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InvisibleNiffla
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Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years * 2
    #26652476 - 05/06/20 08:31 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Normally it would be completely none of my business, but the problem is, his wife is also a very good friend of mine.

This guy has been like a brother of mine to some degree. Since I met him, back in like 07', him and his wife have always been at war. She flips out on him constantly and has kicked him out countless times (even poured bleach on his entire wardrobe once). And for good reason, believe me. I mean I don't condone pouring bleach on the man's clothes but damn, when you cheat the way he does on the woman he exchanged vows with, what do you expect.

Yet somehow against all odds they're still together. They have a daughter who's now 15.

But yeah this has been going on for years, and I can't tell you how many times I've had to lie for him. Which makes me a pretty terrible person. I don't know what I was supposed to do, though. Tell her the truth? Again the guy has been like a brother to me. Like she has straight up asked me before if he's cheating (my answer is always that I have no knowledge of him having done so, which to be blunt isn't true). He also will call me and tell me, "if she (his wife) asks, I was with you last night". When of course he wasn't.

Last night we went out to a restaurant (kinda stupid I know considering what's going on as far as the virus goes). We had some drinks and tried to catch up a little. Well she got a little too drunk. Ended up going home early. Him and I had just ordered a round so she said you guys can stay.

Right after she left he got on his phone and called up his girl on the side, set up a meet, and then told me "if she asks we didn't leave until 10".

It was like 8:30.

I don't even know what the point of this thread is. Other than to vent a little. I feel bad for her. Along the way I've become pretty close with her (and no I don't have any sexual feelings for her). I mean he probably cheats on her weekly. And I'm not even exaggerating.



TLDR: best friend cheats on his wife constantly and I am caught in the really shitty position of having to lie for him


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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla]
    #26652485 - 05/06/20 08:36 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

It does need to be noted though that I haven't lied for him every single time.

A couple of months ago I guess he told her that he was with me. She called and asked if he was. I said no. And that I haven't heard from him. That was the first time I finally didn't lie to cover up for him. She then asked if I knew what he was up to -- and I said no (which I really didn't know, although it's pretty easy to guess). Just told her he wasn't with me. She thanked me for my honesty and said I'll talk to you later.

She obviously spoke to him about this (I'm assuming) and I'm pretty sure in his eyes he thinks I sold him out. Which I didn't. I was just asked if he was really with me and I told her the truth.


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Invisiblebadchad
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 3
    #26652502 - 05/06/20 08:43 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

I have a good friend that used to be like this.  I dunno if that is still the case since we don't talk much anymore.  Regardless, I never try to judge other relationships but think its kinda fucked up.  Sure, I've known plenty of people that have made mistakes and cheated on their significant other.  But this guy was doing it constantly.  Like, why the hell are you even married if you constantly cheat?  wtf is the point?


--------------------
...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436


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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 5
    #26652503 - 05/06/20 08:43 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Sounds complicated yet simple.  At least you can tell him you aren’t going to be complicit in his adultery any further.  That way you can free up some head space and have an easy conscience about it, and you can still remain friends if you want - it’s not your responsibility to participate in a lie/deceit/deception, especially one that causes suffering to all involved - and potentially quite pervasive suffering to them (yourself, one day him, his wife, and daughter) .  That much I would do, also because His wife must be so miserable :sad:

They need to work it out, however it turns it.

Appropriate moral wholesomeness


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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps


Edited by The Blind Ass (05/06/20 08:45 AM)


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 4
    #26652550 - 05/06/20 09:13 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

You seem to like the guy despite these shortcomings so I think the best thing you can do is just tell him that they're both good friends of yours and you don't feel right lying for him anymore. For the sake of keeping things civil just say it's his business and you don't want to be involved. We all know he'd be crushed if you lied for his wife. I'd say to say that but he'd probably just assume you were hinting at something. And if he tries to talk to you about it later for whatever reason, you know unless he's apologetic, I'd just be like "Nah man I don't really want to hear about it tbh." He's probably going to be annoyed you don't want to cover his ass, and it might even make him think more strongly you sold him out, but it's definitely a more moral standpoint and I tend to think that's the better one. I wanna say maybe a talk to could help straighten it out but if he's been doing it for this long then he won't change. His daughter is going to hate him eventually.


