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Offlinejetpants
Kiwi in Amsterdam
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Registered: 03/28/20
Posts: 3
Last seen: 15 days, 7 hours
Sadness and grief when tripping
    #26721927 - 06/05/20 03:10 PM (28 days, 21 hours ago)

I've had good experiences microdosing with mushrooms over the last months. 0.1g each third day. It's made me more open-hearted, empathetic, calm, grounded and present to my own and others' emotions. It's made me a kinder gentler person.

I've wanted to try a proper tripping experience but it's not been so positive and I wonder if anyone else has experienced something similar.

The first time I took 1g of dried cubensis as lemon tek. Onset was quick, slight visual distortions. I felt tingling around my body, bit of nausea and dizzy. Had positive expectations and was in my own bed.

I became aware of a strong body sensation and emotion, a feeling of sadness. I did that Buddhist meditation thing that you do with emotions when meditating: notice the emotion in your body, notice how it increases and then subsides and leaves.

Except it didn't leave, it got stronger. As I focused on the emotion and where it was located in my body, I realised it was a feeling of sadness, or more like a deep grief. The physical sensation was like an icy knife in my chest through my heart. Everyone says surrender to what's happening so that's what I did. As I sat with the feelings and sensations, the pain increased until it was intensely unbearably painful. I started to panic because it was so agonising. I so wish I'd had a friend there. I would have have given anything for a hug.

I had a hot shower, which helped and it passed in a couple of hours. This painful sensation in my chest lasted for a couple of weeks after with a feeling of heart-breaking loss. Though I don't know what this grief is about.

I wanted to get past this and tried again twice. Wondered if I hadn't taken enough to have a "breakthrough" experience, so tried with 2g and 4g. Same experience as before. On the 4g it was a nightmare. I was in such agony and pain, I tossed and turned moaning in pain in my bed for hours from 10pm to 4am. No tears or crying, just this crushing feeling of grief and loss.

I'd really like to explore my own mushroom journey but am not sure how to proceed. I thought about having a trip sitter because when I try it I am overwhelmed by a need to be held and I think not having that is what is causing the pain. But not sure if that's an appropriate thing to ask a stranger for.

Has anyone else encountered grief? I don't normally mind feeling sad, it's an okay emotion and I'm comfortable sitting with it. I often feel sad and that's all okay. But this grief that I have no idea what it's about is so painful I can't bear it, only lie there in bed crying out in pain like I have a knife in my heart.

I've been growing and taking Golden Teachers but I'm not sure what these teachers are trying to show me.


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InvisibleAntigov
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Registered: 03/17/19
Posts: 747
Loc: Deep within the BibleBelt Flag
Re: Sadness and grief when tripping [Re: jetpants]
    #26723928 - 06/06/20 01:37 PM (27 days, 22 hours ago)

My opinion is based on my experiences. With average cubes, 4 grams rides are the most sucky shitty trips I have had. Just enough to get you close to hyperspace but not enough to get there. To me, 5 gram rides are the best. I feel tripping is about ego death and rebirth. Peeling back the layers of life and being put back together is better then any man made pharmaceutical to deal with my PTSD and anxiety. Even after a difficult trip, afterwards I feel refreshed. That’s the only way I know how to describe it.

The grief you are experiencing could be past trauma you have suppressed. Shrooms have a way of making past traumas come to light and magnifying them. It can be intense, uncomfortable and terrifying. Some people can’t handle it. Here is the thing, shrooms won’t kill you, the past won’t kill you, you sit back and let the experience happen. If you feel you’re ready, be in a safe environment with a trip sitter, take 5 grams, maybe with a glass of OJ, and some good cannabis, sit back in a dark room and see what happens. I think in your case it is very important to have a trip sitter close by to monitor you in case you do have suppressed memories of trauma or abused buried deep inside.
With all that said, good luck and pleasant trips.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 26,712
Re: Sadness and grief when tripping [Re: jetpants]
    #26728575 - 06/08/20 12:08 PM (26 days, 7 minutes ago)

Quote:

jetpants said:
...

I became aware of a strong body sensation and emotion, a feeling of sadness. I did that Buddhist meditation thing that you do with emotions when meditating: notice the emotion in your body, notice how it increases and then subsides and leaves.

Except it didn't leave, it got stronger. ....




Yes.

my recommendation is to make space in your mind for the emotion without judging or ignoring it AND redirect your attention to the breathing and sensations arising from the body.

if you notice something fading away, great (really that is a more advanced observation requiring very agile awareness), keep your light attention on the breathing and body position in the space you are; and make space for the feelings and distractions without any judgement.
(afterwards you may remember the fading away of some things and you may learn from that, but it is not something one can easily see when they want to see it)

if you mentally resist - if you attempt to escape anything in mind, it becomes more firmly central and a new cycle of connections to the mental form  (idea sensation etc.) will begin. just be aware of it, leaving space in the mind for it and continue with your easy breathing.


--------------------


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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics >> The Psychedelic Experience >> Trip Reports

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