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InvisibleGK-7
Stranger
Registered: 10/02/19
Posts: 35
Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell
    #26512428 - 03/02/20 08:08 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

WARNING THE FOLLOWING CONTENT CAN BE DISTURBING REALLY FAST AS THE THREAD GOES. IT'S RAW, TRUE, DISGUSTING, INFURIATING AND MORE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. I'M TRULLY SORRY FOR THOSE WHO DIDN'T HAVE THE WARNING BEFORE SOME POST I MADE. I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE.


It's a reminder. I'm still tripping hard.
In my first trip I was told not now ( Don't know who / what ) now I know why.
Apparently I died years ago. Suicide.
Hell is real.
Not punishment.
Suicide = you kill a light inside you and "demons" gets in.
God is the guardian of your / my mind.

Obviously I'm still alive

I already did that trip before
Several time
The guardian who allow me that trip looks like Samuel lee Jackson lol
I'm in hell because i killed myself

I'm a in a lot of physical pain right now. 4ll made a full report later.

Hell is no fun. The trip for getting in either.
God  I wish I hadn't kill myself.

Edit : At first I wrote gods are the guardians of minds. But there is only one God who created everything and is The Guardian of your mind and your soul if you believe and have faith in him.


Edited by GK-7 (03/22/23 05:49 AM)


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InvisibleInfiniteDreams
Male

Registered: 10/25/19
Posts: 1,224
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7] * 4
    #26512429 - 03/02/20 08:10 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Still get decent wifi reception though?


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InvisibleAsante
Mage
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: InfiniteDreams] * 1
    #26512432 - 03/02/20 08:14 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

GK-7 - chill out.

You are NOT in Hell.

You are having a difficult experience.

The fact that you posted this on the Shroomery proves to me, a sober person, that you are still alive.

Come down, you'll feel better.


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here


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InvisibleShroom_guy4
Stranger

Registered: 03/07/15
Posts: 729
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #26512451 - 03/02/20 08:25 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Hi i'm an internet guy. What you're experiencing is the mind opening up to accepting more possibilities than what you'd normally consider. This can be amazing, but it can be terrifying too. All new situations are like that so this isn't anything new for you. You haven't died before when encountering a new situation and it's not going to happen now so no need to be afraid bro, lol.

Let me tell you something. I'm a real person, i live in Australia, and i don't know who you are. Your perception can't be the same as mine, it's imposable and yet we live in the same reality and i am talking to you. You're just under the influence of a temporary feeling. If you relax you'll actually enjoy it so kick back mate and listen to some chill tunes.

Have fun man and enjoy. The world is awesome!


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InvisibleD3_Myc
Weeb Trash
I'm a teapot


Registered: 05/06/18
Posts: 4,399
Loc: Year Zero
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Shroom_guy4] * 2
    #26512455 - 03/02/20 08:29 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

When in doubt, cartoon network out.


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Offlinebw86
Doesn't play well with others


Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 5,937
Loc: 7b
Last seen: 1 day, 25 minutes
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: D3_Myc]
    #26512459 - 03/02/20 08:32 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

But what if we are all in hell?


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Invisibledbreeze
Stranger
Registered: 06/03/19
Posts: 312
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: bw86]
    #26512460 - 03/02/20 08:35 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

what if we are in heaven? what if heaven and hell dont exsist and we gota make the best of this?


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InvisibleAmanita86
OTD Keymaster
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Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: dbreeze] * 1
    #26512462 - 03/02/20 08:38 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

If we’re in heaven, God needs a talking too..:justinwilson:


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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OfflineNauthere
Stranger
Registered: 02/28/20
Posts: 5
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Amanita86]
    #26512477 - 03/02/20 09:05 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I usually see a white guy with a beard and sunglasses, shooting me the bird. Seems like a cool guy, looks a little bit like me. It's one of my CEVs.

Samuel L Jackson might be more entertaining, though.


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InvisibleGK-7
Stranger
Registered: 10/02/19
Posts: 35
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Nauthere]
    #26512478 - 03/02/20 09:07 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I'm "back"


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OfflineKorean Jesus
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Registered: 11/13/19
Posts: 554
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #26512485 - 03/02/20 09:18 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Hopefully you got a nice tan!


--------------------
:rastamon::getstoned::rastamon:


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InvisibleInfiniteDreams
Male

Registered: 10/25/19
Posts: 1,224
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Korean Jesus]
    #26512521 - 03/02/20 09:43 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Rough ride, sounds like.  We'll need a 24 hour retrospective tomorrow.


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InvisibleBlazer420
ŦøжїϿ ÐȐȜȧƜƐȓ


Registered: 06/13/09
Posts: 4,825
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: D3_Myc] * 3
    #26512889 - 03/02/20 01:36 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

D3monic said:
When in doubt, cartoon network out.




This is good advice. Also if its getting way 2 hectic go in the shower! :highfive:


--------------------
~ I used to get high on life, until I realized life was cut with morons ~
* You need 2 wake up and smell the music! *
-We are all computer data in a materialistic world-
|Sometimes you have to lose yourself, to find anything|


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Invisibledbreeze
Stranger
Registered: 06/03/19
Posts: 312
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Blazer420]
    #26512903 - 03/02/20 01:46 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Blazer420 said:
Quote:

D3monic said:
When in doubt, cartoon network out.




This is good advice. Also if its getting way 2 hectic go in the shower! :highfive:




LOL CARTOON NETWORK IS MY SHIT!!!!


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InvisibleD3_Myc
Weeb Trash
I'm a teapot


Registered: 05/06/18
Posts: 4,399
Loc: Year Zero
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: dbreeze]
    #26513646 - 03/02/20 09:33 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

It always helped me when I was peeking alone. Aways forget about the tv until I’m a few hours in. Every time I turned it on ren n stimpy would be on.

Some good anime I bet would be fun too.


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OfflineCatsLoveHouseMusic
SpeakerFreaker
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Registered: 11/03/18
Posts: 1,085
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: D3_Myc]
    #26513751 - 03/02/20 10:56 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Listening to Alan Watts or Bob Ross. Take a walk away from civilization and try to just breath and concentrate on your heart beating.


