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Onlinetwighead
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: The Influence]
    #26529813 - 03/11/20 08:00 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I'd be surprised if anyone with siblings never fought. I've also fought my similar aged cousin


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OfflineMycQueen
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: spirit_shadow] * 3
    #26530209 - 03/12/20 02:25 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Yea. My mom would get mad or drunk and beat the shit out of me with whatever she had in her hand at the time. I took that shit for years believing I deserved it because she said I did. She was very verbally abusive too. I had come home from my second high school graduation day that week . Apparently me graduating twice that week with honors (once from my local high school, the second from the county technical school) was more than she could bear. She started screaming at me, came up and swung at me. I caught her hand & told her I've had enough I did nothing wrong. Hit me again & I'll hit you back. A look of shock, then this glare came over her. She drew back again, I let her hit me without flinching a few times, but that only made her more mad. So she grabbed a shot glass and threw it at me. She came at me and swung, I swatted her hand away, she open hand slapped me. I pushed her away & told her to stop it. She came at me again. Well that was it, I hit her square in the face breaking her glasses. She threatened to beat me with the belt. I told her to 'just try it bitch, I'll take it away from you & beat your ass with it. I ain't taking this shit from you anymore, I'm not gonna be your babysitter, maid, cook AND punching bag!' She screamed get the fuck out of my house. I didn't want to leave my baby sister there alone but I did (my step sister was safe, mom loved her). Thanks for the graduation memories mom!
She's been dead about 2 1/2 years now. I never liked her as a person, but I loved her & wanted her to want me, love me... but she just wasn't capable. She hated my dad so much, she just saw him every time she looked at me & made me pay for all the shit my dad did to her. My dad went on to marry a few more times & have a bunch more kids (3 of which just found me last year thanks to ancestry.com).
Dad's been put in a nursing home by his most loved youngest son about nine months now. I had to block his number after he kept calling me 10 times a day to bitch me out about his son putting him in a home, telling me gross stories in explicit detail about his sexcapades with all my siblings moms & talking shit about how my body reminds him of my moms!:ohmygod:


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Onlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: MycQueen]
    #26530218 - 03/12/20 02:40 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

That is sad :frown: I always say try to patch things up but sometimes it's impossible. And after death it really hurts but there is nothing that can be done at that point but keep your head held high and move forward :hug:


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OfflineNorthernerM
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #26530228 - 03/12/20 03:12 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

That's fucked up MycQueen. Some people we are just better off without despite what we need.  :sad:


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Offlinepacmanbreed
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: MycQueen]
    #26530264 - 03/12/20 04:27 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

MycQueen said:
Yea. My mom would get mad or drunk and beat the shit out of me with whatever she had in her hand at the time. I took that shit for years believing I deserved it because she said I did. She was very verbally abusive too. I had come home from my second high school graduation day that week . Apparently me graduating twice that week with honors (once from my local high school, the second from the county technical school) was more than she could bear. She started screaming at me, came up and swung at me. I caught her hand & told her I've had enough I did nothing wrong. Hit me again & I'll hit you back. A look of shock, then this glare came over her. She drew back again, I let her hit me without flinching a few times, but that only made her more mad. So she grabbed a shot glass and threw it at me. She came at me and swung, I swatted her hand away, she open hand slapped me. I pushed her away & told her to stop it. She came at me again. Well that was it, I hit her square in the face breaking her glasses. She threatened to beat me with the belt. I told her to 'just try it bitch, I'll take it away from you & beat your ass with it. I ain't taking this shit from you anymore, I'm not gonna be your babysitter, maid, cook AND punching bag!' She screamed get the fuck out of my house. I didn't want to leave my baby sister there alone but I did (my step sister was safe, mom loved her). Thanks for the graduation memories mom!
She's been dead about 2 1/2 years now. I never liked her as a person, but I loved her & wanted her to want me, love me... but she just wasn't capable. She hated my dad so much, she just saw him every time she looked at me & made me pay for all the shit my dad did to her. My dad went on to marry a few more times & have a bunch more kids (3 of which just found me last year thanks to ancestry.com).
Dad's been put in a nursing home by his most loved youngest son about nine months now. I had to block his number after he kept calling me 10 times a day to bitch me out about his son putting him in a home, telling me gross stories in explicit detail about his sexcapades with all my siblings moms & talking shit about how my body reminds him of my moms!:ohmygod:




Sorry to hear that man. :hug: i can relate to it and higlighted those words that went straight to the heart. it's really a struggle to grow being caught in the middle of a broken household. That there's no other way around for us but to look and focus on the good side of the bad, that gave you strength and brought out the goodness within you, despite of the past.:heart:

@Notherner its wonderful to hear that, your little ones are very blessed to have you. Ive always aspire to be the same.


