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Offlineseamuspg
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Registered: 05/09/20
Posts: 4
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Struggling 1 Week after small dose. Ugh.
    #26660968 - 05/09/20 09:31 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Hey Guys,

I am looking for some insight / advice as I am feeling the "oh no, what have I done to my brain" one week after taking .5g of mushrooms. I know. slightly higher than a micro dose and I am STRUGGLING. A little background... I had never done psychedelics prior to last year. I have battled depression and felt stuck in my life for as long as I can remember. I've had more talk therapy / ssri's than I can remember. At some point, I started looking into psychedelics as a healing modality. The "good" stories seemed to speak to me...getting to depths and issues that can't be accessed by simply "talking it out". I am/was desperate so I decided to take the leap. Looking back I was way in over my head and made a bad choice on medicine. I traveled to Peru, partook in 4 ayahuasca ceremonies, had the worst hellish experience of my life, and came back destabilized. I was in and out of ER's, partial programs, essentially fighting for my sanity. I eventually started to get my legs underneath me  around the 6 month mark, and slowly had may my way back to my regular depressing existence. After several months had passed, and my depressive / stuck symptoms continued, I started looking into MDMA therapy, as it seemingly isnt your typical psychedelic, and offered a more loving and heart opening experience as one surveys the depths of their trauma. I was still very nervous but thought if I prepared and gained some confidence, the risk could be worth it. In preparation, my therapist thought it might be good to "tap" my toes in the waters of non-ordinary states of consciousness again prior to our session, in hopes it would allow me to feel more confident going in. I first did some breath work sessions, and while I didn't experience anything too powerful, I did have some emotional releases, and more importantly, wasn't worse for wear as a result. I next thought I would try a really small dose of mushroom, an would take a nature hike on a beautiful day by myself. I was feeling good. I measured out my .5g's, and went hiking. Nothing really traumatic happened..I obviously wasn't going to trip at the amount, so I knew I could handle anything that came up. I just felt "pretty good", slight mood elevation, lots of thoughts, mind was definitely overactive, but not in a bad way...just busy. Midway through I found a nice spot to meditate, w and it was at that point I started to not feel as good. Just confusing, dark, but not explainable thoughts...just disturbing, felt gross, but nothing "tangible" to speak of. The rest of the hike down the mountain was less enjoyable, not hellish, but just agitated, wanted it to end. The drive home I felt a little off, and it lasted into the next day...but then seemed to subside. I thought it would just pass but now its been a week and my mind seems to toggle between, a weird disconnect, brain fog, anxiety, memory loss, and cyclical thoughts. It feels chemical. I went hiking on trails I've done numerous times, and got lost both times. So weird. I'm just realizing that these substances aren't for me. It saddens me as I really wanted to believe they could help me get "unstuck", and now all I hope for is to feel "sane" again. I'm trying to avoid going to the ER for now, but tonight did finally take 1/2 Ativan. I guess im just looking for some thoughts on how to best battle through this. My hope is since it was such a small dose I'll be ok sooner than later, but Im not sure that's how it works. Last few days shave been worse. 
Goodness this is long winded, but it was slightly therapeutic to type it out. Thanks for any advice. Hope all is well-


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: Struggling 1 Week after small dose. Ugh. [Re: seamuspg]
    #26661002 - 05/09/20 09:53 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

:heart:


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Offlinechibiabos
Cosmic Pond Scum
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Registered: 03/16/17
Posts: 4,180
Last seen: 10 months, 10 days
Re: Struggling 1 Week after small dose. Ugh. [Re: seamuspg]
    #26684308 - 05/20/20 09:01 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

seamuspg said:
Hey Guys,

I am looking for some insight / advice as I am feeling the "oh no, what have I done to my brain" one week after taking .5g of mushrooms. I know. slightly higher than a micro dose and I am STRUGGLING. A little background... I had never done psychedelics prior to last year. I have battled depression and felt stuck in my life for as long as I can remember. I've had more talk therapy / ssri's than I can remember. At some point, I started looking into psychedelics as a healing modality. The "good" stories seemed to speak to me...getting to depths and issues that can't be accessed by simply "talking it out". I am/was desperate so I decided to take the leap. Looking back I was way in over my head and made a bad choice on medicine. I traveled to Peru, partook in 4 ayahuasca ceremonies, had the worst hellish experience of my life, and came back destabilized. I was in and out of ER's, partial programs, essentially fighting for my sanity. I eventually started to get my legs underneath me  around the 6 month mark, and slowly had may my way back to my regular depressing existence. After several months had passed, and my depressive / stuck symptoms continued, I started looking into MDMA therapy, as it seemingly isnt your typical psychedelic, and offered a more loving and heart opening experience as one surveys the depths of their trauma. I was still very nervous but thought if I prepared and gained some confidence, the risk could be worth it. In preparation, my therapist thought it might be good to "tap" my toes in the waters of non-ordinary states of consciousness again prior to our session, in hopes it would allow me to feel more confident going in. I first did some breath work sessions, and while I didn't experience anything too powerful, I did have some emotional releases, and more importantly, wasn't worse for wear as a result. I next thought I would try a really small dose of mushroom, an would take a nature hike on a beautiful day by myself. I was feeling good. I measured out my .5g's, and went hiking. Nothing really traumatic happened..I obviously wasn't going to trip at the amount, so I knew I could handle anything that came up. I just felt "pretty good", slight mood elevation, lots of thoughts, mind was definitely overactive, but not in a bad way...just busy. Midway through I found a nice spot to meditate, w and it was at that point I started to not feel as good. Just confusing, dark, but not explainable thoughts...just disturbing, felt gross, but nothing "tangible" to speak of. The rest of the hike down the mountain was less enjoyable, not hellish, but just agitated, wanted it to end. The drive home I felt a little off, and it lasted into the next day...but then seemed to subside. I thought it would just pass but now its been a week and my mind seems to toggle between, a weird disconnect, brain fog, anxiety, memory loss, and cyclical thoughts. It feels chemical. I went hiking on trails I've done numerous times, and got lost both times. So weird. I'm just realizing that these substances aren't for me. It saddens me as I really wanted to believe they could help me get "unstuck", and now all I hope for is to feel "sane" again. I'm trying to avoid going to the ER for now, but tonight did finally take 1/2 Ativan. I guess im just looking for some thoughts on how to best battle through this. My hope is since it was such a small dose I'll be ok sooner than later, but Im not sure that's how it works. Last few days shave been worse. 
Goodness this is long winded, but it was slightly therapeutic to type it out. Thanks for any advice. Hope all is well-



