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faerie
Registered: 01/07/20
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LIFE CHANGING Trips 3
#26514856 - 03/03/20 03:43 PM (4 years, 26 days ago) |
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Share yours.
First time taking a heroic dose, 5g of mushrooms. It was right after a massive fight with my boyfriend. He suggested that maybe my demons come from my PTSD. Safe to say, my mind was totally empty at the time except for self-loathing & shitty negativity. It seemed like he was on to something, though. Despite the fact that I couldn't remember.
Before this, I had tripped dozens of times with little to no effect, I felt like there was something wrong with me, because I never got many visuals or mental effects except increased anxiety.
The trip seemed almost instantaneous, and incredibly real. I started reliving conversations I had with this guy who raped & brainwashed me to live with him on the streets. I remembered him saying "You're too young to understand the bad things I'm doing".
I laid there crying, but I knew it was all okay now. From now on, everything was going to be okay.
I don't remember much else besides that, but afterwords my mind had been cleared. I could hear my thoughts & I felt love once again. I could finally feel that I was loved by my family & by my boyfriend.
I devoted my life after that to completely turning around & doing the best I could for the world, my self, & my family. Today, I am a compassionate, kind, open-minded, nature lover, who takes care of anyone I come across like a mother.
After all, it was human-kind who fucked me up. I had been fucked up since I was an innocent child. Those actions were reactions of a lonely, broken-hearted, abused child.
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faerie
Registered: 01/07/20
Posts: 165
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: faerie]
#26514871 - 03/03/20 03:53 PM (4 years, 26 days ago) |
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Another was on Acid, I looked out at a tree & saw how there's different levels of reality, different dimensions, how each layer is a different view of life. Hard to explain, but this opened up my mind to all the possibilities out there, the fact that there is whole metaphorical universes we can't even see with a microscope.
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Empyrium
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: faerie] 1
#26514942 - 03/03/20 04:32 PM (4 years, 26 days ago) |
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I had 3g experience and it increased my anxiety too, i feel even more difficult to breath lately. Now im looking forward to a 5g trip. I am a very quiet person, very apathetic, unable to love someone (i have been single for 10 years now, had many traumas from past relationships) and i wish that to change with 5g. Can you tell me something more? How you were before this 5g trip?
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faerie
Registered: 01/07/20
Posts: 165
Loc: cloud 9
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: Empyrium]
#26515033 - 03/03/20 05:15 PM (4 years, 26 days ago) |
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Quote:
Empyrium said: I had 3g experience and it increased my anxiety too, i feel even more difficult to breath lately. Now im looking forward to a 5g trip. I am a very quiet person, very apathetic, unable to love someone (i have been single for 10 years now, had many traumas from past relationships) and i wish that to change with 5g. Can you tell me something more? How you were before this 5g trip?
A lot like that. Very quiet, reserved, numb/apathetic, unable to love or feel loved. Thoughts were nothing more than a random evil voice in my head bringing myself down & judging others, occasionally a quiet little voice would come thru trying to guide me to do good, but I never listened to her. My therapist says this is "Survival mode", that because of the way I was treated growing up, my mind decided the only way to keep me alive was to do things that we're deemed a bad idea by others, example: pack up all my shit and leave my ex without a word, start being a cam girl (don't bother looking, you won't find shit). I didn't have any friends because I felt like everyone was either shitty or thought I was shitty (for lack of a better word).
Nearly a sociopath, occasionally feeling pity for others as the only form of emotion besides depression, anxiety, & anger.
My best advice for you is to go into the trip thinking about how you want to understand why you're like this & what you need to do to change. Just imagine self-love. How you want to reach it. Ask the mushrooms to guide you.
Chances are, though. They'll do it for you.
DO NOT, though, I repeat DO NOT forget what you want out of the trip though. Don't go into it in a negative mind set.
I promise you, it will be very difficult, and probably very painful to get through, but it will be very worth it.
I'd also recommend having someone in the house with you to check on you, if you have someone you trust and can feel comfortable around. Just a good safety precaution. Make sure they don't interrupt you, just keep an eye on you to keep you safe. I don't think anything bad will happen, I just personally don't trust myself when it comes to self-destruction.
Safe travels, friend, and may your trip be prosperous
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Empyrium
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: faerie] 1
#26515070 - 03/03/20 05:28 PM (4 years, 26 days ago) |
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Thanks a lot for your response. I am glad it worked for you, I wish it will change your life forever, for the best. Thanks for your advices^^
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Empyrium
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: faerie]
#26515092 - 03/03/20 05:36 PM (4 years, 26 days ago) |
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By the way. You said you had tripped with lower dosages before and it made you more anxious. Did 5g kill the anxiety? How many grams did you try before?
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faerie
Registered: 01/07/20
Posts: 165
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: Empyrium]
#26515097 - 03/03/20 05:39 PM (4 years, 26 days ago) |
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Quote:
Empyrium said: By the way. You said you had tripped with lower dosages before and it made you more anxious. Did 5g kill the anxiety? How many grams did you try before?
5g didn't totally kill the anxiety, after the trip I had to focus on bettering myself. It was the peace of mind that I have become a good person that killed the anxiety. I always did 2-3g before, often microdosing. They'd make me feel giggly at most sometimes. I had hallucinated on acid a few times, but very minor. Most I hallucinated, oddly enough, was molly. But with my eyes closed or half shut. I did try molly & acid one time & with my eyes closed, I saw my partner & i at the time swirling and melding together in a spiral. Also trying to pull out and escape, but keep melding into eachother. Symbolic, to say the least.
