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ninja cat 09
A paranoid android



Registered: 10/11/09
Posts: 4,170
Loc: Mexico
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Re: Just a softspoken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: LogicaL Chaos] 1
#26685080 - 05/21/20 07:52 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I'm friendly and polite but I keep to myself, most people here are like that, they won't really go out of their way to talk to you if you don't first, and I don't mind it except when I'm trying to make friends. For some reason it's always easier to talk to women, independent of their looks (well, sometimes it's harder to talk to the cute ones).
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,333
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 1 hour, 54 minutes
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Re: Just a softspoken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: trees] 1
#26685112 - 05/21/20 08:17 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Everytime i get to the "medium talk" stage with a stranger, especially a female, i cant help but feel proud of my social accomplishment.
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pirate-blues


Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,655
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Re: Just a softspoken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: ninja cat 09] 1
#26685135 - 05/21/20 08:29 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
ninja cat 09 said: I'm friendly and polite but I keep to myself, most people here are like that, they won't really go out of their way to talk to you if you don't first, and I don't mind it except when I'm trying to make friends. For some reason it's always easier to talk to women, independent of their looks (well, sometimes it's harder to talk to the cute ones).
We're good at talking. I mean, not all of us. There are definitely plenty of hardcore introverted women out there who suck at casual conversation, and that's not the worst thing to be . But my female friendships compared to platonic male friendships has 100% more talk about feelings. For theoretical and fun conversations both genders are about equal, but my ladies are always there if I need to talk.
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ninja cat 09
A paranoid android



Registered: 10/11/09
Posts: 4,170
Loc: Mexico
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Re: Just a softspoken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: pirate-blues]
#26685158 - 05/21/20 08:47 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah! It always annoys me that I can't talk about my feelings with my male friends, with very few exceptions. Fuckin' toxic masculinity.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Just a softspoken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: ninja cat 09] 1
#26685167 - 05/21/20 08:50 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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As a male with an unusual tendency for empathy and delving into feelings, I feel very blessed and grateful to have a couple of guys in my life who are also good at doing so.
Women definitely seem to have a better knack for it - or perhaps just a more natural one - but I've come across a shit ton of emotionally repressed females since my time in America, which is kind evening up the scores for me right now...
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,333
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 1 hour, 54 minutes
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Re: Just a softspoken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: Jokeshopbeard] 1
#26685204 - 05/21/20 09:03 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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As a male, it is frustrating to not be able to talk about your feelings with guys. U basically have to keep it bottled up, at least thats what it seems like to me. Theres a lot of stigma with sharinf emotions as a male. Luckily, Im pretty good at managing my own emotions by myself but sometimes i just cannot.
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pirate-blues


Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,655
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Re: Just a softspoken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: Jokeshopbeard] 1
#26685212 - 05/21/20 09:07 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Any natural knacks aside(and hey, we might..I know that we can differentiate more shades of color on average than men, which is kind of a fun fact) I feel like it's mostly western society that's kind of shaped this dichotomy.
It's perfectly normal for male friends to be openly affectionate with one another in other parts of the world(that have their own wide spread emotional issues, respectively, lol) with hugs and even hand holding, and no one's losing their shit over their perceived masculinity or wondering about sexual orientations. Not saying it has to be exactly like that, but I think it's mostly society that really fucks up a lot of men's ideas about emotional vulnerability and intimacy - to such an extent that it effects even platonic relations.
I was actually thinking about this a little bit, just with the re-normalization of death in society due to COVID. I'm not that big cryer, but I've been having a rough go lately, like many other folks. I feel like I'm coping with it all really well, partially because I feel like crying and being emotionally vulnerable is apart of the healing process, and I let myself do that when I need to as I move forward. And I feel like that's something that a lot of men feel like they can't do - at least not openly. Don't get me wrong, society has seriously fucked up women as well, but this is one corner where we really lucked out. Especially right now.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Re: Just a softspocken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: ichugwindex] 3
#26685275 - 05/21/20 09:43 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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There is a lot to be said for small talk (see what I did there). The problem lies in the people who don't like it when out in public. Why go out at all? Why be social in ANY way if it's just going to trigger a negative mindset? Look within yourself to ask why it's so troubling for you to actually be social and nice/pleasant when out IN A PUBLIC PLACE. There doesn't have to be serious discussions that have deep great meaning all the fucking time in any interaction with another human.
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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Re: Just a softspocken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: ichugwindex] 3
#26685278 - 05/21/20 09:47 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Softspocken, is that when you whisper "Live long and prosper" under your breath as a threat?
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RJ Tubs 202



Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 1 hour, 8 minutes
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Re: Just a softspocken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: split_by_nine]
#26685294 - 05/21/20 09:55 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
split_by_nine said:
its his duty as a cashier to appear interested in you as a customer. truth is he probably doesnt care how you are doing and he is just trying to get through his shift with a positive attitude. you could do your part and be polite. no need to make small talk.
That's quite a big assumption - especially when you don't even know the person
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ninja cat 09
A paranoid android



Registered: 10/11/09
Posts: 4,170
Loc: Mexico
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Re: Just a softspocken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: tyrannicalrex]
#26685299 - 05/21/20 10:00 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: As a male with an unusual tendency for empathy and delving into feelings, I feel very blessed and grateful to have a couple of guys in my life who are also good at doing so.
Women definitely seem to have a better knack for it - or perhaps just a more natural one - but I've come across a shit ton of emotionally repressed females since my time in America, which is kind evening up the scores for me right now...
Yeah, it's definitely a rare man who can be open like that! They do, but I've also met a lot of repressed women, generally there's some sexism involved, or bad relationships, but generally they're a lot better off socially.Quote:
pirate-blues said: Any natural knacks aside(and hey, we might..I know that we can differentiate more shades of color on average than men, which is kind of a fun fact) I feel like it's mostly western society that's kind of shaped this dichotomy.
It's perfectly normal for male friends to be openly affectionate with one another in other parts of the world(that have their own wide spread emotional issues, respectively, lol) with hugs and even hand holding, and no one's losing their shit over their perceived masculinity or wondering about sexual orientations. Not saying it has to be exactly like that, but I think it's mostly society that really fucks up a lot of men's ideas about emotional vulnerability and intimacy - to such an extent that it effects even platonic relations.
I was actually thinking about this a little bit, just with the re-normalization of death in society due to COVID. I'm not that big cryer, but I've been having a rough go lately, like many other folks. I feel like I'm coping with it all really well, partially because I feel like crying and being emotionally vulnerable is apart of the healing process, and I let myself do that when I need to as I move forward. And I feel like that's something that a lot of men feel like they can't do - at least not openly. Don't get me wrong, society has seriously fucked up women as well, but this is one corner where we really lucked out. Especially right now.
It's odd to think that 100 years ago male contact was common and expected, even holding hands between men was acceptable. But nowadays, even in a touch-heavy culture like Mexico, male physical contact is pretty frowned upon. Maybe especially because of the macho attitude. I feel weird in a prolonged embrace with my brother in private.
The last time I cried hard was more than a year ago when a friend stopped talking to me, but even in a time where I would have loved to have someone to hug while I cried it would have been unthinkable to be around someone being that vulnerable.
Quote:
tyrannicalrex said: There is a lot to be said for small talk (see what I did there). The problem lies in the people who don't like it when out in public. Why go out at all? Why be social in ANY way if it's just going to trigger a negative mindset? Look within yourself to ask why it's so troubling for you to actually be social and nice/pleasant when out IN A PUBLIC PLACE. There doesn't have to be serious discussions that have deep great meaning all the fucking time in any interaction with another human.
One of the things I like about crowds is being able to be close to people without physically interacting with them, without worrying about saying the right thing or maintaining the right body language, distance, gestures, words, etc. I won't be rude to people approaching me, but I didn't feel like being social, I just didn't wanna be alone. Ya dig?
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Re: Just a softspocken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: ninja cat 09]
#26685302 - 05/21/20 10:04 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I can diggit. There is a polite way to let people know you don't want to say anything beyond a basic hello/how are you etc... IMHE. I'm more in line with JSB on this topic. You never know who you are going to meet and what wonderful opportunities for new friendships could develop.
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Cannabischarlie
Resident badass


