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DeathGazer09
Stranger
Registered: 02/23/20
Posts: 4
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
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Suicidal, using psychedelics to treat poor mental health, agoraphobia, and symptoms of ASD.
#26499453 - 02/23/20 06:18 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Backstory: treatment resistant mental health, general agoraphobia and symptoms of autism, seeking psychedelics as a last resort option to treat my mental health, as well as to challenge rigidity in beliefs and values. Looking for a trip sitter who can also supply psychedelics (at least temporarily). Consistent psychedelic psychotherapy, culminating in “ego death” dosage. I’d like to start this as soon as possible, within the next 2 months. I really can’t waste any more of my life. The prognosis for people who have similar issues past 30 is not pretty.
I was gonna kill myself last June, but I chickened out, found a meditation teacher on Reddit and established a plan for psychedelic psychotherapy with him, but I found out that he won’t be able to do it last week. I’m going to kill myself if I can’t do psychedelics, but I’m still afraid of death.
Here was the email I sent Josh (without formatting), the meditation teacher. It has my plan for psychotherapy and psychedelics, my life story and what got me to this point, everything. Note that I will need a temporary place to stay while I do this (at least a couple of months) until I’m able to get on my feet financially. Details on why below. (I wish I could be financially stable, but my mental health and agoraphobia has made it impossible for me). I know this is probably unrealistic, but I’m literally suicidal and desperate for some finality, I want to be sure I’ve exhausted every single option here.
https://www.reddit.com/user/lemontruth/comments/f55xnk/josh_email/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
This would all apply to any hypothetical plan we would establish, if possible. I’m desperate, so here goes nothing. Aware that this is a massive risk that could more than likely go horribly wrong, but I’m taking it if the alternative option is suicide.
Also, I know some people are going to think I’m a cop. I know there’s nothing I can do to prove otherwise, but message me and I’ll send you multiple forum posts I’ve made dating back to the early 2010s about the same issues I’ve had.
Nah, fuck it:
https://www.personalitycafe.com/general-chat/142809-no-fucking-idea-about-life-anymore-i.html
https://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/47952-i-dont-know-what-to-do-with-myself/
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Hartford
Lawful Good



Registered: 11/27/19
Posts: 1,106
Loc: Tennessee
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Re: Suicidal, using psychedelics to treat poor mental health, agoraphobia, and symptoms of ASD. [Re: DeathGazer09]
#26499461 - 02/23/20 06:25 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Where do you think the universe came from?
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DeathGazer09
Stranger
Registered: 02/23/20
Posts: 4
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
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Re: Suicidal, using psychedelics to treat poor mental health, agoraphobia, and symptoms of ASD. [Re: Hartford]
#26499493 - 02/23/20 07:17 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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I don’t know, but I feel like the universe is a cunning, impersonal psychopath
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SpunkyMonkey88
Stranger



Registered: 10/08/19
Posts: 1,331
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Re: Suicidal, using psychedelics to treat poor mental health, agoraphobia, and symptoms of ASD. [Re: DeathGazer09]
#26499509 - 02/23/20 07:47 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
DeathGazer09 said: Backstory: treatment resistant mental health, general agoraphobia and symptoms of autism, seeking psychedelics as a last resort option to treat my mental health, as well as to challenge rigidity in beliefs and values. Looking for a trip sitter who can also supply psychedelics (at least temporarily). Consistent psychedelic psychotherapy, culminating in “ego death” dosage. I’d like to start this as soon as possible, within the next 2 months. I really can’t waste any more of my life. The prognosis for people who have similar issues past 30 is not pretty.
I was gonna kill myself last June, but I chickened out, found a meditation teacher on Reddit and established a plan for psychedelic psychotherapy with him, but I found out that he won’t be able to do it last week. I’m going to kill myself if I can’t do psychedelics, but I’m still afraid of death.
Here was the email I sent Josh (without formatting), the meditation teacher. It has my plan for psychotherapy and psychedelics, my life story and what got me to this point, everything. Note that I will need a temporary place to stay while I do this (at least a couple of months) until I’m able to get on my feet financially. Details on why below. (I wish I could be financially stable, but my mental health and agoraphobia has made it impossible for me). I know this is probably unrealistic, but I’m literally suicidal and desperate for some finality, I want to be sure I’ve exhausted every single option here.
https://www.reddit.com/user/lemontruth/comments/f55xnk/josh_email/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
This would all apply to any hypothetical plan we would establish, if possible. I’m desperate, so here goes nothing. Aware that this is a massive risk that could more than likely go horribly wrong, but I’m taking it if the alternative option is suicide.
Also, I know some people are going to think I’m a cop. I know there’s nothing I can do to prove otherwise, but message me and I’ll send you multiple forum posts I’ve made dating back to the early 2010s about the same issues I’ve had.
Nah, fuck it:
https://www.personalitycafe.com/general-chat/142809-no-fucking-idea-about-life-anymore-i.html
https://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/47952-i-dont-know-what-to-do-with-myself/
Hey man I've been there and I get it but I really think suicide is a serious fucking waste of what is more than likely your only chance to experience ANYTHING...
Do you have anything to live for? A girl? School? anything ?
That might help...
So what you're looking for someone one here to meet with you and hand you some psychedelics and watch you trip balls?
Psychedelics can be helpful ime but they can also make you "feel" the harshness of your issues 100 fold... just saying man could be a train wreck waiting to happen so be careful and best of luck luck to you man. I really hope you find something in life.
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Hartford
Lawful Good



