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OnlineNorthernerM
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How old do people sexually identify? * 1
    #26572023 - 04/01/20 08:47 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Last year my 11 year old daughter announced at the dinner table that she's a lesbian and she's got a girlfriend. We were all like "what's her name?" and "have you kissed?"... that sort of thing. Now many months later she still has the same girlfriend. She's about to turn 12.

As she's so young I know she hasn't engaged in full sex yet, but I wonder. Is this just confusion and curiosity? There's so much propaganda on the net, I dunno if she's there because she's immature and girls are more comfy than boys. (boys her age are mad, lol) or if she really identifies as lesbian.

None of us here at home care really. Nothing's ever gonna change because of her sexual preference, but I have unanswered questions.

Can anyone tell me how it was for them at that age, or as a parent in my position.

Thanks.

:heart:


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InvisibleGrateful Dead
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: Northerner] * 1
    #26573386 - 04/02/20 02:04 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

I remember being attracted to girls in kindergarten and wanting to kiss them, as I grew up my sexuality has not changed much.

Almost everyone I know who is homosexual, knew from an early age that they were attracted to the opposite sex. If I was in your position, I would try and treat it as any other romantic relationship and do your best to stay neutral unless something in the relationship poses a threat to her well being.


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OnlineNorthernerM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: Grateful Dead] * 1
    #26573625 - 04/02/20 04:42 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Thanks. I don't mess with my kids lives unless they are in danger, that's not my style. I advise and inform but there's few rules. The only things I absolutely enforce are daily reading and hygene. They are turning out to be excellent people, I think it's a good parenting approach.

I remember having early sexual fantasies as young as 5 as well. It's just with sexual identity being so fluid I'm not sure where everything lies. I don't know how old I was when it really stuck that I only like girls.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: Northerner] * 1
    #26573878 - 04/02/20 07:22 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Thanks for sharing your story.

In my experience, that age is when things get more sexual. I remember being about 6 and having my first sexual experience with a girl of age 6 (we french kissed and groped each other). Then later around 10 to 12, i got interested in nude women. So your daughter is around that age of sexuality.

According to Development Psychology, sexuality starts at a very young age, even sometimes in infancy: http://www.ncsby.org/content/childhood-sexual-development

Even at 11, i bet your daughter has a good idea of what her sexuality interests are. Time will tell if she becomes full lesbian or is more open-minded to bisexuality or even switches to heterosexual. In my experience, female sexuality is pretty fluid and dynamic.


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Invisiblepsi
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #26574102 - 04/02/20 10:01 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

I've met a couple of people who thought of themselves as (exclusively) gay for a while during their formative years and later realized they were also attracted to the opposite sex. So who knows. But I wouldn't question it.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: psi]
    #26574109 - 04/02/20 10:04 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

So they went from full on gay to full on straight? What the....:lol:


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Invisiblepsi
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #26574125 - 04/02/20 10:15 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Bi, note the "also". One of the people is a niece on my wife's side and the other is the husband of one of my sisters.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: psi]
    #26574130 - 04/02/20 10:18 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Whoops, missed that very important "also" keyword. Thats my bad!

That makes more sense now....


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 2
    #26574154 - 04/02/20 10:35 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

I 100% knew I liked girls by the time I was 12. But I was in serious denial. I grew up in different times and at 11 I didn't even know you could be gay.

Trust me that fucked me up alot more than being aware of sexuality by 10 did.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #26574156 - 04/02/20 10:37 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

:hug:

Sorry u had a rough upbringing Cookies. It makes me sad :sad:


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: psi] * 2
    #26574157 - 04/02/20 10:37 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

psi said:
I've met a couple of people who thought of themselves as (exclusively) gay for a while during their formative years and later realized they were also attracted to the opposite sex. So who knows. But I wouldn't question it.



It can go both ways. Young people are trying to understand themselves and they do this by comparing their feelings to their limited knowledge.


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 3
    #26574174 - 04/02/20 10:42 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

:bunnyhug:

I am who I am and have all the knowledge of myself and the world that I do because of how I lived. Especially during those formative years. Sucks but I wouldn't change it.

I would not have the formal education I have in sociology and sexuality I do if it weren't for all the confusion and uncertainty I faced in my teens. And I'm grateful to understand the world in ways that few do.


Be sad for my parents.


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OnlineNorthernerM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: CookieCrumbs] * 3
    #26574557 - 04/03/20 05:15 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Why be sad for your parents?

