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HumberConnection
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Registered: 02/20/20
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Confusion after my first trip
#26495192 - 02/20/20 01:18 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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So, last night I had my first major psychedelic experience and I'm still scratching my head about what to make of it.
Roughly two weeks ago I began microdosing on the Fadiman protocol. This has really helped improve my mood and productivity, as well as come around to the idea of trying a real macrodose. While I've been researching this stuff on and off for the last year or two, I felt I wasn't really ready for the full thing until recently.
Yesterday I took 3.5g of ground Golden Teacher and did the lemon tek for about 20 minutes. My last micro had been Sunday (0.2g), so I didn't think it would effect my tolerance that much. I drank the mixture around 4pm, had my roommate on standby, and laid down in my bed with the lights out just like Mckenna would have wanted. Within 10 minutes I was being blasted out of my f'in gourd, the thing took off like a Concorde with a vengeance. As I got to the peak I completely lost control of my body and was surrounded by this really alien complex of eyes and rainbow road sweeping visuals that I felt had some innate sentience. I had typed out some questions to ask about life and whatnot, the usual stuff, but it almost felt like this thing was laughing at me and saying "no, no, I've got other things to show you first. You're not ready for that yet."
I felt this sense of shame for entering in to this experience thinking I'd be able to sort all these things out from another perspective and feel a renewed sense of purpose, connection to the people around me, yada yada yada, because when I actually got up there I was interfacing with this 4D chromatic alien from halfway across the cosmos who seemed to be making fun of my spastic body that I left light-years away and my naive questions.
By 8pm I was well on my way to coming down, and all I was left with was a hollow depression, deep self-doubt, and more questions than I had going into the trip.
If I were to make any educated guesses about the meaning behind all this, I'd say that this was a denial of entry into the """higher realms""" of the mushroom experience because I'm not prepared to go there, and an illumination of some of the things I have to work on if I'm ever going to be "worthy enough."
While I can come to my own half-baked conclusions, I'd love to get some opinions from more experienced fungi enthusiasts on what this could all mean, or if anyone has had an experience similar to this.
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Shr00mEater
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Registered: 10/17/18
Posts: 985
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Sounds pretty normal to me? 
I do wonder why you are emphasizing shame, I also wonder which “higher realms” you meant.
Is the hollow depression related to those things at all?
I know you want someone to tell you what it all means, but honestly your own half baked ideas are about as good as anyone else’s. And probably better, since you are a first hand witness as to what was happening.
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HumberConnection
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Re: Confusion after my first trip [Re: Shr00mEater]
#26495242 - 02/20/20 01:48 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah, I guess you're right. I think it was just the speed of the whole thing with the lemon tek that left me wondering what just happened.
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Ignorantape
Mycophile


Registered: 01/30/20
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Yeah that sounds like its par for the course. Psychedelics get weird. In my experience it takes a long time for these things to make any sense and even then you likely won't be able to easily explain them to anyone else.
You're doing well though. Take a break and process what happened. Next time perhaps try eating the whole mushrooms or taking them powdered in caps. Lemon TEK is powerful but a nice slow come-up will give you an opportunity to settle into the trip. You might find it less confronting that way.
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footpath
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Registered: 07/16/19
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Honestly, it just happens.
No matter the method of consumption, the mood of your trip is largely based upon your own state of being at the time of the trip. Think of it as an exaggeration of whatever you're feeling or experiencing at the time in your life. For whatever reason, you're likely feeling ashamed of yourself, inadequate, and unwilling to let go of something about yourself - the most obvious something being the fabric of your reality and your sense of identity. So when you have those kinds of hangups when you take psychedelics, they're going to be served to you on a platter and it won't be the most pleasant experience.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,706
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Re: Confusion after my first trip [Re: Shr00mEater]
#26495274 - 02/20/20 02:10 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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everything you have done can be understood, all the motivations are your best go at what is happening up to this point. the experience of shame temporarily disavows or occludes this perspective. that too is understandable as you were startled by the psychedelic intensity of persisting sensation and thoughts in a world where time has other verbs. so, look on it without shame but as understandable cause and effect.
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Shr00mEater
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Registered: 10/17/18
Posts: 985
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Quote:
HumberConnection said: I think it was just the speed of the whole thing with the lemon tek that left me wondering what just happened.
Wild ride isn’t it? 
Hard to believe that there are some of us wild-eyed lunatics that want to do that more than once in a lifetime, right? lol
Your good man, listen to rgv, footpath and Ignorantapes advice. Spend some time reflecting, and soon enough you will either eat moar shrooms, or decide it isn’t really your gig and go on to find other crazy things to occupy yourself with in the trip called life.
Edited by Shr00mEater (02/20/20 02:17 PM)
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HumberConnection
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Thanks for the help guys, really appreciate it. I'll take some time to process it until I feel like I should give it another go or move on.
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SpunkyMonkey88
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Registered: 10/08/19
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Re: Confusion after my first trip [Re: footpath]
#26495307 - 02/20/20 02:22 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
footpath said: Honestly, it just happens.
No matter the method of consumption, the mood of your trip is largely based upon your own state of being at the time of the trip. Think of it as an exaggeration of whatever you're feeling or experiencing at the time in your life. For whatever reason, you're likely feeling ashamed of yourself, inadequate, and unwilling to let go of something about yourself - the most obvious something being the fabric of your reality and your sense of identity. So when you have those kinds of hangups when you take psychedelics, they're going to be served to you on a platter and it won't be the most pleasant experience.
I agree that psychedelics can take feelings and thoughts that may be laying dormant in the back of your mind and overwhelm you with them, which is why I feel like they are so helpful with tackling personal issues.
The thing ruining my trips lately is paranoia.. If you even wanna call it that. Am I paranoid for worrying about having a jar of shrooms in my house that could literally tear my family apart if the wrong person were to find them/hear about them? I don't think so but I would like to not obsess over the thought of the worst case scenario happening while I trip...
haven't figured out how to handle it yet. It's like half my trips are good the other half I'm overwhelmed with thoughts and images of getting busted and loosing my kid...sucks so much...
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footpath
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Yeah... I have that a bit myself. Far worse with weed. When I was growing that in my house and smoking it, my paranoia was crippling. Is my house burning down? LEO? Are they tracking my ICMag account? Did my pumps stop?
Couldn't tell you how I found relief from it with growing mushrooms (other than not smoking weed anymore). I guess maybe the grand-scheme picture it gives you made me realize my little 4x8 area of mushrooms is probably not even a blip on the screen. I suppose a lot of that boils down to the company you keep and all of that as well. Again, state of being at the time.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
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I honestly don’t know, OP, but have you considered a tolerance build up from the previous micro-dosing? I ask because I have had trips before where I have been left with the feelings you’ve just described. Where you feel sort of depressed. And if I’m honest with you, these trips I would describe as where there is no “magic”. You’ll know what I mean when you have a few trips under your belt; some are just “magical”.
You’ll find that these magical trips are when you are very low tolerance; like when you haven’t tripped in months. ‘The depressing after glow trips, for me, are after a few close together trips.
Mush love dJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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HumberConnection
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Re: Confusion after my first trip [Re: DJ Ed]
#26495408 - 02/20/20 03:06 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah, that would definitely make sense. Next time I'll try stopping my micros a few weeks before. Thanks!
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