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Babylon
Shaman

Registered: 05/15/11
Posts: 442
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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I suspect part of why the gay men you meet fit into a stereotype that doesn't appeal to you is that they, like you tried to do, are faking in order to fit in. Some may really be that way but others are pretending.
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Thanatos10
Stranger


Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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Re: On being gay [Re: Babylon]
#26501183 - 02/24/20 09:59 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Alas that is a difficult thing to prove. It seems so genuine but maybe it’s not. But I don’t want to be that guy who thinks someone is faking it just because I find it hard to believe a man can act like that/
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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Re: On being gay [Re: Babylon]
#26501309 - 02/24/20 11:15 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Babylon said: I suspect part of why the gay men you meet fit into a stereotype that doesn't appeal to you is that they, like you tried to do, are faking in order to fit in. Some may really be that way but others are pretending.
Is this to me?
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: Alas that is a difficult thing to prove. It seems so genuine but maybe it’s not. But I don’t want to be that guy who thinks someone is faking it just because I find it hard to believe a man can act like that/
That a man can act like what?
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Thanatos10
Stranger


Registered: 01/19/15
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Effeminate and all that. To be honest I hate being gay, as I don’t like sex with men. I’m not into women so it’s a non issue with them but sex with men has been unpleasant to say the least and I hate that I crave something I dislike
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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Well, you can hate yourself for same sex attraction/gay/homosexual/whatever you want to call it, or you can be yourself and move along. Hopefully you'll meet someone one day who you are truly are compatible with, but that takes time and effort (on yourself too), plus work on yourself. When a person has expectations, expect to be let down.
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Darwin23
INFJ



Registered: 10/08/10
Posts: 3,279
Loc: United States
Last seen: 16 days, 23 minutes
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Sorry to hear that, man. Virtually 100% of my gay friends have expressed something similar. Gay culture is superficial and it can actually be really difficult to find a genuine long-term relationship. My only advice is to just be yourself. There are tons of gay guys that don't bump Madonna 24/7 and scroll through Grindr in between sets at the gym. I'm straight but have had tons of close gay male friends who were all just regular dudes who liked guys. We became friends through shared interests. I think you may find what you're looking for by doing the same. Just go about your life and through shared interests you'll meet that guy. Just don't stress too much and let it happen naturally.
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Take a look at my journal
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Babylon
Shaman


Registered: 05/15/11
Posts: 442
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Quote:
tyrannicalrex said:
Quote:
Babylon said: I suspect part of why the gay men you meet fit into a stereotype that doesn't appeal to you is that they, like you tried to do, are faking in order to fit in. Some may really be that way but others are pretending.
Is this to me?
No, to the OP, you just had the last post in the thread.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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Re: On being gay [Re: Darwin23]
#26502126 - 02/24/20 06:59 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Darwin23 said: Sorry to hear that, man. Virtually 100% of my gay friends have expressed something similar. Gay culture is superficial and it can actually be really difficult to find a genuine long-term relationship. My only advice is to just be yourself. There are tons of gay guys that don't bump Madonna 24/7 and scroll through Grindr in between sets at the gym. I'm straight but have had tons of close gay male friends who were all just regular dudes who liked guys. We became friends through shared interests. I think you may find what you're looking for by doing the same. Just go about your life and through shared interests you'll meet that guy. Just don't stress too much and let it happen naturally.
   I was trying to convey this, thanks!
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,029
Loc: USA
Last seen: 5 days, 14 hours
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said:
Effeminate and all that. To be honest I hate being gay, as I don’t like sex with men. I’m not into women so it’s a non issue with them but sex with men has been unpleasant to say the least and I hate that I crave something I dislike
Maybe the self-hatred is not based on your sexual preference - but is deeper rooted. I'm confused why you choose to call yourself gay if you dislike sex with men. Do you feel a strong need to either be "straight" or "gay" or can you just be you without trying to adopt a self-image? You don't need to be part of a sub-group called "straight" or "gay".
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Thanatos10
Stranger


Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:
Thanatos10 said:
Effeminate and all that. To be honest I hate being gay, as I don’t like sex with men. I’m not into women so it’s a non issue with them but sex with men has been unpleasant to say the least and I hate that I crave something I dislike
Maybe the self-hatred is not based on your sexual preference - but is deeper rooted. I'm confused why you choose to call yourself gay if you dislike sex with men. Do you feel a strong need to either be "straight" or "gay" or can you just be you without trying to adopt a self-image? You don't need to be part of a sub-group called "straight" or "gay".
I cannot help who I am sexually attracted to but unfortunately I haven’t enjoyed sex with men. It’s a weird sensation being attracted to something you dislike which is why I get weird around guys who make advances on me because I’m afraid of things coming to sex at some points. Gay is about my sexual orientation but that doesn’t mean I will like the send with them.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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feldman114
Stragler


Registered: 09/06/19
Posts: 3,365
Loc: Bravos
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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How does being gay NOT mean you enjoy sex with men? Maybe I’m ignorant, but I just don’t get it.
Did you consider the possibility that you’re simply uncomfortable with the sexual act, and not with your preferred gender? I’m not saying it’s true for you, but childhood trauma has been known to give people anxiety attacks during sex (as adults obv).
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Thanatos10
Stranger


Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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Quote:
feldman114 said: How does being gay NOT mean you enjoy sex with men? Maybe I’m ignorant, but I just don’t get it.
Did you consider the possibility that you’re simply uncomfortable with the sexual act, and not with your preferred gender? I’m not saying it’s true for you, but childhood trauma has been known to give people anxiety attacks during sex (as adults obv).
It’s nothing to do with childhood trauma but with all my experience with having sex with men (a lot alas) and through it all I can’t say I enjoyed it. I am sexually attracted to men but I don’t like having sex with them
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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feldman114
Stragler


Registered: 09/06/19
Posts: 3,365
Loc: Bravos
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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Sexual attraction is defined as the desire to have sex. You’re either not sexually attracted or you do want sex.
But hey, to each their own. I’m just curious how it’s possible - I don’t doubt that you’re telling the truth.
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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There's nothing wrong with being gay my friend. I've always been sexually attracted to passable trans women. Study's show that trans porn is now one of the most popular categories on porn sites! Meaning that a good number of guys are secretly watching it. Sexuality isn't black and white for anybody. If you could read minds I bet you would find that most guys have jacked it to just about everything lol. A lot of us get turned on by breaking society's rules. Almost every women I know has messed around with another female at least once! If I was you I would move to a area that's not so judgemental when it comes to sexuality. If you want people to like you don't hit on straight guy's. Only hit on guy's that are interested in normal Males because if you don't you'll turn people against you. Just treat everyone with respect and everything will be ok.
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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Re: On being gay [Re: Shenmue]
#26502950 - 02/25/20 11:02 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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A lot of gay people make the mistake of turning their sexuality into a religion. Don't go to those stupid gay pride parades or get clothes with the gay flag. That shit is so ridiculous! Just be yourself! You don't have to act any different than anyone else ....
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feldman114
Stragler


Registered: 09/06/19
Posts: 3,365
Loc: Bravos
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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Re: On being gay [Re: Shenmue]
#26502971 - 02/25/20 11:12 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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But is a man who doesn’t enjoy sex with other men gay? I’m not saying he must be one or the other. Just trying to understand. Maybe it’s one of those things you just can’t explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it?
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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He stated he's attracted to them, had sex with them, but didn't enjoy it. Deep psyche stuff there. Tortured by guilt brought on by a religious upbringing.
Thanatos- I say go find a bear/man bar, not the typical run of the mill S&M bar (stand and model, lol). That's where the regular joe types are mostly, but there is the effeminate big ol burly chubby bear man, and I find that somewhat adorable personally, lol. Chat up the bartender and let him know where you're at in the gay but hate man-sex stage, bartenders are part psyche docs sometimes, lol. Also the older chubby bear men in their 50's who are sitting there and not being boisterous and are quiet and respectful could probably teach you something.
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feldman114
Stragler


Registered: 09/06/19
Posts: 3,365
Loc: Bravos
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Ok I guess that makes sense. He’s gay, so obv he find men attractive, right up until the act, when the guilt kicks in. I thought maybe he’s like a new letter, or a Q maybe.
Hope I’m not stepping on any toes (or feelings). I’m genuinely interested. It took like 40m of explanations for me to understand the difference between B’s and Q’s lol. Just don’t wanna be ignorant🤷🏻♂️
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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Lez bi gay lez bi gay
OOOOhhh dear lord these things I pray
to fuck thee more deeply to suck thee more deeply To suck while on my knees
lez bi gay bi gay bi gay....
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