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OfflineLuminous7


Registered: 01/26/16
Posts: 1,405
Last seen: 10 minutes, 57 seconds
Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3
    #26679839 - 05/18/20 08:55 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

I wanted to reach out in the community for some feed back / advice.

Ill try to keep this brief as possible.

So basically a couple months or so ago I had a really challenging trip with a dosage of 5.6g ape and 10g fresh sclerotia.
Made a 3g ape and 10g sclerotia tea to start then redose 2 times with about 1.08g ape. ( big mistake ) I felt i got reckless with dosage and didnt respect the mushrooms.

This one was the hardest scariest trips of my life and I dont feel the same since that night.

It was Prob the most iv ever taken and it turned into the classic " minutes felt like hours " Trapped in this never ending gross feeling uncomfortable freaking ou hell. 

I couldnt see, stand or make sense of anything. I knew i jus took to much and it would be some time before it wore off . I knew i was "stuck" in this. But i severely wanted out of the experience, thats when i caught the fear.

I was having intense panic attacks and very negative thought patterns, i felt trapped and like I was dying.

I knew not to resist and kept telling myself to give into it and just breath.

My breath became my foundation on which to keep me from screaming and freaking the fuck out. WHen i would feel panic i would say its ok and come back to my breath.

I felt like i had to deeply surrender, like i would think would have to be done for dying.

Conscious surrender deeper than i knew how. THis was my only choice and i was struggling in between deep letting go, sinking into dark abyss and trying not to have a full on panic attack and freak out.

I basically laid in the fetal position for hours crying trying to focus on my breat and asking for help .

about 2 months later my life has been kind of a mess since that really hard trip.

I feel the same kind of "panic angst" in my day to day life sometimes.

I feel the " i need out of this experience " feeling often in my sober life day to day.

The angst of life has become so much greater than ever and it feels similar to that night i lost my shit tripping on the ape.

Iv heard ppl say you need to go "back in" to fix what ever happened on that trip but iv honestly been pretty scared of experiencing that trapped hellish feeling again.

Iv tripped a couple times since that night but not nearly as deep.

I have such high anxiety and existential angst since that night and Im just looking for some help / adivce from anyone who may have been through something similar. I hope I can resolve this issue and continue to use mushrooms as they have been a tremendous benefit / fascination in my life.

Im sorry for the lengthy post. I just really feel like reaching out as I dont know what to do anymore.

Thank you so much to anyone who reads and replys to this. <3 I love you all so much and Im very grateful to be a part of this community, iv learned so much through everyone here. So much love . <3 <3 <3 <3


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OfflineSonicTitan
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/17/16
Posts: 24,065
Last seen: 31 minutes, 16 seconds
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: Luminous7]
    #26679878 - 05/18/20 09:24 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Maybe time off is good, or maybe even returning to the experience by eating a smaller dosage. Maybe it could help calm yourself down with a more positive experience or at least a more grounded one?

I've had a few trips that went really south on shrooms. One where I was not good for months after and it was very intense and unnerving.

I hope you are able to feel better in time <3


--------------------
"We are a way for the cosmos to know itself."



Edited by SonicTitan (05/18/20 09:36 PM)


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OfflineLuminous7


Registered: 01/26/16
Posts: 1,405
Last seen: 10 minutes, 57 seconds
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: SonicTitan]
    #26679903 - 05/18/20 09:46 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

SonicTitan said:
Maybe time off is good, or maybe even returning to the experience by eating a smaller dosage. Maybe it could help calm yourself down with a more positive experience or at least a more grounded one?

I've had a few trips that went really south on shrooms. One where I was not good for months after and it was very intense and unnerving.

I hope you are able to feel better in time <3




I did try the lower dose thing about 1 month after the "challenging trip"

It was actually pretty enjoyable and nice but it didnt fix anything apparently.

THanks for your feed back. I think time off and working on my health / life is essential right now.

Bless <3


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OfflineHarmoniumBlast
Pilgrim on Earth
Registered: 05/18/20
Posts: 12
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: SonicTitan]
    #26679954 - 05/18/20 10:15 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

The mushroom shows you wherever you are on your journey, and then the outcome or progression of continuing the same route. Sounds like you want to squeeze the nectar out of the psychedelic experience by getting as much as you can. This is called addiction, and the end of outcome and progression of that road is most certainly a hellish state, whether what you consume is natural or not.

A poet named William Carlos Williams wrote:

There is nothing to eat,
Seek it where you will,
But the body of the Lord.
The blessed plants
And the sea, yield it
To the imagination
Intact.