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InvisibleAmanita86
OTD Keymaster
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Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: CatsLoveHouseMusic]
    #26513858 - 03/03/20 01:26 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I was amidst a pretty significant mushroom trip thinking about family and stuff, how it’s kinda sad we all end up passing on etc, wishing to be able to see some of my family that has passed on and had a random playlist going and right at the “key time”... you know what I’m saying, perfect timing, this came on.  It’s probably now my favorite clip of Alan Watts.  A good lesson to be mindful of.



--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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OfflineVibe_Enthusiast
Mushroom Technician
I'm a teapot


Registered: 10/16/18
Posts: 2,420
Loc: GPS signal lost.. Flag
Last seen: 18 days, 22 hours
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Amanita86]
    #26514015 - 03/03/20 06:05 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Man drugs are fabulous :breakout:


--------------------
:greyalien:




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Offlineindividualist
Stranger
Registered: 05/03/18
Posts: 387
Loc: Central Florida
Last seen: 2 months, 9 hours
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Vibe_Enthusiast]
    #26514490 - 03/03/20 11:51 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Heaven and Hell are the same place with the same characteristics.

It's what you make of it that determines whether you experience it as Heaven or as Hell.

I had a Hell dream, in which I was in church and (in my dream!) stole money from the collection plate while no one was watching...but suddenly I was transported into this black void, and I saw Jesus looking at me and I knew he had been watching as I stole the money.

What I felt emanating from the visage of Jesus was not anger at what I had done.  Not shame or pity or sadness.  But love.  Pure, unconditional love, totally in spite of the horrible thing I had done.

And in a moment it hit me.  Jesus loves us despite our sin.  And the love of Jesus that I knew I did not deserve burned me with a shame so intense it felt like fire from Hell.

I'm not even a "Christian" per se, but that dream was one of the most powerful and lingering spiritual experiences I have ever had.


Edited by individualist (03/03/20 11:58 AM)


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InvisibleInfiniteDreams
Male

Registered: 10/25/19
Posts: 1,224
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: individualist]
    #26514498 - 03/03/20 12:02 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Waiting on OP for the hindsight.


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OfflineBackbone
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Registered: 01/18/20
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: InfiniteDreams]
    #26515636 - 03/03/20 11:21 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I was having a self induced episode years back and I got in my car and im pretty sure I fell asleep for a short amount of time, that or I dont remember anything that was happening even after five seconds of experiencing it. I was drinking alot of water for days straight. If I did, I dont know how I didnt crash, kind of hoping itd happen from vitamin deficiency. I could be in hell... still weird shit happens in my waking life some of which I can explain or at least chalk up to insignificance of the human experience, my toilet breaking and fixing itself for example. That is my definition of hell a broken reality. At least if im on a drug theres no question that it influenced whatever i just experienced.


Edited by Backbone (03/03/20 11:28 PM)


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InvisibleGK-7
Stranger
Registered: 10/02/19
Posts: 35
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Backbone]
    #26520250 - 03/06/20 09:08 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Sorry guys still having a hard time to come back properly. The worst part was not being in hell it was what I felt at some points and it don't leave me for now.
I'm not an experienced user, I took something like a dozen trip the past five months ( 2.5g - 5g ). I had bad / challenging trip. But nothing like this one (3.7g tea and a week before that a 2g trip). It really took me off guard.
Yet, I feel, it's the one that will have the most positive impact in the future. It broke something that needed to be broken.


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Offlinefootpath
ὕδωρχοίρος

Registered: 07/16/19
Posts: 1,367
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7] * 2
    #26520266 - 03/06/20 09:23 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Think about it like rot.
You can't just remove the obviously decaying bits.
You have to cut into some of the healthy stuff around it so that it can all be repaired with new.


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OfflineCosmic Eye
The 2nd tallest
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Registered: 07/07/19
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: footpath]
    #26521117 - 03/06/20 06:37 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Any time is a good time to watch Attack on Titan.

Whoa man..


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OfflineSurReality
PsychAdemic
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Registered: 12/21/06
Posts: 11,808
Loc: Colorado, USA Flag
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #26521311 - 03/06/20 08:38 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

GK-7 said:
It's a reminder. I'm still tripping hard.
In my first trip I was told not now ( Don't know who / what ) now I know why.
Apparently I died years ago. Suicide.
Hell is real.
Not punishment.
Suicide = you kill a light inside you and "demons" gets in.
Gods are guardians of minds.

Obviously I'm still alive

I already did that trip before
Several time
The guardian who allow me that trip looks like Samuel lee Jackson lol
I'm in hell because i killed myself

I'm a in a lot of physical pain right now. 4ll made a full report later.

Hell is no fun. The trip for getting in either.
God  I wish I hadn't kill myself




I'm having the same trip. It's not so bad once you get the hang of it... Immortality is a gift  to enjoy with the Right Choices. It will get better eventually, as forever is eternal. I suggest figuring out what u do that leads to the pain, break that cycle and grow your wings.


--------------------
ProDOPEFiend Diary: (my public diary)

PodCast


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InvisibleGK-7
Stranger
Registered: 10/02/19
Posts: 35
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: SurReality]
    #26521772 - 03/07/20 07:39 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

footpath said:
Think about it like rot.
You can't just remove the obviously decaying bits.
You have to cut into some of the healthy stuff around it so that it can all be repaired with new.




I like that image.

Quote:

SurReality said:

I'm having the same trip. It's not so bad once you get the hang of it... Immortality is a gift  to enjoy with the Right Choices. It will get better eventually, as forever is eternal. I suggest figuring out what u do that leads to the pain, break that cycle and grow your wings.




That cycle has been broken. For years I wanted to die ( Not kill myself ). right now, not so much. And for once, I want to live for myself and not because I have to.

Thank you all for your reply. Always interesting to read you all.


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OfflineDJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #26521881 - 03/07/20 09:03 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

GK-7 said:
That cycle has been broken. For years I wanted to die ( Not kill myself ). right now, not so much. And for once, I want to live for myself and not because I have to.




Pardon my French language, shroomerites, but fuck me. You’ve just described 45 years of my life!!! That is exactly how I felt from about the age of 8, until just a while back! Did actually try to do the deed 11 years ago, which was the final nail in the coffin that got me on SSRIs for 7 years!