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OfflineFrancoAmerican
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: larry.fisherman] * 2
    #26652578 - 05/06/20 09:30 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

This is a bad situation. Especially for you. It’s obvious you know this.

So many reasons. It’s a dangerous world. He could be sharing diseases with his wife. HPV alone is a in ow cancer causing std.

The physical risks in combination with the emotional damage that will be done if this eventually and most likely blows up will be catastrophic to everyone.

I really feel bad for the 15 year old. Her ideals and her feelings about her father could be destroyed  forever. It could effect every aspect of trust in her life.

Ultimately it’s not your problem. It’s a lose lose situation for you. You were out in a place where you had to be compliant with your friends requests to cover for him or you would contribute to the destruction of a family.


Damn this is a rough post..

Is it just recently weighing more heavily on you? Or is it just a consistent ongoing steady problem ?


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Life ——>🍄🤯🍄😢🍄😆🍄😀🍄💀🤙🏼——->Death


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Offlinewatermelon mon
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: FrancoAmerican] * 1
    #26652613 - 05/06/20 09:50 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Sorry to hear that.
Maybe psilocybin can help.

Guys like this, seem to prevail very well. 
It's very confusing to me. I've never had the privilege yet.

My kindness always got mistaken.
Any time that i did come close to being in a relationship.
The games always just frustrated me. They all secretly hated me anyway.

It's very strange how people work.


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    :dazedandconfused:


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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: FrancoAmerican] * 1
    #26652615 - 05/06/20 09:52 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

FrancoAmerican said:


Is it just recently weighing more heavily on you? Or is it just a consistent ongoing steady problem ?




It has been weighing on me for years. I've tried my hardest to look the other way and tell myself that it's none of my business. Thing is though him having me complicit in this by lying for him makes it my business. Not to mention she's actually my friend. But even if she wasn't actually my friend, my god man I wouldn't wish this on anyone. And then their 15 year old daughter. Ugh. Her daughter knows, too. I'm 99% certain of it anyway.

But last night, it really hit even harder than usual I guess. I mean here we are, catching up for the first time in months, in the midst of a global pandemic, and literally minutes after she left he was using me to cover for him (she never did ask anything last night for the record) again.

And thanks for the responses everyone. I appreciate it a lot.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 1
    #26652629 - 05/06/20 10:00 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Damn man, that sucks. One of the worst social situations to be in. Im not sure what Id do except avoid being in the room with them both....


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Offlinetunhing
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 4
    #26652717 - 05/06/20 10:54 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

In my experience, a clear good option is a rare availability. There's a pretty clear line of introspective questioning that you'll have to undertake, once you can properly articulate for yourself how you feel and why, the "right" move forwards will be clearer.

For instance:
Do his actions bother you?

Why? Sympathy for the people he's hurting? Guilt for being complicit? (I know you've already explained that far, but bear with me)

Are you going to do something about it?

Are you more motivated by the potential impact of your action or inaction, on him, and his family, or are you looking to exit stage left and waiver all responsibility? And I know that question carries tones of condescension, but sometimes the safest and sanest thing to do is cut and run, so no judgement implied.

How will you look back on this situation in 5 years if you....(insert potential course of action here)?

Will you weigh the quality of your decision based on the impact it has on you, or him/them?

Are you prepared to lose this friendship?

Not trying to be preachy, just trying to deliver the best advice I can, the best way I can think of. Personally, in a situation like yours', I'd opt for the least destructive course of action that I could still live with. Just sometime's there's no middle ground, and that blows. Good luck, take care.


Edited by tunhing (05/06/20 10:55 AM)


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: tunhing] * 2
    #26652730 - 05/06/20 11:00 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Sorry man :frown: if it were me I would tell my friend to grow the fuck up and if he doesn't want to be with his wife then leave properly and not endanger her.....yeah I'd turn the whole occasion into a real fiesta AND keep my friends.