My grandma used to have a saying about sugar, or kool-whip, which applies well to the mushroom. “A little dab will do ya.” A small dose can help reset a depressed mind if taken from the perspective that the nectar of life comes from God, not the mushroom. It’s kind of like He put a “little dab” in there for humans to explore. I think of it like natures psychotherapy. The amazing thing, is that if you are really seeking the truth about life and your being, you will be shown. It’s often what we don’t want to see that puts us on a better path

A teacher once said, Psychedelics were like a boat that showed us there was another side. Eventually we had to get out and walk on the land.”

Take a breath. Take a walk. Take note of everything you have to be grateful for. And take care. :heart:


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OfflineLuminous7


Registered: 01/26/16
Posts: 1,405
Last seen: 10 minutes, 57 seconds
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: HarmoniumBlast]
    #26679989 - 05/18/20 10:33 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

HarmoniumBlast said:
The mushroom shows you wherever you are on your journey, and then the outcome or progression of continuing the same route. Sounds like you want to squeeze the nectar out of the psychedelic experience by getting as much as you can. This is called addiction, and the end of outcome and progression of that road is most certainly a hellish state, whether what you consume is natural or not.

A poet named William Carlos Williams wrote:

There is nothing to eat,
Seek it where you will,
But the body of the Lord.
The blessed plants
And the sea, yield it
To the imagination
Intact.

My grandma used to have a saying about sugar, or kool-whip, which applies well to the mushroom. “A little dab will do ya.” A small dose can help reset a depressed mind if taken from the perspective that the nectar of life comes from God, not the mushroom. It’s kind of like He put a “little dab” in there for humans to explore. I think of it like natures psychotherapy. The amazing thing, is that if you are really seeking the truth about life and your being, you will be shown. It’s often what we don’t want to see that puts us on a better path

A teacher once said, Psychedelics were like a boat that showed us there was another side. Eventually we had to get out and walk on the land.”

Take a breath. Take a walk. Take note of everything you have to be grateful for. And take care. :heart:



THank you for that.

I think iv been so obsessed with " healing " myself with mushrooms.

Or bettering myself or what ever it may be . I had some powerfully positively transformative experiences with mushrooms that led me down this rabbit hole of cultivation and self discovery.

Perhaps in my pursuits i have become obsessed and the mushrooms are fuckin me up now .

Im just so confused and thought i was doing a good thing with the mushrooms. They have shown me so much beauty about myself and the world.

Thank you so much for your feedback. <3


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OfflineLuminous7


Registered: 01/26/16
Posts: 1,405
Last seen: 10 minutes, 57 seconds
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: HarmoniumBlast]
    #26679996 - 05/18/20 10:35 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

HarmoniumBlast said:


A teacher once said, Psychedelics were like a boat that showed us there was another side. Eventually we had to get out and walk on the land.”

Take a breath. Take a walk. Take note of everything you have to be grateful for. And take care. :heart:




I think that quote pretty much nailed it .

Iv been avoiding "getting off the boat" .

May I ask what teacher said this?


Time to start walking...

<3


--------------------


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OfflineDJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK Flag
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: Luminous7]
    #26680088 - 05/18/20 11:57 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

OP it definitely sounds like an extended period of time off (to “integrate”) will do you the world of good. In the perfect quote above, you need to get off the boat. Replenish your supplies, move along in your journey through life, then dip your toes back in the water. Try a full month off and see how you feel. And try not to be anxious the mushrooms have “done damage”; they haven’t, you just need a break :thumbup:


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineLuminous7


Registered: 01/26/16
Posts: 1,405
Last seen: 10 minutes, 57 seconds
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: HarmoniumBlast]
    #26680138 - 05/19/20 01:40 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

HarmoniumBlast said:




Take note of everything you have to be grateful for. And take care. :heart:




That very night before i redosed 2 times and fucked my head up, This is exactly the message i got.

Streams of images of my life, people, places memories, loved ones ect flashed through my head like some melancholy nostalgic movie. I wept deeply as i realized how much i take for granted that other people would kill to have.

Thank you so much for your feed back, it has helped me . 

:loveheart:


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OfflineLuminous7


Registered: 01/26/16
Posts: 1,405
Last seen: 10 minutes, 57 seconds
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: DJ Ed]
    #26680139 - 05/19/20 01:43 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

DJ Ed said:
OP it definitely sounds like an extended period of time off (to “integrate”) will do you the world of good. In the perfect quote above, you need to get off the boat. Replenish your supplies, move along in your journey through life, then dip your toes back in the water. Try a full month off and see how you feel. And try not to be anxious the mushrooms have “done damage”; they haven’t, you just need a break :thumbup:



I think your right about taking a break.

At least until i make some "healthy progress" moving forward in life.

Thanks for the 2 cent man <3


--------------------


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OfflineLoaded Shaman
Psychophysiologist
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/02/15
Posts: 8,006
Loc: Now O'Clock
Last seen: 28 days, 4 hours
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: HarmoniumBlast]
    #26680148 - 05/19/20 02:01 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

HarmoniumBlast said:
The mushroom shows you wherever you are on your journey, and then the outcome or progression of continuing the same route. Sounds like you want to squeeze the nectar out of the psychedelic experience by getting as much as you can. This is called addiction, and the end of outcome and progression of that road is most certainly a hellish state, whether what you consume is natural or not.

