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viraldrome



Registered: 09/21/18
Posts: 4,051
Loc: Parts Unknown
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What should replace the handshake? 2
#26647136 - 05/03/20 10:42 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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The handshake is anachronistic practice from the good ole days that came about so you could see that someone had no weapon when you met them on craigslist to buy their horse and buggy. I never really liked handshakes, you get those goobers who think bone crushing you proves their dominance. Today I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while it was awkward, clearly it was a handshake moment, and both of us gave off super weird "I like you but don't touch me" vibes. So what alternatives are there?
Just stay the fuck away and wave. The safest option on the list.

Fist bump, slightly better than a handshake but still touching hands

Elbow bump. I saw Mike Mike Pence do it and looked like an old white guy trying to be cool. We have to remember this will be for everyone not just your hipster douchbag buddies at the starbucks

salute, just like the military you never joined you lazy pot head

Finger guns. I like this one "pew pew pew" sounds are optional

Air kisses. I used to live in the French part of Canada and kiss kiss was this weird thing everyone does, even guys, you get used to it. This is the same but no touching. We have to consider things like will this take off in Texas. I can't see two good old boys doing it.

Bow. Like in Japan but without all their crazy rules about who bows more or longer.

Curtsy. About goddamn time that came back.

The Foot tap AKA the Wuhan shake. Practical, unless you have mud on your boots.

Namaste it could be used for more than just Yoga class is over

Kancho is "clasping the hands together in the shape of an imaginary gun and attempting to poke an unsuspecting victim's anus, often while exclaiming "Kan-CHO!" It is almost certainly considered sexual assault by the law. We have a chance to really change things in society, lets go all all out...

Fell free to add you own, ie jazz hands, vulcan salutes, hip bump etc
-------------------- Lysergamides I have tried so far: 1P-LSD, 1cP-LSD, ALD-52, AL-LAD, LSZ, ETH-LAD, MIPLA, EIPLA, 1cP-AL-LAD
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budmanman
OTD Masterbater



Registered: 02/07/07
Posts: 17,975
Loc: PNW
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: viraldrome] 2
#26647140 - 05/03/20 10:43 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Hold your breath and cross yo dicks.
-------------------- Everything I have ever said is total bogus bs I am full of crud therefore everything I say should never be taken literal. And I am mentally unstable.
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SonicTitan


Registered: 05/17/16
Posts: 24,065
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: budmanman] 1
#26647141 - 05/03/20 10:44 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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\m/
-------------------- "We are a way for the cosmos to know itself."
 
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: SonicTitan] 1
#26647184 - 05/03/20 11:35 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I enjoy a good handshake. You can tell a lot about a person by there handshake.
Only thing i don't like is if they're doing one of the variations of the classic handshake. I can do some but it can be awkward if you guess which way there going wrong. Then it's like shit this person's probably always going to think of me as the dude who shakes hands like a douche.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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twighead
mͯó



Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,556
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: viraldrome] 1
#26647193 - 05/03/20 11:42 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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A hug
If you don't love your fellow humans enough to hug them then you need to go within ya little wounded baby!
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: twighead]
#26647196 - 05/03/20 11:45 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
twighead said: A hug
If you don't love your fellow humans enough to hug them then you need to go within ya little wounded baby!
I've leapt into good friends arms that I haven't seen in long periods of time. I definitely enjoy a good hug.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,665
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Enjoywho] 2
#26647210 - 05/03/20 11:57 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I vote the head nod
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: spirit_shadow] 1
#26647422 - 05/04/20 04:08 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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The wink, or 10,000 years of pain.
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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ichugwindex
Dex



Registered: 06/04/16
Posts: 4,613
Loc: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: The Blind Ass] 1
#26647442 - 05/04/20 04:30 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I like the foot tap. Haven't seen it before
-------------------- Only hope can give rise to the emotion we call despair. But it is nearly impossible for a man to try to live without hope, so I guess that leaves Man no choice but to walk around with despair as his companion.
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: ichugwindex] 3
#26647453 - 05/04/20 04:43 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Neonazis are way ahead of this with a greeting pioneered in the 1930s 
They can't get it to catch on though.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Sugabearcrisp
Not Your Average Bear



Registered: 10/14/19
Posts: 12,047
Loc: maybe I had too much, too fast
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Asante] 1
#26647480 - 05/04/20 05:07 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I like to do the double hand or off hand wave, since most people can't wave very well with their non dominant hand it looks a little silly and will make the person recieving the wave smile.

Can be combined with jazz hands
Edited by Sugabearcrisp (05/04/20 03:34 PM)
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Loaded Shaman
Psychophysiologist



Registered: 03/02/15
Posts: 8,006
Loc: Now O'Clock
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: budmanman] 1
#26647483 - 05/04/20 05:09 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
budmanman said: Hold your breath and cross yo dicks.
I came in this thread with a well thought out argument in favor of traditional handshaking still, but I've been defeated by this solution right here.
--------------------
  "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance." — Confucius
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Loaded Shaman]
#26647494 - 05/04/20 05:17 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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ichugwindex
Dex



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Posts: 4,613
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Asante]
#26647507 - 05/04/20 05:25 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I recognize those actors from Peep Show. What is that show they are on in that clip? I was loving it
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: ichugwindex] 1
#26647539 - 05/04/20 06:05 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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The free willy dick shake could replace the handshake for men atleast .
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: ichugwindex]
#26647544 - 05/04/20 06:12 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
ichugwindex said: I recognize those actors from Peep Show. What is that show they are on in that clip? I was loving it
I dunno the show but they did a lotof work together, maybe wiki them!
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Asclepius
Human Being



Registered: 01/09/18
Posts: 2,209
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: viraldrome] 1
#26648507 - 05/04/20 02:49 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I didn't see circle jerks anywhere on that list.
-------------------- A society governed in terms of double standards is self-destructive
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Asclepius]
#26648509 - 05/04/20 02:51 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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My vote is for docking
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,665
Last seen: 13 minutes, 2 seconds
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....The mouthshake
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Asclepius]
#26648513 - 05/04/20 02:53 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Asclepius said: I didn't see circle jerks anywhere on that list.