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ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
Ban lotto


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InvisibleShiithead
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: spirit_shadow] * 2
    #26652958 - 05/06/20 01:29 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Niffla, get away from those people...


--------------------

Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Psalm 12:6
The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.
Hebrews 11:3
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.
Revelation 3:11
Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.


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Offlineqman
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Shiithead] * 3
    #26652980 - 05/06/20 01:41 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Shiithead said:
Niffla, get away from those people...




:whathesaid:  Yeah, it's a no win situation, get out. A good friend wouldn't constantly be asking you to lie for him.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: qman] * 4
    #26652992 - 05/06/20 01:49 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

It's not as simple as that. Niff would be an even worse friend were he just to turn his back on him like you guys are suggesting without trying to figure it out like he is.

Life is resplendent with great difficulties that involve much soul searching and seeking the advice of others in order to best navigate them.

To simply turn ones back at the first sign of strife, IMO, is cowardly in the extreme. Hard times = strong men.

Quote:

Marcus Aurelias said:
Begin the morning by saying to thyself, I shall meet with the busy-body, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial. All these things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good and evil. But I who have seen the nature of the good that it is beautiful, and of the bad that it is ugly, and the nature of him who does wrong, that it is akin to me, not only of the same blood or seed, but that it participates in the same intelligence and the same portion of the divinity, I can neither be injured by any of them, for no one can fix on me what is ugly, nor can I be angry with my kinsman, nor hate him, For we are made for co-operation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of the upper and lower teeth. To act against one another then is contrary to nature; and it is acting against one another to be vexed and to turn away.




--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: tunhing] * 1
    #26653204 - 05/06/20 03:55 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah like beard said I can't just bail. Him & I go way back. And I'm good friends with his wife, too (although a pretty terrible one admittedly since I've aided & abetted her husband's cheating

:facepalm:

Next time he puts me on the spot again I'm going to talk to him about it once and for all

Quote:

tunhing said:
In my experience, a clear good option is a rare availability. There's a pretty clear line of introspective questioning that you'll have to undertake, once you can properly articulate for yourself how you feel and why, the "right" move forwards will be clearer.

For instance:
Do his actions bother you?

Why? Sympathy for the people he's hurting? Guilt for being complicit? (I know you've already explained that far, but bear with me)

Are you going to do something about it?

Are you more motivated by the potential impact of your action or inaction, on him, and his family, or are you looking to exit stage left and waiver all responsibility? And I know that question carries tones of condescension, but sometimes the safest and sanest thing to do is cut and run, so no judgement implied.

How will you look back on this situation in 5 years if you....(insert potential course of action here)?

Will you weigh the quality of your decision based on the impact it has on you, or him/them?

Are you prepared to lose this friendship?

Not trying to be preachy, just trying to deliver the best advice I can, the best way I can think of. Personally, in a situation like yours', I'd opt for the least destructive course of action that I could still live with. Just sometime's there's no middle ground, and that blows. Good luck, take care.




man this is great stuff to think about, thank you


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 2
    #26653238 - 05/06/20 04:17 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

I would not be friends with some one who cheats on their significant other.  There is no way.
Imagine the pain the other person will eventually go through because the person they trust is consciously fucking other people in secret.  Despicable behavior.

As others have said, I think the best way forward for you, Niff, is to tell your friend you are no longer going to participate in his game of cheating.


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:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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Invisiblepirate-blues
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 5
    #26653254 - 05/06/20 04:28 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

That sucks. After a while it's like..damn...just break up! That poor girl would probably get a better idea of what a functioning relationship looked like if they just called it quits and agreed to be decent co-parents to one another. But I get that it's easier said than done.


I have a friend who cheats. She has also tended to date abusive losers that kind of deserve it. It really is gross though, has put me in some uncomfortable positions, and now she's not as bad about it - she at least matured enough to just call herself polyamorous and found someone who's okay with that(and who is for once a decent person but that's another story)..and that's way way waaay better and preferable.