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: MycQueen] * 3
    #26530460 - 03/12/20 08:17 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

WOW! So glad you did well and are doing well now. Posting here and getting those things out either by verbalizing or writing them is very cathartic!:heart: I'm lucky I didn't have it as bad as some people even though my family life was dysfunctional.



I have an inlaw who has had similar events happen with a step mom. He's my mates nephew. He also doesn't know who his real father is. He thought it was this one guy his mom fooled around with at the time, did the dna test, came back negative. Then he asked his uncle to do it, came back negative (he WILL NOT ask his supposed father, my mates brother. That's why he asked my mate). I still think he needs to ask him, but it's not happening. His mom basically said she doesn't know. She probably really doesn't, she may have had several flings, IDK. (if you're reading this, I love you man!)


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Onlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: tyrannicalrex] * 2
    #26530540 - 03/12/20 09:13 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Love to all that need it :hug: <3


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OfflineMycQueen
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: tyrannicalrex] * 4
    #26537731 - 03/16/20 12:57 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

spirit_shadow, Northerner, pacmanbreed. tyrannicalrex
Thank you!
This is the first time I've spoken of this publicly... the first place I've felt safe enough to be vulnerable, to put it out there. I would never dream of saying anything on two-faced Book as there are too many trolls in their mamas basements that live to belittle people. Also, many of those people are so 'fake', putting on masks to look good in public, but are horrible to people in real life (I'm sure you know at least a few). It may not surprise you to know I have some major trust issues, so this was a very big step for me. I feel like I've found my people here... a real kinship. Thank you all ever so much for your kind words, hugs, empathy and genuine compassion! :ruggedwink: :tipofthecap:


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OfflineGypsy Boy
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: MycQueen]
    #26537891 - 03/16/20 04:59 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I was abused when I was a toddler,  sad thing is I still not sure who did it :sad:


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Onlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: Gypsy Boy] * 1
    #26538380 - 03/16/20 11:06 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

MycQueen said:
spirit_shadow, Northerner, pacmanbreed. tyrannicalrex
Thank you!
This is the first time I've spoken of this publicly... the first place I've felt safe enough to be vulnerable, to put it out there. I would never dream of saying anything on two-faced Book as there are too many trolls in their mamas basements that live to belittle people. Also, many of those people are so 'fake', putting on masks to look good in public, but are horrible to people in real life (I'm sure you know at least a few). It may not surprise you to know I have some major trust issues, so this was a very big step for me. I feel like I've found my people here... a real kinship. Thank you all ever so much for your kind words, hugs, empathy and genuine compassion! :ruggedwink: :tipofthecap:



Hell yeah! And I get it, as I've said this place has helped me out more than anything else ever could :shroomeryhead:

Quote:

Gypsy Boy said:
I was abused when I was a toddler,  sad thing is I still not sure who did it :sad:



I'm sorry man, kids should not be actually beat :frown:


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: MycQueen]
    #26538383 - 03/16/20 11:09 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

You're welcome!:heart:


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: Gypsy Boy]
    #26538544 - 03/16/20 12:40 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Gypsy Boy said:
I was abused when I was a toddler,  sad thing is I still not sure who did it :sad:




Im guess u just have a vague memory but cant remember the specific details? :sad:

MycQueen, beautiful words. Thanks for sharing that :hug: Sounds like u went thru Hell too. So sorry, no one deserves that kind of abuse :nonono:


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OfflineGypsy Boy
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #26538709 - 03/16/20 02:19 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Yea man, I have a lot of indirect memories that I sence sometimes, I can tell there was alot of damage and abuse... very vague and non specific memories. Cant expect to remember what happened in days and weeks I was born :shrug:


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Onlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: Gypsy Boy]
    #26538764 - 03/16/20 02:48 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Still sorry it happened man :frown: :hug:


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Invisiblepsi
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #26538807 - 03/16/20 03:08 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

My dad was physically and verbally abusive when I was younger but it never quite came to a point of me all-out fighting back. Bare-bum spankings that were way overboard were pretty common. He was an elementary school teacher, and was my teacher in grade 5, and was known for throwing desks and stuff. I think I heard of at least once with a student in the desk (those ones with the chair built in).

