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Anonymous #1

Have you ever lamented your kinks? * 2
    #26611831 - 04/19/20 02:27 AM (1 month, 13 days ago)

I remember being ashamed of my sexual tastes when I was a sixteen year old girl.

Vanilla thoughts/ porn was generally a turn off for me. I spent my nights alone fantasizing about rape and torture. I spent way too many nights imagining I had been reduced to being a pet slave, my mistress binding me and allowing her dogs to fuck me. I orgasmed to the thoughts of being murdered.

  WTF is wrong with me, I would wonder at times when I wasnt blinded by lust. Clearly I would never be able to achieve an orgasm that way IRL. I suppose I was a closeted masochist.

I lamented the notion that I would go my whole life with these desires unfulfilled. It was always my dirty little secret.

A decade later, now dogfucking porn is horrifying to me, and my response is a relief.

  I still like BDSM; I still have zero interest in vanilla, but I feel like time has been whittling down the most bizarre of my kinks in a welcomed way.

Anyone relate to this?


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Anonymous #2

Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26616620 - 04/21/20 02:00 AM (1 month, 11 days ago)

I could have written this myself, exactly. Also female. Maybe time does whittle it down, or maybe the calming of the hormones and increase in access to sexual activity decreases the sexual weirdness. I'm still pretty fucking weird, but okay with it. I do wish I could get off without thinking of the violence though. Being really present with my partner. It can only happen when I'm deep inside my own head, cut off from the situation, to an almost dissociative degree. I don't know how to change it. I've tried in increments, I've tried waiting it out. Doesn't work. The closest is getting off by myself focusing on sensation while chemically aided - worked a few times.

tldr; totally relate, still weird, semi-problematic but not shame inducing.


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26620063 - 04/22/20 03:28 PM (1 month, 9 days ago)

I had a pretty fucked up imagination too.


I still do. I'm a fucked up person. :ohwell:


There are times I'm disgusted with things and times it turns me on. Think that's pretty natural, especially when you take into account hormonal fluctuation. What I'm into when I'm at a pretty level state of hormones is very different when my estrogen is through the roof and my progesterone is in a pit.



But I know most of my fantasies are just fantasies. I like imagining epic battles with swords and would be knights in my city as I walk about... but I don't actually think I would like that actually happening. Likewise with my sexual fantasies.


I'm not ashamed of them because they are just fantasies but at the same time I'd rather most people not know about them.


Written some well appreciated erotica though.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26620069 - 04/22/20 03:33 PM (1 month, 9 days ago)

Orgasming is often something women have to train themselves to do.

That's how you trained yourself.


I would consider what you're actually doing when you do that. The dissociative part especially. Maybe you would benefit from sexual meditation. Most women find better results by focusing on the sensation and not the person. Being totally present in the way you're thinking is something alot of women can't do.


I think it's usually because there's so much social shit stuffed into what your connection with this person is and whether you make them happy and whether you've made others happy and some people say that's wrong and... alot of stupid crap we think about even when we aren't thinking about it. That's the main way women aren't present in the moment and can't orgasm.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #26631847 - 04/27/20 12:04 PM (1 month, 4 days ago)

I remember reading somewhere that rape and violent sexual fantasies were actually pretty commonly reported. I know I like violence or dominance in my sexual fantasies a lot of the time. I felt ashamed as I started developing the interest, but I wasn't hurting anybody, and I don't need it to feel gratified, so I got comfortable with it after a while. I think the aggression makes the fantasy easier to play along in. The violence\dominance makes all the social stuff simple and predictable, so I can focus on the more base parts of my sexuality in the fantasy instead of worrying about what to say or how to feel or how somebody else feels. I think it's a kind of cheater way of getting into the moment for me. I haven't tried anything like it with a partner, and I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with that. I usually try to focus on relaxing into some sort of shared trust\affection or something that feels more mutual if I'm fantasizing with a partner in mind. It's always different in real life, but I genuinely value the fantasies, and I try to expand my fantasies when I start feeling bored or weird.


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OfflineDisturbedEnby
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Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #26637864 - 04/30/20 01:05 AM (1 month, 2 days ago)

Love this topic!
Got a super naughty imagination and personality.
I also various kinks and am extremely sex-driven.
I could never completely live it out loud but I’m working on it day by day and am stoked.
Would love to talk more about sex positivity, slut-loving lifestyle, with prioritizing consent and safety!

I also think I sometimes lament over my kinks cause I never actively addressed them with a FWB, partner(s) or sex partner.
Might sound super stupid but I’m hella afraid to actually not ever being able to live or experience it.


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OfflineZ33R01
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Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: DisturbedEnby]
    #26679742 - 05/18/20 10:03 PM (14 days, 13 hours ago)

Yall need Jesus big time. Lmao. Stop worshiping the dark side if you are; turn to the light while you still can.

