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OfflineThanatos10
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Depression Question * 1
    #26681387 - 05/19/20 03:34 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

I want to know how much of a "brain control" Depression can actually be. Because after posting the same issue I have across multiple forums and getting the same response in return from each of them I can't say any longer (not without sounding like an utter boob) that they are the problem and not me and that if no one else is bothered by this stuff it's because they don't get it. I have shown everything I read and left nothing out (even if I did it would just drum the same point over and over again) and no one buys it, so I guess it's me.

But I want to know how much a "brain control" depression is, how much does it color one's view. Because I'm beginning to wonder if I don't want to do something because I don't like it or I am just too depressed for it. How can I tell the difference between genuine enthusiasm and just pretending, and the same with genuine disinterest or depressed disinterest. Most of my days seem rather gray lately as much of what I liked before now gets followed by a "meh" or why bother. I get that tastes change as we go through life but I'm starting to suspect that this isn't that.

I've noticed I focus exclusively on topics that hurt me and even then I ignore the points that are against such topics and only focus on what affirms it, bias at  work. I don't know if that's depression or masochism. But I notice that much of my thoughts tend to be sticky and dredge up a lot of negative or harmful things I have read about or heard before, but none of it is uplifting or helpful. It's like being allergic to happiness. I thought it was because I saw the world for what it really is, but I'm wondering if maybe that's not it.

NOTHING seems good or joyful anymore and before I thought it normal, but I see that it's not quite right anymore.


--------------------
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InvisibleAsante
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26681396 - 05/19/20 03:42 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Thanatos10 said:

NOTHING seems good or joyful anymore and before I thought it normal, but I see that it's not quite right anymore.





You've painted yourself in a corner with that damn nihilism.

Nihilism is conductive to the toxic thoughts depressed people are having, which will only make them more miserable.

If you have a tendency to nihilism you might still be bouncy but if you add nihulism in the mix then your bounciness deflates because the core of both nihilism and depression is that nothing is worth anything.

Get out of your gravity well.

Renounce nihilism.


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
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InvisibleAsante
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Asante] * 1
    #26681403 - 05/19/20 03:44 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Here is an insght frpom lordandre3, a nihilist redditor who is anything but depressed:

Quote:

I've been nihilist for quite some time now, and I can tell you this: nihilism =/=d depression. You should celebrate the fact that there is no meaning to life, rather than skulking or feeling down about it. The absence of meaning means that you are now free to do whatever you want, think whatever you wish to think.

Now that you've discovered that there is no inherent meaning, feel free to set goals of your own that you want to achieve. At the risk of sounding unrealistically optimistic, there is no barrier, save for the laws of nature, to what you can and can't do now. Read a book, go listen to music, jerk it, watch a movie, stare into the distance. Do what pleases you, as there should be nothing keeping you from doing those things.

View nihlism as a liberation from life, not a condemnation to mediocrity. Before I became nihilist, I was trapped from an enjoyable life by layer upon layer of arbitrary social norm, and the pressure of a believe in leading a fulfilling life. Taking away the meaning to our existence has made me more openminded and allowed me to enjoy unbridled existence more fully.

Lastly, I just wanted to say that from your talk about depression, you ressemble 80% of redditors on this subreddit. That means that you are either a kid or have been recently rescued from the clutches of religion. If you're a kid, then it's good that you're discovering reality, but you really shouldn't bring yourself down as a result.




I believe there is incredible meaning to life, but if you feel there isn't, lordandre3's certainly is a healthy attitude towards it.

Meaningful or meaningless, let your delusion be FUNCTIONAL and not shoot you in the foot.


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here


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InvisiblezZZz
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26681418 - 05/19/20 03:49 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

:iloveyou:


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InvisiblefeeversM
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Asante] * 3
    #26681424 - 05/19/20 03:53 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Depression basically shrinks your world in my experience. Things become far more black and white. Your initial response to things goes straight to limitations and negativity instead of possibility and promise. Some will label it cynicism or being realistic, but they are likely understating their naivety and overstating their ability to predict the reactions that actions can result in.


