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cinderblock
Failed Conformist

Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 866
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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What would you do with my neighbor?
#26577759 - 04/04/20 05:20 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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I'm not sure if I'm handling my neighbor correctly, so I figured I'd ask how y'all would handle it.
I moved to Cleveland from Los Angeles, because it was cheaper to buy a house. Culture shocks aside, I have a neighbor who's either a boomer or silent generation. That's basically the demographic here. I rarely see anyone my generation (Millennial/Gen X)... maybe once a year, if that.
Anyway, my neighbor is obsessed with his lawn. It's funny how he's the cookie cutter "old man on the yard" stereotype, yelling at kids to stop messing up his lawn. Of course, there aren't any kids in this neighborhood, so he's not doing any yelling.
But he's always landscaping. He cuts his lawn at least 2-3 times a week, and he takes fuckin forever. I suffer from misophonia, so it's extremely unpleasant to hear all the noise pollution generated from landscaping machines (lawn tractor, leaf blower, chainsaw, etc) for hours on end a couple times a week. I'm surrounded by grass, so there's always someone landscaping, but that's a totally different grievance, so I'll get to the point.
My neighbor is so obsessed with his lawn, he's even obsessed with my lawn. He's always telling me what I should do, etc etc. I literally do not give two shits about grass, but he's the opposite. Everytime I'd see him outside, he'd hold me up for at least 30 minutes, talking to me about grass.
It got so bad, I just gave him my landscaper's phone number, so he could communicate directly to the guy who tends to my lawn. Eventually, he and my landscaper had a falling out, and long story short, I got a new landscaper.
Anyway, my neighbor has been charging me around $300-400 a year for treating my lawn with various chemicals and shit like fertilizer, grub killer, moss killer, crab grass killer, aerating, etc etc. He only charges me for the ingredients, not his labor, but again, I honestly don't give a shit. I just pay him so he'll stop bothering me.
My neighbor means well, but I genuinely don't give a shit about grass. I'm nonconfrontational to a fault, so I just go with the flow. But generally, I try not to encounter him outside, so I avoid throwing out the trash in the day time. Once you see him, he'll perk up like the Energizer Bunny and get all stimulated to talk about motherfuckin grass.
Lately he called me again and asked to meet up with him in person so we could discuss the state of my grass. Honestly, with the corona pandemic, the absolute least of my concern is grass. I told him to just tell me over the phone, because I'm social distancing. He basically wanted me to do some shoveling in some areas to even out the soil. I reluctantly agreed.
Then he said I should remove the bricks. I asked him what he meant, and evidently, there's a section in the backyard, where there are bricks lined up to sort of create a border between the patio and the grass. I honestly didn't even recognize the bricks until he brought it up; this is how much I don't give a fuck, honestly. He told me I should get on it ASAP, before the soil hardens up and it becomes even harder to pluck out the bricks.
I told him I'm fine with the bricks or without... in other words, I ain't wasting my energy or time on them. So he said if I'm not gonna do it, he would like to do it, so I left it up to him. If he wants to yank bricks out of the soil, that's his prerogative, but I personally don't give a shit either way.
I tried to make this story short, so I apologize if this is lengthy. Trust me, there's a lot more to it, but if you haven't gotten the impression by now... we have a pretty stupid relationship.
My question is, how would you have handled a neighbor like this? I suffer from a lot of social anxiety, so I wanted to come to a quiet neighborhood that minded its own business. I don't like people in real life, because they always have some agenda - they always want me to fuckin buy into a pyramid scheme, their insurance, come to church, help them with home improvement projects, drive to the airport, donate money, etc, so I try my best to keep everyone at a distance.
Anyway, I always end up feeling like the bad guy, because my neighbor's like 60+, and he's doing all this yard work for me, when I never asked him to fuckin do it in the first place.
Does any of this make sense?
Gah...
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chutney
slappin' the whiners
Registered: 07/26/13
Posts: 402
Last seen: 1 year, 3 days
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: cinderblock] 3
#26577766 - 04/04/20 05:26 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Penetrate his body
In one manner or another
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pirate-blues



Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,697
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: chutney] 3
#26577790 - 04/04/20 05:44 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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omg you live next to Hank Hill.
I would put my foot down at this point. Lawns suck to begin with, so environmentally unfriendly. I would rip out all my grass, and plant clover, and bask in his fury.
But really though, on a more practical note, take care of your lawn the way you want to - presumably by having someone else come periodically to tend to it, and next time he tries to do anything to your lawn, or say anything, call him up. Tell him that right now you're happy with your lawn, and you appreciate all his help and stuff, but that you're satisfied with it right now and you have other things to focus on. I would let him down easy on the chemical stuff and let him know that you're tightening to the purse strings and that you'd can't pay him to treat your lawn anymore.
Chances are he thinks he's waaay more helpful than he is, he might even think that this is a common topic you guys are doing some neighborly bonding on - he also might just be a pain in the ass, hell, those things are far from mutually exclusive. I would try and treat it a bit like a break up, let him down easy.
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Asclepius
Human Being



