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King0fthajuice
Colors



Registered: 06/28/17
Posts: 325
Loc: Wild Like Volusia in the 80s
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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My eldest brother has gone to Valinor 4
#26587846 - 04/09/20 01:50 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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So my eldest brother passed away on 3/18/20 and I’m almost 99.99 sure he took his own life, he is survived by four children and I can’t even have a celebration of life for my big brother because of this fucking pandemic.
My mom asked me the other day if I thought he killed himself and I didn’t have it in me to break her heart and tell her, so I lied to her and told her I don’t know what happened and he just lost control of the car.
My big brother was like my dad, he taught me how to drive, I lived with him many times, I practically was raised by him and in turn helped raise my nieces and nephews. I keep busting myself with mycology work, building a business, and creating art and beauty.
The trippiest part of all this is an acoustic guitar survived a 120mph crash, his iPhone was in perfect condition, like I drop my phone will sitting on the toilet and the screen cracks but yet it doesn’t even get a knock in a violent crash?
I’ve never played music and apparently days before this he had asked a friend to teach him guitar, little did he know his daughter was learning too (due to his many baby mommas he didn’t have full custody of all children)(3 different child mothers /4 kids)
I see him everywhere, I think of him when the wind blows, when a fish jumps, he was my fishing buddy and now he’s never coming back. I think it’s finally starting to click that he’s not coming back and I’m fucking hurt man, like I miss him so much
In 2018 in April we made it rain together, we played in the rain as if we were children, we skimboarded in the street because the rain wouldn’t stop lol; but that was cool. We went and got tacos where I meditated and hit a trance and called the rain again; I had to walk back to the car in the downpour to him opening my car door smiling laughing saying I knew that was you I was telling them (my now wife and her sister). We then went to the beach where we continued to talk about life and the matrix; and we played in the sand.
I will never forget that day brother, never. He told me that day be careful who you tell this, well I’ve always wanted to tell the world and now the one person who experienced it is gone.
Every time I say brother I just remember the day he passed screaming brother at the top of my lungs like he would hear me
-------------------- I like rain Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right!
Edited by King0fthajuice (04/09/20 01:56 AM)
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watermelon mon
Willow Trees

Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 7,800
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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Re: My eldest brother has gone to Valinor [Re: King0fthajuice] 1
#26587966 - 04/09/20 04:31 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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I wish you healing and peace
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Ignorantape
Mycophile


Registered: 01/30/20
Posts: 149
Loc: The Indigo Plateau
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: My eldest brother has gone to Valinor [Re: watermelon mon]
#26587988 - 04/09/20 04:49 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Damn, that's really rough. I can't imagine how hard it is for you, especially at this time.
How are you dealing with the loss? Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to about it or go to for support?
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Tallman
Mycophile



Registered: 03/25/20
Posts: 27
Loc: Göbekli Tepe
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Re: My eldest brother has gone to Valinor [Re: Ignorantape]
#26588054 - 04/09/20 05:38 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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The memories of our loved ones will always bring a sense of calm, peace, and greatfullness for knowing them! My mother took her own life, I was devastated,she was one of my best friends! It's been nearly 13 years. At 1st it was hard but eventually the sense of missing her transformed into a different kind of sense. They are with us everywhere at all times! Its so much easier to talk to her now... Death is inevitable I feel for you! I hope you make it through without to much dwelling and sorrow! I hope the best for you and your family!!!
-------------------- MushLove
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King0fthajuice
Colors



Registered: 06/28/17
Posts: 325
Loc: Wild Like Volusia in the 80s
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: My eldest brother has gone to Valinor [Re: Tallman]
#26589758 - 04/09/20 09:26 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
watermelon mon said: I wish you healing and peace 
Many thanks
Quote:
Ignorantape said: Damn, that's really rough. I can't imagine how hard it is for you, especially at this time.
How are you dealing with the loss? Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to about it or go to for support?
Man I’d hate to say it but it’s made me a stronger man, they say your never really a man until your father dies and I may not totally believe that but he was like my dad, I don’t know just feel like I got so much older instantly.
I have tons of support, my old lady has proven herself time after time and she’s been so comforting and just being here, even being calm when I lash out In anger, she knows I don’t mean it but it’s happened. Quote:
Tallman said: The memories of our loved ones will always bring a sense of calm, peace, and greatfullness for knowing them! My mother took her own life, I was devastated,she was one of my best friends! It's been nearly 13 years. At 1st it was hard but eventually the sense of missing her transformed into a different kind of sense. They are with us everywhere at all times! Its so much easier to talk to her now... Death is inevitable I feel for you! I hope you make it through without to much dwelling and sorrow! I hope the best for you and your family!!!
Yeah man isn’t that wierd how much easier it is to talk to them lol, def glad for my fungi experiences otherwise I’d be a fucking wreck. It’s what overloads my circuits is when I see people who don’t have the same past try dealing with it, like today my brothers youngest son asked where he could go see his dad but we are cremating him, it’s not like I can just say oh he’s in the breeze, luckily his mother is into that shit so I’m hoping she does her part. She said she will make sure to keep his memory alive which is comforting.
Tbh I’m just heated about this no grouping order, we can’t have a fucking party. I’m not lying when I tell you we are going to shut some shit down for his party. That man touched so many lives it’s crazy, it’s going to give me a lot of closure and I’m actually glad I’ve had this time instead of being immediately thrust into the spotlight at a funeral and talking to everyone, I’ve needed just time to be alone
-------------------- I like rain Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right!
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BooShow
Spooky



Registered: 03/05/20
Posts: 884
Loc: Sunshine Province, Canada
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
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Re: My eldest brother has gone to Valinor [Re: King0fthajuice]
#26589764 - 04/09/20 09:30 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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My condolences to you and your family. Your brother sounds like he was a good and loving guy.
-------------------- You are what is. That's all.
  
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,987
Last seen: 4 hours, 13 minutes
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Re: My eldest brother has gone to Valinor [Re: BooShow]
#26589917 - 04/09/20 11:35 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Fuck man. I have lost my father new years eve of 2018 so I know the pain of losing someone close to you we are here for you <3
-------------------- Those content with the least have the most.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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tomnl
Beginner



Registered: 06/16/08
Posts: 1,639
Loc: Under the shroom
Last seen: 1 hour, 42 minutes
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Re: My eldest brother has gone to Valinor [Re: spirit_shadow]
#26589944 - 04/09/20 11:58 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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My deepest condolences
-------------------- Been away so long I hardly knew the place Gee, it's good to be back home Leave it till tomorrow to unpack my case Honey disconnect the phone I'm back in the USSA You don't know how lucky you are, boy Back in the US Back in the US Back in the USSA
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ichugwindex
Dex



Registered: 06/04/16
Posts: 4,613
Loc: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Last seen: 11 months, 19 days
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Re: My eldest brother has gone to Valinor [Re: tomnl] 1
#26590045 - 04/10/20 02:05 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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You will March shoulder to shoulder with him soon enough. Bask in the glory of the time you have left.
-------------------- Only hope can give rise to the emotion we call despair. But it is nearly impossible for a man to try to live without hope, so I guess that leaves Man no choice but to walk around with despair as his companion.
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King0fthajuice
Colors



Registered: 06/28/17
Posts: 325
Loc: Wild Like Volusia in the 80s
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: My eldest brother has gone to Valinor [Re: ichugwindex]
#26599336 - 04/14/20 12:18 AM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
ichugwindex said: You will March shoulder to shoulder with him soon enough. Bask in the glory of the time you have left.
Thanks man, thank you
-------------------- I like rain Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right!
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