I don't put myself in a position of feeling like I need to approve of every single life choice my friends make(and I definitely don't lol), but I do still find myself feeling guilty for their dumb ass choices. I eventually just ended up removing myself from situations where I felt like I was going to end up having to lie. Preserved the friendship while also preserving my sanity.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: pirate-blues] * 3
    #26653255 - 05/06/20 04:29 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Awesome response PB.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineFrancoAmerican
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake] * 2
    #26653265 - 05/06/20 04:33 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

IMHO - I think you’ve done the best you could in the situation. There was definitely no winning solution.

If this person is your boy, you should sit down - have a beer and bro down. 

Tell him you are done being his cover because it’s causing you to be stressed and act in ways that are against your moral code and leave it at that. Don’t judge his behavior. That’s not your place.

Honesty is where it’s at. If he flips his shit - you know what that means. If he is cool and takes it like a man - he should say thanks for the heads up. No problem. Friends don’t want to Cause their friends stress Or pain or anxiety. Whatever negative consequences your going through. They should want to spare you.

And for real. Just get a fucking divorce dude. You can’t have your cake and muffins too. Obesity kills.

I hope your boy is just a good friend with a sex addiction.


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Life ——>🍄🤯🍄😢🍄😆🍄😀🍄💀🤙🏼——->Death


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Offlinetunhing
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: FrancoAmerican]
    #26653410 - 05/06/20 05:45 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Anytime. And that kind of talk will give you some indication of the rest of his character and the quality of your friendship.


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: qman] * 1
    #26653432 - 05/06/20 05:56 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

qman said:
Quote:

Shiithead said:
Niffla, get away from those people...




:whathesaid:  Yeah, it's a no win situation, get out. A good friend wouldn't constantly be asking you to lie for him.



Agree 100%. But, you don't have to trash the friendship. Talking to him and stating firmly you WILL NOT cover for him anymore no matter what will ease your worried brain.


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OfflineDoneKildatReason
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: tyrannicalrex] * 1
    #26653596 - 05/06/20 06:58 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Long term relationships coming to an end is hard.
Sometimes people try everything, hard, for years and years. It shouldn't be so hard, and it only gets harder until they accept miserable complacency.  Fight hard and love hard in a chaotic cycle... but eventually the fight drains out, and the love with it. Rarely can a spark be revived after decades of fucking the other over.  That shit hurts! 

But here's the thing - here is how I feel about Adults: They can claw each other to ribbons, scream and fuss, break shit, hit each other.... and I really dont care.  They're adults and they can beat the hell out of each other physically, emotionally.... and I dont care. 

But ! I do start to care for the kid who has to see it, hear it.  At 15, she likely saw plenty, so a lot of that is ingrained.  If the parents want to continue this, then they should think about their daughter, and stop feeding into whatever selfish desires/emotions/defensives that serve them, and think what she needs to see.  It isnt too late.  Kids are resilient and can be taught to be understanding, taught to forgive dad and moms mistakes, and taught that people make mistakes but they can always turn around if motivated.  And taught not to make some of those mistakes. 

Anyway I know this thread was more about your having been involved and I went off on a tangent.  I think you got good advice about though, so I am just adding the thought -  mom and dad need to recognize if they are fucking their daughter's psyche up and put an end to it.  Sometimes people say "Let's stay together for the kids!"  When sometimes it should be "Let's end this thing so we can raise our child healthy we both love happily "

Hope it works out!


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This was an experiment.


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InvisibleTheStallionMang
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #26653759 - 05/06/20 07:59 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

:nojustno:
So you've got 2 friends (the married couple) and you're going to side with the one being a complete asshole to the other one?

Birds of a feather I guess :shrug:

You said you'll stand up to him next time he puts you on the spot but something tells me you won't

Seems to me like maybe you made the post so someone could convince you to bust his ass out

Also, if he's willing to treat her like that, he's able to treat anyone like that including you bud

It's a tough spot you're in and I don't envy you for it. I'm sure it's hard to be his friend


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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: TheStallionMang]
    #26653776 - 05/06/20 08:07 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

TheStallionMang said:

So you've got 2 friends (the married couple) and you're going to side with the one being a complete asshole to the other one?