Registered: 11/27/19
Posts: 1,106
Loc: Tennessee
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Re: Suicidal, using psychedelics to treat poor mental health, agoraphobia, and symptoms of ASD. [Re: SpunkyMonkey88]
#26499519 - 02/23/20 07:56 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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How would you spend your time if Peter Pan took you to Never Never land?
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DeathGazer09
Stranger
Registered: 02/23/20
Posts: 4
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
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Re: Suicidal, using psychedelics to treat poor mental health, agoraphobia, and symptoms of ASD. [Re: SpunkyMonkey88]
#26499536 - 02/23/20 08:13 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
SpunkyMonkey88 said:
Quote:
DeathGazer09 said: Backstory: treatment resistant mental health, general agoraphobia and symptoms of autism, seeking psychedelics as a last resort option to treat my mental health, as well as to challenge rigidity in beliefs and values. Looking for a trip sitter who can also supply psychedelics (at least temporarily). Consistent psychedelic psychotherapy, culminating in “ego death” dosage. I’d like to start this as soon as possible, within the next 2 months. I really can’t waste any more of my life. The prognosis for people who have similar issues past 30 is not pretty.
I was gonna kill myself last June, but I chickened out, found a meditation teacher on Reddit and established a plan for psychedelic psychotherapy with him, but I found out that he won’t be able to do it last week. I’m going to kill myself if I can’t do psychedelics, but I’m still afraid of death.
Here was the email I sent Josh (without formatting), the meditation teacher. It has my plan for psychotherapy and psychedelics, my life story and what got me to this point, everything. Note that I will need a temporary place to stay while I do this (at least a couple of months) until I’m able to get on my feet financially. Details on why below. (I wish I could be financially stable, but my mental health and agoraphobia has made it impossible for me). I know this is probably unrealistic, but I’m literally suicidal and desperate for some finality, I want to be sure I’ve exhausted every single option here.
https://www.reddit.com/user/lemontruth/comments/f55xnk/josh_email/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
This would all apply to any hypothetical plan we would establish, if possible. I’m desperate, so here goes nothing. Aware that this is a massive risk that could more than likely go horribly wrong, but I’m taking it if the alternative option is suicide.
Also, I know some people are going to think I’m a cop. I know there’s nothing I can do to prove otherwise, but message me and I’ll send you multiple forum posts I’ve made dating back to the early 2010s about the same issues I’ve had.
Nah, fuck it:
https://www.personalitycafe.com/general-chat/142809-no-fucking-idea-about-life-anymore-i.html
https://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/47952-i-dont-know-what-to-do-with-myself/
So what you're looking for someone one here to meet with you and hand you some psychedelics and watch you trip balls?.
Yep, but as a tool for personal growth.
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Hartford
Lawful Good



Registered: 11/27/19
Posts: 1,106
Loc: Tennessee
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Re: Suicidal, using psychedelics to treat poor mental health, agoraphobia, and symptoms of ASD. [Re: DeathGazer09]
#26499692 - 02/23/20 10:17 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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If you don't know what you wanna do in Never never land, shrooms can help you jog your mind. Why don't you grow your own Tampanesis truffles and go camping deep in the wildernesses by yourself and take a light dose and a moderate dose?
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Hartford
Lawful Good



