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Anonymous #1

Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation
    #26499162 - 02/22/20 09:56 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

So with recent body pains and a life filled with harmful decisions/trauma.. I've recently come to terms with a built-in internal voice for suicide.

Years and years of a racy mind nagging to distract from the current moment, mental illness/ up and down emotionality, and a traumatic brain injury increasing the strength of negative memories and cognitive functioning hyper-analyzing every strand of unknown possibilities.

Dealing with trauma and the deaths of very meaningful people to me. All contributing factors of someone with suicidal ideation.

I don't want to kill myself and have no intentions of doing so in the near future. Currently have external circumstances that are keeping me from following through. But I want to know peoples views on getting through suicidal thoughts.

How would you try to counteract living in stress and pain all of the time?

Let me know your thoughts.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26504132 - 02/25/20 09:50 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I only contemplated suicide once, not seriously, but it was in my thoughts. Nov 11th last year, after months of insomnia, severe rumination after a particulaly stressful year brought on PTSD, I was browsing twitch TV in the middle of the night, came upon a vets channel doing a mental health awareness/PTSD stream for remembrance day, had a chat with the chaps, they pointed me at a documentry that some guy who survived a suicide attempt jumping off the Golden Gate bridge had done "suicidetherippleeffect" he went round interviewing survivors, the most poinient thing that hit me was they all had the same last thought as they stepped off the bridge "I want to live" BOOM. That hit me enough to never contemplate it again.

I'm still an insomniac, can't get closure atm, neighbour is a multi-millionaire malevolent narcissist who wants my property because it's in the middle of his land that he sees as his empire, fuckers been harrassing us for 3 years. I have dealt with a lot of the shit the stress brought up from my childhood tho, mindfulness meditation helps sort all that out, inner child work, shadow work, still a few things to deal with but I'm getting there.

One thing that really helped put a lot of shit behind me was something Peter Crone said in an interview (well worth looking that guy up on youtube and watching a few of his interviews)

"Nothing wrong ever happened. Instead of resisting parts of your heritage, accept it, embrace it, because you wouldn't be the beautiful person you are today if it wasn't for everything that's happened. So to look over our shoulder with any sense of resentment, judgement, or resistance, is in denial of the fact that it's actually exactly what was supposed to happen, because it happened, 'and I wouldn't be who I am today without it' So for that reason we turn judgement into gratitude"

Boom. It hit me like a massive wave, so I memorised it, learning to be grateful for all my lifes baggage is really helping.

Life is the friction that polishes the gem you really are.

Life is a game of spiritual evolution, not circumstancial comfort. Most people are trying to perfect their circumstances, trying to live in a hypothetical future, but we never live in the future! We have to live in the now. True happiness is the absense of searching for happiness. Worry is about trying to avoid a hypothetical future that will never happen. Winning the game of life is really about who can get rid of their fears the quickest.

Taoist stuff has a lot of gems in it that help too ' walk the wu wei' which is about loving yourself first, keeping your life balanced, not going to the extremes of yin & yang. The Stoics are full of wisdom too, basically learning to not give a fuck, not letting your emotions rule you, which starts by observing when you get triggered, we create our own emotions, observe the triggers and get to the root of the programming to deal with it kinda thing.

Jordan Peterson is good too, loads of lectures on youtube, I think understaning psychology and seeing where our heads sit in the bigger spectrum is the first step to recovery IMO.

I went off on one :rofl: well you did ask :wink:


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26504180 - 02/25/20 10:47 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Peterson is bunk as far as I am concerned and as for that quote it could be easily turned to it's opposite intent, in fact I would go to say he's wrong. IF none of that happened then you wouldn't be wanting to kill yourself today, you wouldn't be the wretch you were today. You're obviously not beautiful if you want to end your own life. People who want to end it are CLEARLY not happy with what happened and where they are, seriously.

"Taoist stuff has a lot of gems in it that help too ' walk the wu wei' which is about loving yourself first, keeping your life balanced, not going to the extremes of yin & yang. The Stoics are full of wisdom too, basically learning to not give a fuck, not letting your emotions rule you, which starts by observing when you get triggered, we create our own emotions, observe the triggers and get to the root of the programming to deal with it kinda thing."

Taoism isn't a practical way to live since there isn't a "balance" to things and nature has plenty of examples to show how wrong they are. The Stoics almost had it but unfortunately their philosophy runs into serious problems when it comes to their ethics. Morals come from feelings and they didn't seem to get that, in fact so many things stem from emotions. Reason and emotion are tied together otherwise you would never make a decision in your life.