Birds of a feather I guess :shrug:






Look I feel awful about it and already admitted that I'm a pretty shitty person for it. I'm not denying that. I do feel terrible for it. It's not an excuse but I was friends with him first for years before I become legitimate friends with her, so I guess I felt a weird obligation to cover for him. I know that's wrong but I'm just being as honest as I can.


Quote:

TheStallionMang said:



You said you'll stand up to him next time he puts you on the spot but something tells me you won't

Seems to me like maybe you made the post so someone could convince you to bust his ass out






I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "busting his ass out".


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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InvisibleTheStallionMang
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 1
    #26653983 - 05/06/20 10:13 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

I totally understand where you're coming from. It's a hard place to be put in.  You seem to be feeling the moral dilemma and that sucks.  I wasn't trying to sound harsh, I'm just pissy and lately feel like people doing shitty shit should get called out for it.

Peace bro, I'm taking a beer break

BTW, I dig the new sig. Adrenochrome, right?


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Invisiblebudmanman
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: TheStallionMang] * 5
    #26654219 - 05/07/20 01:24 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Just bang his girl. He's a cheater he will understand and she's your friend and probably wants to bang anyway.

It will even things out and everyone wins.


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: budmanman] * 1
    #26654242 - 05/07/20 01:46 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

:daaamn: In all seriousness though, budmanman has a point...


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: TheStallionMang] * 4
    #26654533 - 05/07/20 07:12 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah, that will solve the problem :ohyeahdefinitely:

I think this situation ironic because about less than a year ago, Niffla made a thread about being sexually-involved with a married woman from his workplace. Is Karma coming back for Niffla?

It would appear so :strokebeard:


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #26654554 - 05/07/20 07:30 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah you're right, I did, and maybe I do deserve this then. In fact I probably deserve way worse than this to be honest.

I was wrong for that, very wrong for that, and for what it's worth I ended up transferring from that job (she was a coworker) to an opening 40 miles away just to separate myself from that situation. But the damage was done. Wow when you put it to me like that, and stallion's "birds of a feather" comment...I guess it's pretty obvious I got a lot of soul searching to do.


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 2
    #26654558 - 05/07/20 07:36 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)



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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 3
    #26654560 - 05/07/20 07:37 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

I cant help but connect those dots. Those Karmic ties, they're real. Sometimes too real :nonono:

I seem to have a Karmic tie with being let down by women who I attract and trust. Its happened to me over and over in my life. Its good to be single right now. Trying to untie those Karmic bonds I seem to have. I wish the same for you my friend.


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: budmanman]
    #26654582 - 05/07/20 07:49 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

budmanman said:
Just bang his girl. He's a cheater he will understand and she's your friend and probably wants to bang anyway.

It will even things out and everyone wins.





That’s what I’d do.

I wouldn’t tell him though.

Tbh I’d fuck his wife no matter what the situation. It’s always good to get some new pussy.


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 6
    #26654592 - 05/07/20 07:55 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

We are the company we keep dude. Even if it doesn't change us completely it becomes a sense of normalcy in our lives. Being non-judgemental and having friends is great, it's liberating. But if this were a legal proceeding you'd be an accomplice. And that's why we are the company we keep, because even if it doesn't change us it makes us the person who stands aside as someone does something stupid. The second you start feeling guilty or regretful for being someone's friend is the moment we realize they might not be worth being a friend of. Principles are worth more than that imo, it's who we are and living with yourself is the one thing we have to do our whole lives. I'd rather be alone than be a friend to a bunch of thieves and assholes but maybe that's just me. Feeling remorseful for decisions someone else made feels awful. Do you think you would have slept with the married lady so readily if he wasn't your friend and making you feel like it's more normal than you obviously feel like it shouldnt be? That's probably a hard question to answer but it's an important one.


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: TheFakeSunRa] * 2
    #26654630 - 05/07/20 08:15 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

TheFakeSunRa said:
Quote:

budmanman said:
Just bang his girl. He's a cheater he will understand and she's your friend and probably wants to bang anyway.

It will even things out and everyone wins.





That’s what I’d do.

I wouldn’t tell him though.