Registered: 11/27/19
Posts: 1,106
Loc: Tennessee
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Re: Suicidal, using psychedelics to treat poor mental health, agoraphobia, and symptoms of ASD. [Re: Hartford]
#26499944 - 02/23/20 01:22 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Dog
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DeathGazer09
Stranger
Registered: 02/23/20
Posts: 4
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
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Re: Suicidal, using psychedelics to treat poor mental health, agoraphobia, and symptoms of ASD. [Re: Hartford]
#26501605 - 02/24/20 01:39 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Killing myself with my painless cocktail:
Pentobarbital, 2. Metoclopramide, 3. Zofran, 4. etizolam, 5. prazosin, 6. flubromazolam 2 and 3 would be taken beforehand to prevent vomiting, 4 and 5 as well, but at a later time, to prevent anxiety/fear/apprehension/avoidance, 1 and 6 would be taken together. I'm also going to use miracle fruit/berry to counteract the unearthly bitter taste, as well as lidocaine spray. I've heard people remark that it has a distinct taste of being "dangerous", and I'm hypersensitive to bitter tastes as well as my fear response being elevated.
2 and 3 are powerful anti-emetics, they simply prevent you from vomiting the substances you take orally to end your life. Prozasin is a medication PoC mentioned a while back. It's used for PTSD and counteracts the effects of norepinephrine. I'm hoping that when combined with a strong benzo it will eliminate the fear response, the fear of death being the strongest innate biological instinct.
Hopefully I can get a data entry job and spend the money I’ve earned on all of this from the DarkNetMarkets. Also need to find a good seller of Pento, one of them got cracked down on last year. If push comes to shove, the “Shallow Water Blackout” method could do the trick.
Don’t have the strength to be okay with (objective) mediocrity like some people. Call me an arrogant asshole all you want, but I feel that on a deep emotional level, and I’ve failed to change that, that’s how you know it’s not just based on my thoughts. Life, in the majority of cases, and certainly mine, is a fools errand.
By the way, if any of you ever have the audacity to have a child (I’m kind of an antinatalist judging from what I’ve read, sorry), and he or she ends up autistic, even high functioning with a high level of intelligence, for the love of fuckin’ god, get them serious help as soon as possible and as warm, stable, loving, cultured, well-balanced, and social of an environment as possible, a strong sense of belonging and meaning and interconnectivity with healthy individuals, something that gives them the tools to be disciplined, educated, and self-actualized. My outcome isn't uncommon with people with my disorder, you have no idea what a living hell it can become. I've been feeling like hell the vast majority of the time for probably 13 years now and it’s never going to be good enough for me at this point. I really wish I had been born to college educated, financially stable, attractive, intelligent parents who could have given me what I needed to succeed at my goals, or at the very least, afford a neurologist to rule out whether there's something like severe inflammation or a tumor(s) that keep making this worse. Well, at least this will all be over soon.
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Hartford
Lawful Good



Registered: 11/27/19
Posts: 1,106
Loc: Tennessee
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Re: Suicidal, using psychedelics to treat poor mental health, agoraphobia, and symptoms of ASD. [Re: DeathGazer09]
#26501734 - 02/24/20 03:14 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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You can come to my place and trip, pm me.
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SpunkyMonkey88
Stranger



Registered: 10/08/19
Posts: 1,331
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Re: Suicidal, using psychedelics to treat poor mental health, agoraphobia, and symptoms of ASD. [Re: DeathGazer09]
#26502780 - 02/25/20 09:02 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
DeathGazer09 said: Killing myself with my painless cocktail:
Pentobarbital, 2. Metoclopramide, 3. Zofran, 4. etizolam, 5. prazosin, 6. flubromazolam 2 and 3 would be taken beforehand to prevent vomiting, 4 and 5 as well, but at a later time, to prevent anxiety/fear/apprehension/avoidance, 1 and 6 would be taken together. I'm also going to use miracle fruit/berry to counteract the unearthly bitter taste, as well as lidocaine spray. I've heard people remark that it has a distinct taste of being "dangerous", and I'm hypersensitive to bitter tastes as well as my fear response being elevated.
2 and 3 are powerful anti-emetics, they simply prevent you from vomiting the substances you take orally to end your life. Prozasin is a medication PoC mentioned a while back. It's used for PTSD and counteracts the effects of norepinephrine. I'm hoping that when combined with a strong benzo it will eliminate the fear response, the fear of death being the strongest innate biological instinct.
Hopefully I can get a data entry job and spend the money I’ve earned on all of this from the DarkNetMarkets. Also need to find a good seller of Pento, one of them got cracked down on last year. If push comes to shove, the “Shallow Water Blackout” method could do the trick.
Don’t have the strength to be okay with (objective) mediocrity like some people. Call me an arrogant asshole all you want, but I feel that on a deep emotional level, and I’ve failed to change that, that’s how you know it’s not just based on my thoughts. Life, in the majority of cases, and certainly mine, is a fools errand.
By the way, if any of you ever have the audacity to have a child (I’m kind of an antinatalist judging from what I’ve read, sorry), and he or she ends up autistic, even high functioning with a high level of intelligence, for the love of fuckin’ god, get them serious help as soon as possible and as warm, stable, loving, cultured, well-balanced, and social of an environment as possible, a strong sense of belonging and meaning and interconnectivity with healthy individuals, something that gives them the tools to be disciplined, educated, and self-actualized. My outcome isn't uncommon with people with my disorder, you have no idea what a living hell it can become. I've been feeling like hell the vast majority of the time for probably 13 years now and it’s never going to be good enough for me at this point. I really wish I had been born to college educated, financially stable, attractive, intelligent parents who could have given me what I needed to succeed at my goals, or at the very least, afford a neurologist to rule out whether there's something like severe inflammation or a tumor(s) that keep making this worse. Well, at least this will all be over soon.
I'm also high functioning ASD and I've been where you're at and I know for a fact that life can make crazy 180's and you never know when that turn around might be...Maybe you do just need to dose and see that for yourself...If you really are about to check out, it definitely can't hurt to try it... I can't let you trip at my place but PM me if you need to talk man. Shit sucks man I hope you can find some sense of purpose/meaning/belonging in this life, I know that it is hard when you're struggling with ASD. Seems like everyone else is so much more connected and so many things come so much easier or even naturally to them. Shit I can't even tell you how uncomfortable it is to be in the presence of other people, where most people actually crave that environment...I really think that if you hang in there and make finding your niche your #1 priority, it will come to you.
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