I have noticed a sort of evolution of psychedelic states while under the influence of psychedelics over the many years i have tripped. It seems that even without increasing dose, there exists an evolution of psychedelic states which can occur as they become integrated into every day consciousness. The first evolution i experienced was sudden ego awareness at the age of 15, tripping heavily on an unknown dose of fresh mushrooms i had proudly found for the first time. it was as if my internal observer became detached from my everyday consciousness and allowed me to observe myself objectively. I was young and had NO IDEA about ego or any of that type of stuff...i had never even fully considered the person i was...my thoughts, my behaviour. I did not even know this was possible. I thought i simply was who i was yet shrooms showed me to myself and i did not like what i saw. This was a hugely profound shift in my consciousness which enabled me to mentally mature, heal, and change myself for the better. As the number of trips increased, this awareness became second nature..a tool i used to become more like the person i truly wanted to be. After awhile, psychedelic thoughts occured even without psychedelics. The next stage of psychedelic state evolution i experienced was after a couple years of tripping regularly...i began to notice synchronicity when i tripped. Still young, naive, and not very well read, i had no idea these mind-blowing coincidences i was experiencing had an actual name. eventually they became to intense to simply dismiss as "cool stuff that happens when i trip". i finally began researching and when i stumbled upon Carl Jung and synchronicity, i felt this sense that my entire world view had been crushed..(i was a closet athiest wholly devouted to scientism) It was a liberating feeling that is hard to explain. To go from thinking i had it figured out to realizing there was so much more to be explored ignited a serious passion within me. My newfound openness to fringe ideas considering the nature of reality led to the next major evolution of psychedelic states. I became one with myself and the universe. I had never felt such pure hedonistic bliss, and it was like a switch i could mentally turn on after the first experience. I wasnt even tripping when this happened. I had been thinking about the nature of reality for months..suddenly one day, it all seemed to make sense. There was a feeling of understanding information beyond what my thinking mind could keep up with, and suddenly i realized a sort of mind-body connection, only it was more than a feeling...it felt like the greatest bliss i had ever known, the hugest weight lifted from my shoulders...suddenly i perceived the world much differently, i became one with it. Its tough to explain and im sure this sounds like complete woo to many who probably stopped reading by now. I understand. I am not here to convince you. I am here for those who know already. the sudden shift of perception from mind to mind-body propelled me even further into woowoo land. At one point, i could feel peoples vibes. If negative or primitive, i would have to leave because i could feel their "vibe" to much. I would feel their anxiety or intent and it would drain me. I could control my body temperature at will, being cold was simply a state of mind...i was so connected to myself that i could literally turn off the feeling of being cold or hot. I could switch on bliss at will. I began to feel that i was some kind of mutant or batshit insane...regardless, this evolution of psychedelic state was real to myself as well as a friend i met at college with whom i constantly discussed the possibilities of human consciousness. He reached this level shortly after i did.
Eventually came manifestation and reality manipulation. This is where i began to question the morality of my newfound consciousness, the meaning of this freedom. The possibilities. It became to real at this point...to weird. What is reality if i am able to manipulate it to this degree? Am i dreaming? What is even real anymore? I literally could not handle the responsibility of this consciousness. The mind-body thing was cool but this was to much. I began to think negatively about the consequences of my own thoughts on reality...rational thought had no place here. My questions only served to negatively imprint this psychedelic state, fear and guilt began to overtake my entire being. When my friend reached this level, he lost his mind completely. We had a good few weeks where we felt like gods, only for the one true reality to shock us to the core. Even after experiencing such crazy phenomena, i did not believe in God or any non-physical intelligence. We attributed our new found gifts to understanding the true nature and power of the human mind... before the fall, we were so completely lost we actually felt that we were superior, some evolved form of human...such pure hubris is, even now ,embarrassing to admit. I kept trying to push it further. To understand the true nature of reality.. eventually reality hit me with my first unexpected event in months. One which, at the time, i truly felt i had directly manifested..a close friend of mine passed away and a close cousin i grew up with passed away a day later in totally unrelated events. I had spent the previous day testing the waters of reality manipulation. I wondered how much negative feelings could impact manifestation...i put negative thoughts into the universe just to see what would happen. It seems crazy, to feel responsible for their deaths but i did. This guilt nearly destroyed me..it certainly shook my understanding to the core. What goes up, must come down. The next few months were filled with despair, soul searching...and a complete dismantling of my previous blissful state. I became afraid of higher states of consciousness. i chose to forget my control and give in to negativity, i became a different person. My looks were dulled. I could no longer look at anyone in the eye. I became fear and anxiety, i lost all confidence..eventually this lead to a very disturbing first encounter with non-local superintelligence. I had overdosed on some unknown substance