From about grade 8 I was obsessed with getting stronger and was doing chin-ups constantly. As it became less clear that he would be able to overpower me without things getting a lot nastier, the less he tried that stuff with me, though he would still totally lose his shit on me verbally, and on a couple of occasions he'd go get in the car and peel off in a crazy manner. At one point (probably into high school) we arm wrestled and I beat him, and that was sort of confirmation that he was not necessarily any stronger than I was.

Eventually he was able to actually get his anger under control and I've been able to forgive him for the past. My mom on the other hand can be just as nasty and manipulative as ever, though it's generally a lot more subtle and my sisters are more likely to be the targets these days (she was not happy that my one sister married a Jewish guy). I don't call her out for it or anything but I really don't have a close connection to her at all.


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Onlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: psi] * 2
    #26538965 - 03/16/20 04:09 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Yeah man I dealt with shit like that except with stepfather. It sucks so many people have had this type of life :sad:


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OfflineGypsy Boy
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #26539926 - 03/17/20 04:38 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I remember someone hitting me on the face... cantvremember who, as I was few weeks old. I call these instances - Twinkies :grin::smile:


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OfflineMycQueen
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: Gypsy Boy] * 3
    #26545659 - 03/19/20 10:59 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Gypsy Boy :hug:
While I'm very sorry you had those experiences,:eek: I'm equally happy you DON'T remember the specifics... it's bad enough you have the vague feelings of damage and abuse. I sometimes wonder if parents realize (in the moment or ever) if they are being physically and verbally abusive, or if they were carrying on family traditions or subconsciously passing along the abuse they received. Not that it in any way excuses their behavior it only makes the origin more understandable, and more forgivable... I mean that if they were abused as children & pass it on, that's easier to forgive than if they had a normally loving family, suffered no abuse themselves, yet grow up to abuse their kids.

psi :hug:
Sorry man, sounds like your dad enjoyed the authoritarian position he was in & took it to extremes at home and work. Not making any excuses for your mom, but maybe she became that way (nasty & manipulative) to deal with your dads anger, a way to have control over the situation & she just never snapped out of it (he may still be an angry person when you're not around)... then again that may just be who she is. I'm glad you channeled your anger/frustration into physical fitness even if you only did so to prepare to defend yourself. Good to know he came out of that & you were able to forgive him.

LogicaL Chaos :heart:
Thank you, just glad I have a place to share that might help others. It was hell, I didn't deserve it, nor does any kid. Most kids are born innocent & loving... it's what they learn by watching, listening or being actively taught or abused that fucks them up! :mad2:

I have to look at it like this; if I had to go thru that shit to know how bad it feels(that was only part of one day - I could write a book), so that I would learn empathy/compassion & not pass that shit on to my kids (verbal-mental-physical-sexual-emotional abuse/neglect/cruelty), it was totally worth it. I'd do it all over again to protect them from the 'cycle of abuse'! I don't know if they realize how much I overcame, but it doesn't really matter. Because it was my privilege to be their mom, carry them, birth them, teach them & watch them grow into the awesome young men they are today!:heart::cheer:


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OfflineMycQueen
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: Amanita86]
    #26568226 - 03/30/20 10:19 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Amanita86 said:
I hear you.  Sometimes people don’t offer you much choice.

It’s always good to avoid if you can, I’d say especially family.




Very true.
Unfortunately desperate people do desperate things, so the longer this thing drags on I've got a feeling that it won't be long until many folks start having domestic disputes from being quarantined together under extreme socioeconomic stress, escalating to neighborhood disputes or out right murdering each other when paranoia makes them even think you might be sick or visiting from a hot spot area.


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: Have you ever had to fight a family member? [Re: MycQueen]
    #26568243 - 03/30/20 10:33 PM (3 years, 9 months ago)

I never fought my family exactly, not since being adults, but I had to physically restrain and grapple with my mom to keep her from killing herself while blacked out on benzos and booze. We both got a little scuffed up. In itself was pretty traumatic but also triggered my ptsd. Pretty much none of my family was okay for a while after that.

My little bro tried to keep me from leaving while he was drunk. Grabbed my carpal tunnel wrist in a death grip and blocked the door. I was like one of us is about to get hurt and it'll probably be me. I just went cold and in a dead calm voice said "if you don't let me go I'm gonna kick your teeth in." Doubt I could have but I was ready to try it. Really glad I didn't have to and that these situations didn't escalate further.



Guys please use responsibly and get some help if you're having trouble.


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