Always wanted to die. That way I didn’t need to be concerned over the damage I’d leave behind for my family and friends to sort out. Always too cowardly to commit suicide (and fortunately my one attempt was stopped by a neighbour my wife had rung!), and the guilt about the damage it would have caused, get this, made my depression even deeper. Fucking mental! Never heard it described in that way by any other living human. Profound, thank you.

❤️❤️❤️
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineBackbone
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Registered: 01/18/20
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: DJ Ed]
    #26522336 - 03/07/20 02:36 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Been off ssris for probably about 5 weeks, i was getting alot of the sympotoms from discontinued use, I still am but im ok, my sleep kind of sucks...I still have weird thoughts. I dont think im mature enough for medicine, also same time i started to grow again and i guess i wasnt sure how the two wouuld react. I may "relapse" though, I think im too proud though.


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OfflinePsion
Sage
Registered: 09/11/18
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Backbone]
    #26523120 - 03/07/20 11:40 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Apologies ahead of time for the the looooong post...this is what happens when you wax philosophical as a hobby. >8(


I've had a lot of thoughts about life, death, and the afterlife, if one even exists. I grew up in a christian family, so I started off believing in God, before hitting puberty and discovering I was gay and hitting a massive spiritual roadblock that nearly destroyed me. I couldn't change who I was, yet I also couldn't be who I was and be with Christ, so something had to give. I chose myself... an admittingly selfish choice, but then again, the bible also frowns upon suicide, which I'm pretty sure spiritual suicide counts as. :P certainly it counts as living a lie, and would've led to actual suicide eventually. it took almost 3 years to reach that decision and nearly reached the suicide point anyways, with only my fear of death preventing it.

At any rate, I went a bit sour on Gods for a while after that, but I still was and am a philosophical person by nature. One of my more impactful musings on life came from playing a game called Final Fantasy XI that led to a stunning realization, though it seemed fairly simple at the time. in the introduction video, the narrator introduces the player to the world of Vanadiel:

"It all began with a stone, or so the legend says.
In ages past, a sentient jewel, enormous and beautiful, banished the darkness.
Its many-colored light filled the world with life, and brought forth mighty gods.
Bathed in that light, the world entered an age of bliss...
until, after a time, the gods fell into slumber.
That world was called ‘Vana'diel’."

Now, i had watched that trailer many many times over the months and few years I'd played that game, but out of a moment of boredom and wanting to see a behemoth rawr and smash a wall for the lulz, I wondered... how COULD a jewel have sentience? what would be required to make it possible? and then it hit me.

It was a metaphor. the jewel wasn't a physical jewel. Crystals have regular connections between its atoms, an underlying pattern. They have multiple facets, or faces, and often slight "imperfections" or "inclusions" that can color them, or cause them to have fault lines, or interesting imperfections, or patterns. sometimes this is actually a desired thing. the sentient jewel is a reference to how all living things are connected to each other, even if they don't seem possible at the time.

that plastic bag you throw in the garbage? it doesn't vanish in the aether. maybe it gets taken to china, the wind dislodges it along the way, a sea turtle mistakes it for a jellyfish, eats it, dies, things eat the dead sea turtle, and now there's microplastics in all sorts of sea critters, some of which people are probably going to eat in the future, and who knows how that will influence their bodies, for good or ill, and how that will alter their histories, also for good or ill?

and that's just from one tiny action of yours. granted, human beings tend to have unusually potent influence on the planet, but still, the butterfly effect is real for everything.

but back the the jewel metaphor. it means that in the end, we are all connected. you, me, fluffy, that fungus gnat you just killed, the fungus gnat that just respawned 2 seconds later because you know it's the same damn fungus gnat you just killed 2 seconds ago and not a new one, that creepy person you ring up at the checkup counter you just KNOW is some druggie nutcase (who, if you got to know them, is likely none of these things and probably one of the coolest people ever), that hot person you keep wanting to ask out on a date (who probably is the actual druggie and/or nutcase and needs help)... we're all connected. it's like we're all facets of that jewel, each of us shining our own colored light, our own personality. likewise, each of us is like a jewel, each of us maybe a dominant "color" or personality, but we have multiple facets or colors as well. maybe someone is predominantly cheerful or serious, or devil-may-care, but they still may show anger sometimes, or sadness.

What does this mean for our lives? it means that, for one thing, we need to live our lives as ourselves. We need to shine our OWN light, not pretend to be a color we're not, because to do so is akin to placing strain on a crystal, or creating fractures in the pattern. Likewise, treating others without respect, or other living things without respect, does the same - it strains the pattern, fractures the Crystal. Now, it's a tough old bird, and it's a Living Jewel, which means it can repair itself like any living thing and heal over time... but like any living thing, it can die if over-strained. and if it dies... we're all dead, because we are part of that pattern. a major part of it, in fact, and major influencers.

I'm not saying that we can't eat meat or anything like that - I'm just saying we shouldn't waste. use food reasonably, if you have leftovers, eat them or give them to people in need, or at least compost them, etc. Try and help others, but without sacrificing your own dreams. I know this is a weird way to think, but as Natsu from Fairy Tail once put it "friends don't die for each other - friends live for each other!" making yourself miserable to try and help your family, for instance, isn't noble - it's just sad. find a way to help them while preserving your own happiness.



....This...was supposed to be about the afterlife. ahem. I know this got a bit sidetracked, but this theme of the crystal, the many facets but oneness it represents is very important, a recurring theme in my trips. it's not only for all living things and for the many facets of an individual, you see, but for the many facets of reality. the multiverse, if you will. The impressions i kept getting, and i use the word because it's like the kind of knowledge you get without words, like knowing something is amusing when you hear it, is that when you die, you are reincarnated based on what you desired in your previous life. your deepest, truest desires of the heart, which leads to some interesting situations.

one of the impressions i got is that the less clear your desire is, the more there is of "fill in the blanks" that occurs. in other words, if your idea of desire is "die and go to heaven" and your idea of heaven is pearly white gates and that's about it, who knows what's gonna happen - there might be an actual angelic war and you might be a leader of the forces, maybe you might get bored after several thousand years of unending bliss and singing hymns... because there was another impression i got:

there is always an "out". in other words, death is always present, the opposite of life. it's not there to be solely a tyrant - it's also there to serve an important purpose, to prevent people from getting stuck in an eternal hell. and hell is a relative term - imagine someone being in an eternity of heaven and getting bored there... and being unable to end it. unending bliss, but eternal boredom. never changing, unending boredom. now imagine death coming along and say, upsurping the kingdom of god in the form of an angelic rebellion or something. terrible, but for some of those slain angels/souls, they may have found deaths embrace to be a welcome lift to their next step of the unending journey. Likewise, there might be someone stuck in a hell feeling they deserved it for their sins, but they feel like they no longer deserve it. eventually an adventurer comes along on accident via a portal and winds up rescuing them or something. That sort of thing.