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: Depression Question [Re: feevers]
    #26681426 - 05/19/20 03:54 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Meaningful or meaningless, let your delusion be FUNCTIONAL and not shoot you in the foot.

Humanity ranks its delusions to functionality.

Highly dysfunctional delustions go to the psychiatric hospital, highly functional delusions get a nobel prize.

We try to attain absolute certainty but cant even account for 80% of the mass of the universe.

WE ARE ALL DELUSIONAL AT THIS POINT.





The state of the world reflects it, we have a complete madman behind the US nuke button and a stone cdfold ruthless man on the russian nuke button.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26681436 - 05/19/20 04:01 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Thanatos10 said:

Because I'm beginning to wonder if I don't want to do something because I don't like it or I am just too depressed for it. How can I tell the difference between genuine enthusiasm and just pretending, and the same with genuine disinterest or depressed disinterest.




Internal resistance is often accompanied by thoughts such as "I don't want to do it." and "That sucks" or "I don't feel like it."

Sloth and torpor is a common experience - a dull lethargic weary type of laziness - an absence of vitality. It's not something we have or get - and more of something we engage in.


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InvisibleShroomerInTheRye
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Thanatos10] * 4
    #26681484 - 05/19/20 04:41 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Thanatos10 said:
NOTHING seems good or joyful anymore and before I thought it normal, but I see that it's not quite right anymore.




This is anhedonia, and much like you, I knew this feeling intimately.

I've spoken about my experiences in overcoming depression with psychedelics publicly.  Been on a few podcasts also.  I've always described depression as "a soot of melancholy".  Once my depression lifted, I noticed my senses were turned on 11.  Everything was more vibrant, smelled better, felt warmer/colder.

It controls you by telling you not to bother trying.  Instead, you stay in bed all day sleeping just to get through another day, but the notion of tomorrow is a deep, painful pit full of dread in your stomach.  You wake up regretting you made it through the night.  Every day feels like a band aid getting ripped off an old wound.  Every day is too painful and sad to function, so instead of living life, you sit idly by, watching others live their lives with a twinge of jealously.  Perhaps...just perhaps...if you could find the anything within yourself to get on your feet, stand up, and make it happen, you could be happy too.  Why bother, though?  It's just going to fuck up in the end and I'll be unhappier for having tried.

Life is so much better now, though.  Like, waking up every day doesn't feel like a kick in the lady nuts.  I've got a fire inside that wasn't there before.  I stand up for myself and those I care about.  I'm not afraid to be by myself.  I've been able to take productive, correct steps to make my life one I want to live in.  Most importantly, I've been able to support those who still suffer as well as talk about how psychedelics can be beneficial to mental health.


--------------------
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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Asante]
    #26681514 - 05/19/20 05:00 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Asante said:
Here is an insght frpom lordandre3, a nihilist redditor who is anything but depressed:

Quote:

I've been nihilist for quite some time now, and I can tell you this: nihilism =/=d depression. You should celebrate the fact that there is no meaning to life, rather than skulking or feeling down about it. The absence of meaning means that you are now free to do whatever you want, think whatever you wish to think.

Now that you've discovered that there is no inherent meaning, feel free to set goals of your own that you want to achieve. At the risk of sounding unrealistically optimistic, there is no barrier, save for the laws of nature, to what you can and can't do now. Read a book, go listen to music, jerk it, watch a movie, stare into the distance. Do what pleases you, as there should be nothing keeping you from doing those things.

View nihlism as a liberation from life, not a condemnation to mediocrity. Before I became nihilist, I was trapped from an enjoyable life by layer upon layer of arbitrary social norm, and the pressure of a believe in leading a fulfilling life. Taking away the meaning to our existence has made me more openminded and allowed me to enjoy unbridled existence more fully.