You both get a cracker and jerk off on it, then you both stick them together like an Oreo and split it in half for both of you to keep as a symbol of brotherhood.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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The elbow bump is what has become the norm in my neck of the woods.
I like it.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,484
Loc: Texas
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Jokeshopbeard] 3
#26648671 - 05/04/20 04:37 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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how about the booty bump

the booty bump is underrated I feels
--------------------
HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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trees


Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 9,194
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Niffla] 2
#26648693 - 05/04/20 04:51 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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--------------------
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Thanatos10
Stranger



Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: trees]
#26648818 - 05/04/20 06:07 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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You're thinking waaaaay to hard about this.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,665
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Thanatos10]
#26648891 - 05/04/20 06:50 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Since we are all thanatos10 it doesn't matter how we do it I'm gonna bug you about it until you come to to your senses :p or at least become happy with your life
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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Thanatos10
Stranger



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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: spirit_shadow]
#26648945 - 05/04/20 07:10 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
spirit_shadow said: Since we are all thanatos10 it doesn't matter how we do it I'm gonna bug you about it until you come to to your senses :p or at least become happy with your life 
I didn't say everyone was me, I just said I can't be sure they aren't
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,665
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Thanatos10]
#26648958 - 05/04/20 07:14 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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You clearly are on the side that believes or you wouldn't argue about it that much
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twighead
mͯó



Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,556
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: spirit_shadow]
#26648971 - 05/04/20 07:17 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,665
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: twighead]
#26648976 - 05/04/20 07:20 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Why cant you just be happy? Do you get off on negativity? I dont like pessimists....
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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viraldrome



Registered: 09/21/18
Posts: 4,051
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: trees]
#26648979 - 05/04/20 07:21 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
trees said:

Damn that was awkward. That's the risk we run here if its not a standard greeting followed by all.
-------------------- Lysergamides I have tried so far: 1P-LSD, 1cP-LSD, ALD-52, AL-LAD, LSZ, ETH-LAD, MIPLA, EIPLA, 1cP-AL-LAD
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twighead
mͯó



Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,556
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill
Last seen: 33 minutes, 11 seconds
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: spirit_shadow]
#26648981 - 05/04/20 07:22 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
spirit_shadow said: Why cant you just be happy? Do you get off on negativity? I dont like pessimists....
What's bad about the sandy?
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,665
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: twighead] 1
#26648989 - 05/04/20 07:23 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I was talking about thanatos10 lol him not being happy is making me not happy.....so be happy thanatos10!
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,484
Loc: Texas
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: spirit_shadow]
#26649064 - 05/04/20 08:01 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
spirit_shadow said: I was talking about thanatos10 lol him not being happy is making me not happy.....so be happy thanatos10! 
thanatos be like


--------------------
HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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DoneKildatReason
Chemical in the body



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Posts: 1,061
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: twighead]
#26649066 - 05/04/20 08:02 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Twighead - what in the fuck was that?
-------------------- This was an experiment.
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Niffla] 1
#26649077 - 05/04/20 08:10 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Niffla said:
Quote:
spirit_shadow said: I was talking about thanatos10 lol him not being happy is making me not happy.....so be happy thanatos10! 
thanatos be like



perfect
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Thanatos10
Stranger



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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: spirit_shadow]
#26649192 - 05/04/20 09:11 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
spirit_shadow said: You clearly are on the side that believes or you wouldn't argue about it that much 
I don't want to believe it, but again I can't verify that people exist so it seems like it's logical to behave as they don't. That way in case they are the fall from my original viewpoint will be less severe.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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SprewellSleeve



Registered: 03/15/09
Posts: 6,315
Loc: USA
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Thanatos10]
#26649427 - 05/04/20 11:51 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Air handshakes. The level of difficulty in accuracy would far surpass those fancy real ones.
--------------------
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,665
Last seen: 13 minutes, 2 seconds
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: Thanatos10]
#26649433 - 05/05/20 12:03 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said:
Quote:
spirit_shadow said: You clearly are on the side that believes or you wouldn't argue about it that much 
I don't want to believe it, but again I can't verify that people exist so it seems like it's logical to behave as they don't. That way in case they are the fall from my original viewpoint will be less severe.
The opposite is JUST as logical. Except it has the added benefit of you being happy rather than sad x2
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nooneman


Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,561
Loc: Utah
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Re: What should replace the handshake? [Re: viraldrome] 1
#26649444 - 05/05/20 12:31 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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How about nothing, we just stop shaking hands and don't do anything else either.
Edit; if that doesn't work, then I suggest sex replace handshakes. If a man and a woman meet then they have to have sex to greet each other properly. If two straight dudes meet, then they have to go out and find a girl and take turns banging her in order to be properly introduced.
Edited by nooneman (05/05/20 12:36 AM)
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