Registered: 01/09/18
Posts: 2,209
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: cinderblock]
#26577792 - 04/04/20 05:47 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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This certainly sounds like a precarious situation. On the one hand, you could give a flying fuck about the grass. On the other hand, you don't want to piss off your neighbor and still have to see him everyday. That sounds rough, man. I would personally ask him to do the yard work for free. Every time you see him, pretend like you need some yard related advice and ask him if he will do the work for free. Bombard him day after day, asking him to do free yard work for you, and he will eventually avoid you at all cost. That's what I would do. Make it so uncomfortable for him that he can't stand to talk with you, but do it in such a sincere way that he will not turn into a nightmare neighbor either. You don't want for a war to be started.
-------------------- A society governed in terms of double standards is self-destructive
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Ahab McBathsalts
OTD Windmill Administrator




Registered: 11/25/02
Posts: 35,117
Loc: Wind Turbine, AB
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: cinderblock] 5
#26577794 - 04/04/20 05:51 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Old buddy is just lookin for a friend man. Take 15 minutes out of your day and indulge him. Build a strong community and shit.
-------------------- "Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's going to die."
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HamHead
Hard Ass Motherfucker



Registered: 03/17/15
Posts: 6,107
Loc: Galactic sector ZZ9 Plura...
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: Asclepius]
#26577800 - 04/04/20 05:53 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Whatever you do, you can forget wearing a mask, of any sorts.
They don't work.
Duh.
-------------------- The Italian researchers’ findings, published by the INT’s scientific magazine Tumori Journal, show 11.6% of 959 healthy volunteers enrolled in a lung cancer screening trial between September 2019 and March 2020 had developed coronavirus antibodies well before February. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-coronavirus-italy-timing-idUSKBN27V0KF This online first version has been peer-reviewed, accepted and edited, but not formatted and finalized with corrections from authors and proofreaders https://www.icandecide.org/
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watermelon mon
Willow Trees

Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 7,800
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: cinderblock] 1
#26577809 - 04/04/20 05:59 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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I would personally bake this man a decorative gourmet cake.
Life is pretty brutal and short, so just be friendly.
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,732
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: watermelon mon] 1
#26577821 - 04/04/20 06:06 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Once you are older and get over your funny feelings toward people, you’ll see this guy as a treasure.
Once older, you realize taking care of a lawn is just as important and great as taking care of your shroom grows.
Sounds like you’ve got an opportunity to have a neighborly friend and bond over something shared.
Also, earplugs are like 99 cents and work.
Hope you work it out.
Sloppy lawns make me 
I used to have similar tendencies that you speak of, but it’s just a pattern of behavior and it becomes conditioned, but I had an older neighbor back in the day that was similar in nature, and I didn’t want to be social, but he was always out tending to the lawn, tending to the garden, etc
Eventually through seeing I could either stop being a cunt wad, or keep being one, I forged a friendship with him.
Over the years we’ve helped each other out, person to person, fam to fam. We lend each other one another’s tools frequently, and we go golfing together every now and then, and he’s let us use his beach house on several occasions.
Glad I got over a fear that was rooted in ignorance.
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
Edited by The Blind Ass (04/04/20 06:12 PM)
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pirate-blues



Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,697
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: The Blind Ass] 3
#26577825 - 04/04/20 06:09 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,732
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: pirate-blues]
#26577826 - 04/04/20 06:11 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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You keep thinking that.
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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pirate-blues



Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,697
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: pirate-blues] 1
#26577833 - 04/04/20 06:15 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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It's not just me that thinks it. It's also supported by facts, and evidence.
https://ggwash.org/view/72499/lawns-are-good-for-almost-nothing-environment-eco-landscaping
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/another-downside-to-your-classic-green-lawn-22716743/
https://www.nrdc.org/stories/more-sustainable-and-beautiful-alternatives-grass-lawn
They're useless(and economically unsound when you factor how much fucking money people spend to maintain their useless atrocities), they're devoid of life, they are harmful to local biodiversity, but whatever - keep sticking your head in the sand what I'm sure is a very beautiful and well-maintained lawn.
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InfiniteDreams


Registered: 10/25/19
Posts: 1,224
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: pirate-blues] 2
#26577838 - 04/04/20 06:16 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Yeah, I get the spirit of taking pride in something and appearance. And the old guy means well and wants a friendly neighbor. That's all good.
But suburban lawns are an awful social convention that is destroying the local environment. All those poisons he dumps in his lawn and yours don't stay there, they run off with the water and go on to poison your surrounding environment. Many things they kill serve a vital purpose in an ecosystem.
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,732
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: InfiniteDreams] 1
#26577842 - 04/04/20 06:20 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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im a little tea pot
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
Edited by The Blind Ass (04/04/20 06:32 PM)
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Ice9
3X Ban Lotto Champion