Tbh I’d fuck his wife no matter what the situation. It’s always good to get some new pussy.




  :buzzaldrin:

  Niffla ends up with a wife and kid?  That might be a nice alternative ending.  :snoop:

  Yea, think most the options have been said in this thread already.

  Now Niffla must find safe passage through the mines of a tumultuous friendship - one path leads to ruin, another to redemption, and the third leads to a strange love triangle.

What will he do?  Godspeed Niffla, Godspeed.  :childsoldier:


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: larry.fisherman] * 3
    #26654637 - 05/07/20 08:18 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

larry.fisherman said:
Do you think you would have slept with the married lady so readily if he wasn't your friend and making you feel like it's more normal than you obviously feel like it shouldnt be? That's probably a hard question to answer but it's an important one.




First off, great post Larry and I greatly appreciate your input.

But I can't use what's been going on with my friend as an excuse for what I did a couple years ago (I'm not saying that you're saying that exactly btw; I'm just sayin).

That was just a situation where we worked together, and she sent signals my way and then vice versa. I justified that because she was openly talking about how they were on the verge of beginning the divorce process, so although technically still married, in reality they were finished.

And they did get a divorce shortly after for the record (and for reasons that existed long before I came along according to her). Regardless I still should not have justified that. I was still wrong. Ultimately I woke up to the reality of what I was involved with, severed ties completely and put it behind me because it was a very toxic situation.

But yeah the whole thing was beyond stupid for me and I learned a great deal from it. As a very close friend at the time put it -- you 100% don't involve yourself in a situation like that whatsoever until the divorce is absolutely final.


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 3
    #26654645 - 05/07/20 08:22 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Your good ol' friend is manipulating, and using you to his advantage.

As another poster mentioned...if he's willing to lie to his wife, and go behind her back, he will do the same thing to you.


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: The Blind Ass] * 1
    #26654646 - 05/07/20 08:22 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

The Blind Ass said:


  Now Niffla must find safe passage through the mines of a tumultuous friendship - one path leads to ruin, another to redemption, and the third leads to a strange love triangle.






:shitmypants:


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: 1234go]
    #26654648 - 05/07/20 08:24 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

1234go said:
Your good ol' friend is manipulating, and using you to his advantage.






Yep. Which is pretty disappointing to fully realize now. Like I said for the longest I considered him on the level of a brother. Still do to some extent.


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla]
    #26654649 - 05/07/20 08:25 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

:timeofneed:


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: 1234go] * 2
    #26654663 - 05/07/20 08:32 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

:iloveyou:


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 2
    #26654671 - 05/07/20 08:40 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Love is not a game for your amusement, Niffla.  Keep playin' fast and loose with love and see what happens...

I love you, too.


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: 1234go] * 3
    #26654675 - 05/07/20 08:44 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

1234go said:
Love is not a game for your amusement, Niffla.  Keep playin' fast and loose with love and see what happens...






:ohshitman:



Quote:

1234go said:


I love you, too.




:feelsgoodman:


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: 1234go] * 2
    #26654695 - 05/07/20 09:06 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Droppin' some tough Love up in here! :takingnotes:

I would have to agree, it feels like your guy friend is taking advantage of the situation from you Niffla and from his wife. Hes got too much power and control right now. Not good....

Real Life friends are tough to find. They are to be cherished in my opinion....

This situation reminds me of that one poster who made a thread about lieing to his wife about growing shrooms. He keeps the secret for his advantage to grow more shrooms. A sorta silly lie to keep but Hell, we all have our secrets....


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #26654710 - 05/07/20 09:15 AM (3 years, 8 months ago)





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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #26655043 - 05/07/20 12:22 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

larry.fisherman said:
We are the company we keep dude. Even if it doesn't change us completely it becomes a sense of normalcy in our lives. Being non-judgemental and having friends is great, it's liberating. But if this were a legal proceeding you'd be an accomplice. And that's why we are the company we keep, because even if it doesn't change us it makes us the person who stands aside as someone does something stupid. The second you start feeling guilty or regretful for being someone's friend is the moment we realize they might not be worth being a friend of. Principles are worth more than that imo, it's who we are and living with yourself is the one thing we have to do our whole lives. I'd rather be alone than be a friend to a bunch of thieves and assholes but maybe that's just me. Feeling remorseful for decisions someone else made feels awful. Do you think you would have slept with the married lady so readily if he wasn't your friend and making you feel like it's more normal than you obviously feel like it shouldnt be? That's probably a hard question to answer but it's an important one.





