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Fred's son

Registered: 10/19/00
Posts: 12,949
Loc: Dominican Republic
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
Bush apology makes "all the difference in the world"
    #2658587 - 05/10/04 01:11 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Bush Apology Sparks Torrent of Global Goodwill


Washington - The recent apology of US President George W. Bush for abuses by American military prison guards continued to reverberate around the globe today, as the White House was again inundated with with a flurry of "apology accepted" notes from world media, governmental leaders, and Islamic fundamentalist clerics.

Typical of the responses was a personal note from Syrian president Bashar Al-Assad, who wrote "aww, dude, you know I can't stay mad at you," saying that the apology had prompted him to immediately dismantle his country's secret nuclear weapons program. In a postscript, Assad added, "good luck to the Rangers this year."

"Now was that so hard?" joked Palestinian leader Yassir Arafat in an email to Bush. "Now get out of here ya knucklehead, before we have to do one of those awkward man-hugs."

The apology also prompted an outbreak of gratitude in the Arab street, as hundreds of thousands of Muslims took to the streets Friday in an impromptu demonstration of thanks. In Gaza, a cheering crowd estimated at 30,000 waved American flags and banners reading "No Prablem Bosh" [sic], while in Damascus throngs gathered in the Square of the Martyrs chanting "U-S-A, U-S-A".

"I used to dream about dying in a glorious fireball of martyrdom," said Ali Ahmed Amoud, 23, a marcher in the first annual Infidel Appreciation Days parade in Nablus. "But that apology was so nice and sincere, it just seems kind of petty to keep nursing a grudge."

In Tehran, the ruling council of Iranian clerics ordered a "national day of celebration and family fun" to commemorate the historic apology. "The Great Satan has given our honor back, so it's time to move on and let bygones be bygones," said Ayatollah Rafinstani in a nationwide radio address. Rafinstani also announced Iran's immediate nuclear disarmament, and cautioned celebrants not to drink and drive.

In Cairo, local clerics were equally enthusiastic and appreciative of Bush's gesture. In his weekly Friday sermon, Egyptian Imam Muqtaba Salim urged followers to show their appreciation by "reaching out and hugging a Zionist."

"Sure, they're a little pushy and abrasive, but c'mon guys -- let's take a deep breath and count to ten before we go all 'martydom operations,'" said Salim.

Perhaps the biggest reaction to the Bush apology occured in Saudi Arabia, where leaders of the fundamentalist Wahabbist sect issued a rare commendation of the president.

"It's just been such a catharsis for all of us," said Imam Abdelkarim Matwalli, prayer leader of the Grand Mosque in Medina, choking back emotion. "All we really ever wanted was a simple 'I'm sorry,' and Mr. Bush delivered. Thank you, America."

The president's apology was no less well-received in Europe, with dozens of newspapers blaring effusive, pro-Bush headlines. The Parisienne Le Monde declared "All Is Forgiven, George" while the Manchester Guardian lionized Bush as "an Apologizer for the Ages"; the tabloid Sun carried a simple "Dubya, We Lubya" above a flattering photo of the president festooned with garlands.

The apology also appeared to have created a thaw in the United States' sometimes icy relationship with continental political leaders. French President Jacques Chirac and German Chancellor Gerhardt Schroeder issued a joint communique welcoming the United States "back in the fold of civilized nations," and vowed to introduce a UN resolution asserting the US right to exist, following scheduled week-long pro-Bush demonstrations across Europe.

Newly elected Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Zapatero also commended the President's contrition, and said that "I would gladly once again pledge Spanish troops to the War on Terror, if the whole terror thing ever becomes a problem again."

Domestic reaction was generally favorable, led by Congressional Democrats who drafted a resolution prasing the President's "bold, thoughtful groveling for world peace," and calling on Bush to "stop beating yourself up." Progressive websites such as DemocraticUnderground, Daily Kos and BartCop urged readers to "forgive, forget, and send a nice thank you card to the White House."

Despite the outbreak of world geopolitical harmony, not everyone was satisfied with Bush's overture. In a scathing OpEd in today's New York Times, columnist Thomas Friedman demanded an additional apology from the President.

"Fess up, Mr. Bush," said Friedman, "that was my idea."



p.s. This is a satirical piece from a blogster called Iowahawk -- http://iowahawk.typepad.com . It is made up. A satire. An "alternate reality", if you prefer. None of the events in the above satirical article ever really happened.

Or ever will.


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Barred Spiral

Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 2,468
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: Bush apology makes "all the difference in the world" [Re: Phred]
    #2660091 - 05/10/04 05:48 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I instantly thought it was the Onion. Funny either way!

The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.

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 Arcade Champion: Frogger

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,451
Loc: space
Re: Bush apology makes "all the difference in the world" [Re: Phred]
    #2663008 - 05/11/04 02:00 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I have a lot of respect for your popsts, but when i read this one, the words "ad absurdium" came to mind

seriously, turn off the Rush Limbaugh (or whatever illogical, emotion-based conservative demagogue it is that you listen to). Its poisoning your brilliant mind.

peace, pot, and microdot!

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Fred's son

Registered: 10/19/00
Posts: 12,949
Loc: Dominican Republic
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
Re: Bush apology makes "all the difference in the world" [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2663082 - 05/11/04 02:19 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Dude, lighten up. It's a freakin' satire, fa cryin' out loud. Not nasty satire, not poisonous satire, just satire.

As for listening to "emotion-based" conservative demagogues, I have no TV and no radio, and haven't for over sixteen years now. I haven't had a car for over sixteen years now either, so I don't even have a car radio. No Walkman either. I have never seen Rush Limbaugh on TV, I have never heard his voice and wouldn't recognize it if I were to hear a tape of his unless he introduced himself on it somewhere. I have from time to time come across some snippets of transcripts from his show at some website or other and that's it.

You've read my posts here for quite some time. If there's anyone here -- anyone -- who bases his arguments less on emotion than I do, please point him out to me. When I enter discussions, I use observation, evidence, facts and logic. Emotions are not tools of cognition and have no place in rational discussion.

But this is not a discussion. It is a satirical essay. That's it, that's all. nothing more, nothing less.

I understand that Liberals are a humorless lot -- I knew that long before I started posting at the Shroomery. But don't spoil the fun for the rest of us, mmkay?



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