Registered: 03/20/14
Posts: 11,320
Loc: daterapeville,USA
Last seen: 1 hour, 25 minutes
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: pirate-blues] 1
#26577845 - 04/04/20 06:20 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Start a garden, ask him to tend/weed/feed it. So much more practical than a lawn. Pay him in excess vegetables/aromatics/whatevers that grow. Dude sounds lonely, spend a few minutes indulging him, but broaden the conversation slowly to things you do five a shit about. Set a boundary that this not just some one sided lawn nazi thing
-------------------- The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. -- George Brenard Shaw
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Texas Honey Badger
No fucks given



Registered: 07/12/18
Posts: 58,717
Loc: Spicemaster Texas
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: cinderblock] 1
#26577849 - 04/04/20 06:25 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Get you a band together and practice everyday in your garage Play DSOTM a million times a day until his grass is dead
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Some call me Paw 🐾
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pirate-blues



Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,697
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: The Blind Ass] 2
#26577850 - 04/04/20 06:26 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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You can maintain and landscape without killing off the local flora and fauna, it just takes a bit of planning. I mean, there are tons of beautiful lawn-lookalikes that are way more environmentally friendly, like clover. Even provided a link of alternatives in my post up the sub.
No one is generalizing anything about you and your neighbors. They're stating a fact, everyone and their mom having a proto-typical lawn is environmentally unsound. And compared to a lot of other things, it's actually something that's not that hard to change when you think about it.
And hell, land used to grow food is a fuck of a lot better than a useless square of grass nothing grows or lives on. At least you're not only getting food out of it, but providing for pollinators and other insects.
edit:
to respond to your edit, I'm a grown ass adult, and my bed is already made and my rooms already clean, bitch
jk. quarantines got me a little pent up. No disrespect meant, just food for thought.
Edited by pirate-blues (04/04/20 06:27 PM)
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,732
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: pirate-blues]
#26577856 - 04/04/20 06:31 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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All good buddy, me too, me too
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Thrill
Regnarts




Registered: 02/05/11
Posts: 1,928
Loc: Beyond the Grey Sky
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: Ice9] 1
#26577859 - 04/04/20 06:33 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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So your neighbor is a nice lonely old man whos interested in grass who just wants someone to talk to. Idk man, maybe just be a good person and indulge the guy. Listen to him talk for a bit once or twice a week. Let him play with your yard, cause it sounds like he genuinely enjoys it.
People usually arent kind and friendly wanting to help, mostly they just hate and cheat and steal and shit.
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,806
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 2 hours, 47 minutes
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: Thrill]
#26577883 - 04/04/20 06:47 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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I don't even read these neghbor threads...
The answer always come down to these two options: Kill him or have him killed.
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Asclepius
Human Being



Registered: 01/09/18
Posts: 2,209
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Re: What would you do with my neighbor? [Re: Patlal]
#26577896 - 04/04/20 06:54 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Perhaps Illinois attorney Marvin Gerstein will now keep his temper in check … and trim his bushes. As stated by the Supreme Court of Illinois:
On or about June 15, 2005, Respondent [Mr. Gerstein] received a Notice of Public Nuisance signed by Jason Arrasmith, an Environmental Control Officer for the City’s Public Works Department. The notice stated, in part, that the City had inspected Respondent’s property and found that the bushes and vegetation growing in the parkway in front of Respondent’s house were a nuisance because they created a visibility hazard for drivers entering and exiting driveways near Respondent’s house. The notice directed Respondent to abate the nuisance by cutting the vegetation to a maximum height of 24 inches by June 23, 2005.
You already know he didn’t do it. On July 5, 2005, Mr. Gerstein met with City Attorney Jack Waaler and agreed to wack the weeds by July 12th, and that Mr. Arrasmith “had sole discretion to determine whether his yard was in compliance with the agreement.” Come July 12th, think Mr. Gerstein complied? Nope. So the City sent a contractor to do it. Gerstein was not pleased. Here’s the letter he sent to Jason Arrasmith that same day:
Jason:
I hate your fucking existence. What you did to my property was a vicious attack against the sumac cover planted by Irene Poulsen.
Your existence obviously is predicated upon a pair of pig fucking parents otherwise I can’t otherwise explain that you are the by product of the sow factor of birth. Too bad your abortion of a birth wasn’t successful.
So know this you scum piece of a cunt. I pray every time I pass the front portion of my property that the rest of your life is a living hell. I damn you in the name of my God you piece of human dog shit.
Marvin
Ouch! But Mr. Gerstein was not done. Guess what set him off next? The invoice for the yard work! Gerstein’s letter to Mr. Arrasmith is long, but here are a few highlights:
Okay Creep … you can take your Nuisance Abatement invoice and shove it up your anus… On another note, I want to know when I can expect the complaints provided to you in my letter of July 14, 2005 to be addressed. Because I am telling you right now boy, you living abortion, too bad your mother didn’t flush you down the toilet when you were born, I knew this did not happen to [City Attorney] Jack Waaler because his head is too big, and obviously he is the product of some other aberration …
The punishment? It should be noted that Mr. Gerstein “has been disciplined on three previous occasions for conduct that includes sending profane and insulting letters to attorneys and others involved in cases he was handling for clients.” His law license was suspended for 60 days.
-------------------- A society governed in terms of double standards is self-destructive
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