This is going to sound glib, but try not to worry about it so much and see if that helps.  It sounds like you're dealing with some bad anxiety and tried using the mushrooms to escape from it, but all drugs like that really seem to do is pare down your higher thought processes.  So if your personality is based around your anxiety (or worse yet, a fear of your anxiety) then that's going to be what you're left with.  And psychedelics aside, if you end up obsessing over the bad, anxious feelings that you're getting then that's what's going to be on your mind (there's actually sort of a physiological basis for that since neurons basically signal your body to reward them with food if when they fire).


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OfflineNearwildheaven
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Registered: 05/03/14
Posts: 95
Last seen: 6 months, 26 days
Re: Struggling 1 Week after small dose. Ugh. [Re: chibiabos]
    #26691701 - 05/24/20 03:31 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

I had a very similar experience to you - I took what I thought was a microdose for my first experience, had a pretty lovely time with some visuals and some realisations.  But after the trip I was left with an anxiousness and paranoia that wasn't there before.

That was now 3 days ago, and today I meditated on the anxious feelings. I asked them to reveal themselves and to let me know why I was feeling them.  I ended up seeing myself as a small child listening to my parents arguing at the top of the stairs - I realised that I had been 'on alert' since my childhood - always waiting for something bad to happen.  That I didn't have a safe foundation to build upon, because I was always scared of what was going to happen next.

Since this realisation, I've been able to give the little girl/myself compassion for having to deal with that for all of these years, and essentially that paranoia and disconnection that I was feeling seems to have dissipated.

I am absolutely far from an expert, but I have been doing self growth work for some time - and I think what happened was that I got stuck in the "oh no, what have I done to myself" thought spiral, rather than simply working with what came up in a non-judgemental way (which I am now used to doing in other scenarios).

So if you can reframe your experience as revealing something to you that you need to look at, and stop blaming/judging yourself for taking the mushrooms in the first place, you may start to move some energy in a positive direction.

As my energy worker says "praise what is raised" - is it uncomfortable? Yes, but ultimately if we can get to the root of that particular thing, it does not bother us again.  I hope this helps and I hope you're feeling better. xx


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OfflineThimbleberry
Stranger

Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 17
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
Re: Struggling 1 Week after small dose. Ugh. [Re: seamuspg]
    #26725383 - 06/07/20 01:14 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I really hope you're feeling better since posting this. I had a very similar experience recently, feeling really worried that I had made a huge mistake by taking shrooms. I know that gross feeling that you wrote about exactly.

So I actually did lots of academic research online to try to understand what i was feeling from a neurological standpoint. What eventually helped me to feel better (and hopefully this gives you some peace of mind) is that No matter how long I looked, I could find absolutely no research-based evidence to suggest that the compounds in mushies can do any permanent harm to your brain or body. Of course I found lots of alarmist articles and unsubstantiated opinions on the matter, but nothing backed by actual science. Instead I learned that our brains are incredibly resilient!

I think maybe (just maybe) what I was feeling was a deep subconscious guilt. I grew up being taught, and believing, that drugs were the worst thing on the planet. On a conscious level, I no longer believe this, and I can see that this is close-minded, but of course there's some deep patterning that's very hard to undo when you are taught one way of looking at things for your whole life.

Anyways, I don't know if that helps you, but I hope it does. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it more! It helps me to process these feelings with others who have experienced them as well.


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OfflineNikon Addict
Another Earthling
Male


Registered: 01/16/18
Posts: 285
Loc: Colorado USA
Last seen: 1 year, 5 days
Re: Struggling 1 Week after small dose. Ugh. [Re: seamuspg]
    #26725970 - 06/07/20 09:01 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Were you on any SSRI when you used psilocybin? If so, it could cause serotonin syndrome... High doses have actually killed people who were on these medications...


--------------------
personal note: "It’s fair to say I’m stepping out on a limb, but I am on the edge and that’s where it happens.”


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