A poet named William Carlos Williams wrote:

There is nothing to eat,
Seek it where you will,
But the body of the Lord.
The blessed plants
And the sea, yield it
To the imagination
Intact.

My grandma used to have a saying about sugar, or kool-whip, which applies well to the mushroom. “A little dab will do ya.” A small dose can help reset a depressed mind if taken from the perspective that the nectar of life comes from God, not the mushroom. It’s kind of like He put a “little dab” in there for humans to explore. I think of it like natures psychotherapy. The amazing thing, is that if you are really seeking the truth about life and your being, you will be shown. It’s often what we don’t want to see that puts us on a better path

A teacher once said, Psychedelics were like a boat that showed us there was another side. Eventually we had to get out and walk on the land.”

Take a breath. Take a walk. Take note of everything you have to be grateful for. And take care. :heart:




:justastonishing:

This is an absolutely stellar post for being such a new member here! Bravo and spot on!


--------------------



"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance." — Confucius


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OfflineHarmoniumBlast
Pilgrim on Earth
Registered: 05/18/20
Posts: 12
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: Loaded Shaman]
    #26680632 - 05/19/20 08:50 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Luminous7, I’m glad to hear you are having some insight. Being aware of what and who we take for granted is a great step (even though it is a painful one) towards growth. It sounds like you have taken yourself for granted in some ways as well, and that can cause us to neglect the other areas and people in our lives. Each man is a center to themselves. Anyone who thinks they will take enough psychedelics and dissolve their ego and become a universal being is deluding themselves. Our personality is a gift too. The Indian scriptures say God can be found even in the false ego. It is some little piece striving towards wholeness, and that has a meaning, it is okay to be a little piece. It is all the little pieces that make the big picture beautiful. So, if the mushrooms have given you glimpses of beauty, try to see that beauty without them. I promise you it is there. We might not be able to Interpret every moment with the same cosmic significance as when we are in a trip, but to be attached to those ways of seeing is just another trap of the ego saying, “None of this is really good enough without my special mushroom”. That is called chasing the dragon. The same mind that experienced all the wonder is beauty is the same mind that can observe a sunset, or notice the life of birds and bugs and the ripples on the water. And that’s because it’s not just your mind, it’s not just a chemical reaction, you are a soul having this experience in the mind and body. Another scripture says, “The person who takes one part of life to be the whole of experience and worship only becomes deluded and misses the whole.” As for that quote about the boat, that was Ram dass, who I don’t take much else from except that quote, lol. Hope you are well. :sun:


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OfflineLuminous7


Registered: 01/26/16
Posts: 1,405
Last seen: 10 minutes, 57 seconds
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: HarmoniumBlast]
    #26681163 - 05/19/20 01:28 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

I just want to thank you all for your input on my situation.

Im feeling better having some reassurance and kind words.

I think I know what to do now. <3

life is so beautiful and sacred . Lots to learn . SO much ...

Thank you all so much. I love this community .

<3 <3 <3 :heart:


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OfflinePrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations
Other User Gallery


Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: Luminous7]
    #26681335 - 05/19/20 02:58 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Luminous7 said:
So basically a couple months or so ago I had a really challenging trip with a dosage of 5.6g ape and 10g fresh sclerotia.
Made a 3g ape and 10g sclerotia tea to start then redose 2 times with about 1.08g ape. ( big mistake ) I felt i got reckless with dosage and didnt respect the mushrooms.





Well there's yer problem!

I don't want to sound facetious but really high doses come with a whole new set of accommodations, and it takes some time to figure out just what the fuck is happening when you're doing it (while you're doing it I mean).

On higher doses I've had the experience of suddenly coming "awake" without remembering that I had dosed at all, very confusing until I realized there was a reason I felt so strange.  "Oh yeah..."

The time dilation hits you - sometimes time stops, loops, runs backwards...  Long sections of the trip repeat, experiential time gets fractured and sliced and diced - things happen out of order.  This can be disturbing as fuck unless you can remember that it's perfectly normal with that sort of trip.

Or you can be laying there, mostly helpless, pretty much going WTF? forever - sometimes just having to ride it out and not enjoying it much.  Then it can switch into overwhelming bliss and all the other up-side results of that particular sort of heaven and hell experience.

Major confusion sets in until you just give in - then this sort of unifying knowledge pours in and you're back on top.  There can be multiple waves of this kind of thing.  Every one is, of course, brand new and happening for the first time.  It's tripping. :cookiemonster:

One solution to the continuing angst is indeed go back in.  Get more familiar with it.  Or just wait until it all wears off.  You dealt your psyche a major upset through overdosing but it will eventually recover.

