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Anonymous #1
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Perspective depression
#26668781 - 05/13/20 03:19 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I have always wanted to know what was going on and what it actually means to be successful.
I can not stop thinking about the shitty aspects of life in general and my own existence as the ego I am based on my own and others perspectives and im incredibly depressed about this. Life is not naturally good. You can argue it is not bad either.
I feel most people live in a delusion that things are good or good always wins.
I see a balance. Yin and yang.
But in this balance things are not pretty what so ever and im having a very hard time coping with my life in this system.
I feel like corrupt human greed runs everything and everyone is to in on it to stop it.
Scared of my own thoughts.
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Kmacmo
The aborted pin



Registered: 08/14/19
Posts: 1,675
Loc: Central hemisphere
Last seen: 4 hours, 10 minutes
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I think alot of people feel that way including myself, I don't get depressed about it though. Through learning of other people's terrible existence and demise, not sure if it's right but makes me feel a little more appreciative of my life.
I watched one of those Africa safari videos, there's a buffalo giving birth with a pack of 25+ wild dogs encircled around just waiting.. The mother gets chased away and the calve ripped into pieces while mother stands and watches for afar.
Life is so short and dangerous enjoy what you can while you can
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Perspective depression [Re: Kmacmo]
#26668799 - 05/13/20 03:34 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I have to go to work
I can barely afford to go back to work tomorrow
What can i enjoy?
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rustygrape
the great perhaps


Registered: 12/20/10
Posts: 229
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Honestly I feel the same way as you do OP. The one thing I hope for is that I start to live a life that is filled with the positive aspects of being alive on earth, so much so that I don't think about the way other people are living or how the rest of the world functions. I'm in my bubble of bliss.
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Kmacmo
The aborted pin



Registered: 08/14/19
Posts: 1,675
Loc: Central hemisphere
Last seen: 4 hours, 10 minutes
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Most of us work and alot of people have lost their jobs recently due to covid kinda sucks. Your saying life is shit and unenjoyable wich it is if you let be so, you can't be happy unless you actually do the things that bring you joy... Everyone enjoys somethings, maybe you have a hidden talent or if money is your main goal then work towards getting the skills you need for that better paying job or sell your kidney... Moneys a competitive market gotta be aggressive and smart.. If you choose to be sad and depressed eventually the fatigue and stress will push you to make radical changes in your life
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Stranded-Traveler
Stranger


Registered: 05/17/20
Posts: 20
Loc: ACT, Australia
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Re: Perspective depression [Re: Kmacmo]
#26690030 - 05/23/20 09:31 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Last year I barely made it out of my depression.
I am lucky to have a comfortable life but it feels lonely.
Now, as winter sets in again, I can feel the depression taking hold of me.
Things I enjoyed no longer bring me joy.
Every second feels wasted.
I wish I could take a trip to explore these feelings but I am clueless how to make that happen.
In all likelihood I will die alone, never having had the experiences that other people take for granted.
I will never know what it is like to trip or know that a woman loves me.
My worth is only whatever I am willing to pay at the time.
Life is too much for me but I am a coward, so I will never go so far as to kill myself.
Every day is a choice between humiliation and seclusion.
That is the life I know.
Silly me for ever having expectations.
Edited by Stranded-Traveler (05/23/20 09:33 AM)
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Can’t you just go outside?
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Perspective depression [Re: Amanita86]
#26693247 - 05/24/20 05:44 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Got my hands on MDMA and took a reasonable dose and i feel that the experience helped me in my current life see that their will be other states of mind and the one I've been in is not for ever.
It was nice to get to feel that freedom again.
Much needed experience.
Edit: wanted to give an update. So the after glow was short lived but I can say that this experience was what I needed to be freed from the constant state I was in but since I was not ready for a trip again my first roll it was.
Kinda wish i was in a better place mentally, physically, and environmentally but this is the best ive been able to get since being on my own.
Edited by Anonymous (05/28/20 08:10 PM)
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rustygrape
the great perhaps


Registered: 12/20/10
Posts: 229
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Nice to see you back Anon. Thanks for the report.
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