Thanks for sharing so much Cookies, it's helping me get a little more perspective, which is all I'm after really.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #26574703 - 04/03/20 07:40 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Well said Cookies. :thumbup:

Why are your parents sad?


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #26574894 - 04/03/20 09:52 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Because they were raised to substitute scripture and social precepts for knowledge. They don't know so the world is a scary disappointing place to them.


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: CookieCrumbs] * 1
    #26574913 - 04/03/20 10:01 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

But I like to think I'm making them come around just by not being a complete disaster and showing them that not fitting into how things should be doesn't mean things will be bad.



My mom told me the other day "There's so much hate for transgender people in the [christian] community. But that's wrong. Those people deserve our love and sympathy. If the devil could ever put a woman in a man's body, wouldn't he? These people are victims, not sinners. How could we judge them for doing what they have to to be themselves?"

I mean christian based logic aside I was shocked. It's completely different than the kind of logic I was raised with and I couldn't imagine her saying this just a few years ago.



Knowledge is a powerful thing. Love is a powerful thing.


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: Northerner] * 2
    #26574930 - 04/03/20 10:10 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Northerner said:
Why be sad for your parents?

Thanks for sharing so much Cookies, it's helping me get a little more perspective, which is all I'm after really.




Also I'd like to address this and forgot last night

Quote:

As she's so young I know she hasn't engaged in full sex yet, but I wonder. Is this just confusion and curiosity? There's so much propaganda on the net, I dunno if she's there because she's immature and girls are more comfy than boys. (boys her age are mad, lol) or if she really identifies as lesbian.




This is possible. Again when you are so young it's really hard to figure yourself out when you have so little to go on. Experience and time will tell.


Just continue to iterate that you will love her no matter what and support her through whatever decisions she has to make and she will figure it out. It's way too early for anyone to tell. But definitely don't want to assume it's a phase. It's more likely she will turn out bisexual than doing a 180.

Then again she may just be craving deeper female companionship.

:ohwell: Experiencing that deeper companionship is beneficial no matter what label she's using on it.


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OnlineNorthernerM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: CookieCrumbs] * 2
    #26575573 - 04/03/20 04:36 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Thanks again. The things you are telling me Cookie things I thought.

Whatever her sexuality is is irrelevant to me really. She can and will be whatever she wants. I don't have any expectations. My wish for her is happiness on her own terms, not on others peoples.

My life has always been full of improbabilities and unlikelihoods, I'm not about to start trying to resist reality now. Resistance is futile... lol.


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: Northerner] * 1
    #26575747 - 04/03/20 06:10 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

:thatsinteresting: that's exactly the right way to look at it.


Being open to all the possibilities means you swallow change alot more easily.


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OnlineNorthernerM
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: CookieCrumbs] * 2
    #26575856 - 04/03/20 06:54 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Change is the only thing that is guaranteed in life.  :heart:


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OfflineBabylon
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: Northerner] * 1
    #26578773 - 04/05/20 05:44 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

I didn't really figure out I was straight until college, but that was mostly due to being silly about it.  I could have figured it out at 13 or 14, when I went through puberty.  Girls go through puberty earlier than boys do, usually around 11 or 12, so it makes sense that a girl would know she's gay at that age.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: Babylon]
    #26588630 - 04/09/20 11:19 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Having Aspergers I think I was slow to develop into my sexuality. It wasn't until my early teens when I lingered on the images of bodybuilders that I began to suspect being gay. I tried to deny it though because it was a scary thing to be that way in a society that (for some reason) demonizes it. I'm getting to be into a better place now after accepting it and the raging desire I felt before it quieting down, likely because I am not fighting it anymore.

I'm not really sure if 6 or 11 is an accurate assessment of it but that could just be society talking. I think the approach of an earlier poster said it best, if they aren't hurting anyone let them express themselves. They'll be far more well adjusted then the folks who are TOLD what to feel.


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OfflineDarwin23
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Re: How old do people sexually identify? [Re: Northerner]
    #26592608 - 04/11/20 02:43 AM (3 years, 9 months ago)

I had my first girlfriend in elementary school and felt very real crushes and desires for girls then. I am certainly weary of any young kids coming out these days just because being straight and cis is uncool now. Maybe she really is a lesbian and just lucky enough to live in a time when no one really cares or much judges her for it.

As for your actual question, girls start their sexuality younger than guys. Most of the girls I've talked to started masturbating so young that I wondered if they were molested. I'm talking as young as 5 but most seemed to average around 8 or 9. I believe a sexuality is there already but agree that she probably isn't engaging in anything sexual with her girlfriend at that age.


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