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OfflineThanatos10
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Being addicted to pain * 3
    #26490923 - 02/17/20 11:03 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

So I know I have posted on this forum in the past, and have been difficult to say the least (and most charitable). Making enemies and drawing ire.

I think I have this strange addiction to being in pain. People on here may have mentioned that I don't want to get better and I think they might be right about that. I noticed that whenever my "new disaster" is solved I find something wrong somewhere else or linger back again on previous disasters. IT's like I don't want to be free of these things, I want to be miserable. Because I equate being miserable with being right and seeing the truth, when as I have been told it's anything but. I even push people away who try to get close, thinking being alone is somehow stronger or that I am fundamentally unloveable deep down.

I blamed everyone else for "not getting it" but in the end I guess I was lying to myself. I clung to nihilism out of convenience rather than sincerity. I projected my failing onto others, but it was I who didn't "Get it". Never did. Everyone else saw it but me. I don't know what to do to break the cycle, the fact that I am talking about it means a part of me doesn't want this anymore. But I know not what to do.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: Thanatos10] * 1
    #26493481 - 02/19/20 02:11 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Thanatos10 said:

IT's like I don't want to be free of these things, I want to be miserable.




To dissect why misery can be so attractive and alluring is a big topic, but just fully realizing it's an issue can help us dig ourselves out of a rut and break the cycle. I notice my mind constantly invents new things to be mad and depressed about - it's really quite remarkable.

You use the term "pain" and maybe part of that is negativity? Our minds have a negativity bias, which has been created by evolution. The mind tends to focus on what we deem to be negative or disturbing.


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InvisiblePocketLady
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: Thanatos10] * 1
    #26493791 - 02/19/20 05:39 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I know exactly what you mean OP. There's is something inside of us that really loves pain and suffering. Did you ever read any Eckhart Tolle? He talks about the 'pain body', an accumulation of our old emotional hurts which lives inside us, has its own mind and rears its head looking for more pain to feed itself. I really recommend reading The Power of Now if you are interested in finding out more about this. It's something I have watched in myself for many years, and the only thing that has helped has been learning to meditate and to practice awareness in my daily life, watching and becoming the observer when this pain body decides its feeding time.

Eventually, these issues need to be solved on a deeper subconscious and unconscious level, where they originate from, but imho a huge step in the right direction is to stop the feeding by becoming more mindful and recognising this thing as a separate entity which is not inherently who 'I' am.


--------------------
Love is from the infinite, and will remain until eternity.
The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death.
Tomorrow, when resurrection comes,
The heart that is not in love will fail the test.

~ Rumi



The day we start giving Love instead of seeking Love, we will have re-written our whole destiny.
~ Swami Chinmayanada Saraswatir


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: PocketLady]
    #26494845 - 02/20/20 10:21 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Eckart Tolle is a hack who doesn’t know what he is talking about. There is no such thing as a pain body or whatever nonsense his book claims. I should know because I read the whole thing. Also your claim is wrong in that this pain is who I am, it’s not some separate entity it’s a part of me. Tubs had it right that we are prone to negativity and I see that inside me as well. It’s not some “pain body” nonsense it’s more like a product of being human.

The problem is that logically I know that much of what I stress about isn’t that important or that I am mistaken in my stress and anxiety about things. But all that serves to do is make it stronger as though it doesn’t convince me even though logically. Perhaps on some level I’ve been like this for so long that  it’s hard to imagine being something else. Or the more likely aspect is that I equate being happy with being ignorant and stupid.

But please don’t bring Tolle’s nonsense into this. There is no pain body that feeds.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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InvisiblePocketLady
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26495985 - 02/20/20 08:00 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Ok, no problem. I really wish you the best and hope you find the answers you are looking for :peace:


--------------------
Love is from the infinite, and will remain until eternity.
The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death.
Tomorrow, when resurrection comes,
The heart that is not in love will fail the test.

~ Rumi



The day we start giving Love instead of seeking Love, we will have re-written our whole destiny.
~ Swami Chinmayanada Saraswatir


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Onlinepacmanbreed
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26504426 - 02/26/20 06:44 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

I want to be miserable. Because I equate being miserable with being right and seeing the truth




I was raised in a chaotic catholic household, Im at the same boat as you are interms of this. According to allan watts at 26:00 pain is in the same spectrum of ecstacy which i find intriguingly true.



