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OfflineBlackRabbit
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Two Grams and a Journey to Hell
    #26695821 - 05/25/20 09:36 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Consumed two grams of Pes Amazonian (dry) after having consumed a fair amount of alcohol.  (Mistake one)

I am posting because I need to reflect… Write out the experience … digest.
We have been on lock down due to the ongoing pandemic.  I’ve maintained my job working from home during this time but like so many around the world have been limited in regards to social contact.  Some of the restrictions in my state eased and we threw a small intimate party. 

I had four grams of mushrooms left over from my first successful grow and had debated early in the night if I was going to take any or wait.  While I debated, I had a few beers, and established a solid buzz. Needless to say the debate ended when I decided that I would split the mushrooms between myself and another friend.

All was going well, I stopped drinking and switched to water and was settling in for what I thought would be a fun trip.  Somewhere along the way things changed.  Drastically changed.  My friends were suddenly conspiring against me and I was losing control.  I couldn’t tell if I was hysterically laughing in my head or out loud (per their report it was in my head).  The whole of this mad, crazy world came crashing down around me.

I left the group and went upstairs to collect myself (mistake two).  I laid down in my closet and soon had myself convinced that I had lost control publicly, and that I kept escalating the madness.  In my mind I had physically attacked my friends, that I was waving a gun (there was not a gun), that I had accidentally shot my dog, that I purposely shot my dog, shot their dog, shot them, their children… in my mind I had done all these things and had then turned the gun on myself.

I laid on my closet floor panting for breath and in my mind I was hungry for air because I was not getting any, because I had put that gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger.  I could taste the gun powder.  In my mind I was in hell.  And my hell was a cold empty place.  There was no color but there was moving shadows and they loved me not.

I knew I had to escape and escaping was accepting what I had done and pulling myself off the floor.  But it was so much easier to just lay there, in my mind I knew if I just laid their eventually I would grow numb to the pain.  The shadows would collect me and I would become nothing.  Laying there and accepting oblivion was so very tempting. 

I did get up though.  It took every ounce of strength I had in that moment to get up off the floor and to leave that closet.  I remember getting up, and I remember turning the handle of the door and stepping out.  I do not however remember going back downstairs.  I left the closet and was suddenly standing in front of the garage door and behind that door was all my friends.  Opening that door was another bit of courage because I knew in my spirit that they just experienced everything I had.  They saw me lose control, they saw me attack them, kill them…

I am happy to report everything I had going through my head for this trip was thankfully just in my head.  There was no hysterics, no attacks, no gun… there was a mild thought though as I rejoined my group and started coming down from my high that there was a chance I didn’t make it off the floor, that I was still in the closet, that I had laid down and let the shadows take me.

There are some minor details I didn’t expand on in this post.  Time moving forward years, being locked away in a hospital room, the pandemic taking everyone, so on and so forth.  So, in a nutshell… I feel like I visited hell and kind of need to talk about it.

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Invisiblepineninja
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: BlackRabbit]
    #26695869 - 05/25/20 10:11 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

You'll be fine mate give it time.

1 or 2 is fine but ime don't enter a trip when drunk.

You spiralled and didn't have the clarity to pull up.


--------------------
Just a fool on the hill.

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OfflineBlackRabbit
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: pineninja]
    #26695890 - 05/25/20 10:26 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Thank you.  I know with time everything will sort itself out.  If I am being honest I was flippant.  I have always wanted to try mushrooms and grew my own.  First trip a few months back was 6 grams, no mixing with any other drugs or alcohol, and a brilliant journey.  Had two more small journeys before this last one and they were both okay.  But yes... absolutely no respect for the mushrooms until this last trip and have picked out a few lessons I believe.  No mixing substances, no leaving the group, and frankly, need to not take them as often as I was ... and yeah.  So, hi, hi!!!  *flops*

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Invisiblepineninja
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: BlackRabbit]
    #26696242 - 05/26/20 04:58 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

We've all been kicked in he arse.

The people who say they haven't are likely next up.


--------------------
Just a fool on the hill.

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Invisiblechronotope999
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: BlackRabbit]
    #26696284 - 05/26/20 05:41 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

BlackRabbit said:
I have always wanted to try mushrooms and grew my own.  First trip a few months back was 6 grams, no mixing with any other drugs or alcohol, and a brilliant journey.  Had two more small journeys before this last one and they were both okay. 




Glad you're okay dude.

How was six grams as a first trip? I want to hear that story too!

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OfflineBlackRabbit
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: chronotope999]
    #26696610 - 05/26/20 09:43 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

The first trip.  *folds hands over heart*  Yep, still gives me a stupid smile when I think on it.  I just had my first successful grow.  The strain that night was Mazatapec.  Quick little back story... was growing 4 different strains, two went poorly (first try) the last two, Mazatapec and the Amazonian were wildly successful.  Anyhoo!