Other than that maybe take some shrooms and ask the Sun for some help. (you'll have to stare at it for a few seconds at least)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Z33R01]
    #26682816 - 05/20/20 10:25 AM (13 days, 1 hour ago)



Edited by Anonymous (05/20/20 10:44 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: DisturbedEnby]
    #26682856 - 05/20/20 10:57 AM (13 days, 33 minutes ago)

Quote:

DisturbedEnby said:!

I also think I sometimes lament over my kinks cause I never actively addressed them with a FWB, partner(s) or sex partner.
Might sound super stupid but I’m hella afraid to actually not ever being able to live or experience it.




It took me years to open up about it to my husband, and the desires I've shared with him are just the tip of the iceberg.

Consent for me was never a concern. Acutally, quite the opposite. I wanted my sexy man to take and conquer at my expense. Consent would have gotten in the way of my emersion into the fantasy. Its always been rather funny to me that sharing my fantasies would somehow ruin them because I would wonder if he was just doing it to make me happy, the thought of which ruins the fantasy.

The penultimate experience for me would involve being gagged and subsequently being teased:
"if it hurts too much, just use the safety word, okay?"
"Mmfhfmm!"
"Whats that? You want rough anal?! Well, ok..."


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Anonymous #1

Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: DisturbedEnby]
    #26682893 - 05/20/20 11:18 AM (13 days, 11 minutes ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Quote:

DisturbedEnby said:!

I also think I sometimes lament over my kinks cause I never actively addressed them with a FWB, partner(s) or sex partner.
Might sound super stupid but I’m hella afraid to actually not ever being able to live or experience it.




It took me years to open up about it to my husband, and the desires I've shared with him are just the tip of the iceberg.

Consent for me was never a concern. Acutally, quite the opposite. I wanted my sexy man to take and conquer at my expense. Consent would have gotten in the way of my emersion into the fantasy. Its always been rather funny to me that sharing my fantasies would somehow ruin them because I would wonder if he was just doing it to make me happy, the thought of which ruins the fantasy.

The penultimate experience for me would involve being gagged and subsequently being teased:
"if it hurts too much, just use the safety word, okay?"
"Mmfhfmm!"
"Whats that? You want rough anal?! Well, ok..."



Quote:

DisturbedEnby said:

Would love to talk more about sex positivity, slut-loving lifestyle




Ive been on the fence about this one.

Did you know that cats can store genetic material from multiple partners, incorporating
Them into  a litter of kittens that have multiple fathers. Well, what if humans could do that?

Making decisions based on obtuse what-ifs doesnt have much foundation in logic, but there is still so much that isn't understood about science and procreation.

I used to not give a fuck about the genetic viability of who I slept with, and my fwb was just as greasy and autistic as me. (And guess which teenager was not a fan of condoms?) I never intended on having kids, but 10 years and a new husband later... Well, I'd be lying if I said I don't sometimes see my old fwb's traits in my children. My husband actually agreed when we talked about this. (Husband, fwb, and I were all friends since middle school)

Its entirety speculation, entirely uncomfortable, yet entirely possible.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26685453 - 05/21/20 01:14 PM (11 days, 22 hours ago)

I find it difficult to finish if I'm not jerking off, generally I'll take 5-10 minutes with porn but easily 2-4x more with a partner. For some reason this doesn't apply to escorts though, maybe it has something to do with depersonalizing someone, or only valuing them for sex, or the pure eroticism of only using someone  for sex.

Escorts turn me on a lot, and having been with a few I often think about them when I jerk off. More frequently than previous or current partners or FWB. It's honestly kinda shameful, both because of the risk of catching something and the idea of paying for sex is both emasculating and shameful if anyone were to find out.

Oddly enough, the enthusiasm of the escort is important, I've been with girls that just weren't in the mood and it's not nearly as fun, so I know it's not coming from a place of wanting to be dominant. What turns me on is probably the act of being fucked. With most FWB or partners I've had, I'm fucking them, but they rarely initiate or maintain the act, and if they do they don't usually display a lot of eagerness. One of the few FWBs where I'd finish in like 5-10 minutes every time displayed that eagerness and control, but it ended up with me being over-eager and her losing interest.

Now, even with a long term partner I think is very sexy and who's personality I'm very attracted to it's difficult to finish quickly (mind you, it's not a bad thing!) but sometimes I have trouble finishing. Weed helps in those occasions, I worry it might mean I'm having trouble having sex with someone I'm not depersonalizing. That or I just feel too comfortable with her and it's a lot easier for things completely unrelated to the moment to flood my head.

I just find it hard to explain to her how she's not being "eager enough", because she's plenty eager. It's just not the type of eagerness I like. She wants to be controlled, and I like controlling her, but it gets boring and repetitive if I'm always in that role all the time.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #26685559 - 05/21/20 01:57 PM (11 days, 21 hours ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #3 said:
I find it difficult to finish if I'm not jerking off, generally I'll take 5-10 minutes with porn but easily 2-4x more with a partner. For some reason this doesn't apply to escorts though, maybe it has something to do with depersonalizing someone, or only valuing them for sex, or the pure eroticism of only using someone  for sex.

