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Offlineno_one
Stranger


Registered: 04/07/17
Posts: 648
Last seen: 2 years, 12 days
I need advise.
    #26635785 - 04/29/20 01:25 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Hello, I made this thread because I'm looking for some advise from my fellow Shroomerites regarding asking out a girl that I like on a date. There's a local head shop that I've been frequently going to for a few years now. A couple years ago a cute girl stated to work there. At first, I had no romantic interest in her, but that changed a couple weeks ago. There just something about her that is compelling me to want to date her and to see where it leads to. Maybe, it's because I think she as been acting more friendly towards me lately, or it's because she dyed her hair a couple weeks ago and she looks extremely cute.

Anyways, I'm interested in asking her out on a date, but I'm not sure how I should go about doing it. I'm extremely introverted and I haven't talked with her a lot before now. All I know about her is that she likes playing video games and likes to smoking weed. I've been trying to talk to her more lately, so she probably already knows I'm interested in her. So, what should I do? Should I ask her out the time I see her, or should I talk with her some more before I try to ask her out? Right now, I'm experiencing a extreme case of cognitive dissonance. I keep thinking that if I don't ask her out on a date now, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. At the same time, I'm also thinking that I shouldn't ask her out on a date because if she says no it will be extremely awkward between us each time I go to that store. Which I think is the more likely outcome. I can't help thinking that there's no way she likes me too, she out of my league and she would be better with someone else. I'm also thinking, "what if she does like me and is waiting for me to ask her out.” and “I don't want her to date anyone else, but me because I'll be able to make her happy.” Yeah, that's how I've been thinking for the past two weeks.

Well, I did go to the store that she works at last night and I was about to ask her for her phone number, but I became extremely nervous and I can't get out the words. I was so nervous that I didn't realize that she forget to give me back my credit card until I got home last night. I hope she forgot to give it back to me because she was nervous too, but I think that's just wishful thinking on my part. So, I plan to go there again tomorrow to get my cc back. I was thinking that I should ask her for her phone number right then. I'll say something like “I'm glad that you forgot to give it back to me last night because I want to ask you something....” Or maybe I should jokingly say, “you didn't give me back my cc last night on purpose because you wanted to see me today, right?.” And see how she responds.  Are those lines any good? Or should I say something else?

Help me, please!!!! This situation is so annoying because I thought I was content with never having a girlfriend again and dying alone, but she has made me reconsider that line of thinking.


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Invisiblesplit_by_nine
i am the liquor

Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
Re: I need advise. [Re: no_one] * 2
    #26635867 - 04/29/20 02:37 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

do you like to smoke weed and play video games? if yes, then invite her over. what do you have to lose?

i understand your hesitation, being rejected isnt fun, but it fades quickly. seriously, what do you have to lose?

if she says no to a date or says no to hanging out smoking weed and playing video games,  no big deal. dont let that come between you and shopping there because that shows weakness and women arent generally attracted to weakness.

be confident and keep eye contact. dont rehearse silly pickup lines, just speak from your heart. you can do it friend!:mushroom2:


--------------------
🐴:poop:
hpoo or die


Edited by split_by_nine (04/29/20 02:44 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: I need advise. [Re: no_one] * 2
    #26635903 - 04/29/20 03:09 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Why don't you just offer her your number instead and let her know that she could call you if she wants to go out or whatever

Next time you see her, just casually say "hey, here's my number, give me a shout if you want"


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Offlineno_one
Stranger


Registered: 04/07/17
Posts: 648
Last seen: 2 years, 12 days
Re: I need advise. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26636094 - 04/29/20 05:57 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

split_by_nine said:
do you like to smoke weed and play video games? if yes, then invite her over. what do you have to lose?




Videos games and weed are a couple of my things to do for fun. The biggest reason I know that she like doing them is because she works at a head shop and gaming cafe. I feel comfortable about talking to her about them because I know that I can play it off as us making small talk about the place she works at. The problems start as soon as I think about something else we can talk about. For example, asking her out. Every time I think, now is the time to ask her out, I just start to feel like that I'm bothering her when she is busy at work. She probably gets hit on all the time at her job, what makes me different? Are my fears just me being irrational? I would say this is one of the biggest hurdles that is holding me back.

