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Anonymous #1

My dads dead. But I have qualms.
    #26520734 - 03/06/20 02:37 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I practiced to be a pitcher for 2 years. I tore my bicep a few times. I was very serious about it. My buddy and I practiced every recess and regularly after school. I'd pitch then he would pitch.

I vaguely remember this friend.

What I do vividly remember is "Youre too big to be a pitcher. You have the build of a catcher."


I also remember getting into little league and wasnt pitcher nor catcher was outfield. But in the 2 years I was in little league I never played a single game. My father never took me to my games. He took me to one one time and the coach said I couldnt play for 1 game because I kept missing games. I sat in the dugout chewing big league chew. My dad yelled at the coach. But he didnt take me to another game after that.



Another thing I remember vividly is when I started exercising at home. Doing my own thing. (something I cant do anymore. I have to be alone to do my own thing. In public I am too self-conscious of other people being around me to do things like exercise)

My father (who is 6 foot 7) told me (who is 5 foot 7) "You going to be one of those mean little guys who works out too much?" In an insulting tone. I stopped working out that day.


Here I am 2 decades later. I've lost 100 pounds. I've got 50 more to go. And my biceps are getting bigger every day.

I still cant shake these memories. Am I the little guy who is compensating?



I love you dad. But the baggage you left me... fuck. So many other mind games you played on me. You are such an arrogant asshole. Weak. Unable to bend. Why did you need all of that control? Why did you make us all your pawns?


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Anonymous #2

Re: My dads dead. But I have qualms. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26520764 - 03/06/20 02:51 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Do your thing man.  Nobody is going to judge you for exercising or getting swolt like Arnold.  Healthy always looks good, and feels good too.  You need to just release all that grip out of your head and be a free man.  I think you already know which way to go.  Just forgive your dad and let all that get out of your head, it’s over now.  Time to move along and get to doing positive things.


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Anonymous #3

Re: My dads dead. But I have qualms. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26537169 - 03/15/20 06:25 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Your not compensating, sounds like you just have a good head on your shoulders, good on ya for the weight I know it's a bitch. If your active healthy and living a good life ,happily. That's all that matters


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