The only sensible advice is the oldest, they pass. I have struggled with suicide for over 10 years and the desire to do it powerful, yes. However it passes. No matter how convinced I am that it will stay it doesn't. Just live, take it a day at a time. Suicide is ok in certain instances but I don't think you and I are there yet.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26504804 - 02/26/20 12:32 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Hi Thanatos.

It's not your fault. Life can be happier, if only we can learn to break the programming.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Carl Jung

Peace out.
:peacesign:


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26504956 - 02/26/20 02:21 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Hi Thanatos.

It's not your fault. Life can be happier, if only we can learn to break the programming.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Carl Jung

Peace out.
:peacesign:




Yes, quote a man who's entire body of work might as well be fantasy. The unconscious doesn't work like that.

Also what "programming"? You mean trying to convince me that life can be happier? Sounds like replacing one with another.


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As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26505261 - 02/26/20 05:41 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Mate your internal critic is shouting so loud it's spilling over into projecting it at everone/eveything else, this is not a road to happiness, this is victim mentality.

We can choose to stand back and observe our ego kicking off (that'd be the programed response I was on about) notice the emotion building and stop before you externalise it, remaining in the moment, rather than the past or future, that's the kinda thing Jung is on about, making the unconscious conscious. The emotion is only the marker flag, the hard work is finding out how it was programed, then reprograming (or reparenting) it to reset the fight/flight/freeze response.

If we critisise everyone else, tell ourselves it's not us it's everyone else, we're the vitim etc. we will never be happy. We cannont control or change anyone else, only ourselves.

We create our own emotions, so we can make a conscious choice, but first we have to learn how to break the programming.

I'm not trying to convince you of anything, that's why I'm not going to go over everything you convinced yourself you've knocked down, I have no skin in what you choose to believe, it's your right to believe whatever the fuck you want.

There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And its only reward is that it’s easy.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26505485 - 02/26/20 08:28 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Mate your internal critic is shouting so loud it's spilling over into projecting it at everone/eveything else, this is not a road to happiness, this is victim mentality.

We can choose to stand back and observe our ego kicking off (that'd be the programed response I was on about) notice the emotion building and stop before you externalise it, remaining in the moment, rather than the past or future, that's the kinda thing Jung is on about, making the unconscious conscious. The emotion is only the marker flag, the hard work is finding out how it was programed, then reprograming (or reparenting) it to reset the fight/flight/freeze response.

If we critisise everyone else, tell ourselves it's not us it's everyone else, we're the vitim etc. we will never be happy. We cannont control or change anyone else, only ourselves.

We create our own emotions, so we can make a conscious choice, but first we have to learn how to break the programming.

I'm not trying to convince you of anything, that's why I'm not going to go over everything you convinced yourself you've knocked down, I have no skin in what you choose to believe, it's your right to believe whatever the fuck you want.

There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And its only reward is that it’s easy.




Except Jung is wrong, pretty much about everything he said. His personality test isn't even valid.

We have no control over our emotions, we don't get to pick our response for we don't really have free will. Buddhism and the like may think we do but really all that is is putting another set of parameters to live by.

We don't create our own emotions, they just happen. You are always in the moment, even if you are thinking or remembering such actions are only in the moment. Jung was wrong about the unconscious, and by definition you can't make the unconscious conscious since you wouldn't know what the unconscious is.

We are all "victims" of life, more like automatons acting out programming (even you and everyone on here). Sometimes it is everyone else and criticism is right.

I could go into detail but it's quicker to just say you are wrong and mistaken. No one is the master of their fate.


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As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26505518 - 02/26/20 08:45 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Also it's kind of disconcerting how many anonymous posts there are.


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As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26505552 - 02/26/20 09:17 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Your replies to my posts indicate you see what you want to see rather than what I actually said.

I view my reality rather differently to you.

Although my physical circumstances have not changed, changing the way I looked at life with the tools I've mentioned has definately improved my outlook, I'm much happier now than I was 4 months back, it's an ongoing process which is improving all the time.

Hows's sticking to your rigid beliefs been working for you for the last 10 years?

How do emotions "Just happen"? what triggers them?