Quote:

what do you have to lose?




Being rejected and feeling awkward every time I see her after I ask her out:frown:

Quote:

i understand your hesitation, being rejected isnt fun, but it fades quickly. seriously, what do you have to lose?




Being rejected is one of the reasons I decided to give up on getting another girlfriend. Rejection feels so horrible that I don't want to feel that way ever again.

Quote:

if she says no to a date or says no to hanging out smoking weed and playing video games,  no big deal.




I agree with you, but at the same time I think it would be better if I don't ask her out. That way I can still fantasize about the what-ifs, but that way of thinking is problematic. I rather find out how she feels about me then do that.

Quote:

dont let that come between you and shopping there because that shows weakness and women arent generally attracted to weakness.




Ok, I'll keep that in mind. Her coworkers are going to have a good laugh about if they find out. I'm sure they will think something like "the ogre is in love with the princess."

Quote:

be confident and keep eye contact.




I'll try be confident and keep eye contact with her for now on. I've been having trouble keeping eye contact with her since I started to have feelings for her.:uhoh: Duing my last interaction with her, when she was walking over to my vehicle, I smiled at her, she smiled back, but I immediately looked at the floor:foreheadslap:

Quote:

rehearse silly pickup lines, just speak from your heart. you can do it friend!:mushroom2:





Yeah, soon as I wrote down those lines, I started to hate them and think that they were no good. Sometimes just writing down what I'm thinking about helps me out.

Ok, I'm going to the store later today to get my cc back. When she hands it back to me she is probably going to say that she is sorry about not giving it back to me last night. I'm going to her it's no big deal, I'll then proceed to ask her if she is busy right now and if I can ask her a question. If she tells my that she isn't busy, I'll then tell her how I feel about her. Yes or no? What do you think?

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Why don't you just offer her your number instead and let her know that she could call you if she wants to go out or whatever

Next time you see her, just casually say "hey, here's my number, give me a shout if you want"




I thought about doing that awhile ago, but I came to the conclusion that it's like telling her that I have no confidence/balls to ask her out in person. I also think that if I can't ask her a simple question, I don't deserve to be with her.


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Invisiblesplit_by_nine
i am the liquor

Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
Re: I need advise. [Re: no_one] * 1
    #26636227 - 04/29/20 07:56 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

ehh.. i dont think thats the best idea.. yes she is busy, she is at work, working lol.

and yes you are right about asking her out while she is at work because that is a personal conversation and she is expected to be a professional while on the clock. so its a very tricky situation there.

maybe wait until you get to know her better, on a more personal level, before bringing feelings to the table. no need to rush into it and go all in or nothing. one thing i learned over the years is to enjoy the small moments because they all add up. if you try to tell her you have "feelings" for her and she says no then yeah its going to suck. what i advise is to just keep it casual and see if your feelings grow and to see if she develops any. at the very least you can become friends and have fun together.

what is your idea of a date? like, if you would ask her out, what is the plan?


--------------------
🐴:poop:
hpoo or die


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I need advise. [Re: no_one] * 1
    #26636228 - 04/29/20 07:57 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Make friends first. Only consider more if you can successfully arrange to hang out with her outside of her workplace.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineNOUS333
Stranger Than You
I'm a teapot

Registered: 12/26/15
Posts: 2,952
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: I need advise. [Re: no_one] * 1
    #26637566 - 04/29/20 07:59 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

no_one said:
Hello, I made this thread because I'm looking for some advise from my fellow Shroomerites regarding asking out a girl that I like on a date. There's a local head shop that I've been frequently going to for a few years now. A couple years ago a cute girl stated to work there. At first, I had no romantic interest in her, but that changed a couple weeks ago. There just something about her that is compelling me to want to date her and to see where it leads to. Maybe, it's because I think she as been acting more friendly towards me lately, or it's because she dyed her hair a couple weeks ago and she looks extremely cute.

