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oldfart
Stranger



Registered: 10/19/18
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Accidentally finding out friend is gay/bisexual
#26498604 - 02/22/20 02:51 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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It seems like I'm destined to find out things about my friends that I'm not meant to know.
Both of these guys I have known and been good friends with since back in the 1970's. (yes, we're old ) A couple of years ago I went on a hiking trip with friend #1. On the hike we had been talking about something that neither of us could remember the details on but we could Google later to find out what we wanted to know. We finished the hike and decided to get something to eat but first he wanted to stop by his house and change clothes and get a shower because he had fallen in to a muddy creek and was quite a mess. He suggested I use his laptop to look up what we wanted to look for while he showered. As everyone should know, when you start typing in the address bar pages you have visited will pop up as suggestions underneath the address bar when you're typing. I couldn't help but see Silverdaddies.com and Squirt.org pop up. The only way that they could be there was if he had been visiting those sites.
Fast forward two years. I run in to the wife of friend #2 while eating lunch a few weeks ago. I sit across the table from her to talk with her while eating lunch. He works third shift and was home sleeping. She tells me they've been having a bit of a rough spot lately. I didn't want to pry so I didn't ask for details but she told me anyway. He'd been chatting with other guys on gay hookup sites. I don't know if he's actually done anything with any of these guys and I didn't ask. She already told me more than I really wanted to know. Turns out this wasn't the first time she caught him. He had been doing that before and promised he would stop. She said she doesn't care if he's bisexual but she was upset about being lied to. Can't blame her for that. He also told her that he had been that way as long as he could remember. I had no idea and I've known him and hung out with him for over forty years.
I'm not going to tell either one of them what I know. I figure that if they wanted me to know they would tell me.
This changes nothing about how how I feel about either of these guys. They're my friends and always will be. Their sexuality has nothing to do with it. I'm not bothered that they didn't tell me. Especially since I'm bisexual myself and I haven't told them. I never felt the need to tell them since I wasn't interested in either one sexually. In fact I don't normally tell anyone unless I might be entering, or interested in entering a sexual relationship with them. I figure they both might be around the same place on the Kinsey scale as me. Mostly interested in women but now and then enjoy a good time with another guy.
Anyone else had something like this happen to them? How did you feel about it?
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psi
TOAST N' JAM


Registered: 09/05/99
Posts: 31,456
Loc: 613
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Re: Accidentally finding out friend is gay/bisexual [Re: oldfart] 1
#26498640 - 02/22/20 03:21 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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I did once have an old (and married) friend suggest to me on a hike that we were in such a remote location that we could have sex there and nobody would know. I forget how exactly I responded but I more or less brushed it off as not a serious invitation. We eventually drifted apart again and I hope he doesn't think that was the reason. Not interested in him in that way but it didn't particularly weird me out or anything.
Since then I have come to admit to myself that I am bisexual by inclination as well. Not particularly interested in acting on it though.
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Darwin23
INFJ



Registered: 10/08/10
Posts: 3,277
Loc: United States
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Re: Accidentally finding out friend is gay/bisexual [Re: oldfart]
#26501985 - 02/24/20 05:39 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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So in high school, one of my closer friends (we'll call him Arn) was DEEPLY religious. He hated gays and even suggested that we should bomb gay bars. It was just too extreme. I always questioned his sexuality, as did our friend group, and didn't really care either way. I always drove Arn and my brother home but this particular day my brother had drama until 6:00 PM or something. It was just me and Arn. Arn had decided to try ecstasy that day and took it when he got in the car with me.
After a stressful ride home (he became so stimulated that he tried to jump out of the car on the highway), he began to ease into the roll. He began talking my ear off about every aspect of my life and it was cool just getting the contact from him. He was rolling like crazy. We make our way down to the basement where we'd always hang out and he starts singing like a crooner (he was a metalcore vocalist and the crooner voice was something he hid). After I supported him, he felt comfortable and began blabbing.
"I just feel like telling you everything! I even want to tell you things I shouldn't tell you!" Naturally, as the nosey person I am, I pried in. He paused, gathered the strength and let out "I'm bisexual... I'm bisexual as hell". I could only respond with "I know". He must've felt some kind of shame, though and said "Spit on me and call me a faggot!" where I suggested we go back upstairs, lol.
He admitted that he had been sleeping with his best friend Jeremy for years and even questioned his faith. While he always functioned like the Cartman of our group, I recognized the seriousness of what he shared and kept a lot of it hidden. I felt bad for him that he hated gays so much and was struggling with those feelings himself. The worst part of it is, dude now has a kid and is married. He won't admit to himself that he's gay and has decided to live a whole life undercover.
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Take a look at my journal
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Az88
Stranger
Registered: 05/04/20
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Loc: Texas
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Re: Accidentally finding out friend is gay/bisexual [Re: oldfart]
#26647900 - 05/04/20 09:47 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I wish I had come out sooner. I still struggle with being open, but as time goes by you adjust and learn.
If only I had a high school friend who would have pushed me out sooner!
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