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Empyrium
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: faerie] 1
#26515160 - 03/03/20 06:14 PM (4 years, 26 days ago) |
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That's nice. Thank you
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: faerie] 1
#26516414 - 03/04/20 12:27 PM (4 years, 25 days ago) |
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You sound like an amazing person, faerie
I’m so pleased you resolved your pain
❤️❤️❤️ DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: Empyrium]
#26516426 - 03/04/20 12:33 PM (4 years, 25 days ago) |
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Quote:
Empyrium said: I had 3g experience and it increased my anxiety too, i feel even more difficult to breath lately. Now im looking forward to a 5g trip. I am a very quiet person, very apathetic, unable to love someone (i have been single for 10 years now, had many traumas from past relationships) and i wish that to change with 5g. Can you tell me something more? How you were before this 5g trip?
My most beneficial trip over the last few years trying to deal with my depression came from a 4.1g dry trip, after watching Rosalind Watts discussing the psilocybin research in the UK.
I think ideally you should have a guide (not a sitter); a psychotherapist guide ideally, who can steer your trip through the trauma.
But if like me that is not an option, you need to be prepared for when the trip gets really intense, because at 5g I guarantee you that it will. If it starts to go south, you need to look in a mirror and talk out loud to the mushrooms. Ask them why they are giving you a hard time, and tell them that you have come to them for help nd advice.
I did this on the trip above, the intensity backed off, I put headphones on and zoned out. After the trip I realised that, FOR ME, depression was a choice. So I chose not to be depressed, and I was not then depressed for 11 months. Since then I have taken lower doses at much more regular intervals, and now I feel my depression has gone completely.
I wish you well, and am sending you all the good vibes you can handle.
Mush love, and do please report back 👍🏻
DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna
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faerie
Registered: 01/07/20
Posts: 165
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Last seen: 9 months, 3 days
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: DJ Ed]
#26516470 - 03/04/20 12:57 PM (4 years, 25 days ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: You sound like an amazing person, faerie
I’m so pleased you resolved your pain
❤️❤️❤️ DJ Ed
Why thank you, DJ! I'm glad I did too
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: faerie] 1
#26516615 - 03/04/20 02:18 PM (4 years, 25 days ago) |
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-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna
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feldman114
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: DJ Ed]
#26516681 - 03/04/20 03:03 PM (4 years, 25 days ago) |
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Oh man...this thread...right in the feels. Just thank you, OP
Quote:
I laid there crying, but I knew it was all okay now. From now on, everything was going to be okay.
I have no idea what it’s like to go through the nightmare scenario you went through, but I can relate to this. That instant and sudden realization that you’re done with a piece of psychological baggage you’ve been carrying around all your life...is there anything more beautiful?
My most impactful trip was the first time I tried mushrooms. Before that, I saw psychs (mostly LSD and MDMA) as purely recreational. I remember staring at the night sky, lost in a deep internal monologue, then snapping out of it and realizing how pitiful my entire existence is. Like, why do I care what people think of my clothes or my old phone? Why are my “tonight” plans so important to me? Why do I choose who to let into my life based on social status?
I must’ve spent at least 2 hours trying to determine what’s really important - family, inner growth, etc. My priorities changed overnight. Next day, I reconnected with my brother, who I haven’t talked to in years until then. This experience also led me to Integrated Yoga, which I credit 100% for helping me cut off a crippling stim addiction.
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faerie
Registered: 01/07/20
Posts: 165
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: feldman114] 1
#26516709 - 03/04/20 03:23 PM (4 years, 25 days ago) |
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Quote:
feldman114 said: My most impactful trip was the first time I tried mushrooms. Before that, I saw psychs (mostly LSD and MDMA) as purely recreational.
Isn't it interesting that the psilocybin mushroom doesn't need that chemical for any reason whatsoever, but it reacts perfectly with the human mind to change our perspective of life for the betterment of ourselves & the world?
Beautiful share, btw
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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop
Registered: 08/20/04
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: faerie]
#26518111 - 03/05/20 07:30 AM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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Powerful stuff, thanks for sharing. I’m really sorry that you went through what you did as a child. There is no excuse for treating a child in that way, and it’s one of the things that infuriates me like no other. Glad you’ve found healing & peace.
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faerie
Registered: 01/07/20
Posts: 165
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: Dark_Star]
#26518478 - 03/05/20 11:48 AM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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Quote:
Dark_Star said: Powerful stuff, thanks for sharing. I’m really sorry that you went through what you did as a child. There is no excuse for treating a child in that way, and it’s one of the things that infuriates me like no other. Glad you’ve found healing & peace.
Shit happens, built me to be the person I am today & I am SO grateful for that. Thank you for your condolences
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Socrateshroom
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Re: LIFE CHANGING Trips [Re: faerie] 1
#26518670 - 03/05/20 01:14 PM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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Thanks very much for sharing! Your story is a great reminder that living through atrocities doesn't mean that you will perpetuate the cycle.
The world is a better place with people who can accept their past and blossom with the intent of ending these horrendous cycles of hate, abuse, resentment, etc. I know I've struggled a lot with bitterness and resentment due to my past and I've done everything I can not to project my pain onto others. Hopefully, when I go for my 4g experience next week, it can be as eye opening as yours.
Thanks again and best of luck on your journey
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faerie
Registered: 01/07/20
Posts: 165
Loc: cloud 9
Last seen: 9 months, 3 days
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May you have a prosperous trip
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