Edited by Anonymous (02/26/20 09:22 PM)


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26505595 - 02/26/20 09:58 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Your replies to my posts indicate you see what you want to see rather than what I actually said.

I view my reality rather differently to you.

Although my physical circumstances have not changed, changing the way I looked at life with the tools I've mentioned has definately improved my outlook, I'm much happier now than I was 4 months back, it's an ongoing process which is improving all the time.

Hows's sticking to your rigid beliefs been working for you for the last 10 years?

How do emotions "Just happen"? what triggers them?




Difficult to say, life events. All I know is that I don't choose how I feel about things or what convinces me or what I like. So much of my life is out of my control, yet previously I believed in free will.

My beliefs aren't the same as 10 years ago, I was happier then. But then life happens and you quickly learn that the happy are either ignorant, lucky, both, or privileged. Life is not what you make of it, all it is is an empty void that resists our attempts at meaning. Living is essentially a pointless act as is reproducing, which sort of makes the cycle of nature seem like madness.

It seems like you have yet to learn.


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As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26505662 - 02/26/20 10:51 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

You seem to be well read, but have little understanding, quick to arm wave everything based on a few holes you can pick, as if you lack experience, I expect you're still young, mid 20's maybe?

every day is a school day, once you figure out why you need to be right about everything and work through it, then you can really start learning.

Just because you think your life is out of control, doesn't mean you don't have choices, and that those choices could radically change your life. e.g. You could decide on a whim to walk across Africa tomorrow, you think the experiences you had would not change you at all?

"Life events" come on think a bit deeper. When was the last time you experienced an emotion? What were the circumstances? What was the trigger?


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26505708 - 02/26/20 11:48 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
You seem to be well read, but have little understanding, quick to arm wave everything based on a few holes you can pick, as if you lack experience, I expect you're still young, mid 20's maybe?

every day is a school day, once you figure out why you need to be right about everything and work through it, then you can really start learning.

Just because you think your life is out of control, doesn't mean you don't have choices, and that those choices could radically change your life. e.g. You could decide on a whim to walk across Africa tomorrow, you think the experiences you had would not change you at all?

"Life events" come on think a bit deeper. When was the last time you experienced an emotion? What were the circumstances? What was the trigger?



There’s nothing deeper. Life happens and then emotions happen. It’s quite simple really. I don’t control my emotions, they just happen. I don’t control what makes me happy or sad. All humans do in the face of such things is make up a plausible story but really we are just guessing.

It’s not a need to be right but more like seeing “personal truth” is more of an excuse to lie to yourself.

Also I don’t think life is out of control I know, and so do quite a few (even eastern mysticism). My choices don’t really change my life (also isn’t the point to remain stead and neutral in life’s challenges?)

If I were to walk across America I wouldn’t be changed at all because I already know everything about the people I’ll meet. Little surprises me anymore because people are...well obvious, myself included. We are just robots at the end of the day.

Besides, what you advocate would remove romance, joy, playfulness, and many other things since they are the mind. To separate from such things is not human.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26505748 - 02/27/20 12:28 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I mean that’s also assuming that none of this is just a figment of my imagination


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As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26505984 - 02/27/20 07:10 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

There’s nothing deeper. Life happens and then emotions happen. It’s quite simple really. I don’t control my emotions, they just happen. I don’t control what makes me happy or sad. All humans do in the face of such things is make up a plausible story but really we are just guessing.




Bullshit. That's just how you rationalise it so you don't have to take resonsibility for your actions, it's your "plausible story", enabling you to remain the victim, enabling you to blame everyone, and everything else but yourself.

You are so stuck in your narcissistic mental prison everything you read, and every experience you have with people, just serves to strengthen your resolve because you see only what you want to see, stuck in an infinate loop of confirmation bias.

Many people maintain Narcissists cannot change, I don't believe that's true. They create such an impenetrable mental prison it would be tremendously difficult for them for sure, but not impossible IMO.

Since love and selflessness are unfamiliar to narcissists, only their personal interests can make them change their behavior. First they'd have to understand that their own actions are creating their negative feelings. They'd have to hate how the behavior makes them feel so much, at a fundamental level, that they don't want to feel that way anymore.

They must be able to understand that this behavior is a choice they are making. Maybe then they can recognize when the choice is being made, and make a different one, even when they are upset.

I don't expect you to get it though, I really pity you, having to live that way must be utterly horrible for you, and for those around you.