This is red pill or blue pill time though.  Where do you really want to go with it?  To the knowledge or to the denial?  Been there many times.

You can start low and gradually work your way back in, while you see there's really nothing to fear there - but you still have to get back on that horse if you want to sort it out.


--------------------

if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat you
Primal's simple tested teks and projects: :awesomenod: Wheat Prep 2.0  Acidic Tea Tek  Potency Project! 


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OfflineVibe_Enthusiast
Mushroom Technician
I'm a teapot


Registered: 10/16/18
Posts: 2,420
Loc: GPS signal lost.. Flag
Last seen: 18 days, 22 hours
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: Luminous7]
    #26681337 - 05/19/20 02:59 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

There is definitely something where its just "too much". There's so much more than can get retained when not diving into places that deep - also sounds like you did not enjoy it whatsoever. I hope it doesn't steer you clear of taking them again.. but try and embrace it other than look at it as a negative

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... and if you can go through something of such and make it out - shows you how powerful ones mind can be. Be safe and tread lightly.

:cheers:


--------------------
:greyalien:




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OfflineLuminous7


Registered: 01/26/16
Posts: 1,405
Last seen: 10 minutes, 57 seconds
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #26681636 - 05/19/20 06:28 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

PrimalSoup said:
Quote:

Luminous7 said:
So basically a couple months or so ago I had a really challenging trip with a dosage of 5.6g ape and 10g fresh sclerotia.
Made a 3g ape and 10g sclerotia tea to start then redose 2 times with about 1.08g ape. ( big mistake ) I felt i got reckless with dosage and didnt respect the mushrooms.





Well there's yer problem!

I don't want to sound facetious but really high doses come with a whole new set of accommodations, and it takes some time to figure out just what the fuck is happening when you're doing it (while you're doing it I mean).

On higher doses I've had the experience of suddenly coming "awake" without remembering that I had dosed at all, very confusing until I realized there was a reason I felt so strange.  "Oh yeah..."

The time dilation hits you - sometimes time stops, loops, runs backwards...  Long sections of the trip repeat, experiential time gets fractured and sliced and diced - things happen out of order.  This can be disturbing as fuck unless you can remember that it's perfectly normal with that sort of trip.

Or you can be laying there, mostly helpless, pretty much going WTF? forever - sometimes just having to ride it out and not enjoying it much.  Then it can switch into overwhelming bliss and all the other up-side results of that particular sort of heaven and hell experience.

Major confusion sets in until you just give in - then this sort of unifying knowledge pours in and you're back on top.  There can be multiple waves of this kind of thing.  Every one is, of course, brand new and happening for the first time.  It's tripping. :cookiemonster:

One solution to the continuing angst is indeed go back in.  Get more familiar with it.  Or just wait until it all wears off.  You dealt your psyche a major upset through overdosing but it will eventually recover.

This is red pill or blue pill time though.  Where do you really want to go with it?  To the knowledge or to the denial?  Been there many times.

You can start low and gradually work your way back in, while you see there's really nothing to fear there - but you still have to get back on that horse if you want to sort it out.



agreed. I will def be going back in after i regroup and make some healthy changes / preperations in life.

Its def not over yet. Im in it for true understanding no matter how scary or hard it may be, iv committed to this a while back , this is just a bump in the road im sure. Im still learning and I think iv been trying to do to much on my own with out guidance or advice.
Iv been doing high doses solo for a few years now and its been a rollercoaster, but nothing has shook my core like this time. Ppl have said 15-30 g dryed is alot easier than 5-7g dryed so that makes me curious about super high doses. 

I Would like to seek out some mentors who are more experienced and knowledgable with these quantum realms if you will, iv learned alot from a good friend who was working with shamans in peru for a few years, but i think direct contact and learning with shamans to proceed is the way to go.

Cheers <3


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OfflineLuminous7


Registered: 01/26/16
Posts: 1,405
Last seen: 10 minutes, 57 seconds
Re: Challenging trip, not the same since. Reaching out <3 [Re: Vibe_Enthusiast]
    #26681638 - 05/19/20 06:31 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Vibe_Enthusiast said:
There is definitely something where its just "too much". There's so much more than can get retained when not diving into places that deep - also sounds like you did not enjoy it whatsoever. I hope it doesn't steer you clear of taking them again.. but try and embrace it other than look at it as a negative

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... and if you can go through something of such and make it out - shows you how powerful ones mind can be. Be safe and tread lightly.

:cheers:



Thanks man. It started out AMAZING. i was vibing to liquid bloom and it was like extacy. but i decided to try to make it better by taking more . Thats when i got spanked by the mushroom.

Def will be going back in to it .

Cheers :smile: <3


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