Which leads to another thing - sometimes death is not needed to lead to an out, sort of like the tale of Enoch, who pleased God so much that he spared him death. In rare cases, (or easy to achieve ones :P) people who pursue their dreams and stay true to their goals and true selves can achieve them without dying. Actually, maybe this isn't terribly hard for most cases... but I wouldn't know, because I know my own dream involves adventuring to other worlds and learning magic and more so mine's not quite so easy to achieve. lol) So the next time you feel like whining about how impossible your goals are... remember...mine are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay harder than yours and I'm still trying after 20 years without quitting, so quit yer bitchin. lets see YOU try to literally invent magic. ...at any rate, due to the weird nature of the connectiveness of everything, when you desire something with your true heart, often opportunities will appear, to those who keep an eye open. that doesnt mean money will rain from the sky, per say, but you might see well paying jobs that you have skills for, or perhaps odd jobs you can do, or donating plasma for a bit of cash, etc.

which leads to a fourth thing: that universal consciousness is trying to experience...everything. and only YOU can experience the things that you want to feel, hear, and think. it wants you to live, die, be reborn, to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. you can choose to retain your memories after you die if you so desire. you are not limited by form, by sex, (heck, you can be both sexes, neither, or something entirely new if you want) by physics.... the multiverse allows EVERYTHING. dream of it, wish for it, and you can make it come true... eventually. if not in this life, then the next.

And that leads to the conclusion - that's why it's so important to live this life to its fullest. that Crystal, that universal consciousness, is constantly nudging you, guiding you, hinting at things. it throws possibilities your way. many of my revelations I've had came from the most mundane of observations, from that trailer to the childish game of playing mazes with the grains of wood planks. Many great people I've met were from chance encounters that I decided to simply take a chance and stop to talk to them, even though they seemed a lil weird at the time. Many delicious foods I've discovered were tasted (ok so some were gross) despite the unease I had over their appearance or smell or both. How can you know what you want in life, if you don't even know what possibilities there are? How can you write a good story for yourself, if you don't even know what potential the world holds? The more zest you hold for life now, the better the story of your next life will be - if it even comes to that.

Perhaps you may achieve that status of an adventurer for whom life really is an unending journey of joy.


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InvisibleGK-7
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: DJ Ed]
    #26525055 - 03/09/20 06:59 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

DJ Ed said:

Pardon my French language, shroomerites, but fuck me. You’ve just described 45 years of my life!!! That is exactly how I felt from about the age of 8, until just a while back! Did actually try to do the deed 11 years ago, which was the final nail in the coffin that got me on SSRIs for 7 years!

Always wanted to die. That way I didn’t need to be concerned over the damage I’d leave behind for my family and friends to sort out. Always too cowardly to commit suicide (and fortunately my one attempt was stopped by a neighbour my wife had rung!), and the guilt about the damage it would have caused, get this, made my depression even deeper. Fucking mental! Never heard it described in that way by any other living human. Profound, thank you.

❤️❤️❤️
DJ Ed




I'm glad I helped you to put words on something like this. Not putting words on how bad you feel can be really frightening sometimes.
From my understanding it's the lack of the "sparkle of life" that is responsible for that feelings.

Few years go I travelled in another country alone. At first I should have gone with a friend but he didn't. The second night at the hotel, I was smoking and suddenly I felt alive for the first time since, I can't even say. I felt so alive, it hurts me and made me cry for minutes. At that time I didn't really know what happened.
Now, I'm thinking I put the light back on inside me and that's why it hurts so much. And eventually when I came back in my old routine, the light went off again at some point. Anyway, all this for saying I "know" you can restart that sparkle, but the hardest part is to keep the flame alive through time. Because like any fire, you need to feed it ( With whatever is making you feel alive ) or it dies slowly.

Those past couple weeks I rebuilt a crappy bike I bought. Working on it and riding it felt so good. More than 10 years I didn't ride a bike ( It was something I loved when I was young ). It's not much but god it feels good.

Have a good day :heart:


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InvisibleD3_Myc
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #26525164 - 03/09/20 08:46 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I’ve always suffered from suicidal depression, tried when I was 12, had a bad spell most of last year. I’ve kind of been in a good place last few months. Not sure if it’s the pineapple juice I’ve been drinking or just starting a new hobby so having something to be excited about. Maybe a little of both. Tried the zoloft, worst mistake of my life that stuff was beyond horrible.


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OfflineBackbone
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: D3_Myc]
    #26525366 - 03/09/20 11:28 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I cant really make a good argument for anti depressants all i can say is dont stop immediately especially if youve taken them for more than a year


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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #26525475 - 03/09/20 01:09 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

You’re very welcome 👍🏻


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: D3_Myc]
    #26525479 - 03/09/20 01:13 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Well I for one am glad you’re here, D3monic 👊🏻

It was learning to grow that distracted me long enough to get off the SSRIs and on the psilocybin. Me too, Sertaline (Zoloft) - not the worst mistake of my life as I do believe they helped save it; but staying on them long term, I would say the worst decision of my life.

I’d encourage anyone on these medications to consider getting off them as soon as is practically possible.

Are you aware there is no long term data on their effects, only sufficient short term research to get them FDA-approved? Scary shit people.....


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Backbone]
    #26525492 - 03/09/20 01:18 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Backbone said:
I cant really make a good argument for anti depressants all i can say is dont stop immediately especially if youve taken them for more than a year




I would agree, only for “harm reduction” purposes. Apparently the weaning off period should last as long as the length of time you’ve been on them! So for me that would have been 7 years of withdrawal!

Tried at least 3 times to wean myself off under the doctors guidance and supervision, and each time I cracked at 9 days into the weaning off.

So I ignored all the medical advice and went more or less cold turkey and weaned myself off in 3 weeks; week 1 50% dose, week 2 25% dose, week 3 25% dose every other day.