Lastly, I just wanted to say that from your talk about depression, you ressemble 80% of redditors on this subreddit. That means that you are either a kid or have been recently rescued from the clutches of religion. If you're a kid, then it's good that you're discovering reality, but you really shouldn't bring yourself down as a result.




I believe there is incredible meaning to life, but if you feel there isn't, lordandre3's certainly is a healthy attitude towards it.

Meaningful or meaningless, let your delusion be FUNCTIONAL and not shoot you in the foot.



Quote:

Asante said:
Here is an insght frpom lordandre3, a nihilist redditor who is anything but depressed:

Quote:

I've been nihilist for quite some time now, and I can tell you this: nihilism =/=d depression. You should celebrate the fact that there is no meaning to life, rather than skulking or feeling down about it. The absence of meaning means that you are now free to do whatever you want, think whatever you wish to think.

Now that you've discovered that there is no inherent meaning, feel free to set goals of your own that you want to achieve. At the risk of sounding unrealistically optimistic, there is no barrier, save for the laws of nature, to what you can and can't do now. Read a book, go listen to music, jerk it, watch a movie, stare into the distance. Do what pleases you, as there should be nothing keeping you from doing those things.

View nihlism as a liberation from life, not a condemnation to mediocrity. Before I became nihilist, I was trapped from an enjoyable life by layer upon layer of arbitrary social norm, and the pressure of a believe in leading a fulfilling life. Taking away the meaning to our existence has made me more openminded and allowed me to enjoy unbridled existence more fully.

Lastly, I just wanted to say that from your talk about depression, you ressemble 80% of redditors on this subreddit. That means that you are either a kid or have been recently rescued from the clutches of religion. If you're a kid, then it's good that you're discovering reality, but you really shouldn't bring yourself down as a result.




I believe there is incredible meaning to life, but if you feel there isn't, lordandre3's certainly is a healthy attitude towards it.

Meaningful or meaningless, let your delusion be FUNCTIONAL and not shoot you in the foot.




https://www.amazon.com/product-reviews/023052205X/ref=acr_dpx_hist_4?ie=UTF8&filterByStar=four_star&reviewerType=all_reviews#reviews-filter-bar

I read something that argues that such an approach as he quoted is incorrect, not sure if it's right or not.

When it came to nihilism the whole "make your own meaning" didn't feel that solid to me. It felt cheap, like if I myself just made it up then it's not that great or meaningful, it's just loser talk. That's just what it seemed like to me.

But right now it's like nothing feels like it did before. Where there was a genuine spark and direction in the past now everything feels so BLAH and not worth it. I eventually began to think that life isn't mandatory and how I don't HAVE to do anything with it and how at times I could just not worry about scurrying around anymore if I just ended my own life. I'm not really interested in doing that, but the reasoning behind it haunts me.

I guess you could say I feel like a ghost. It's like I'm not all there and I'm more like haunting my home than actually living. I've forgotten what it's like to be happy for more than a few minutes or to have genuine enthusiasm and drive for things. It's like with every day that reality grows dimmer until it just seems impossible. Any time people say it's not I think they are lying or they never "had it that bad".


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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OfflineLed Zeppelin
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26681608 - 05/19/20 06:01 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

This article claims depression can shrink the hippocampus and part of pre frontal cortex. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6380948/

Good thing for me because I got my raw genetic code from 23andme and plugged it into Promethease and it told me I had an enlarged hippocampus and extra oxytocin, which is nice. I encourage you to do the same, it’s about 100$ for 23andme which is cool in and of itself then you can download your raw genome and plug it into Promethease. Costs 7$ now. Will tell you a lot.

But besides that depression literally affects every part of your brain. Your brain IS YOU and the decisions in life that you make will affect it. It’s hard to dig out once you’re in a rut but it is up to you to change your life and your brain will change with it eventually. It gets harder as you get older.

The truth is it does not matter how you feel, only what can be done.


edit: I would honestly be curious to know whether, if you had depression long and severe enough to shrink the hippocampus whether or not it would return to normal volume after the depression had been beaten.