Well said.


--------------------
:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
    #26655124 - 05/07/20 12:54 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

“ OK for shit to happen - will decompose “ 👌
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #26655143 - 05/07/20 01:02 PM (3 years, 8 months ago)

Talk to them both :shrug: get it all out in the open and hash it out gladiator style :awehigh:


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 1
    #26731103 - 06/09/20 10:53 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

To be honest, I would not even be friends with someone like that. it puts you in an ethically sketchy situation

are you married? If he treats his wife in this manner who is to say he won't try and fuck your wife or gf? I understand you may treat your wife or gf properly but regardless a lapse in judgement and some alcohol could cause your partner to slip up


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: topdog82] * 1
    #26731161 - 06/09/20 11:22 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Hey Niffla!!

Dude I know the situation well. You are handling it fine, but at the same time, you are not obligated to tell lies for your friend. If a friend of mine, no matter how close to me, asked me to cover a lie for them so they could mess around on their partner I would honestly tell them I want nothing to do with the situation. At best I would let them know that was the last time and that even though I consider them friends/family, I do not want to be asked to do that moving forward.  Being a good friend goes both ways, I would never put my friends in a position to have to lie to my family for me in such a way.


I hang out with some good friends who have a history of doing the same thing. Its a mutual understanding between those people and myself to not have conversations about whatever theyre up to. If they wanna cheat or whatever thats their business - I certainly am not going to fuck up their family by getting involved in any way, thats up to them if/when they want to come clean/get caught. But its nothing I want in my life and we all have that mutual respect not to muddy each others waters.


--------------------
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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: ManianFH] * 1
    #26731185 - 06/09/20 11:32 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I just block peoples phone numbers and everything if they prove to be shit people, no matter how many years ive known them or how close or how good of memories we shared.

They might not be terrible across their entire spectrum of character or intelligence, it could be just one little but serious problem in their character. Like, they're good almost all the way around and, they think that they're all good too, but if they are just too retarded in even one specific area of their character / intelligence that is just rotten in terms of human to human morality, then they loose 100% of my respect that they thought I had for them. That might be too harsh for most people


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: ManianFH]
    #26731232 - 06/09/20 11:46 AM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

mick said:
Hey Niffla!!

Dude I know the situation well. You are handling it fine, but at the same time, you are not obligated to tell lies for your friend. If a friend of mine, no matter how close to me, asked me to cover a lie for them so they could mess around on their partner I would honestly tell them I want nothing to do with the situation. At best I would let them know that was the last time and that even though I consider them friends/family, I do not want to be asked to do that moving forward.  Being a good friend goes both ways, I would never put my friends in a position to have to lie to my family for me in such a way.


I hang out with some good friends who have a history of doing the same thing. Its a mutual understanding between those people and myself to not have conversations about whatever theyre up to. If they wanna cheat or whatever thats their business - I certainly am not going to fuck up their family by getting involved in any way, thats up to them if/when they want to come clean/get caught. But its nothing I want in my life and we all have that mutual respect not to muddy each others waters.




Thank you Mick for the great response -- I appreciate it sir.

I haven't seen them in person since that evening but am helping them move this Saturday

:feelsweirdman:


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: Niffla] * 1
    #26731367 - 06/09/20 12:48 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

haha word, good luck with it man. helping them move too you are a good friend :cool:


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: ManianFH]
    #26731447 - 06/09/20 01:15 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

I'd cut him off. Cheaters dont deserve friends.


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Re: Close friend of mine has been a habitual cheater for years [Re: ichugwindex]
    #26731533 - 06/09/20 01:54 PM (3 years, 7 months ago)

Yes they do, FWB.:smirk:


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