Maybe I was lucky people, so do your own research and stay safe.

DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineBackbone
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: DJ Ed]
    #26525546 - 03/09/20 01:55 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Youre supposed to talk to your psychiatrist because theyre supposed to taper you off, it took me like at least a week to realize i was getting side effects from stopping immediately. Lol idk that people shouldnt take it, its not like its heroin ya know? Its just our brains get so used to to having the right chemicals, having that taken away immediately is basically traumatic. It does put shit in perspective though. Random brain zaps, feeling like sobbing etc...


Edited by Backbone (03/09/20 02:28 PM)


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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Backbone]
    #26525683 - 03/09/20 03:31 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

My “brain zaps” lasted for months and months. As well as a like vertigo feeling; I’d move and my head would swim! Almost felt like a tracer - like I thought my head moved, then it would catch up! Loads of horrible side effects. Loads of horror stories online of people who’ve been on them long term.

I’ve now heard a few “famous” people mention this, but particularly relevant is Dr Rosalind Watts (she’s on the UK psilocybin research team so I trust her) - but basically the pharmaceuticals only ever did short term research on the side effects on people, ie. just enough to get them approved. Apparently there is NO data on the long term effects.....

My withdrawal period was enough to tell me they’re not doing us any good. That’s why when I discuss these days with people, I recommend they stay on them for the minimum time possible; get out of that depressive trough, then work out for yourself how to combat the depression.

Sounds easy, though, doesn’t it!! So much easier to stay on them and let your life rot away.......


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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InvisibleD3_Myc
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: DJ Ed]
    #26525885 - 03/09/20 05:56 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

The only good thing they did was make me quit drinking for a few years because I’d get sick every time I did. The zaps, the getting sick if I was a few hours late taking... not for me. I felt so much better once I weaned off


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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #26526147 - 03/09/20 08:45 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Ego death is not death death, you're gonna be good.


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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: D3_Myc]
    #26527446 - 03/10/20 02:11 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Loss of appetite, loss of libido, taking ages to reach orgasm (awesome at first - worlds greatest lover - but soon became really fuckin boring!), loss of positive emotions, and loss of any motivation to get out of the rut.

One factor in my ultimate decision to get off them was going to see Muse in concert at Manchester. Wanted to see them for ages, but leading up to it all I could think of was what an hassle it would be to get there etc. Didn’t get excited on the day, on the way there, or during the concert. It was only a few weeks afterward I thought; that was pretty good actually!

That my friend is really shit!


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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InvisibleGK-7
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Psion] * 1
    #28238970 - 03/20/23 11:30 PM (10 months, 3 days ago)

Quote:

Psion said:
Apologies ahead of time for the the looooong post...this is what happens when you wax philosophical as a hobby. >8(


I've had a lot of thoughts about life, death, and the afterlife, if one even exists. I grew up in a christian family, so I started off believing in God, before hitting puberty and discovering I was gay and hitting a massive spiritual roadblock that nearly destroyed me. I couldn't change who I was, yet I also couldn't be who I was and be with Christ, so something had to give. I chose myself... an admittingly selfish choice, but then again, the bible also frowns upon suicide, which I'm pretty sure spiritual suicide counts as. :P certainly it counts as living a lie, and would've led to actual suicide eventually. it took almost 3 years to reach that decision and nearly reached the suicide point anyways, with only my fear of death preventing it.

At any rate, I went a bit sour on Gods for a while after that, but I still was and am a philosophical person by nature. One of my more impactful musings on life came from playing a game called Final Fantasy XI that led to a stunning realization, though it seemed fairly simple at the time. in the introduction video, the narrator introduces the player to the world of Vanadiel:

"It all began with a stone, or so the legend says.
In ages past, a sentient jewel, enormous and beautiful, banished the darkness.
Its many-colored light filled the world with life, and brought forth mighty gods.
Bathed in that light, the world entered an age of bliss...
until, after a time, the gods fell into slumber.
That world was called ‘Vana'diel’."

Now, i had watched that trailer many many times over the months and few years I'd played that game, but out of a moment of boredom and wanting to see a behemoth rawr and smash a wall for the lulz, I wondered... how COULD a jewel have sentience? what would be required to make it possible? and then it hit me.

It was a metaphor. the jewel wasn't a physical jewel. Crystals have regular connections between its atoms, an underlying pattern. They have multiple facets, or faces, and often slight "imperfections" or "inclusions" that can color them, or cause them to have fault lines, or interesting imperfections, or patterns. sometimes this is actually a desired thing. the sentient jewel is a reference to how all living things are connected to each other, even if they don't seem possible at the time.

that plastic bag you throw in the garbage? it doesn't vanish in the aether. maybe it gets taken to china, the wind dislodges it along the way, a sea turtle mistakes it for a jellyfish, eats it, dies, things eat the dead sea turtle, and now there's microplastics in all sorts of sea critters, some of which people are probably going to eat in the future, and who knows how that will influence their bodies, for good or ill, and how that will alter their histories, also for good or ill?

and that's just from one tiny action of yours. granted, human beings tend to have unusually potent influence on the planet, but still, the butterfly effect is real for everything.

but back the the jewel metaphor. it means that in the end, we are all connected. you, me, fluffy, that fungus gnat you just killed, the fungus gnat that just respawned 2 seconds later because you know it's the same damn fungus gnat you just killed 2 seconds ago and not a new one, that creepy person you ring up at the checkup counter you just KNOW is some druggie nutcase (who, if you got to know them, is likely none of these things and probably one of the coolest people ever), that hot person you keep wanting to ask out on a date (who probably is the actual druggie and/or nutcase and needs help)... we're all connected. it's like we're all facets of that jewel, each of us shining our own colored light, our own personality. likewise, each of us is like a jewel, each of us maybe a dominant "color" or personality, but we have multiple facets or colors as well. maybe someone is predominantly cheerful or serious, or devil-may-care, but they still may show anger sometimes, or sadness.

What does this mean for our lives? it means that, for one thing, we need to live our lives as ourselves. We need to shine our OWN light, not pretend to be a color we're not, because to do so is akin to placing strain on a crystal, or creating fractures in the pattern. Likewise, treating others without respect, or other living things without respect, does the same - it strains the pattern, fractures the Crystal. Now, it's a tough old bird, and it's a Living Jewel, which means it can repair itself like any living thing and heal over time... but like any living thing, it can die if over-strained. and if it dies... we're all dead, because we are part of that pattern. a major part of it, in fact, and major influencers.