Quote:

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matt5




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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: pacmanbreed]
    #26504521 - 02/26/20 08:44 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

pacmanbreed said:
Quote:

I want to be miserable. Because I equate being miserable with being right and seeing the truth




I was raised in a chaotic catholic household, Im at the same boat as you are interms of this. According to allan watts at 26:00 pain is in the same spectrum of ecstacy which i find intriguingly true.



Quote:

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matt5







Well it’s more like the whole tortured genius image people like to project. The I’m so miserable because I know too much. It’s nothing like Watts describes


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: Thanatos10] * 1
    #26504593 - 02/26/20 09:55 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Thanatos10 said:

Eckart Tolle is a hack who doesn’t know what he is talking about. There is no such thing as a pain body or whatever nonsense his book claims.




We should be wary of fully dismissing 100% of what anyone says, as that means we will miss out on a lot of meaningful perspectives and information. It's interesting how negative many people are about Tolle's ideas and how they bash him. That people become angry about the concept of pain bodies is beyond ironic. It's like being mad about the concept of rage!

We experience pain-body eruptions during emotional breakdowns - when we sob and cry uncontrollably. Oftentimes an "ugly cry" is pain body vomiting. And if anyone has never cried uncontrollably, you are traumatized and scared of being human. Which is understandable.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #26504629 - 02/26/20 10:26 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:

Thanatos10 said:

Eckart Tolle is a hack who doesn’t know what he is talking about. There is no such thing as a pain body or whatever nonsense his book claims.




We should be wary of fully dismissing 100% of what anyone says, as that means we will miss out on a lot of meaningful perspectives and information. It's interesting how negative many people are about Tolle's ideas and how they bash him. That people become angry about the concept of pain bodies is beyond ironic. It's like being mad about the concept of rage!

We experience pain-body eruptions during emotional breakdowns - when we sob and cry uncontrollably. Oftentimes an "ugly cry" is pain body vomiting. And if anyone has never cried uncontrollably, you are traumatized and scared of being human. Which is understandable.




I think it’s fair when there is really nothing that supports his claims. The Power of Now was really just a rehash of Buddhism, and the stuff that was his own is just bunk. I don’t usually dismiss people outright, but I should warn you that it’s equally fallacious to assume everything has a grain of truth to it. It’s why we dismiss flat earthers outright because they are “not even wrong”.

People don’t become angry about it they just don’t regard it. Tolle is the same as Jung and Freud in that there isn’t evidence to back their ideas. When I call Tolle a hack I mean it, especially since he hand waves criticism as “ego” and that Q&A of his book was essentially an argument he wrote for him to win.

There are no such thing as pain body eruptions or a pain body to begin with. The more reasonable explanation is that when you bottle feelings up they come out like that “ugly cry”. You see it happen in folks who pretend to be strong, but really they’re hurting.

I have never cried uncontrollably or had an emotional break down and your reasoning as to why that is seems wrong to me. Perhaps some people just aren’t like that, as what does being human mean? Why do you get to decide that?


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


Edited by Thanatos10 (02/26/20 10:33 AM)


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26504661 - 02/26/20 10:52 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Not even counting that the stuff he calls not mind: love, creativity, joy, etc are in fact mind.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Invisiblebirdeatingspider
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26513072 - 03/02/20 03:31 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Eating peanut butter and jelly fish on toast, and if I get stung I get stoked)
Sorry, had to.

Personally, I think the whole quest to capture true happiness is over-rated. Especially if trauma, environment, genetics play a factor. For me, it's more about acceptance. Whatever the current state is. So you've identified that you desire pain in multiple capacities, I'd say stop fighting this as it contributes to the self loathing and shame.
Nothing wrong if you're comfortable. That comfort is what is keeping you from advancing to an elevated state.

It's there for the taking, but only if you actually want. If that's the case and you're up to the hard work, I'd suggest meditation, EMDR, hypnosis.


--------------------

From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: birdeatingspider]
    #26513137 - 03/02/20 04:09 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

birdeatingspider said:
Eating peanut butter and jelly fish on toast, and if I get stung I get stoked)
Sorry, had to.

Personally, I think the whole quest to capture true happiness is over-rated. Especially if trauma, environment, genetics play a factor. For me, it's more about acceptance. Whatever the current state is. So you've identified that you desire pain in multiple capacities, I'd say stop fighting this as it contributes to the self loathing and shame.
Nothing wrong if you're comfortable. That comfort is what is keeping you from advancing to an elevated state.