Edited by Led Zeppelin (05/19/20 06:32 PM)


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OfflineEnvix
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Led Zeppelin] * 2
    #26681657 - 05/19/20 06:43 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

I feel like people are confusing nihilism with existentialism these days. It is possible to not believe in anything and not be depressed. You have to be willing to orchestrate up a fantasy world, though. Many people dont have the time or energy for that, or overthink and analyze everything to death
. Thus the cycle of depression, caused by a lack of meaning and purpose.

You need something, anything.

See yourself as the directir of your own movie. Create your own story


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Led Zeppelin]
    #26681729 - 05/19/20 07:31 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Led Zeppelin said:
This article claims depression can shrink the hippocampus and part of pre frontal cortex. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6380948/

Good thing for me because I got my raw genetic code from 23andme and plugged it into Promethease and it told me I had an enlarged hippocampus and extra oxytocin, which is nice. I encourage you to do the same, it’s about 100$ for 23andme which is cool in and of itself then you can download your raw genome and plug it into Promethease. Costs 7$ now. Will tell you a lot.

But besides that depression literally affects every part of your brain. Your brain IS YOU and the decisions in life that you make will affect it. It’s hard to dig out once you’re in a rut but it is up to you to change your life and your brain will change with it eventually. It gets harder as you get older.

The truth is it does not matter how you feel, only what can be done.


edit: I would honestly be curious to know whether, if you had depression long and severe enough to shrink the hippocampus whether or not it would return to normal volume after the depression had been beaten.




It's been this way for a while, can't remember how long. But I do remember being hospitalized at one point.

Thing is that this just feels like the norm at the moment, but it's not a good one. It's like I am allergic to happiness, and it doesn't help that I somehow tricked myself into believing that being happy means you are hiding from reality or the truth or want to live in ignorance.

Which is guess is why it's hard to let go of stuff that hurts me like Solipsism. Eternal loneliness sounds like a great way to hurt myself and stay this way. I have this compulsive urge to seek out things that hurt me, but no matter how much I try to fight this I end up caving in to it.

It's like my brain is always on some new disaster that I need to be sad about or at least it won't let me forget. Having ice cream? What about how humans are destroying the planet and maybe they should be wiped out? Want a romantic partner? Well our ancestors didn't have them so because you want one means you're broken inside. Playing a video game? Well you'll never get anywhere in life, you're just going to be a parasite dependent on your parents to do anything right? Looking for friends? Well what if no one else exists and you're all alone in the world around you. Want to learn archery? Well that's just ego and letting go of desires is the only way to be happy. Want to build a better life? Well this is just Maya and there's no real point to striving in the illusion. Do you like being alive right now? Well guess what, there is no point to it all. You don't have to be alive and if you kill yourself you won't have to worry about anything ever again. Do you enjoy sex? Well you are just some unenlightened animal who can't control or transform their desires for something better and you're brainwashed by society. Making a choice on your own? How do you know you aren't being controlled by aliens and that your life is a lie. Exercising? You're always gonna have that gut and no guy will want you especially when you're such a stick.

You can see where this is going but it's like this every day. Seems like anything I want to do has an answer from my mind from somewhere else that says a colossal NOOOOOOOOOO, you can't be happy because what you want is WRONG.

God it's a wonder I can sleep at night, at least that is safe for now.

I'm very...upset by all this. It's like I can't do anything right and anything that makes me happy to do is wrong and every choice is wrong according to something else. If I could cry I would likely be doing that every day,but I don't have the emotion to muster for any of it. I guess that's why I'm looking for someone to save me,because I can't seem to do it myself.

I'm trapped and have nowhere else to go.