I'm not saying that we can't eat meat or anything like that - I'm just saying we shouldn't waste. use food reasonably, if you have leftovers, eat them or give them to people in need, or at least compost them, etc. Try and help others, but without sacrificing your own dreams. I know this is a weird way to think, but as Natsu from Fairy Tail once put it "friends don't die for each other - friends live for each other!" making yourself miserable to try and help your family, for instance, isn't noble - it's just sad. find a way to help them while preserving your own happiness.



....This...was supposed to be about the afterlife. ahem. I know this got a bit sidetracked, but this theme of the crystal, the many facets but oneness it represents is very important, a recurring theme in my trips. it's not only for all living things and for the many facets of an individual, you see, but for the many facets of reality. the multiverse, if you will. The impressions i kept getting, and i use the word because it's like the kind of knowledge you get without words, like knowing something is amusing when you hear it, is that when you die, you are reincarnated based on what you desired in your previous life. your deepest, truest desires of the heart, which leads to some interesting situations.

one of the impressions i got is that the less clear your desire is, the more there is of "fill in the blanks" that occurs. in other words, if your idea of desire is "die and go to heaven" and your idea of heaven is pearly white gates and that's about it, who knows what's gonna happen - there might be an actual angelic war and you might be a leader of the forces, maybe you might get bored after several thousand years of unending bliss and singing hymns... because there was another impression i got:

there is always an "out". in other words, death is always present, the opposite of life. it's not there to be solely a tyrant - it's also there to serve an important purpose, to prevent people from getting stuck in an eternal hell. and hell is a relative term - imagine someone being in an eternity of heaven and getting bored there... and being unable to end it. unending bliss, but eternal boredom. never changing, unending boredom. now imagine death coming along and say, upsurping the kingdom of god in the form of an angelic rebellion or something. terrible, but for some of those slain angels/souls, they may have found deaths embrace to be a welcome lift to their next step of the unending journey. Likewise, there might be someone stuck in a hell feeling they deserved it for their sins, but they feel like they no longer deserve it. eventually an adventurer comes along on accident via a portal and winds up rescuing them or something. That sort of thing.

Which leads to another thing - sometimes death is not needed to lead to an out, sort of like the tale of Enoch, who pleased God so much that he spared him death. In rare cases, (or easy to achieve ones :P) people who pursue their dreams and stay true to their goals and true selves can achieve them without dying. Actually, maybe this isn't terribly hard for most cases... but I wouldn't know, because I know my own dream involves adventuring to other worlds and learning magic and more so mine's not quite so easy to achieve. lol) So the next time you feel like whining about how impossible your goals are... remember...mine are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay harder than yours and I'm still trying after 20 years without quitting, so quit yer bitchin. lets see YOU try to literally invent magic. ...at any rate, due to the weird nature of the connectiveness of everything, when you desire something with your true heart, often opportunities will appear, to those who keep an eye open. that doesnt mean money will rain from the sky, per say, but you might see well paying jobs that you have skills for, or perhaps odd jobs you can do, or donating plasma for a bit of cash, etc.

which leads to a fourth thing: that universal consciousness is trying to experience...everything. and only YOU can experience the things that you want to feel, hear, and think. it wants you to live, die, be reborn, to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. you can choose to retain your memories after you die if you so desire. you are not limited by form, by sex, (heck, you can be both sexes, neither, or something entirely new if you want) by physics.... the multiverse allows EVERYTHING. dream of it, wish for it, and you can make it come true... eventually. if not in this life, then the next.

And that leads to the conclusion - that's why it's so important to live this life to its fullest. that Crystal, that universal consciousness, is constantly nudging you, guiding you, hinting at things. it throws possibilities your way. many of my revelations I've had came from the most mundane of observations, from that trailer to the childish game of playing mazes with the grains of wood planks. Many great people I've met were from chance encounters that I decided to simply take a chance and stop to talk to them, even though they seemed a lil weird at the time. Many delicious foods I've discovered were tasted (ok so some were gross) despite the unease I had over their appearance or smell or both. How can you know what you want in life, if you don't even know what possibilities there are? How can you write a good story for yourself, if you don't even know what potential the world holds? The more zest you hold for life now, the better the story of your next life will be - if it even comes to that.

Perhaps you may achieve that status of an adventurer for whom life really is an unending journey of joy.




Hi,

First, I'm sorry that I didn't respond couple years ago. And honestly I'm glad I did. Because honestly I certainly would've mislead you.

I won't give any details right now. I will just say that's only know that I'm only starting to going down et making sens of a lot of things. I don't where you are in life right know. Where your path lead you. But allow me to tell you this.

Even if you are gay, you should have faith in The Lord. He loves you. More than you'll ever know. It's same for the both us as much for all of us. He's there for everyone who have faith in him no matter who you are or what've you've done. You are all forgiven. Your homosexuality is not a problem if you have faith in him. Satan is the problem. Trust me on this I was and still am way worse than you in so many categories. A small list :

- Sexual degeneracy. Being gay in comparaison it's nothing. When I say degeneracy I mean real degeneracy. Pedophilia, incest on porn sites or in my minds since really young. It came real close in the physical world. To the point to tried to kill myself several times. I tried to talk about it to different persons like my mother, psychiatrist even a sexologist. Every time pretty much the same answer. From my mother, You are not like this don't, I don't want to hear about it ( It's not verbatim but the idea ). And from the "pros", don't worry about it....
And for zoophilia, online and in my mind.
And for my softcore part : Everything else ? Foot fetish, scat, bdsm, several partners at the same time,( From 18yo to 60+ yo from my 18yo to my late 20's ) different sex, under influence from divers drugs... plus other stuff.
And yet The Lord forgave me.

The next part I hope will be shorter. I honestly didn't plane to write this much right now. Anyway.

Next : "Master" manipulator. I always got what I want and can play people like I want. Emotional abuse, lie ( I was and unfortunately for now really good a it ). Obviously I see where it's going. If you are a good liar how can we trust what you say ? You can't. But I will tell you this, no matter what, when you speak truth nothing can hurt you. Tomorrow you know my real name, you come to see me I'll tell you exactly the same thing no matter what. I'm paying for what I was and what I've done. It's hard but I'm still here ( Youtube music -> Hawai - I'm still here ). And best of all it's really worth it.

