06/17/20 12:45 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

PrimalSoup said:
IME that was what it took to fix any persistent problems that came up as a result of so-called bad trips.  Pretty much the sooner the better, as well.  You don't have to worry much about doing this, it sounds like your set and setting was kind of fucked the last time, so do it without the concert and the drinking, obviously.

You can get back to where you want to be. :cookiemonster:




So interesting, I just experienced this! After a really challenging 3g trip, I was feeling funky the next couple days. I did a gram in silent darkness and it returned me to a good state of mind and Ive felt great since! That was like 2 weeks ago. I would give this idea a shot?


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