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Registered: 03/22/20
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a Lovely Trip (story, and update) * 1
    #26604452 - 04/15/20 11:44 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

I survived :smile: This is a part 2 to my previous post that went into my feelings about tripping and my anxieties, special thanks to @Shr00mEater for lending me their spare balls , @hazyhorse , @redgreenvines and @Northerner for contributing your wisdom and time during my struggle some time ago.

Here I'm going to share my story of my first big trip since my last awful one somewhere between 1 and 2 years ago. Thankfully, It went great, and I want to share it.

For pretext you can go and read through my old post (https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/26551632#26551632) , but it's not necessary, though will give wider perspective to my mind and how I felt, offering perspective to the change I've experienced here. Otherwise, I hope you find value in my story and experience. <3 :smile:

The initial come up was freaky, I sat down to watch totoro and drank a few grams of my ancient dried cubies, I think I measured no more than 3 grams. I couldn't get into the movie because I was anxious as fuck. After a while I wanted to do something else so I sat up and had a big rush of shroomy stuff through my body, and noticed how filthy my room was, I wanted to get out of there, and I heard my young sister playing her keyboard piano, so I went and played it with her. It was fun and we talked a bunch. Messing around. I noticed the floor felt sticky and a bit gross so I took my sister outside and enjoyed the fresh air. She agreed to go on a walk with me so we put on some warm clothes and shoes, then went off together.

I live near some paths going through some hills, so we went off into nature and away from people, however I would have been just as happy in amongst the clamour of society, I was excited to see people.

But off we went up the first stretch, still around cars and people, as a bitumen road leads into a campsite and carpark. There my sister found a rock in the vague shape of some sort of chair, this entertained her, which I thought was cute, but after sitting in it for just a moment I realized that rocks are not comfortable, and it dug into my ass. We relaxed and talked and watched people in their cars go by, I noticed how badly they stink. But the road went onward and upwards, and we continued. just further up, there was an old mine entrance, a large flat concreted ground, since cracked and shifted with the tendencies of nature, lots of long grasses and weeds, and a small man made creek running back down to the main valley. I spent some time at that place with my sister, there was an old dead tree there, that had existed and died many years ago. It dominated the area, white as bones, and stretching out long. It was moody, but beautiful all the same. It was planted in a tyre, which it outgrew and was squeezed by going into adult hood, which I think was by a long passed worker, I spent much time examining the area with my sister and thinking about times long gone, and the bare old gumtree overhanging it all. I learned the value of history there, I felt like gandalf or something absorbing it all.

I caught my sister pulling a bunch of bark off some nice old trees for entertainment, exposing little spiders in their homes, at that moment I felt protective and told her to be nicer to living things. To stop being mean to them. She understood and all was okay thereafter. So off we continued winding up the paths, there was an offshoot that went steeply up the side of the valley as a shortcut to the path that bends up more shallowly and back. At that moment I needed to pee, and an anxiety came upon me, I was scared to pee, old hypochondira was playing at me, and my sister was there, so I was anxious. But after thinking for a moment, I realized I should listen to my body, and that there's nothing scary about peeing, being sober and tripping are no different when it comes to peeing. so I left my sister for a moment and stood with my dick out for a bit somewhere private, and i thought to pee, and so I did. I felt connected to my body. So up the steep hill we went, I felt the urge to make sure my sister was safe and didnt slip, so I let her go ahead of me.