Sorry all I'm a bit all over the place, it's bit overwhelming right now and a bit confusing.

What can I say next ? I was and still am disrespectful in a lot of ways. Disrespectful to God, to life, to all of his creations including myself. A lot of violence against others and myself, including against my own family.
What else ? A lot of excess and abuse, drugs ( too many of them in too much quantities in too many wrong way/time/place/people ). I'm still having a hard time with it but I can't complain, God helps me well in his own ways. I'm still alive, my place looks better and cleaner ( I threw away a lot of stuff, gave a lot to people (My gaming pc still hurts times to times, especially my recently purchased custom mechanical qwerty keyboard all switches manually lubed with my own mix of keycaps directly from Hong Kong. My dreaming keyboard !!! This one we'll always hurt I think ^^ I love keyboard !!! But I love The Lord more. It was his way to teach me how to be generous and 7 months later a really nice used MacBook Air 2020 m1. And sell a couple when times were hard. And now I don't know if you could resell some things instead of giving it to someone who want it or in really hard time and just the bare minimum needed. I have to be honest, it's pretty "easy" for me. I can't complain about money. For people who knows how in France life is I have 1300e/month and I don't have to work for it. I have a couple debt but nothing big 1,4k more or less. But good news I don't have a car anymore. It should be easier in a lot ways.

Well I stop here. Because it's getting really out of hand. Anyway, I hope you are doing good and find your way back to God. Have faith in Him, He loves you. Only One Almighty God, Hell and Heaven are real. Judgement days and the end times is coming. Don't worry there's still time but don't wait too much to start starting things.

Oh and God's telling me to tell you magic is no good for you, it's bad for everyone. Believe I understand you, I used to love magic, witchcraft etc... It's not good at all even if you don't see why.

Anyway I really need to stop now.
I don't know when I'll be back if I'll be back but you are all in my hearts and my minds. Those past 3 years were the 3 more insane years of my life. No one would ever believe me. One day maybe I'll tell more. Probably. I'd like that but it's really crazy.

I wish you well. God Bless You All !

Oh another thing, I am / was a male, and I'm becoming a female.  Being a woman, also a mother mentally and  spiritually. I'm not changing my appearance. It's not the way to do it. But if you've already done it and want to be with God. Don't worry, you have been forgiven. God and I love you all. Ask for forgiveness, have faith in him, be patient, try to listen to him. Remember He knows you better than you know yourself and "speak your language" and more importantly He is The Best thing that can ever happen to you. He is peace not war. Satan is war. Everyone and I mean everyone is loved by God. Religion doesn't matter. Only one God ( no matter how you call him : Yahvé, Allah Akbar, Jesus Christ, Jah,The Univers etc... ) who created everything and that Hell and Heaven are real. War is over.

I really need to stop. but one last thing. It's 6:27am I'm a little high, I'm so tired but I'm Blessed with what it seems a magnificent sunset and a morning full of hope. A lot happened those couple weeks.

Anyway. I'm out.

:heart:


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InvisibleGK-7
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #28239019 - 03/21/23 01:06 AM (10 months, 3 days ago)



He is.

Good Night.

:heart:


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InvisibleKiwi89
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Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #28239059 - 03/21/23 02:25 AM (10 months, 3 days ago)

Quote:

GK-7 said:
Pedophilia, incest on porn sites or in my minds since really young. It came real close in the physical world. To the point to tried to kill myself several times. I tried to talk about it to different persons like my mother, psychiatrist even a sexologist. Every time pretty much the same answer. From my mother, You are not like this don't, I don't want to hear about it ( It's not verbatim but the idea ). And from the "pros", don't worry about it....
And for zoophilia, online and in my mind.
And for my softcore part : Everything else ? Foot fetish, scat, bdsm, several partners at the same time,( From 18yo to 60+ yo from my 18yo to my late 20's ) different sex, under influence from divers drugs... plus other stuff.






I have read some stuff on here before and gone yeah OK it is time for a walk, but this right here is someone needing real help. I find it very hard to believe that a psychiatrists would not be very concerned about pedophilia fantasies. Once you have admitted to viewing pedophilia and zoophilia material if some action was not initiated the psychiatrists has veered into malpractice.



Quote:

GK-7 said:
especially my recently purchased custom mechanical qwerty keyboard all switches manually lubed with my own mix of keycaps directly from Hong Kong. My dreaming keyboard !!! This one we'll always hurt I think ^^ I love keyboard !!! But I love The Lord more.





I too like a good keyboard but obviously there are levels to loving keyboards it seems.


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InvisibleGK-7
Stranger
Registered: 10/02/19
Posts: 35
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #28239067 - 03/21/23 02:56 AM (10 months, 3 days ago)

One last thing and I'm really out this time... Maybe, I don't know.

I'm sorry to not have taking the time to responding to all the peoples in this thread. I'll take the time to respond to all of you one way or another. But as you can see, things are going crazy since awhile now. There is a lot more to come. Remember, don't worry, no matter who you are, just believe and have faith in God and that Hell and Heaven are real. If you think this is Hell, it is not. It's worse. But hey good news. Everything will be fine. Time to argue and dividing people over religious beliefs is over. You can have been saved by Jesus Christ, Yihavé, Allah ou encore Jéovah or I don't know, I'm still new at this. It depends on your own origins. The things that matter is to believe in One God, Who is Love, Life, Peace, Pacifique, Truth ( Remember when you are wrong one way or another and you know it, truth can hurts really badly, this pain is not because of God but what Satan had made of you and make you believe that this is my Father who is hurting you, but it's not him, it's her. She is a liar.

My Father is the Best Thing that can happen to everyone in this world no matter who you are. If you choose Him, be prepared. It will be very good for you, but in the other hand some of your closest family member, friends, children, parents ( My mother came hard against me lately, I mean really hard ). Don't trust people who don't want you to follow God. Or that your mother won't help you with your drug / alcohol / tobacco addiction problem. Or worse, she even give you all those things just after telling her several times you'd like to quit everything because it's bad for you. She is still your mother, but trust me she'll be your doom and damnation for eternity. You don't want that.