We had a small gathering to play some D & D and I was around people I trusted and loved and hubby was in one of those perfect warm moods that night.  Told everyone I was going to have my first trip and split my shrooms with another friend for the first chow down.  Both she and I took 3 grams dry of the Maza. Later in the evening we took another 3 grams a piece.

When the first round kicked in I was sitting at my dinning table and we're all just bull shitting and I was hit with a bubble of heat right in the center of my chest followed in short order by this overwhelming love for everyone and everything around me.

I didn't engage much in the conversations happening around me.  I just listened and basked in the spirit of everyone feeling very content.  Overtime I grew restless but not anxious restless... I just had a need to move about and explore.

Now my house has a wood witch / art lover look to it.  Every room has nature pulled in and every room has its own unique design and color scheme.  *laughs*  Nothing is uniform and their is art everywhere.  So when I say I wanted to explore, that's why.  I wanted to see each room and get its feel.

I saw animals come to life in my floor and walls.  Disney animals at first but they morphed into wolves and ravens.  The wolves were a little disturbing because there was a current of danger right below the surface.  Raven's told me I would be fine though. 

I saw lace drawn in soft shadows that quickly morphed to Celtic Knot design.  I talked to my gods a bit and they talked back.  I looked in the mirrors and watched my face age.  Watched it morph from my own to my mothers.  Contemplated growing old, dying... was not one bit disturbed by it.

Around this time I met up with my friend who had been on her own exploration and we chowed down on the last 3 grams for the night.  We then rejoined our group in the man cave/garage and listened to their conversations.  I will say this.  I have the best hubbies and that man was gifted with the true gift of gab.  He can spin a story and take command of a room with those tales.  I listened to him talk, watched a map on the wall morph and melt.  The room grew very large and then very small and my eyes would not stop watering!  *laughs*

I took off again for some more exploring and laid down in my living room to watch the fire some.  I was in the I am cold, can't stop yawning, and feeling very heavy stage.  I watched the fire some, and then got lost watching my bookcase turn into claymation before turning to pixals.  Pulled myself out of it after a bit because I had that itch to explore more.

Rest of the night was a rinse and repeat of joining the group and leaving for a bit.  Perhaps the most profound moment was my cocoon stage.  Now dubbed cocooning.  I was cold (one thing I do not like about mushrooms) and went to lay down for a bit.  I wrapped myself tightly in my blankets and just traveled inward.  I have a salt lamp in my bedroom and that warm amber light is awesome when you are tripping.  I thought about some hardships I had just overcome a week ago.  I thought about relationships especially one that had ended not too long ago.  I was able to see my side but also theirs and it was their side I explored.  Empathy was a huge trend in that cocooning moment.  I was able to touch on the memories of my dead son and not feel overwhelmed with grief ... That in and of itself was so very precious to me.  To be able think of him and not despair.

We all stayed up until sunrise hubby and his friend drunk off their asses and me and my friend having a journey of a lifetime.  I was so very impressed with the journey because I felt safe and I felt in control.  When things got a little hairy I was able to remind myself to just go with it and it wouldn't last forever so even those uncomfortable moments I had in the night weren't that bad.

So!  Thank you for asking about that trip.  It felt good to write about it and helped put the other one in perspective.

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Invisiblechronotope999
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: BlackRabbit]
    #26697061 - 05/26/20 01:15 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Wow, that sounds amazing BlackRabbit... Great example of how tripping at home, around people you love can be a great experience.

Sounds like your home has some great style, too.

I'm tempted to have a go at growing myself. I'd think that having raised up the fruits from spores would really add to the sense of wonder and magic. Great job, and here's to more good trips for you! :mushroom2:

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OfflineBlackRabbit
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: chronotope999]
    #26697121 - 05/26/20 01:44 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Thank you!  And thank you again for asking about that trip.  I feel so much better now that I contrasted the two against one another.  I agree!  Grow your own.  It was fun and very challenging but yes, I do believe it added to the magic of it all.

Oh!  One thing I did leave out of my post.  Abstract kitties!  Especially my tortoise shell.  If there is ever the question if visuals had kicked in yet she confirms they did.  She looks airbrushed and her colors swirl.  The black fur-baby pops with UV rainbows and the calico turns extra fluffy! 

Here's to happy, fun trips and fur babies!  And again, thank you for asking.  That tight anxious feel unraveled as soon as I typed it all out.

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Invisiblechronotope999
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: BlackRabbit]
    #26697339 - 05/26/20 03:49 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

:smile: Good vibes.

And interesting you say about noticing the patterns and colours on your cat. Seems like it's quite common to spot a particular thing that starts moving first.

Mine is the duvet cover in our bedroom. The white surface starts swaying like the sea. It's beautiful... I felt quite fond of it after my first trip, lol.

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OfflineSocrateshroom
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: pineninja]
    #26697368 - 05/26/20 03:59 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

pineninja said:
We've all been kicked in he arse.