At the top we took a breather and I found my sister playing with some charcoal she found, for a moment I was judgmental at this "childish" thing, but I looked at her, she was rubbing them together, completely enamoured by the texture and feeling of it, fascinated and curious. I appreciated her as a pure thing, and felt a strong sense of love for her, and a feeling to cherish her. She was adorable, getting all messy, charcoal all on her hands. She passed me the charcoal and I appreciated the feeling of it, and joined her. I felt connected with her. We wrote our names on a dead tree, and then used the charcoal ash to put on her "war paint" which I thought was funny because I couldn't imagine there being anyone to fight, However I felt the strength of a warrior thinking about it, and felt prepared to fend off any ill intended people. Confidence brewed within me, however I became much more sketched by men walking past. I then put the charcoal on my face, My sister did a good job, but she said mine looked silly, which made me feel a little bad, and I questioned my artistic ability. But I understood the importance of other peoples opinions. And since I had no phone, wallet or mirror, I took her word for it.
On we went, along a high cliff where I looked upon the world and felt like a tribal chief, king of the world. I thought of myself as "Me, The Great". I was proud, and The essence of being a male flowed through me and I felt in touch with my masculinity. I thought about leadership, and felt pride in showing my sister all the pretties of nature and enjoyed much talking about what we think of the things we see, hear and feel. We were both happy. But getting tired. So we continued on to a path that I know leads home, back down the other side of the hill we started on.

Just down off the main path was a dead tree that someone had gone at with a hatchet or something, I had come there before, and there used to be an old copper plate nailed to the tree with the name 'Bert' etched on it, I'd wondered who Bert was, and the view there was incredible. Someone loved Bert, but now The sign was gone, which made me sad, because it was very old, and I didn't know if anyone else would remember Bert and the beautiful view that he had up there. So my lovely sister wrote his name back on the tree with her charcoal, and we moved on down the hill.

I thought about my grandma passing recently, and cried all the way home. I was glad that I finally let out the sadness, because before I wasn't sure what to do with it all. She died and I was surprised how little it affected me and I felt guilty. I didn't know her very well as I got older, and lost touch and connection with her. So i cried, realizing she's gone, and the terrible grief my mother and grandpa have been going through for the past months, I felt immense empathy and felt very urgently I needed to go and find my mother because I cared about her so much and didn't want her to die. I cried all the way down the hill, and my beautiful sister tried to comfort me.

We came home, and by this point I was tired and the shrooms were slowly relaxing, some hours had passed of the day, but there were still a few left of mild shrooming. I played my guitar with my sister, and she was interested talking about the instrument, and she played some, I felt happy about that. And appreciated that we're both creatives as I taught her a little about it. She played my old acoustic and I messed around on my electric. I became quite connected with it, and realized not to rush and enjoy the sound, and put extra care into making sure its played well, and sounds good. We both played a little but we played over eachother a bit, so I stopped and put my focus on my sister.

We chilled in my room and watched a Pewdiepie video and I was a little confused watching it, trying to figure out if he's a good person or not.
My sister put on a youtuber she likes and he was playing some VR game being absolutely insane screaming and killing, not only zombies, but the AI character that are meant to be his friends. It was pretty fucked up, but for the sake of comedy, just wasn't my thing.

My mum found us chillin, and I was so excited to see her I came up and gave her a hug and talked to her. I spent the rest of the day amongst my family, and quit cigarettes for 4 days thereafter. I was exhausted, and afterwards had a short bender of depression and confusion about the world, especially socially.

But now I'm all sorted and feeling like myself again, for the first time in years. which is incredible. I realize my personality, who I am. And I'm not nearly as apologetic for myself as I was. I have things I value about myself, things I will always stick by, I understand my nature. And strive to improve now, instead of change. I still suffer from anxiety but I am honest about it instead of pretending it doesn't exist. Sometimes I dip into old habits but I remember to be honest and that it's okay for me to do what I do. And I've gotten back in touch with an old friend. And we are vulnerable together, which isn't something I'm used to. But enjoy a lot. It's a healthy mutual friendship, and we laugh, and talk openly. We have a sick dynamic. And I'm really happy with it all.

I have since learned to be myself, and be more open. I don't want people to like me as much anymore. And people I don't vibe with are simply not my people, so I talk to people who make me feel happy. I still struggle with anxiety around strangers, but I'm not so worried about it anymore. I'm much more at home with myself.

Well, life is going much better, I dont feel the need to trip again, and im okay with that. Thank you guys for helping me pull the plug and trip again despite my anxiety. This forum is a lovely place, thank you for having me.


Edited by sssssss (04/16/20 12:14 AM)


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