It's just one of those issues I had that involved my mother. But It can be anyone. No one who loves you, want you miserable, on drugs ( addiction problem, it doesn't concern medicine, only abuse and yes going  wild every weekend is abuse ). Who let you drive drunk. Don't do that please for the Love of God. Protect the life and the mind of everyone. Particularly Children, they are in the worse world possible for having a clean mind. Too much corruption.

Sorry I lost my train of thoughts. It happens sometimes. A lot happened, a lot is happening for everyone and there is a lot more to come. At one point everyone will have a choice to make. Satan or God ? Death or Life ? Peace or War ? Hell or Heaven ? Money or God ? Meat from supermarket / fast food / intensive elevage or barbaric ritual or God ? Alcohol / drugs or God ?
But don't worry HE knows you can't stop like that, you have time to make things in order. He can take some times. But a little everyday in the right direction is better than everything in the wrong way. Go easy on you. You are suffering. Don't be afraid to trust yourself about things that are bad for you. No matter what it is, sexual habits, identity, beliefs, wtf is going on right now ? Don't be afraid to ask for help, if someone don't want to help you, this person doesn't love you. If this person loves you she will help you to find the help you need.

Don't be affraid to talk to The Lord in your own way. By the way I'm talking for those who like me don't know anything about what / who God is, except things time to time because of our culture, but sadly pardon my French it was a lot of bullsh$$. The one who already have a relation with Allah don't have to change a thing.
Start with a thing like that : For the name of Yhavé, use your own reference : Jah, Allah, Jesus Christ etc... You see the point, what's make you the more comfortable, don't overthink it.
So exemple :
Lord I ask forgiveness for all the wrong I've done all my life Amen I need your help to get out from this hell in my mind. Please Help me. Amen

Please Jesus can you forgive me for all the stealings I've done and all those lies I had to say to cover those bad deeds by making complices people who didn't ask anything Amen. I don't want to be like this anymore. Please Jesus, Help me to be a better person. Amen

Please Jehovah I don't want to be small minded, stinky, ugly inside like my mother who is the devil I would love to be like my Father in Heaven, open minded, loving everyone even those who don't love me. They don't know better and don't deserve to be under the spell of my mother. Amen. (Honestly, He loves even a monster like I was before and still am since He is pulling me out from hell, freeing me from satan.)

Anyway you see the picture.

Never forget, all institutions, all political parties, all religions, all sects, all ideologies etc... are corrupt and corrupted since thousands of years by greed, power, lust, domination, war, but at the end are mainly here to divide everyone and make my Father in Heaven the bad guy but He is not, SATAN IS THE ONE TO BLAME NOT GOD, no matter what it is.  And optionally  destroying the Heaven that Earth was once, long ago when humanity wasn't corrupted by Lucifer.  The worse in all this, everyone can see all the evil in the world and still get along with it. It's time to wake up.

So, here we go again. I lost myself. For those who read everything. I don't know, Thank you ?
God bless you all.

Have a beautiful day / night :heart:


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InvisibleGK-7
Stranger
Registered: 10/02/19
Posts: 35
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: Kiwi89]
    #28239076 - 03/21/23 03:07 AM (10 months, 3 days ago)

Quote:

Kiwi89 said:
Quote:

GK-7 said:
Pedophilia, incest on porn sites or in my minds since really young. It came real close in the physical world. To the point to tried to kill myself several times. I tried to talk about it to different persons like my mother, psychiatrist even a sexologist. Every time pretty much the same answer. From my mother, You are not like this don't, I don't want to hear about it ( It's not verbatim but the idea ). And from the "pros", don't worry about it....
And for zoophilia, online and in my mind.
And for my softcore part : Everything else ? Foot fetish, scat, bdsm, several partners at the same time,( From 18yo to 60+ yo from my 18yo to my late 20's ) different sex, under influence from divers drugs... plus other stuff.






I have read some stuff on here before and gone yeah OK it is time for a walk, but this right here is someone needing real help. I find it very hard to believe that a psychiatrists would not be very concerned about pedophilia fantasies. Once you have admitted to viewing pedophilia and zoophilia material if some action was not initiated the psychiatrists has veered into malpractice.






Sorry I messed up the reply. Yeah I know, that's a problem. It happened twice and as you can imagine. It's can be really difficult to talk about something as horrible than this. I promise you, when it happened you feel really desperate and hopeless. No one care enough. You are not strong enough on your own and well the following is not good.
But hey, it is who I was but not who I am anymore and still not finished to change.
Hey sorry for everyone, who find this hardcore, but this world is hardcore. People like me exist, it's not as simple some might be think. Everyone need proper help when needed and a chance to live a real Life. A Life like My Father in Heaven wants for all of you. No matter who you are, no matter what you've done you have a chance to take soon. Don't miss it.
I'm the worst person you can ever know and I've been forgiven by God. If I can be forgiven by God anyone can.

God Bless you All.

:heart:


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InvisibleGK-7
Stranger
Registered: 10/02/19
Posts: 35
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #28349342 - 06/06/23 09:11 AM (7 months, 19 days ago)

Update

Hi everyone,

Here a small update. March 23rd 2023 I went to my local police department and told them about everything in relation with my degenerate sexual past and more. The same day, they seized my laptop and my phone. I got them back yesterday, June 5th 2023. Normally, the case won't go anywhere. Because it's old or no proofs or witnesses.
My mother were involved in some stuff, local police didn't do anything against her, but since the day I went to the police, we don't speak together and with my stepfather it's tense because he sides with her despite everything that went down these past decades.
Life is still chaotic right now, I don't know when I'll post back.
Until then, good day to all of you and take care.
Stay safe everyone.

God bless you all.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
I DID-DENT
 User Gallery


Registered: 08/31/13
Posts: 12,736
Loc: Bada-Bing!
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7] * 2
    #28349724 - 06/06/23 03:06 PM (7 months, 19 days ago)

This is too fucked up for me to even think of a response


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Invisiblenooneman
Male

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,555
Loc: Utah
Re: Apparently I died IRL years ago and I'm in hell [Re: GK-7]
    #28349995 - 06/06/23 07:02 PM (7 months, 19 days ago)

Sounds like possible sociopathy. Particularly the manipulation thing, that's a classic telltale sign, especially when combined with the other stuff.


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