Anyways, I'm interested in asking her out on a date, but I'm not sure how I should go about doing it. I'm extremely introverted and I haven't talked with her a lot before now. All I know about her is that she likes playing video games and likes to smoking weed. I've been trying to talk to her more lately, so she probably already knows I'm interested in her. So, what should I do? Should I ask her out the time I see her, or should I talk with her some more before I try to ask her out? Right now, I'm experiencing a extreme case of cognitive dissonance. I keep thinking that if I don't ask her out on a date now, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. At the same time, I'm also thinking that I shouldn't ask her out on a date because if she says no it will be extremely awkward between us each time I go to that store. Which I think is the more likely outcome. I can't help thinking that there's no way she likes me too, she out of my league and she would be better with someone else. I'm also thinking, "what if she does like me and is waiting for me to ask her out.” and “I don't want her to date anyone else, but me because I'll be able to make her happy.” Yeah, that's how I've been thinking for the past two weeks.

Well, I did go to the store that she works at last night and I was about to ask her for her phone number, but I became extremely nervous and I can't get out the words. I was so nervous that I didn't realize that she forget to give me back my credit card until I got home last night. I hope she forgot to give it back to me because she was nervous too, but I think that's just wishful thinking on my part. So, I plan to go there again tomorrow to get my cc back. I was thinking that I should ask her for her phone number right then. I'll say something like “I'm glad that you forgot to give it back to me last night because I want to ask you something....” Or maybe I should jokingly say, “you didn't give me back my cc last night on purpose because you wanted to see me today, right?.” And see how she responds.  Are those lines any good? Or should I say something else?

Help me, please!!!! This situation is so annoying because I thought I was content with never having a girlfriend again and dying alone, but she has made me reconsider that line of thinking.




dude. Just do it. This reminds me of all the times that I had a debate going on in my head, and I let it continue for so long.  So many times I didn't do the thing I wanted to do, and some of those times, It's better that I didn't, but doing it anyways and getting it over with would have still been the better decision because the time I spent worrying about silly shit that could happen was worse than shit that could possibly happen. 

Failure and rejection is something every single human being has to deal with in this life. As soon as you get a few failures and rejections out of the way, it makes the rest of them a walk in the park, it makes them a roll to the side in your sleep...its nothing. 

And that isn't to say that you are going to get rejected.  If you have the thought that she might have forgotten to give you the CC because she was nervous too.. there is a good chance she was. Another thing I have noticed with girls in particular but with other people in general, they are often thinking about the same things you are.  This chick I was with I was always nervous about sex with her, because I was more experienced and I never wanted to ask her to do certain things.  I figured there was no possible way she would want to do them.  But I noticed everytime I was thinking about doing them, they started to end up happening on their own. It's like she knew. And it made sex with her some of the best I ever had because we like mind melded and this awkward gap that was created by me thinking she was somehow too good for the shit I was thinking about, vanished when I realized we were on the same plane of thought. 

Maybe its similar for this girl and you, and maybe that's why you both possibly got nervous.  But I mean you gotta still consider that you are wrong, while still being confident that you could be right. I wouldn't say the first thing you suggested... it sounds weird to me. Don't say you were going to ask her, cause then she will perceive your lack of confidence because you didn't.  Tell her that story 2 weeks after the first date. Go in there and maybe say the second thing, thats kinda witty and I think she would at the least get a laugh out of it. If she looks at you like "yeah right" you would know shes not interested too. 

But if you don't go that route just be like, "hey, I noticed you changed your hair I think you look really cute"(vaginas melt when you say this) or if you aren't ready to say the cute bit yet just say "I like your new hair" and then ask her if she wants to smoke sometime and play games. Maybe buy a cool piece and invite her to break it in. I would make it sound as friendly as possible, like don't imply that you want to pursue a relationship with her or fuck her or anything. Make her your friend first.

You really have to do this man.  Whether you get a rejection under your belt or you fulfill the action necessary for you to secure your soul mate.. both are equally valuable outcomes. 

Will be a beautiful thing just for you to do it and come back and report to us.  Universe favors those who reach for what they want ya kno..


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