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OfflineMaverick
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I found out I am the product of a rape and I'm struggling to cope with it.
    #26653953 - 05/06/20 09:51 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Hey everyone, first let me introduce myself as a person who was adopted at birth and who's really never had much contact with his biological family, let alone information about them.  I recently took a DNA test and that revealed to me that I had a cousin and an uncle on my fathers side, in addition I was able to get in contact with my biological mother.

I fucked up turning over stones that should have just stayed unturned at the bottom of the depths of whatever ocean they were in.  after getting in contact with her she told me she was raped. I'm in contact with the rapists family, but not him, he knows what he did and is avoiding contact, I don't care to contact him...

I knew this was a possibility but i really didn't want it to be a reality, but it's been a reality all my life whether I've known it or not, but it hurts.  It huts more than I knew it would even if I knew there was a possibility.  I get it's 35 years (I'm 34) since it happened and it's he-said-she-said but it's a harsh reality that I am having a hard time getting past.

i was just hoping someone else here might have a similar life experience, as shitty/hard as it is- I've broken down a few times already from this new knowledge, it's not easy, I just need a guiding hand and some support keeping my footing along this journey.

I have an amazing girlfriend (she used to be a member here and I'm so thankful I met her) and an amazing family- but my family is 600 miles away and I don't want to sink my girlfriend (honestly if it weren't for her in my life i don't know where i'd be but it would be far worse than me just being emotional distraught), so I'm trying to reach out- it's been especially hard with the COVID shit but I'm realizing I have an amazing resource here at the shroomery.

Anyway if anyone has any similar experiences and suggestions on what my next steps are please contact me, I'm open about it whether it's here or in PM (i'm just very slow to notice PMs as my email doesn't notify me)


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Registered: 03/01/05
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Re: I found out I am the product of a rape and I'm struggling to cope with it. [Re: Maverick]
    #26654354 - 05/07/20 03:46 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

My dad was so constantly abusive and cruel I don’t think my mother actually ever consented to anything from cooking dinner to sex. Her every action was one of fear. My conception was rape in the way that a slave’s impregnation by her master is by way of rape.

Malcolm X talked about his grandmother being raped:

Quote:

Yes! Yes, that raping, red-headed devil was my grandfather! That close, yes! My mother’s father! She didn’t like to speak of it, can you blame her? She said she never laid eyes on him! She was glad for that! I’m glad for her! If I could drain away his blood that pollutes my body, and pollutes my complexion, I’d do it! Because I hate every drop of the rapist’s blood that’s in me!”




Look, people are shit. Everyone comes from shitty people because that’s the way humans are. It doesn’t change who you are. I highly suggest you just drop it. Forget about biology. You’ll probably end up disappointed in your biological mother for some reason as well. Biology doesn’t mean shit. All people come from a lineage that is crooked and savage.

You got people in your present to love. You know what kind of person you are and who you want to be. I say focus on the present and your future.

Quote:

I have an amazing girlfriend (she used to be a member here and I'm so thankful I met her) and an amazing family-




I’m not adopted so there’s a part of me that can never understand your situation but I do know I wish I had been given to a loving family. And I do know a thing or two about disappointments.

You already have the only thing worth looking for. Congratulations.

Much love.


--------------------
[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
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Re: I found out I am the product of a rape and I'm struggling to cope with it. [Re: TheFakeSunRa] * 1
    #26655225 - 05/07/20 01:33 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

We’ve all got some rape in our family lineages somewhere, it’s just a matter of how far back it goes * some are aware of it and some are not.

The majority of people get pregnant unknowingly, unknowingly while having sex - not knowing which time did the trick.

Our parents each hold half of the starter ingredients that will eventually grow to become us. 

In a way, they are just vessels.  In other ways they can be more, or may not be.

My point is, if you can play the tape through without getting stuck in a loop as to the process that begets us, I bet you’ll find that over time it will no longer impact you so strongly.

  Much like the death of a loved one - when suddenly they no longer are amongst the living , hurts and is terrible to cope with initially, gradually we just come to terms with it and continue our lives as appropriately as we know how to.

I hope you learn to cope with this - this tid bit of information about how your cells came to be the organism you identify as.


:<wbr>heart:


--------------------
Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps


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OfflineSynKyd
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Re: I found out I am the product of a rape and I'm struggling to cope with it. [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #26657516 - 05/08/20 01:48 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

There’s a great song by Nakho called “So Thankful” that talks about his similar journey, and healing through acceptance. 

My father was adopted and never contacted his biological mother AFAIK but he did track down who she was.  When he passed away I found her name and reached out to the family but never heard back.  It’s a bit disappointing no matter what the outcome is, I think.  All in all you need to seek your own closure and figure out how to put this behind you, counseling can help.  Hope your ok, and stay positive!


--------------------

New inclusive poop emojis from Apple!

:shpongle::shpongle::shpongle::shpongle::shpongle:



Edited by SynKyd (05/10/20 06:37 PM)


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InvisibleAsante
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
Re: I found out I am the product of a rape and I'm struggling to cope with it. [Re: Maverick] * 1
    #26662223 - 05/10/20 11:49 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

The thing is, if he hadn't forced himself on her then you would not exist.

I think the best thing you can do with being born from violence is to make peace wherever you go.

Let YOU be the good thing that came from a bad situation.

Take it upon yourself to become an exceptionally good, kind human being. Not haughtily, in the eyes of others but sincerely, even unwitnessed.

Purify your ways and keep on purifying your iron on the anvil of life.

Make a stronger positive impact on the world than the rape was negative.

You have no debt to anyone, but it will feel extra good to be the best person you can possibly be, because you will outshine that act of violence at the beginning.


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here


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OfflineDomno
Magician
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Registered: 01/30/20
Posts: 216
Last seen: 10 months, 3 days
Re: I found out I am the product of a rape and I'm struggling to cope with it. [Re: Asante] * 2
    #26666062 - 05/12/20 08:55 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

I can not imagine the thoughts and feelings you must me experiencing, however, I am reminded of the fire morel, which is regarded as an extremely rare and coveted mushroom. They are generally found after the mass destruction of forest fires.

Sometimes the most wonderful things nature can produce are done so through tragedy. I am sure you are no different.


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