It's there for the taking, but only if you actually want. If that's the case and you're up to the hard work, I'd suggest meditation, EMDR, hypnosis.




EMDR and hypnosis are bunk, and there are no such thing as higher states. Also you are missing the point entirely. I have to fight against it otherwise I would never even leave my bed. It's like any attempt I make to move on is met with personal sabotage.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Invisiblebirdeatingspider
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: Thanatos10] * 1
    #26513185 - 03/02/20 04:30 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Have you tried those therapies? I will personally attest to their effectiveness.
My mind is wired like yours, is all I'll say.

So what is the goal here, what have you tried?

It boils down to if you have the desire to change, seems like everything anyone suggests is 'bunk.'


--------------------

From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: birdeatingspider]
    #26513250 - 03/02/20 05:09 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

birdeatingspider said:
Have you tried those therapies? I will personally attest to their effectiveness.
My mind is wired like yours, is all I'll say.

So what is the goal here, what have you tried?

It boils down to if you have the desire to change, seems like everything anyone suggests is 'bunk.'




Because I have tried hypnosis before and can attest to it being nonsense.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Invisiblebirdeatingspider
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26513277 - 03/02/20 05:27 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Okay, so it didnt work for you. Can you answer my questions?
Quote:

So what is the goal here, what have you tried?





--------------------

From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: birdeatingspider]
    #26513505 - 03/02/20 07:40 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I have tried almost everything, but nothing can save me.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26513651 - 03/02/20 09:40 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Thanatos10 said:

The Power of Now was really just a rehash of Buddhism . . .




really?! Are you familiar with Buddhism? He speaks about Christian ideas and concepts within Sufism & Hinduism

Some claim he's more in the CBT camp - dissecting how we disturb ourselves. And specifically how and why we engage in stressing. What sources do you promote to learn about how we disturb ourselves? Or do you challenge the idea that we are the root of our suffering? (suffering - not pain - pain is a normal part of life - suffering is optional)


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Invisiblebirdeatingspider
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #26514107 - 03/03/20 07:46 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

OP is trolling.


--------------------

From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #26514324 - 03/03/20 09:59 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:

Thanatos10 said:

The Power of Now was really just a rehash of Buddhism . . .




really?! Are you familiar with Buddhism? He speaks about Christian ideas and concepts within Sufism & Hinduism

Some claim he's more in the CBT camp - dissecting how we disturb ourselves. And specifically how and why we engage in stressing. What sources do you promote to learn about how we disturb ourselves? Or do you challenge the idea that we are the root of our suffering? (suffering - not pain - pain is a normal part of life - suffering is optional)




Except he doesn’t. It’s not CBT or psychological, it’s a bunch of bunk and opinion that he tries to pass as fact but has nothing to show for it. There is no pain body and how we disturb ourselves is largely out of our control. We aren’t the root of our suffering because that implies we had a choice to feel otherwise. Suffering isn’t opinion, it happens eventually. His advice also falls of deaf ears when you consider how the man is set for life and doesn’t have to actually follow his own advice. But most of his book is a rehash of Buddhism. What he talks about Christianity is how suffering is seen as noble, but that’s not news. Truth is that is anyone followed his advice they would be starving on the street and losing out on much on life with no goals and no desires. Also his claim about not thinking is impossible.

Like I said, his advice is bunk and the tone is overall very condescending. I know why I am addicted to pain. Because I got the idea in my head that pain means one sees the truth and that being happy is to be ignorant and soft. That being happy means I’m not aware of the truth and so every time I catch myself starting to be happy my brain immediately shuts it down and perceives it as me “going soft”. Like the saying goes about ignorance being bliss.

That is actual psychology and work, not whatever nonsense Tolle is peddling


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Being addicted to pain [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26514337 - 03/03/20 10:06 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I’d also like to add that in addition to the tortures genius there is also the notion that if I am not suffering or in agony over something then I don’t care about it. I mean I have had people close to me die and I felt nothing for them at all, so I guess not being broken up meant I didn’t care which made it weird to be around my family who were clearly upset. I also don’t feel bad over things going wrong in my life, but then again without worry I don’t feel compelled to fix anything in my life or do anything at all really so I end up stuck.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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