Escorts turn me on a lot, and having been with a few I often think about them when I jerk off. More frequently than previous or current partners or FWB. It's honestly kinda shameful, both because of the risk of catching something and the idea of paying for sex is both emasculating and shameful if anyone were to find out.

Oddly enough, the enthusiasm of the escort is important, I've been with girls that just weren't in the mood and it's not nearly as fun, so I know it's not coming from a place of wanting to be dominant. What turns me on is probably the act of being fucked. With most FWB or partners I've had, I'm fucking them, but they rarely initiate or maintain the act, and if they do they don't usually display a lot of eagerness. One of the few FWBs where I'd finish in like 5-10 minutes every time displayed that eagerness and control, but it ended up with me being over-eager and her losing interest.

Now, even with a long term partner I think is very sexy and who's personality I'm very attracted to it's difficult to finish quickly (mind you, it's not a bad thing!) but sometimes I have trouble finishing. Weed helps in those occasions, I worry it might mean I'm having trouble having sex with someone I'm not depersonalizing. That or I just feel too comfortable with her and it's a lot easier for things completely unrelated to the moment to flood my head.

I just find it hard to explain to her how she's not being "eager enough", because she's plenty eager. It's just not the type of eagerness I like. She wants to be controlled, and I like controlling her, but it gets boring and repetitive if I'm always in that role all the time.




Have you tried thinking out a fantasy where sheis the escort? Perhaps if you can work out the details enough to understand what is most arousing, you would be able to communicate that to her in a way she would understand.

I would imagine that it wouldn't hurt her ego to explain to her that you want her to aggressively fuck you as if her paycheck depended on it. If you can get her invested in the fantasy, she may like the idea of playing your personal escort. The more details you can give her, the easier it will be for her to please you.

I know it can be uncomfortable putting your fantasies out there on display for your partner; the more we love them, the greater we fear their rejection. It helps to remember that by doing so, you are giving her the gift of a healthier, more satisfying sex life.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26685562 - 05/21/20 01:59 PM (11 days, 21 hours ago)

I don't think I like the idea of her being the escort, but I'll bring up the enthusiasm next time we see each other. It'll hopefully be a lot of fun!

Thanks :smile:


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OfflineVajraWarrior
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Registered: 05/21/20
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Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #26690207 - 05/23/20 01:43 PM (9 days, 21 hours ago)

I've have several ideas that I like to dream about but the few times I implemented them they weren't that hot.

Some things are just better off as a fantasy, like the rape fantasy. In my head it sounds kinda hot, but I would never want to try it out.

Apart from that, no. I haven't been ashamed of them, though I am a little ashamed of my lack of them. I'm pretty vanilla with sex.


--------------------
Soooo nothing's real and everything is real?

Exactly.

UGH! Then what was the point of any of this? -O.K KO


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Anonymous #3

Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: VajraWarrior]
    #26690395 - 05/23/20 03:23 PM (9 days, 20 hours ago)

Quote:

VajraWarrior said:
I've have several ideas that I like to dream about but the few times I implemented them they weren't that hot.

Some things are just better off as a fantasy, like the rape fantasy. In my head it sounds kinda hot, but I would never want to try it out.

Apart from that, no. I haven't been ashamed of them, though I am a little ashamed of my lack of them. I'm pretty vanilla with sex.



Struggle fucking can be a lot of fun, talk it over with your partner, set a safety word, be communicative and you should be good!


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OfflineVajraWarrior
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Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #26690687 - 05/23/20 05:37 PM (9 days, 17 hours ago)

I tried bondage one time because I had a fantasy where it was kinda hot, but the reality wasn’t much so.

Though I have a few others in mind that should be fine to work with. But it would be a little weird if is asked my partner to do them.


--------------------
Soooo nothing's real and everything is real?

Exactly.

UGH! Then what was the point of any of this? -O.K KO


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26691270 - 05/23/20 11:15 PM (9 days, 12 hours ago)

Thats pretty extreme. Sometimes child abuse causes these types of fantasies. Does this apply to you?

I know some people have some messed up fantasies, just cause thats what they like. But in some cases, its related to some kind of abuse as a kid.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #26693908 - 05/25/20 12:36 AM (8 days, 10 hours ago)

While I wouldn't call it abuse, but when I was seven, I did have a sexual experience with the six year old girl next door. It was pretty bland vanilla, though. I don't think it explains much in the way of bdsm urges.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26693911 - 05/25/20 12:40 AM (8 days, 10 hours ago)

Same. I remember having some pretty weird fantasies when I was around 8-9 involving BDSM. The closest I got to abuse was finding the playboy channel. Some kids are just sexual.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Have you ever lamented your kinks? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26693947 - 05/25/20 01:20 AM (8 days, 10 hours ago)

I heard thats pretty common for girls, at least the women I talk to mention sexual things as a kid usually with their cousins or sister or best friend, so yeah thats not the source. Maybe you're just twisted individual whos into the most extreme things. Pretty rare but yeah, its there for some people.


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