Registered: 11/28/05
Posts: 14,494
Last seen: 1 day, 9 hours
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Re: Just a softspoken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: ninja cat 09] 2
#26685307 - 05/21/20 10:07 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I fucking hate small talk but a clerk asking me about my day is no biggie
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we could all use a little more sunshine.
yeah, she's funny and somewhat interesting. not a beauty queen, but not bad lookin. i'd feel quite honored to fuck janine garofalo. -tiny_rabid_birds
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ninja cat 09
A paranoid android



Registered: 10/11/09
Posts: 4,170
Loc: Mexico
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Re: Just a softspocken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: tyrannicalrex]
#26685314 - 05/21/20 10:08 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I read this and think it's somewhat relevant to the context:
Quote:
You see, it is impossible to change people and make them what you like. But if you enjoy each one in the special way in which each excels you’ll never be disappointed or irritated. The trouble is that most of us expect each of our friends to be like those many-bladed knives that boys love, knives that can cut, bore holes, drive screws, open cans, and do almost anything. We expect friends to please us in everything.
But friends are like simpler tools. Each one can do something well, and we should use each one only for that. We can’t complain, “You naughty screw driver! Why can’t you drive nails?” so why should we expect a woman who can write wonderful poems to tell funny stories or do the Rumba? Can’t a man play a marvelous game of golf and yet be careless about his debts?
Quote:
tyrannicalrex said: I can diggit. There is a polite way to let people know you don't want to say anything beyond a basic hello/how are you etc... IMHE. I'm more in line with JSB on this topic. You never know who you are going to meet and what wonderful opportunities for new friendships could develop.
Oh, for sure! I'll definitely talk to someone interesting if they come along, but when I'd go out to be in a crowd, it was rarely to socialize.
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zZZz
jesus



Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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Re: Just a softspocken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: ninja cat 09]
#26685354 - 05/21/20 10:24 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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@tyrannicalrex
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Re: Just a softspocken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: zZZz] 2
#26685394 - 05/21/20 10:40 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Love you too, you silly succulant savage you!
..."but when I'd go out to be in a crowd, it was rarely to socialize".
Perplexing statement there Ninjacat.
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,333
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 1 hour, 54 minutes
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Re: Just a softspoken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: Cannabischarlie]
#26685396 - 05/21/20 10:42 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Cannabischarlie said: I fucking hate small talk but a clerk asking me about my day is no biggie
A curious statement. What type of small talk do u find annoying? Can u give an example?
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,484
Loc: Texas
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Re: Just a softspocken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: viraldrome]
#26685430 - 05/21/20 11:02 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
viraldrome said: When anyone tries to speak to me in public i just grunt and point to my headphones that are clearly blocking out the sounds coming from their mouth holes. Some people take that as a sign they should shout though. We should move to an all vending machine system when I don't need to talk to "people"
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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Re: Just a softspocken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: Niffla]
#26685450 - 05/21/20 11:14 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I could see that with him from his posts.
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,484
Loc: Texas
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Re: Just a softspocken dude who likes to keep to himself [Re: Niffla] 1
#26685456 - 05/21/20 11:15 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I don't like small talk either but it doesn't get me upset or anything. That said I do find it a little odd that it's pretty clear that more people than not who engage in small talk really don't care at all how your day is going (nor should they because they don't even know you), or "how are you", or "good morning". Yet they still say it anyway. I mean they're just trying to be polite and there's nothing wrong with that of course, but it's just become a robotic response for most it seems. I mean I guess why even say it at that point.
Especially gotta love the employee who is forced to say it but says it like
"Hello how are you", "how is your day", and "have a good day" when they're sitting there like
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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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