:peacesign:


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Offlinechibiabos
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Anonymous #2] * 1
    #26506553 - 02/27/20 01:51 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Narcissists don't change because they don't want to change.  They look at all of the shitty things they do and genuinely believe that they all point to redeeming qualities about themselves that nobody else understands.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26506635 - 02/27/20 02:32 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Quote:

There’s nothing deeper. Life happens and then emotions happen. It’s quite simple really. I don’t control my emotions, they just happen. I don’t control what makes me happy or sad. All humans do in the face of such things is make up a plausible story but really we are just guessing.




Bullshit. That's just how you rationalise it so you don't have to take resonsibility for your actions, it's your "plausible story", enabling you to remain the victim, enabling you to blame everyone, and everything else but yourself.

You are so stuck in your narcissistic mental prison everything you read, and every experience you have with people, just serves to strengthen your resolve because you see only what you want to see, stuck in an infinate loop of confirmation bias.

Many people maintain Narcissists cannot change, I don't believe that's true. They create such an impenetrable mental prison it would be tremendously difficult for them for sure, but not impossible IMO.

Since love and selflessness are unfamiliar to narcissists, only their personal interests can make them change their behavior. First they'd have to understand that their own actions are creating their negative feelings. They'd have to hate how the behavior makes them feel so much, at a fundamental level, that they don't want to feel that way anymore.

They must be able to understand that this behavior is a choice they are making. Maybe then they can recognize when the choice is being made, and make a different one, even when they are upset.

I don't expect you to get it though, I really pity you, having to live that way must be utterly horrible for you, and for those around you.

:peacesign:




This is written liken you didn’t read any of my past posts in this thread. It’s like you are waiting to talk rather than listen. I’m saying that we don’t control our emotions, actions, or thoughts. We have no say in what spurs us to change or act. Free will as we know it is illusion as is choice. Neuroscience is slowly beginning to confirm these things. In a sense no one is responsible for their actions since they couldn’t have acted differently. In a sense everyone is a “victim”. Much of our emotional responses and drives have been mapped to the brain and stimulating these areas shows we can manipulate a person. There just isn’t an argument for free will which is the basis of what you are saying. We never had a choice we didn’t choose birth or parents.

I have no idea how you got narcissism out that. Is it because I said the “assuming you guys aren’t figments of my imagination”. That’s solipsism and it’s a theory of existence that we can’t really disprove or prove.

If anyone has confirmation bias here it would be you. If anyone is stuck in a loop it’s you. When presented with evidence that proves you wrong you double down.


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OfflineYdoyoutortureme
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26508551 - 02/28/20 04:37 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Dont do it fellow humanoid

Those people are just haters and there jealous of your success in there failure!

you matter<3


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Ydoyoutortureme]
    #26508972 - 02/28/20 10:15 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Well actually I don’t matter. I mean sure it might hurt my family for a little bit but they’ll get over it


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As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Offlinefaerie
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26512829 - 03/02/20 12:56 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

(Tips, not just my story)
I suffer from PTSD, it controlled my life for a long time, giving me severe anxiety & chronic depression.

Although the trauma will always be there, there are ways you can make life a lot more enjoyable.
What saved me (besides mushrooms) was Yoga, a healthy diet, & Meditation. Just taking care of yourself. Communing with mother Nature. Living naturally & healthily.

Excercise & a healthy diet are numero uno. Your body needs to be taken care of to keep it chemically in balance.
That phrase "You are what you eat" is 100% true. Whatever substance you put in your body creates chemicals in your brain. Sugar & man made drugs make me bananas.


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Offlineyeah
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26523430 - 03/08/20 06:38 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

OP I have been through, and still go through this. It feels like I've given up as much as I can and the only thing left would be to will myself to death if I had that ability.

idk if ur still here or not lemme know


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Offlineliving_failure
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Re: Not suicidal but having suicidal ideation [Re: yeah]
    #26524180 - 03/08/20 03:55 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

That is normal, that is good.

You are suffering and you don't want to suffer.
The error is, you are linking live with suffering-

Yes, life has suffer on it, or have shown you a lot of suffering, but not everything in life is suffering.

Just think, how to help yourself to suffer less, how to be more confortable with your current situation.

What helps me the most, is trying to find something, even small, that will improve my life. It is been months since the last time i did something that improved my life not even by a little. Sometimes it is hard. But for example, some time ago i bought an online course, not a big deal but it is something that improves a little my situation.


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