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altered statesman

Registered: 11/08/98
Posts: 2,261
Loc: non-local
Bush's Lobotomy Has Been A Tremendous Success
    #2673690 - 05/13/04 03:31 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Bush's Lobotomy Has Been A Tremendous Success -
Invade Iraq? It's A No-Brainer By Terry Jones
The Guardian - UK

Everyone agrees that President George Bush's lobotomy has been a
tremendous success.

Dick Cheney, the vice-president, declared that he was fully satisfied
with it from his point of view.

"Without the lobotomy," Mr Cheney told the American Academy of
Neurology, "it might have proved difficult to persuade the president
to start wars all around the world without any good pretext. But the
removal of those parts of the brain associated with understanding the
outcome of one's actions has enabled the president to function fully
and without hesitation.

Even when it is clear that disaster is around the corner, as it is
currently in Iraq, the chief executive is able to go on TV and
announce that everything is on course and that he has no intention of
changing tactics that have already proved disastrous.

"I would like to commend the surgeons, nurses and all involved with
the operation," said Mr Cheney.

Similarly, Donald Rumsfeld regards the surgery as an unqualified
success. He writes in this month's American Medical Association
Journal: "The president's prefrontal leucotomy has successfully
removed all neural reflexes resistant to war-profiteering. It is a
tribute to the medical team who undertook this delicate operation
that, no matter how close the connection between those instigating
military action and the companies who benefit from it, the president
is able to carry on as if he were morally in the right."

Paul Wolfowitz, the deputy secretary of defence, is also delighted at
the beneficial effect that medical intervention has had on the
president. "Just imagine how the president might have responded to
Ariel Sharon's crazy schemes if we hadn't had the foresight to take
out the neural path ways normally connected with perception and
understanding," Mr Wolfowitz told a meeting of the Association of
Muslim Neurosurgeons For An All-Jewish Israel.

"The president is now capable of treating the man responsible for the
massacres at Shatila and Sabra as a decent human being, whose advice
on how to deal with the problems of Israel is worth not only listening
to, but also taking."

With all this acclaim for the US president's lobotomy, it is scarcely
surprising that Tony Blair, should have decided to follow suit and
undergo similar psychosurgery.

Thanks to the inhibition of specific presynaptic terminals, Mr Blair
now appears to feel totally comfortable giving his support to the US
massacre in Falluja and to the activities of US snipers who have been
so busy in that city shooting women, children and ambulance drivers in
revenge for the murder of four mercenaries.

It is also believed that intervention in the motor speech area of his
cortex now enables Mr Blair to describe Iraqis who respond negatively
to having their houses blown up as "fanatics, extremists and

Similarly, ablation of the oculomotor nerve means that Mr Blair is now
able to see Israeli plans to retain Jewish settlements in the West
Bank as a big step forward in the Middle East peace process.

What has come as a complete surprise, however, is the recent
revelation that Mr Blair's brain surgery may even predate President
Bush's. For without the removal of large portions of his cerebellum,
it is hard to understand how the British prime minister could have
turned down Mr Bush's no-strings offer to keep British troops out of
combat in Iraq.

Political commentators are thus finding it impossible to say whether
it is Mr Bush or Mr Blair who has pioneered the use of executive
lobotomies in the war against terrorism.

Terry Jones is a writer, film director, actor and Python

I AM what Willis was talkin' bout.

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El Guapo

Registered: 12/11/03
Posts: 27,904
Loc: Street of Dreams
Re: Bush's Lobotomy Has Been A Tremendous Success [Re: Jellric]
    #2674814 - 05/13/04 07:07 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)


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Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 5,715
Re: Bush's Lobotomy Has Been A Tremendous Success [Re: DieCommie]
    #2675411 - 05/13/04 09:26 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

why the fuck did you post that here and not in OTD?



"And I don't care if he was handcuffed
Then shot in his head
All I know is dead bodies
Can't fuck with me again"

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