sold to me as ecstasy. I had a near death experience that was completely unexplainable... i remember it vividly. All of a sudden i had a sudden comprehension of double speak...Something evil was stalking me with coordinated synchronicity..trying to prove its existence to me. I remember the moment i realized that every thing going on around me, the person on the radio, the bits of weird conversation my friends were having, everything took on a double meaning. One relative to my soul (what i believed at the time) and one relative to reality as we know it. This one is really tough to explain. As i became more aware of this odd synchronicity it intensified, normal reality dissolved into soul reality. The nature of these synchronicities became so interactive with my thoughts and awareness that the presense of some kind of non-local superintelligence became undeniable. The only resource which comes close to explaining this close to how i experienced it is a website, montalk.net Prior to this, i had never considered non-local intelligence, nor entertained notions of God or the Devil or any of that. I considered it primitive nonsense. The fear i felt after realizing a non-local intelligence was fucking with me is indescribable. I began to fear i was already dead. I became catatonic. I was frozen with fear, i could only pretend it wasnt happening by not responding...but this thing did not give up. I try to close my eyes, ignoring it, hoping i am just going having some weird dream. The car im travelling in suddenly stops, my friends all exit out of the vehicle leaving me inside ( i was sandwichdd in the middle) , i try to leave as well hoping things had returned to normalcy...when something grabs my leg violently preventing me from leaving. I look down in a panic and i see that my pants have been caught in a hanger wedged under the seat. Freaky, but actually normal. My fear lessens a bit as i confidently try again. I am stopped once more and immediately i hear this hysterical laughing all around me. I look down and there is nothing there this time. The fear returns. Suddenly there are no lights anywhere and i am in complete darkness. There is no car anymore, i am simply on smooth ground in complete darkness, utterly perplexed and afraid. I realized that normal rules no longer applied and questioned for the first time if i had died and if this was some kind of limbo or afterlife. I became afraid for my soul because there was no light...surely this wasnt "heaven". Suddenly i am grabbed by something with incredible strength. It tackles me and drags me around...its using incredible force. The space i was in..everything felt different. I wasnt feeling any pain from this thrashing and felt this...power arise inside. I wasnt going to let this thing drag me to hell or wherever.. No! I scream it. My fear transformed into empowering anger. I was mad i wasnt going to heaven. I was mad i had died and never realized it. I was mad i was stuck in demonic darkness. I was suddenly struck with this memory of pre-existence...that i was powerful here...that its not simply "heaven" or "hell". The thing lets me go. I could see again, darkness turned to space, and i could feel this thing coming back. I see only a shadow approach but i attacked it. The physics of this reality feel odd...like anything is possible. I wrap this thing up and squeeze...i feel this sinister energy invade my being...as if i had come to fully accept that i was no longer human. I didnt feel human anymore. My old life seemed so far away. The thing disappears, before i can even wonder what next, i am suddenly back to a somewhat normal reality. I remember my old life. But i also know things are not normal, that i am still on unstable reality. I still feel this odd feeling of immortality, of power...i realize that a new force is communicating with me. I am laying down surrounded by three frozen realities, and i must choose. There are dark looking cops observing me on one side, there is an ambulance with an angelic presense and there is utter darkness. I decide to not choose and so the realities became one. The cops grab me, and i feel the same dark presense which threatened me earlier. I resist with will alone, they cannot move me. My anger turns to observation...some guys get out of the ambulance and shine a light. The light moves strangely, and soon becomes the only thing i can see. I am lifted up to this light and i want to go with it, it feels safe and comforting. I cannot move. It seems as if the cops and the light are struggling. On one side i am lifted by the light, the other i am pulled by darkness. I feel the urge to resist this tug of war, i feel as if i can literally fly away from these forces, and i actually begin levitating. But something tells me if i fly away, i must live with this disembodied existence never to return to my normal life. after initial resistance i stop and let the forces have their way. I am put in the back of a cop car after what seems like forever. I still cannot move. I try to think positive thoughts, i try to remember my life but i cannot. Suddenly i am removed from the car and i find myself in a room full of light, a figure is there but i cannot make out what it is. It pokes and prods me and suddenly i feel like i am in an interrogation room with God or atleast some all knowing positive force of good. We talk about unknowable things , i argue that i still have good in me. I can see its eyes now and as it morphs into a man in a nurse outfit. He seems concerned and tells me..."everything is going to be fine." I black out and awake to doctors all around me. I feel pain all over, and i know i am alive.
I still remember this sinister being i almost became and i begin swearing and cursing them for bringing me back to life, back to misery. I see my mom and suddenly...im back. They tell me i flatlined two times that i overdosed at a party and had been at the hospital for 17 hours.
Life gets better. Further psychedelic states are explored but i will save that story for another time.
-------------------- zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes Light up the darkness.
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