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 Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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 I don't want to live... 
#26678386 - 05/18/20 07:44 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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It's been like this for many years and I see no way out of life.
I'm glued to life and pain.
Fuck, I hate life.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group
 
Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,441
Loc: Under the C
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: Pinkerton]
#26678428 - 05/18/20 08:12 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Why don't you give me advice? Instead of linking me to a place where people will recommend exercising (which I already do) and eating healthy (which I already do).
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group
Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,441
Loc: Under the C
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: Pinkerton]
#26678463 - 05/18/20 08:42 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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I think you should exercise and eat healthy.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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I think you should stop trolling.
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woofwoof
such mushrooms!
Registered: 01/04/19
Posts: 1,127
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: Pinkerton] 1
#26678497 - 05/18/20 09:05 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Try making others happy. Get involved in your community.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: woofwoof]
#26678527 - 05/18/20 09:17 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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That's a solid advice. I've tried volunteering but unfortunately I get these horrible running thoughts when I socialize. Donating money to charity is something I do when I have enough money.
I want to get a job but again these horrible running thoughts fucks me up. Therefore I'm stuck in my bed 22 hours/day.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group
Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,441
Loc: Under the C
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: Pinkerton]
#26678563 - 05/18/20 09:35 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
I think you should stop trolling.
I have a degree in computer engineering not psychotherapy. When I want my sink unplugged I do not call a carpenter.
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woofwoof
such mushrooms!
Registered: 01/04/19
Posts: 1,127
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: Pinkerton]
#26678639 - 05/18/20 10:17 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
That's a solid advice. I've tried volunteering but unfortunately I get these horrible running thoughts when I socialize. Donating money to charity is something I do when I have enough money.
I want to get a job but again these horrible running thoughts fucks me up. Therefore I'm stuck in my bed 22 hours/day.
Maybe there is something you can do that doesn't involve being social. Perhaps you can utilize a skill that you have and donate time/projects you can do  I bet you have something you can contribute to, look deep in yourself brotha!
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,634
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: woofwoof]
#26678795 - 05/18/20 11:25 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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I don’t want to die!
- Freddy
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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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 InnerWisdom
Registered: 08/09/19
Posts: 1,936
Loc: North EU
Last seen: 12 days, 4 hours
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.. I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all!
- Freddy
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InnerWisdom
Registered: 08/09/19
Posts: 1,936
Loc: North EU
Last seen: 12 days, 4 hours
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: InnerWisdom]
#26678808 - 05/18/20 11:36 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Can you get professional help Pinkerton?
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:
I think you should stop trolling.
I have a degree in computer engineering not psychotherapy. When I want my sink unplugged I do not call a carpenter.
Can I call you on Skype? I have "computer" issues.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: InnerWisdom]
#26678861 - 05/18/20 12:04 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
InnerWisdom said:
Can you get professional help Pinkerton?
I have professional "help". I robbed 5 fucking pharmacies and ended up in a couple of fights, I was admitted to the psych ward for 4 years. I'm sentenced to the psychiatric system. No psychiatrist/psychologist/doctor has been helping me apart from a few decent conversations, I've seen many BTW.
The issues I have are way too deep for any "professional" to help me with.
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InnerWisdom
Registered: 08/09/19
Posts: 1,936
Loc: North EU
Last seen: 12 days, 4 hours
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: Pinkerton]
#26678885 - 05/18/20 12:16 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Damn 4 years in the ward?! What do you mean you are sentenced to the system? You need to keep going for chats or what?
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,336
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: Pinkerton] 2
#26678964 - 05/18/20 12:57 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
That's a solid advice. I've tried volunteering but unfortunately I get these horrible running thoughts when I socialize. Donating money to charity is something I do when I have enough money.
I want to get a job but again these horrible running thoughts fucks me up. Therefore I'm stuck in my bed 22 hours/day.
The only way out is to minimize your biased attention to the undesirable thoughts. The mind is a chatter box. I have horrible thoughts too. I know they're just thoughts and don't take them "seriously". If anything, I examine them from a position of non-bias... no judgement, no fear. If there is a judgement or fear, that get's lumped into the the thoughts/what I'm being non-biased towards and I continue on.
Coming out of that "shell" of thought is what I would focus on. All the fears, aversions, desires, they just cloud one's being. Learn to exist without primacy of thought. It's not something I do 24/7 but it's a skill that can be developed.
It's not that I can have no thoughts, exist with no fears, don't desire things I don't need... but they are not of primary concern. I'm not worried about whether I have social skills or will develop better social skills. I don't fret or cry over the world's problems, or my own. It's all just an interesting learning experience. Note that interesting doesn't mean non-painful, non-difficult, etc. just interesting.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,336
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: Rahz] 1
#26678974 - 05/18/20 01:04 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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There was a time when I was in extreme pain. Physically, after about 8 grand of tests I was told I was fine, but it felt like there was a 9 inch nail penetrating my back into my abdomen. Eating anything with much fat content would make it much worse. I forced myself to work and would lay down for about 45 minutes when I got home just so I could move about. That lasted over a year. I suspect it was anxiety induced. And while I won't go into details, subjectively speaking life sucked.
When the pain get's so bad, you have to quit fighting it and accept it, and work with it. Nobody knows the future but it's possible things will improve. Abandon your expectations and live in the present.
You don't need to be "glad" you're alive, but it's not helpful to hate your current circumstance unless it prompts some positive change I guess. Seems like patience is usually the better cure.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: Rahz]
#26679048 - 05/18/20 01:57 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Word Rahz but these aren't ordinary hateful thoughts. Nah, my running thoughts has a unique feeling to it which is impossible to explain. I'll try explaining the feeling: picture standing infront of your class in junior high school and someone pulls your pants down x 10. But it's not like that either.
Edited by Pinkerton (05/18/20 01:58 PM)
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:
I think you should stop trolling.
I have a degree in computer engineering not psychotherapy.
But you have keen wisdom.
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the SithÂ
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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Re: I don't want to live... [Re: Pinkerton]
#26679102 - 05/18/20 02:31 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Jordan peterson doesn't follow his own advice but this is still a good video.
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