The people who say they haven't are likely next up.




:hehehe: funny but true. I've yet to have my ass whooped (have been slapped before but not the shit beat out of me) and I'm always weary when I'll get my first beating.

Thanks for sharing BlackRabbit. Alcohol can really take any experience south. Although I never had, and never would, mix alcohol with mushrooms, I had mixed alcohol with weed all the time (when I smoked). And I've had many experiences where things just took a bad turn. But that's just me and alcohol in general doesn't sit well with me.

Glad to hear you came out with a lesson. Crazy what 2g can do. Goes to show how set and setting are crucial.


--------------------

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OfflineFolding
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: BlackRabbit]
    #26697421 - 05/26/20 04:24 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like thinking you had shot your friends and your dog. That must have been a terrible feeling. Sounds like a very humbling experience. I know the next time I experiment with mushrooms (if ever), I will be starting at microdose levels and working my way up very slowly.

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OfflineBlackRabbit
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: Folding] * 1
    #26699018 - 05/27/20 09:09 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

I am going to record any Ooooo moments related to this trip just to keep track so to speak of any mental rewiring.  I'm still a teeny, tiny bit haunted but not anything more than waking up from a bad dream.  I did have an Ooooo moment!  I've been on PTO for the last few days (planned PTO not OMG need to recover PTO *laughs*) and logged into work this morning to an inbox stuffed with a ton of time sensitive items.  I didn't feel any anxiety about it... didn't feel any annoyance.  Am WOWed!  Because I would have been in full panic mode right now before this trip.

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Invisiblepineninja
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: BlackRabbit]
    #26700014 - 05/27/20 05:41 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

The fears and delusions were totally manifested by you when  tripping none of it was externally "real".
Perhaps the same fears are being manifested by you at work internally with no basis in the external reality...where you are seemingly totally capable.:mushroom2:


--------------------
Just a fool on the hill.

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OfflineBlackRabbit
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: pineninja] * 1
    #26701181 - 05/28/20 08:00 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

One of the reasons why mushrooms intrigued me was the studies that are being conducted in regards to how psychedelics could be a tool in combating depression, anxiety, and addiction to name a few.  I was especially curious on how imaging of the brain suggest that psychedelics rewires neurological pathways which could explain why they are so effective in addressing the aforementioned items. 

Having just had that Yeet experience and then noting that immediate change in habit energy in regards to work gave me pause.  Hoping there will be other Ooooo now this is different moments moving in a positive direction and if there is I am so sharing!  Because you all have been so very nice. :smile:

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OfflineSocrateshroom
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: BlackRabbit]
    #26701770 - 05/28/20 12:45 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

BlackRabbit said:
One of the reasons why mushrooms intrigued me was the studies that are being conducted in regards to how psychedelics could be a tool in combating depression, anxiety, and addiction to name a few.  I was especially curious on how imaging of the brain suggest that psychedelics rewires neurological pathways which could explain why they are so effective in addressing the aforementioned items. 

Having just had that Yeet experience and then noting that immediate change in habit energy in regards to work gave me pause.  Hoping there will be other Ooooo now this is different moments moving in a positive direction and if there is I am so sharing!  Because you all have been so very nice. :smile:




It's also important to be aware that mushrooms won't always give you a life-changing lesson after a trip (or even during one). But when it does, it surely doesn't hold back.


--------------------

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OfflineVhm4321
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: Socrateshroom]
    #26715641 - 06/03/20 01:47 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Having had my arse kicked in the past, there's always a sense of care, when dosing. And of not mixing mushroom with something else, unless i am deffo on it being helpful.
Its a difficult place to be in and assure yourself sooner than later(mostly), you'll be OK.
Reminds me of my time, running barefoot round a family campsite in shorts only, at night with a large metal lever(crow bar), doing my best to escape from an army of Mexicans(wearing sombrero's of course). Having hidden under somebody's caravan and waking them up, i fled and found a phone and called the cops...

Not at all helpful, i can laugh about it now, but then that was hellish.

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OfflineBlackRabbit
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Re: Two Grams and a Journey to Hell [Re: Vhm4321]
    #26717043 - 06/03/20 03:12 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

*laughs*  That is funny but I can imagine at the time how terrifying it must have been.  I believe I will be fine and learned the hard way never to mix substances.  The only thing that is still giving me pause is the imagery I conjured up.  The evil acts one but also how my mind painted hell.  It was a mashed mix of the movie 1917 that just came out with a shelled out town at night with flares going off over head and the upside down, crumbling house from the film What Dreams May Come.  My stupid brain will hop over to that imagery and exam it a bit at least every other day.  I hope because it was so shocking to the system it needs to in order to eventually grow bored with it and move on.  I suspect though my brain is secretly out to get me and likes to see me squirm! The other imagery has been easier to move past because they are hollow in the waking moments as they are so contrary to myself... but that one of hell.  *shudders*

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