It's not helped that some think it's a myth which implies I'm doing this on purpose: https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/2086169

I just..........I don't know what else to do or where to go. I miss the joy I had before but I can't even remember what it was like, and how it feels to not be like this every day.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


Edited by Thanatos10 (05/19/20 07:34 PM)


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Thanatos10] * 1
    #26681737 - 05/19/20 07:35 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

I would say Depression has a high amount of "brain control" aka influence over your thoughts and feelings. It can affect your entire life in harmful, saddening ways. Its not a pleasant condition to have. Some people commit suicide over it sadly. Back in the day, I had depression in College and its a sad state of mind to be. Everything loses its magic. Nothing is pleasant or enjoyable. Everyday becomes "Meh", with a lack of joy and happiness for life. Its a depressing way of life (excuse the pun).

I noticed when i was depressed, i graviated toward anything negative. That is an important aspect of depression, u want to see the negativity in life, thats all u really want to think about. Its a terrible way to live and Im glad it was temporary.


--------------------
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OfflineOceanshorex
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Re: Depression Question [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #26681767 - 05/19/20 07:44 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

i dont care about nothin also, i am a one man army


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OfflineLed Zeppelin
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Oceanshorex]
    #26681800 - 05/19/20 08:03 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

You just keep talking about how you feel and not what your going to do about it so I’ll just consider you a troll at this point.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Led Zeppelin]
    #26681902 - 05/19/20 08:51 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Led Zeppelin said:
You just keep talking about how you feel and not what your going to do about it so I’ll just consider you a troll at this point.




I've been trying what has been recommeneded. A therapist is helping a little bit but it feels more like a band aid than any solution. I've tried to see a psychiatrist for medication but the virus makes things by phone only and the one's I've scheduled with forget to call.

I've been exercising each day but it isn't really doing anything, it just leaves me alone with my thoughts (mostly the bad ones). I've even been going to bed early.

I don't know what else is there.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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OfflineLed Zeppelin
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26681928 - 05/19/20 09:09 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Thanatos10 said:
Quote:

Led Zeppelin said:
You just keep talking about how you feel and not what your going to do about it so I’ll just consider you a troll at this point.




I've been trying what has been recommeneded. A therapist is helping a little bit but it feels more like a band aid than any solution. I've tried to see a psychiatrist for medication but the virus makes things by phone only and the one's I've scheduled with forget to call.

I've been exercising each day but it isn't really doing anything, it just leaves me alone with my thoughts (mostly the bad ones). I've even been going to bed early.

I don't know what else is there.




getting a life

This can mean whatever it truly means to you. Climb the ladder, reconnect with family. Do something. Also getting rid of any toxic people/situations in your life


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Led Zeppelin]
    #26682024 - 05/19/20 10:00 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Led Zeppelin said:
Quote:

Thanatos10 said:
Quote:

Led Zeppelin said:
You just keep talking about how you feel and not what your going to do about it so I’ll just consider you a troll at this point.




I've been trying what has been recommeneded. A therapist is helping a little bit but it feels more like a band aid than any solution. I've tried to see a psychiatrist for medication but the virus makes things by phone only and the one's I've scheduled with forget to call.

I've been exercising each day but it isn't really doing anything, it just leaves me alone with my thoughts (mostly the bad ones). I've even been going to bed early.

I don't know what else is there.




getting a life

This can mean whatever it truly means to you. Climb the ladder, reconnect with family. Do something. Also getting rid of any toxic people/situations in your life




I've tried that before, I've been doing that so far but it hasn't worked out.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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OfflineEnvix
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26682062 - 05/19/20 10:14 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)



--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


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Invisibledeadwk
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Re: Depression Question [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26682075 - 05/19/20 10:22 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

In my case it made me feel like everything was pointless, that there was no reason for doing anything, that even if I did something I would fuck it up, so I should just stay in bed all day because you cant fuck that up. It can be a pretty big "brain control", but the extent of how much it prevents you from doing something will vary from person to person.

Quote:


NOTHING seems good or joyful anymore





This is a pretty good indicator of depression as well as some of the other things you mentioned, particularly the negative and harmful feelings brought up by your thoughts.


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